


Out in Arizona

by walkthatlonesomevalley



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, Karmy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 10:10:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 92,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1936899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkthatlonesomevalley/pseuds/walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karma convinces Amy to join her with Liam Booker's family in Arizona for a week.  Things get complicated when Liam's attractive older sister can't help but click with Amy.  Jealousy and shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out in Arizona

**Author's Note:**

> *this is a very long story and be warned that there is A LOT of angsty stuff and definitely mature content including language and descriptions of sex*  
> *karmy endgame*

OUT IN ARIZONA

Chapter One

PART I

It had been months since the wedding. It was a rocky recovery. At first they had all avoided one another but that couldn't last long. Karma craved Liam and Karma loved Amy. Avoiding them was impossible for her and neither of them could NOT love her. They were both regrettably addicted to her, in love from the very start. Resisting her attempts at confrontation and resolution was actually painful for them despite everything they had gone through before being burned by her.

"Come on, you have to come." Karma begged.

"I know you like him but seeing you together still hurts, Karma." Amy was sick of Karma's plans but somehow she was already back to involving herself in them.

"You're my best friend, if you don't help me who will?" Karma cheekily begged.

"Ugg… I hate you," Amy scowled. Since Karma knew all about Amy's affections, the scowl only became cuter with the months that had passed. Karma loved Amy's love because it was so very Amy to love her so much that she hated everyone else. She loved it but she wished there was some other way that Amy could find happiness. Her knew goal, after the trip, would be to find someone for Amy, anyone who could be good to her and love her unconditionally, the way she more than deserved to be loved.

"Yes!" Karma screamed successfully. Amy would be coming, she could read it on her face. Karma could rest easy. Nothing would be weird and all would be fun even if Liam's family turned out to be a disaster. She'd never spent any time with them so this trip was going to be an eye-opener. They had a time-share or something at an exclusive resort in Arizona. They would have two villas all their own, connected but separate, and the world of luxury all around them.

Karma had already shown Amy pictures of the large luxurious bathrooms and the multiple pools and the tennis courts and golf courses and rivers nearby with red rock all around. The resort even had a huge library, which made Amy very happy. Not that she thought she'd have time to read. Amy had never been to Arizona before but they were going to Sedona. It was a land of the mystical, but still a desert none-the-less.

"Am I gonna be like this loser that everyone is weird around?" Amy asked.

"NO!" Karma yelled. "You're adorable and everyone will love you just as much as I do."

"Ha-ha. So, not enough is what you're saying?" Amy joked almost bitterly. She was nowhere near over her love for her friend. Often, since making-up, she would comment like this and remind Karma of how hard she was making her life. If Karma could just love her, Amy could finally be happy. The comment made Karma sad because of course she wanted to be in love with her, but that wasn't the actuality of the situation.

"Amy…" She pouted.

"Sorry… It's true though."

"But you'll come?" Karma smiled, ignoring the rest.

"I guess, if it'll make you happy..." Amy agreed, making Karma as happy as ever.

"It will! And it WILL be fun!" Karma assured her.

"Yeah, maybe for you…" Amy was already regretting saying yes. She'd never get over Karma this way.

"Tomorrow morning! Be ready!"

"Fine… Whatever..."

"Amy, you don't have to go." Karma reminded, knowing already that she had already guilted her enough no matter what Amy chose.

"I know…" Amy lied. She was only going because Karma wanted her to. She only did a lot of things because Karma wanted her to. Her and Liam weren't all too different after all.

Once Karma left, Amy took to packing. Farrah and Lauren had taken her shopping to cheer her up after the wedding so she had all new clothes and a bathing suit. Everything was at her fingertips. She really wouldn't need to go get anything. She had no excuse NOT to be ready. But tagging along on Karma's romantic getaway with Liam did not sound like fun. In fact, it sounded like an absolute disaster in every possible way.

PART II

In the early morning of the very next day, Farrah was excited for Amy. She knew all about the failing of Amy's love affair. She knew now that they had been faking. And she knew now that Amy had fallen in love, for real. When she stared at her daughter she felt a tender sadness. Life was too hard to be rejected and neglected by the people that you love. Though Amy may think differently, Farrah only ever wanted her to get what she wanted. She never wanted her daughter to have to know hardship and so early in her life. True, she never expected her daughter to fall in love with a girl, but Amy didn't ask for it and Farrah couldn't stop it. The heart always wants what it wants and Farrah knows that deep down.

The past two months had been a nightmare. Farrah hated being happy while Amy was so very depressed. It weighed on her hard, in secret. She would talk to Bruce almost constantly about Amy. Why she was the way she was. How she could possibly help. How horrible it was that life just couldn't run smooth for everyone. In some respects happiness just seemed fleeting to Farrah. She was on the upside now but someone got hurt in the meantime and that someone had been Amy.

Bruce didn't mind these talks because he understood in some way. His love for Lauren was just as strong but he could never see understanding two women loving one another in that sexual way. He wouldn't say these things to Farrah because they rarely brought up the actuality of Amy's sexuality. But the sadness was something they did talk about, along with the rejection and the prospect of Amy getting over her friend and maybe even finding a good boy she could like.

When they found out Amy was going along for the Arizona adventure, they were excited primarily for the change and prospect of such. They wanted Amy to experience that life isn't just about love and people. Arizona was a whole new place. A different setting could cheer her up and maybe even excite her. The trip could mean Amy coming back with a new lease on life. It was wishful thinking but they couldn't think anything else.

Amy could only think the opposite. The only thing that could come from Arizona was more pain. It was just an interesting way to waste time now that she knew she could never be loved by Karma Ashcroft, her best and only good friend who was hopelessly in love with a boy she had slept with. The situation, like many others from the previous year, would be messy and unpredictable. More than anything else Amy felt a strong foreboding. Nothing good could come of it but how could anything get any worse? She didn't' know how but she knew it was possible. Things could always get worse because things always did get worse. Growing up had only ever meant more pain.

"And you've got your bathing suit?!" Farrah asked.

"Yes, mom.. I've got my bathing suit." Farrah chased her around all morning. She tore apart Amy's suitcase and repacked it, adding little things like extra panties, chocolate bars, a few National Geographic Magazines she had picked up at the store. She knew Amy so well, it hurt to see her leave even for the smallest fraction of time. There was always that motherly fear, but what if something happens?!

"And Liam's family is nice?"

"I honestly wouldn't know." Amy was truthful. Farrah knew nothing about that hook-up after the wedding. If she ever found out she would never have let her go.

"But Liam's nice and Karma will be there," Farrah said, more to herself than to Amy.

"Are you ready yet? I don't want them to think we're unprepared."

"Unprepared for a week in a rich person's palace? That's ridiculous Karma."

"Amy, don't." Karma was ready to stop every bit of Amy's negativity. Amy was right though, if they needed anything at all Liam's family would just order it without a care. She didn't know them yet but she would soon come to know. The Booker family was inappropriately wealthy, to a sickening degree.

Farrah walked Amy outside and Karma took Amy's suitcase leaving Amy with nothing but a purse filled with distractions for the road.

"Call me if you have any problems!" Farrah reminded.

"It'll be fine mom, don't worry."

"I know but I will worry. Mother's always worry. Be good." Farrah kissed Amy on the forehead and hugged her tight. "I'll miss you."

"Miss you too…" Amy said.

Liam had opened the passenger door, they were driving separate, coming in before his parents. Karma went to get into the front seat but Liam stopped her.

"No that's for Amy," Liam said. "Clara's driving, we can sit in the back."

"Clara?" Karma asked. She didn't know much about his family. He had sisters, she surmised. Clara must've been one of them.

"Bye mom."

"Bye honey, be safe." Amy looked up at Liam unamused and hopped into her seat, closing the door hard in his face.

"Hey stranger," Clara said, she had been waiting anxiously to begin the adventure. It had been a long time since she had spent any time with Liam. School had been so busy and she'd been away working like a maniac on her degree when she wasn't partying and enjoying the freedom of being far away from the Booker manor in Austin, TX where childhood was more fake and disastrous than anything else ever really could be again.

"Hey." Amy said, trying not to stare. Clara was gorgeous, an absolute knockout. Think the female version of Liam, super sexy and tall with long dark brown hair and smooth white skin. She smelt like a fancy department store and also mixed drinks and also the sun and chlorine and sunscreen. She was tan but not too tan, tall but not too tall, and her clothes looked nice but not too nice, her smile sly and infectious. Amy held her breath before turning away. Knowing what she knew now about herself, Amy couldn't help but feel a small tug of interest at this new person she had never known existed but was now undeniably part of her life at the moment. Clara Booker was a person who did more than exist.

"You can listen to whatever you want, long as it isn't Backstreet Boys or Enya. Oh and I might retract that later, just sayin'."

"It's cool, I brought headphones." Amy said, pulling them out of her bag. She was trying to act like they could always be strangers.

"No, come on, you can't isolate me with my baby brother and his bubbly girlfriend. You've gotta at least keep me company in this. We've got a long fucking drive."

"Tell ya what, you buy me a slurpee and maybe I'll talk," Amy said smartly, thinking about the few things she wouldn't talk about, like Karma and Liam and having gay feelings for the first time in her life.

"Deal," Clara smiled. She was chewing gum and she had huge black shades over her eyes. Amy almost hated that she didn't know what those eyes looked like. She hated it but she didn't. She found herself smiling.

The sun beat down on them in that escalade. It was already hot as hell even though they were getting an early start.

Karma and Liam settled into the back. Amy looked once and saw Karma lying against him. It was enough to make her never want to look behind her again.

"I know, gross…" Clara smiled mockingly. She switched the car into drive and turned the radio up. They sped away from Amy's house.

This was a very bad idea.


	2. Drive Darlin', Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara and Amy hit it off right away. Discussions are had that Karma can't help but overhear.

*for the record: this is probably going exactly where you think it is*

*after that finale I just really wanted to write a story in which karma was like 100% jealous and confused by amy's affections being elsewhere*

*thank you for all your reviews and kind words*

CHAPTER TWO

Drive Darlin', Drive

Part I

The drive was going to be long. They could do it in one day if they rotated but something told Clara that rotating would not be wise. In general Liam drove like an asshole, speeding on the long straight stretches of road and driving like a spaz on the turns. He was the typical teen male driver, going for speed instead of safety and efficiency. Clara couldn't take him screeching her tires and ruining the transmission on her brand new cadillac escalade. She wouldn't be having that and from what she had seen of her other two passengers, they were either too young to drive or too inexperienced behind the wheel to be of much use. She could see Amy being okay at it but Karma seemed preoccupied with Liam's face and hands so that would probably be bad to have her behind the wheel while close to him. It'd take desperation to get her to agree to let them drive. As she pulled into the 7-11 all Clara could think was that later she would have to find a hotel for the four of them, some place clean with at least two beds and maybe even a sofa, depending on Amy.

"Why are we stopping already?!" Karma asked.

"I owe the lovely Amy a slurpee." Clara flirted. It was smart anyway, starting out with refreshments and food was always better than waiting. There was nothing worse than getting an hour into a road trip and then stopping for bullshit things.

Secretly, Karma felt prematurely angry with Clara. What did Clara know about Amy to already be calling her lovely? Karma had already been told to watch out for Liam's family. Liam didn't really explain in detail but he did say that his family was filled with dirty liars so why would Clara be any different? Karma would assume she was a liar until Liam told her otherwise.

Amy got out of the car and Karma watched from Liam's side as Clara and Amy laughed about something on the sidewalk. Clara held the door open for her and Amy went inside.

"That was quick." Karma scoffed.

"Yeah, Clara's likable," Liam seemed uninterested in how quickly that friendship had been formed. He was waiting for Karma to move off of him but she hadn't. "We should get something too."

"I'm not hungry."

"Not even for a kiss?"

"Ooo, always hungry for that," Karma flirted, leaning into him and kissing him hard. It took everything in her not to pin him down against the door and attack him with all of her might. Ever since they had made up they had been having lots of sex and in all kinds of different places, including bathrooms, closets, pools, and sheds.

"Ahhh, but slurpees," he smiled like a little boy, kissing her sweetly. "Slurpees," he begged.

"Fine." Karma relented, not wanting to participate in anything Clara had started. What hurt more was that she secretly knew that this had to have been Amy's influence after all. Amy was addicted to Slurpees. She spent more time drinking Slurpees than anyone Karma had ever met. It was gross but cute but gross and all Amy, like so many other weird things in Karma's life.

"Flavor?" Clara asked.

"Surprise me."

"You look like a cherry girl."

"Yeah, you would think that," Amy joked, looking Clara up and down in an accusatory way.

"Coke?" Clara guessed optimistically.

"I thought you were going to be this like intuitive spirit guide," Amy joked.

"She likes cherry and coke." Karma said, stepping up to Clara and taking the cup from her hand and filling it just as Amy liked with half cherry and half coke. Amy hated the blue and there was usually some ridiculous wildcard like banana or pina colada. It was rare for Amy to like anything new.

"Hey, touchy." Clara scoffed. "And I KNEW THAT!" Clara pretended. She had been somewhat right.

"You did not." Karma scoffed.

"Girls, girls, can't we all get along?" Liam stood behind Karma and Clara and held them both with his arms over their shoulders.

"I think I need ice cream too." Amy pondered out loud, venturing away from the trio of fabulous-looking fighters. She was almost kicking herself for not insisting that Shane come along. There was nothing worse than feeling like the outsider and Amy often felt that way.

"THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!" Clara yelled authoritatively without moving as Amy walked away. Karma hated that they were already having banter.

"IT IS NOW!" Amy was sure. Since she hadn't really agreed to anything yet it seemed only customary to milk the situation by grabbing ice cream and candy and maybe even a hot dog at the counter.

"You're being childish!" Karma yelled.

"So what?!" Amy scoffed, annoyed at her. Why was she being such a downer all of a sudden? This was all her stupid idea. What did she expect her to not have fun at all? Not be herself?

Amy peered over at Karma and Liam who were still standing by the slurpees. Clara fixed too slurpees, pulled her sunglasses up on top of her head for safe keeping, and walked over to Amy, away from the two lovebirds.

"Liam told me all about that situation," Clara whispered, leveling with her and giving Amy the first look at those eyes she had been curious about. Just as predicted, Clara's eyes were even more beautiful than Amy had thought they could be. Amy scoffed out loud but since they had been talking about secrets Clara didn't notice why she was scoffing.

"And how much did he say?" Amy asked, dreading the answer.

"Wedding night. Confession. You falling for Karma. You and him that night. Pretty much all of it."

"Fuck." Amy gasped loudly causing Karma and Liam to both stare. "That's just rude." Amy was pissed enough to throw her slurpee at Liam, luckily Clara was still holding it for her.

"Yeah, he really shouldn't have, but we tell each other everything. We've always been that way, him and I."

"That's not really comforting." Amy shrugged.

"Sibling stuff, I know. Ew."

"So you think I'm a total easy loser." Amy said out loud.

"Ha! No way weirdo!" Clara exclaimed handing Amy her slurpee. "I think you got screwed and that's just fucking sad and I hate my baby brother for even participating in your sadness because you are a person and I am a person and none of us should ever have to feel that shitty." It was the most honestly sweet thing a stranger had ever said to her. And coming from Clara, the female version of hot-hetero-Liam, it felt good.

"Hmm…" Amy said, peering at Clara suspiciously, her eyes squinting at this new seemingly wonderful person. "I have been warned that your family is a charismatic pack of wolves."

"Warned as you should be," Clara winked. "Don't worry, I'll protect you. We can drive those two nuts and I can steal you away if things ever get too weird." When she said "those two" she pointed back at Liam and Karma who were canoodling near the beer fridge and ignoring us all together.

"And why don't you have a boyfriend?" Amy asked. Liam got to bring Karma so it seemed strange for Clara to bring no one at all and come alone.

"Uh… It's complicated," Clara shrugged. "I'll probably tell you… eventually." She shrugged again. "Who wants to talk about that when they can talk about ANYTHING ELSE!"

It was like Amy finally found someone to relate to! The last thing she wanted was to talk about Karma and Liam for days upon days. This took the pressure off almost instantly and Clara seemed cool if not dangerously attractive.

For Amy, Clara was like a breath of goddamn fresh air.

"You know it's going to kill me, not knowing." Amy said, following Clara like a puppy. Karma was watching them and feeling anxious about the whole trip. She almost had it in her to pull Amy away from Clara and walk them both all the way home with their luggage rolling sadly behind them.

"Why do you think I hinted at it? I want you to find me mysterious, little girl." Clara joked, putting her stuff down on the counter. As soon as she was free of it she hit the bill of Amy's hat just to bother her. It was fun to pretend Amy was a lot younger than she was. Especially since Clara was only 19 and their age difference was almost non-existent. But the superiority felt right coming from her and as long as she played at it Amy would try to make her feel stupid about it and it would bring them together.

"I'm going to hate you soon, huh?" Amy smiled, taking her baseball cap off and flipping it around to wear it backwards. She had brought it last minute to hide her face from the wolves. But she liked Clara now, she liked her a lot.

"Eh, shut up, you already love me," Clara gloated, she could tell their personalities matched. What had once seemed like a duty-bound trip to see her family for a week was now a unique chance to get to know someone completely unexpected. Amy wasn't like any of the people Liam was friends with. She was nice and odd and honest without being a dick. The more Clara talked to her, the more she liked her. It would be refreshing for Clara to have Amy around. The last thing she needed was for things to get too serious with the parentals. "I'm really glad you're here. I was worried about this thing."

"Why worried?" Amy asked, knowing little of Liam's family. She pulled a small pack of cookies from a stand and threw them onto her already large pile of crap for Clara to buy.

"My parents are a bit… You'll see." Clara decided it'd be better if they just let it all unfold naturally. There was no explaining her parents, especially to a complete stranger.

"11.73" The checker said.

"And a hot dog!" Amy added last minute.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Clara groaned trying hard to hide her smile.

"Make that two!" Amy fought.

Part II

They drove a few hours before settling into the mood. Small talk was made and they played a trivia game with their cellphones before the desert became aparent and the internet signal cut right out. It didn't take long for the car to become calm. Eventually Liam and Karma stopped talking altogether and with the trip being long neither Amy nor Clara felt speech much of a necessity.

"So, what's it like? I'm bored." Clara started suddenly. She had been peering into the rearview and watching as Liam and Karma both slept.

"Huh?" Amy had been staring off at the desert and losing herself in the sight. She wasn't concerned with anything, just lost. When Clara spoke it almost scared her.

"In love with your best friend. Best friend sleeps with jock… I'm not gonna lie, your life is my worst nightmare right now-"

"Hey!" Amy said, taking offense. Karma and Liam were asleep in the middle of the day, the worst companions over all. As soon as Amy had noticed she felt a tinge of anger. Who makes someone take a trip with them and then falls asleep for half of it, ditching their friend?

"No seriously, what's it like?" Clara pushed. She had been thinking about it all morning, about Amy and the crazy year she had just had.

"I dunno…" Amy thought, wanting not to think. "Horrible... Typical... Everything I've ever been afraid of, all at once."

"That's kinda sweet though, right? How often can one person hit rock-bottom?"

"Are you trying to remind me of all the horrible things in my life? Because believe me, forgetting is impossible." Amy didn't want to think about it. All she could do was think about it.

"No way, I would never. Believe me, I'm just curious. My life has been boring and always secondary. Between Laim and my older sister, I'm practically invisible. I'm that invisible middle child who just gets ignored."

"Really?" Amy asked.

"Of course! Why the hell would I lie?"

"Sorry," Amy said. "Liam never talks about his family, not that we ever talk anyway."

"So, how'd that all happen?" Clara asked, looking over at Amy and conveying her sympathy and also intrigue.

"I… Got drunk. And, I dunno. I just let myself be this horrible person because none of it mattered anymore."

"Because-" Clara motioned her eyes to the back seat and mouthed, "Karma?"

"Yes. Because-" Amy mimicked Clara's eyes.

"So what happened after? Did she think you did it to hurt her? Was she madder at Liam? How are you all in this vehicle right now getting along and ignoring the fact that you're the only one who got screwed?"

"I dunno, it's not like that though. Of course, Karma was mad. And at first she did think I did it to hurt her," Amy lowered her voice to a whisper, not wanting them to hear even though they were asleep. "I can't lie to her. She knows everything about me."

"Ahhh, so it was like she knew right away that it was this big mistake for you."

"Yeah, I think so."

"And your Mom, how'd she take the whole gay thing."

"Ha- not well, at first. But now she just kind of follows me around and buys me more things than usual. She doesn't know how to handle it or how to treat me."

"You must've been sad."

"Devastated."

"And home?"

"All the time." Amy scoffed.

"Your mom had to know that you were heartbroken."

"She knew. It sucked… I could sort of tell she was happy."

"Still clinging to that hope for her hetero daughter to emerge triumphant," Clara joked.

"Pretty much. It was like just because I broke up with Karma now I'm gonna go find me a proper fella? Like it was Oklahoma or something and not real life in 2014."

"Cute." Clara laughed.

"Not at all." Amy assured.

"You did kind of do that though." Clara reminded, making fun.

"I hooked up with a boy I never talked to and it was a mistake."

Somewhere between the mention of heartbreak and that last spoken word, Karma had come into consciousness, hearing them talk openly while she and Liam both napped. The music was low enough that their soft voices could be heard.

"Nothing is ever a mistake." Clara mused.

"Sure maybe, if you wanna get all philosophical about it. But I'd never do it again and I'd definitely take it all back if I could."

"Was it bad? Was it-"

"My first?" Amy laughed. "Yes. Definitely. It was definitely my first," she confirmed.

"Did it hurt." Clara grimaced, only half invested since the convo had been mild and pleasant without anger, yelling, or tears.

"Yeah, a little, but mostly it felt interesting and new and I was drunk so it felt fun when it was happening."

"And, did he like it? I mean-"

"I think he did," Amy laughed comically, "You fucking creep!" She couldn't help herself.

"I'm sorry!" Clara laughed. "I know! Too far! Too far!" She agreed, holding Amy's hand tightly to maybe quiet her but also apologize while she drove. "I can't believe I ask you that. That's so stupid."

"You're obviously a pervert." Amy joked.

"Don't be mean!" Clara whined, allowing her fingers to interlock with Amy's on the armrest between the seats. "I like talking to you. You're very sweet Miss Raudenfeld." Clara flirted lightly, enjoying the color of Amy's eyes.

"I really don't think any of that was sweet." Amy blushed, not sure of what to say but also sure that she liked the way it felt to hold Clara's hand.

In the back seat, among the forgotten, Karma was trying not to open her eyes. She couldn't believe what she had been hearing. She wanted to hear more but she also wanted for Amy to never say a thing to this person who could potentially hurt her and also Liam.

"So what's the worst of it?" Clara asked, remembering the conversation and the stuff she wanted to know.

"Jeez, you don't fuck around." Amy sighed, letting go of Clara's hand.

"Let's get to the goods. I'm your spirit guide, open your soul!" Clara pushed.

"The worst is what you'd imagine it to be," Amy said nonchalantly.

"Come on, don't hold out. I promise I'll tell you all about my high school disaster. Just give me something, I want to skip to the part where I know you already."

"You already know me better than half the people I've met."

"Hmmm…" Clara poundered, wondering if that was true or just dodgy speak. "Tell me anyway. Please? It's hot and I'm bored."

"Fine… I'll tell you but it's all cliche."

"The best things are cliche, love, happiness, sleeping outside under a starry sky," Clara mused. In her mind Karma was imagining Amy just staring at Clara. She hoped it wasn't happening but in truth it actually was. The front seat had all been about looking and not looking, speaking and not speaking.

"The worst of it is that I can never have my forever love."

"And what's forever love? Is that a real thing?" Clara joked.

"I'm serious. I'd never been in love before and all of a sudden I had all these feelings and they just sort of took over me and controlled me. It was like waking up in the ocean or something. So disorienting but so fucking wonderful. I felt all sorts of things I had never felt. I wanted to kiss her so badly but I'd always wait for her to do it first. Just little things like that. I want to have what she has with Liam… I want that. I really do. Seeing them now, trying to be this good friend when she's getting to have this thing without me. It's just… I'll never have that with her and there's nothing I can do. It's like I'm slowly dying and I can't even tell her."

There was a long pause in which Karma held her breath, Clara stared at Amy, and Amy dreamed of the life she could never hold.

"You're right, that is the worst." Clara confessed.

"I told you it was cliché."

"You say cliché, I say soul-crushing and sad."

"My mom has her love, Karma has Liam, Lauren has her hatred for all human kind… And I'm alone. I'm all alone," Amy reminded herself, that thing she hated to feel.

"The beautiful young blonde girl who has her whole life ahead of her," Clara pointed out, moving a hand to Amy's hair and pulling it back so that she couldn't hide.

"You can say it, but it doesn't feel that way."

"It wasn't your fault."

"And that's life…" Amy sighed sadly trying not to have the tears.

"You're friends though, you'll always be friends."

"It's weird now. We're different."

"How so?" Clara seemed surprised.

"We both know this thing. We can't forget it. We can't pretend it didn't happen. I dunno if it's the Liam thing or if it's all my bullshit and how I told her the truth but… We're different. Not as close."

"And does she feel this way?"

"I think so," Amy said.

Karma quietly began to cry. In the seconds where words weren't being spoken she wiped her eyes and stopped herself, moving loudly off of Liam and coughing just for effect.

"C-can we stop soon? I need to pee," she sounded hoarse.

Clara and Amy looked at each other nervously. Clara read a sign out loud.

"Rest stop 6 miles," she gulped. "I'll try and stop there."

"Thanks," Karma said, trying to adjust to what she had just heard. "What've you guys been doing?" She covered.

"I spy." Amy lied.

"Cool…" It was their way now, just to lie. Karma felt a burning inside.


	3. Rest Stops and Hotel Rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma's jealousy starts to come out as her paranoia kicks up.

*thanks for the reviews and follows*

CHAPTER THREE

Rest Stops and Motel Rooms

Part 1

The silence before the rest stop was unbearable. As soon as Clara saw a yellow sign with arches she pulled off at the first ramp and found a gas station. There was a huge Valero across from the McDonalds. They pulled right in and parked. Karma jumped out and yanked Amy's door open. She couldn't believe how long it had taken and how silent she had to be for all of that time while she was fuming inside.

"Come on, come with me," Karma ordered, pulling Amy out by the arm.

"Okay…" Amy obliged. Karma was leading her towards the convenience shop that most certainly had a bathroom.

"I can't believe you're lying to me." Karma said angrily through gritted teeth once they were well enough away from the car, well enough away so that Clara couldn't hear.

"Karma, about what?"

"I heard you Amy. About everything."

"I haven't lied to you at all."

"So we're fine?" Karma scoffed, staring Amy down and pulling her off toward the bathroom sign inside of the store.

"I told you it was all hard for me. What do you want me to say?"

"I dunno Amy but maybe it's not such a good idea to tell this girl everything about you just yet."

"We were bored!" Amy yelled, pulling into the bathroom and resting against a wall while Karma entered a stall and locked herself in.

"Still! I already warned you. Liam's family is filled with liars and cheats. He's all messed up."

"Remind me how this all turned into a conversation about Liam..." Amy was annoyed.

"Stop it! You're horrible!"

"Shoot me. My life will be better if you just shoot me." Amy moaned, turning to the sink and looking at herself in the mirror. She splashed her face with water and pulled her shirt up over her head, smiling at herself in her tank top once that was all done.

Karma flushed red at the sight of Amy once she exited her stall.

"What the hell are you doing?" Karma whined.

"It's hot."

"Uh-uh, you are flirting with her Amy Raudenfeld." So what if she was?

"I'm hot. And you're crazy." Amy tried to ignore Karma's unwelcomed accusations.

"I know you."

"You know you want to order me around and control my every thought, feeling, and move."

"Amy, that's not fair. I'm trying to protect you."

"From what? What could possibly go wrong?"

"I dunno, what if she's just using you?"

"For what? To get some boy to like her, some boy who doesn't exist?" Amy was very familiar with being used. Most of her experience in that department had to do with Karma and all of Karma's messed up bullshit.

"Hey…" Karma sighed feeling shitty. She wiped her hands off with a paper towel and grabbed Amy's hands. "I may have been listening back there."

"For how long?" Amy asked, grumpily.

"Too long."

"Great, so now I'm even more pitiful than you thought I was."

Karma stared in Amy's eyes and saw all the love that was there, she saw and she knew and she felt horrible, simply horrible for it all.

"I know it's hard…" Karma said, searching those eyes. She moved a hand up to Amy's face and traced her jaw with her thumb. "You're the best thing in my life and you always have been."

"I know…" Amy groaned, hating the seriousness and the sadness. She fell back on the wall and wanted not to be having this conversation.

Karma leaned forward and kissed her, closing her eyes as she did it because the thought of Amy hurting actually killed sometimes, it tore her in two. "Please don't hate me." Karma begged, leaning her forehead onto Amy's and clutching at Amy's hands.

"I could never hate you." Amy confessed sadly, wanting more than just that kiss.

"I am sorry. I am." Karma said weakly, realizing she was being an irrationally jealous little shit.

"I know…" Amy exhaled, she hated how heavy it had quickly become. With Karma it could so easily shift. They both breathed heavy and tried to calm down. Amy wanted to know why Karma was acting so tense and Karma wanted to know why Amy was acting so happy before the bathroom. Why was Amy just trusting this girl they had already been warned about? It bothered Karma. It bothered her too much.

"Come on.. I'm sorry I freaked. Just be careful." Karma fixed her shirt and threw her paper towel away in the bin.

Clara was in the convenience store when they exited. She noticed them and smiled softly, trying to hide her blush at the sight of Amy who had recently gotten rid of a little bit of clothing.

"Can I get you anything Karma? Liam's out cold."

"I'm fine." Karma said curtly. In truth, Karma didn't even want to talk to Liam's family. She felt protective like a mother-bear. They had damaged him so she wanted to hurt them, even Clara who appeared to be nothing but friendly so far.

"Ohhhkay," Clara sighed. "And what about you?"

"Hold on!" Amy said, rushing to the wall of fridges and pulling out a soda and a cold Ily coffee. "Can I get food too?" Amy begged.

"Hmm, lemme see." Clara joked. "My parents are rich and they don't even watch their account. So maybe you can get lotto tickets, maybe some beer, maybe every single newspaper, or all those magazines with cheap naked women on the front. Possibly that entire candy aisle, and maybe if you're lucky I'll let you purchase those cheap embarrassing hats hanging up by the counter." When the girls just stared Clara held at Amy's shoulders. "Anything, okay! You can get anything. Believe me! It's a non-issue! Get whatever you want and lets scoot!" Clara responded pushing Amy away playfully. Having this luxury used to be fun for her but she had long since learned to place her love onto emotional connections rather than physical ones. She could easily buy a store but real friendship couldn't be bought.

"Wait…" Amy stopped. "Did you say beer?"

Amy hadn't drank since the reception but that kiss from the bathroom had been enough to make her want more. If Clara bought her beer she could completely check-out. It would be nothing like the wedding, she was sure. But helpful, very helpful.

"Uhh, how 'bout this. You go ahead to the car and I'll pick some stuff out for later," she handed Amy the keys.

"What's later?" Karma asked.

"Hotel." Clara said.

"We're not driving all the way?"

"Not unless Liam becomes a better driver or one of you is dependable enough to take the wheel." Clara raised an eyebrow in search of a response.

"I drive but I suck.. And your car's like brand new… No thanks." Amy settled it.

"It'll be fine, we'll find some place in a couple of hours," Clara reassured them.

"Why didn't you tell us this sooner?" Karma asked, she was upset about this non-secret.

"Oh I'm sorry, did you have plans for tonight, Karma?" Clara joked, sounding more like her mother and less like herself. When Karma didn't say anything back Clara felt bad for being snarky. "It'll be fine, I promise. I'll get you guys your own room," Clara said, trying to smooth things over. When she said "you guys" she meant: Karma and Liam. The way they cuddled all day just screamed newlyweds. A room of their own could fix their love-sick behavior or at least hide it from Amy who, no-doubt, wasn't amused by their lack of sympathy and propriety.

Karma walked away, uninterested. Amy followed before running back and pushing her drinks at Clara. Hurriedly, Amy mouthed the word "Sorry," before running back to Karma and getting into the car.

Clara grabbed a case of cold Pabst from the fridge and two bottles of wine, one fruity and one classy. She had no idea what Amy was wishing for but she knew her fake-id would work easy in a bum-ass place like this shady rest-stop in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, texas texas texas.

The guy at the counter didn't even ask for ID. Instead he stared openly at Clara's breasts and asked her where she was from while she tried her hardest to ignore his lecherous stare.

"Can you at least pretend you're not hard right now?" Clara said after she had gotten her change and loaded herself up with booty.

"Sorry darlin', we don't get many people out here."

"Yeah, no shit." Clara scoffed.

"Lemme help ya with-"

"NO thank you." Clara snapped, pushing him away when he tried to approach. Like a confused gentlemen, he stared, desired, and then decided to help. Clara hated it while he held the door open. And she purposely did not say thank you.

Inside the car Amy had started it up and got the A/C goin' just to be nice.

"I really can't stand her."

"Karma, it makes perfect sense that we stop halfway through."

"It's not that, she's just…"

"Beautiful and funny? Surprisingly perfect?" Amy joked, turning back to her friend and witnessing her discomfort to that description.

"You really like her." Karma seemed almost devastated by this.

"She hasn't done anything to make me not like her, Karma." Amy reminded.

Seeing Clara stumble out the door with the case of beer and two bags filled with things, Amy threw her door open and ran out to help her. Liam woke up with the sound.

"Are we there?" He mumbled.

"No sweetie, not even close," Karma said, patting his chest.

"Mmm, okay," he mumbled, falling instantly back to sleep. He must've been up all night.

Part II

Karma was wide-awake from there on out. She wasn't going to just let Amy bond with this demon woman. She was going to be vigilant and stop the disaster before it had a chance to evolve. If they started getting too personal Karma would stick her head between the seats and ask Amy for gum or food or a map or anything, she'd ask for anything.

They didn't stop again for a long time. They drove at least two more hours before Amy saw a funky drive-thru and yelled for Clara to turn.

"THERE THERE THERE!" Amy yelled. Clara followed suit and turned the car swiftly to the right.

"What the hell is that?"

"I think it's a sombrero!" Amy yelled.

"Mexican, nice." Clara felt proud.

Karma sat back quietly as Clara and Amy bonded further over messy Mexican food, shows that she had no interest in, and characters she didn't even recognize enough to analyze.

"Want something Karma?"

"She wants a bean and rice burrito." Amy said.

"I do not." Karma fought, trying to get herself back into the car with these two idiots who seemed set on ignoring her.

"Nachos?"

"Quesadilla." Karma spat.

"With chicken." Amy added.

"You two really are close," Clara said.

"We have been since ever." Amy added, drinking from the horchata they had just gotten from out of the window. She put her naked feet up on Clara's dash and curled herself into an accidental ball for most of the ride. Clara didn't' mind because Amy was actually nice and fun to talk to. If Liam had done that with his feet she would snap at him. Liam was always needing a lecture of some sort. She was glad he was asleep all day because sometimes he could be a brat. A cute brat, but a brat none-the-less. Usually by now he would've asked to drive and scared the hell out of her, taken them on some crazy detour into nowhere, and popped a tire like a stooge, off-roading was something he loved. A trip with Liam was usually complicated as hell. Clara felt lucky to have him completely passed out like a baby. Things had never ever run smoother with him along.

"Must be nice having a friend like that," Clara said. "I wouldn't know."

"Hmm, people who don't have friends are usually strange." Karma was specifically trying to dig at her and make her feel like shit.

"I have friends," Clara laughed. "Just not friends who know my order better than their own, make out with me when I'm down, and try to talk me into threesomes." Clara joked, handing Amy a greasy bag of food. Karma squirmed because she had just kissed Amy in the bathroom not more than two hours ago and it had been her band-aid.

"The threesome thing only happened once. Can we really say that's a standard?" Amy argued playfully, wanting to poke fun at the things that had previously only proven to hurt her. Amy's whole mood had changed since the morning and to Amy it almost felt like she was hanging out with Shane instead of Clara. It just felt easy and normal again and she couldn't help but love every second of that. She missed that with Karma but Karma wasn't about to go back to being her normal non-agendad self. For whatever reason, Karma Ashcroft was caught up on what she should and should not be. It was ruining her friendship with Amy and making her own life horribly complicated.

"The threesome didn't happen," Karma reminded them both, nothing playful in her tone.

"It could've," Amy said, tilting her head and biting into a burrito. "MMMM, my god, this is heaven!" She moaned in pleasure.

"You're right!" Clara agreed, taking a bite out of her own burrito. "Always stop at sombreros, message received."

Amy handed Karma her quesadilla. "It's soooo good, you have to try it."

"I don't even think I can eat." Karma said grumpily.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Amy snapped.

"Uh-oh, must be getting late," Clara groaned. "If you two are gonna be cranky, maybe it's time to find that hotel."

"It's barely even dark." Karma complained.

"Shut up and eat your thing." Amy ordered, pushing the quesadilla into Karma's hands. "I always do the stuff you want, be nice now, please?" Amy begged, giving Karma her puppy-dog eyes of desperation.

"Fine." Karma groaned, pulling the paper off of her quesadilla and biting into it in a very defeated way.

They drove at least 60 more miles before Amy and Karma began to search for hotels in the AAA book Farrah had snuck into Amy's bag.

"I wish we could use YELP or KAYAK or TRAVELOCITY or-"

"The internet!" Clara finished.

"We can always just wait 'til we see something," Amy noted, optimistically, ignoring Karma's many protests and complaints.

"What, like the sombrero?" Karma countered.

"The sombrero was a success." Amy gloated.

"What about there-" Clara pointed, pulling off at the next exit towards a large and normal looking hotel that was obviously part of a chain.

"Hilton Garden Inn?" Karma scoffed.

"What? What now? What's wrong with it?!" Clara asked, trying not to feel tested. With Karma's negative reaction she was just about ready to hop back on the road. The last thing she needed at the start of this trip was confrontation from Liam's new flame.

"We're in the middle of the desert and they're claiming to have a garden…" Karma laughed.

"It's fine Karma! Ignore her, she's crazy," Amy said.

"Hey!" Karma yelled.

"You're being ridiculous."

"Least I'm not being a flirt!" Karma yelled.

"Shhh, I'm going inside."

Clara slammed her door hard and Liam woke up.

"Wh-are we there?"

"If by there you mean nowhere, yes. We have arrived." Karma quipped.

"Why are you being so mean?!" Amy yelled.

"Why are you being so fake?!" Karma asked.

"You don't mean that, Karma. I mean, unless you're trying to keep me from being happy." Amy said, leaving the car. There was nothing fake about the way she had been acting. What Amy had been experiencing was intrigue and giddiness all day. Amy had been happy. In her mind she guessed it probably had been a long time since Karma saw that side of her, given the circumstance.

She walked into the lobby and took the spot next to Clara.

"Your friend's a bit high-strung."

"She's mad. She thinks I'm flirting with you."

"Ooo," Clara joked causing Amy to momentarily blush before Amy remembered her current feeling of anger and almost disgust with her friend.

"I don't get it. She's all nice until I'm having fun with someone else. The second I start forgetting about her she's right there, right in my face. Judging me and making me feel stupid."

"Sounds manipulative." Clara had said it without thinking. She was over the driving and the whining from Karma Ashcroft, the girlfriend who might only last a few weeks. If Karma were to somehow disappear, safely, Clara would probably never think twice of her again. It was a mean thing to feel and Clara knew it but Karma had been doing nothing all afternoon but ruining the mood and raining on their parade. She obviously had a problem and Clara had no idea where that was coming from.

"It's not though." Amy countered, trying not to let that thought in.

"Is it not?" Clara asked. "Look, it's none of my business," Clara said apologetically. "Don't listen to me when I stay stupid stuff. I'm tired. You guys are best friends. That can be complicated. I get it."

"No… You were right," Amy realized angrily.

"Which part?"

"Karma's manipulative." Amy decided.

Karma came tumbling into the room with her bag rolling behind her.

"We haven't even gotten a room." Amy pointed out.

"How many?" The lady asked from behind the counter.

"Two rooms please, four beds." Clara said rather decidedly. She had settled that early on in her mind. With four beds they could each sleep alone if they really wanted to. The last thing Clara wanted to do was have a talk with Liam on whether or not he would be fucking his girlfriend in the same room where she slept.

"Me and Amy can share," Karma said, taking Amy's hand.

"Oh, I thought…" Clara started.

"You thought what?" Karma asked defensively as if to accuse Clara of being some creepy old woman looking to scam on a young innocent girl.

"Nothing. I thought you and Liam would want to… You know." Clara said.

"I don't know. And no! I want to sleep with Amy."

"Wh-Ah?!" Amy just looked confused.

"Hmm.. Guess I was right," Clara said.

"About what?" Karma asked.

"Nothing, don't worry. It's not about you," Clara lied.

"Two rooms, attached please," Clara repeated to the woman behind the lobby desk.

"Upstairs or down?"

"Up." Clara and Amy both said. They smiled at one another almost exacerbated by how much they had in common.


	4. I Used To Get Away With So Much, Now I Can't Get Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy begins to get upset about Karma's constant jealousy. Clara begins to tell Amy about her past.

*apologies for rushing into new chapters with very little editing*

*I have fallen in love with fictitious Clara and I will be sad when the show comes back because I WANT HER TO BE REAL*

*I've been listening to Jamie O'neal's song THERE IS NO ARIZONA and Michelle Branch's album Hotel Paper to set the mood for this story.*

CHAPTER FOUR

I Used To Get Away With So Much, Now I Can't Get Away

"So did you want to talk to me or what?" Amy asked.

"Huh?" Karma feigned aloofness. If there was any way at all she could remain unaccountable for her actions without actually feeling guilty life would sure be great, but that was impossible. She may not have been showing it but all she felt in that room was her own awkwardness and a sudden sense of unavoidable guilt. Up until now Amy was ignoring Karma completely, and waiting for her friend to mention the big ol' elephant in the room.

"Karma, you've been acting mean all day. Making fun of me, pulling me around. It's like you want me to just shut up and sit by your side and say nothing and have absolutely no thought."

"Amy…" Karma whined.

"What?! It's true!" Amy whined back.

Amy had been lying on her bed trying to ignore the fact that as soon as they got into their room Karma was being suspiciously quiet, not moving at all and staring up at the ceiling like some creepy villain. Trying to watch cartoons and snack on some of the things Clara had bought, Amy felt absolutely confused and almost pissed at Karma Ashcroft for being so oddly upset by the presence of Clara Booker, the girl who had only ever been nice to them both.

"You'll think I'm crazy if I try to explain," Karma shrugged, rolling her eyes. It bothered Amy even more that when she talked now Karma didn't even look at her.

"NEWSFLASH!" Amy screamed, joining Karma on her bed. "I already think you're crazy."

"Stop… Don't make fun of me right now. Please?" Karma begged, looking at her finally since Amy.

"Really Karma, what do you expect me to do?" Amy wondered, taking Karma's hand and holding it, lovingly. The feel of Karma's hand, though she had been trying to forget it up until now, was smooth and refreshing like ice cream on a hot hot day and happiness after days and days filled up with sad. "You're acting like the jealous girlfriend," Amy warned.

"I'm acting like someone who knows when something is too good to be true."

"So you can have your Liam but I can't?"

"It's not about that Amy." Karma scoffed.

"Liam Booker slept with everyone before you. He had bad news written all over him and that didn't stop you at all."

"Could you keep your voice down?!" Karma whispered. Liam and Clara were both in the next room and Amy was practically yelling since she was so very annoyed and Karma was filled with contradiction.

"Why?! It's the truth! We all know the truth, Karma." Amy softened. "You wouldn't even let me talk to her! There's nothing wrong with her."

"Nothing we can see," Karma warned.

Amy felt lost. She laid her body down next to Karma's and rest her head on Karma's shoulder.

"How am I supposed to get over you if you won't even let me talk to people?" Amy said calmly in a defeated voice that almost broke her friend with its inherent tenderness.

"Ohhh…." Karma cooed, pulling Amy into her and hugging her hard, a real smile sweeping over her for the first time all day. "Is it wrong to want you not to get over me?" Karma crooned almost rhetorically, half joking and half dead serious.

"Yes." Amy admitted with a whimper of frustration. She felt Karma's fingers between her own and held them tightly, hating their predicament.

"I am such an asshole." Karma confessed with a hard swallow of truth.

Realizing something for the first time in forever, Amy sat up and looked down on her friend.

"Wait?!" She said in a frustrated tone. "So, you do then?! You do want me to stay by your side and just be in love with you forever and ever without a complaint or a whole life of my own?!"

Amy stared in search of a rebuttal but Karma showed no change and gave no answer. Instead of speaking like she knew she should have, Karma had a rush of thought and a flood of feelings that just sort of paralyzed her and rendered her useless. Her mouth hung open in the meantime, sending Amy the wrong message. Amy stared and saw a friend who could not at least pretend to want her to be happy. A friend so selfish, she could not even lie.

Amy threw Karma's hand onto the bed and walked off to her suitcase.

"What are you doing?" Karma asked, sitting up guiltily.

"This is fucked up Karma. I'm going to hang out with literally ANYONE else!" Amy confessed, pulling a bathing suit from her bag and walking out of the room.

Karma sat up disgusted with herself. She had to ask herself right away, do you want Amy happy or do you just want Amy to be yours? The question pounded in her head until she held it in her hands and groaned. OF COURSE SHE WANTED BOTH! She was sick with herself mostly because what she wanted was wrong.

Next door Liam and Clara had been talking. Clara had all sorts of questions about Karma and the past year and how her and Liam really came to be. She was starting to wonder how manipulative Karma was.

Amy knocked on the door aggressively.

"It's me," she called. Liam and Clara both smirked queerly, they weren't sure who should get the door. Clara was closer so she walked the few steps and undid the chain, pulling the door open.

"May I help you, Miss Raudenfeld?" She pretended to be formal.

"Can I use your bathroom I need to change?" Amy asked but she also stormed right in not really caring for approval. She shut herself in the bathroom and talked to them both through the door.

"Sure Amy, use the bathroom." Liam laughed, scratching the back of his head.

"Is there something wrong with your own bathroom?" Clara asked.

"Nothing really," Amy admitted. "It's just really close to Karma and I don't want to see her right now."

"Oh boy," Clara exhaled, looking over at Liam who looked equally worried about a potential fight between the two friends.

As if on cue, Karma appeared in the doorway.

"Is Amy in here?"

"GO AWAY KARMA!" Amy yelled, throwing her hair up in a tie and leaving the bathroom, stealing a towel.

Clara and Liam watched as Amy left the bathroom nearly naked in her two piece. She pushed Karma out of the doorframe, leaving them all there rather stupefied and perturbed.

"Okay…" Clara said when nobody moved to follow her. "Guess I'm going swimming," she figured she could defuse the situation.

"No, I'm going swimming." Karma fought.

"Why don't we all go swimming!" Liam suggested in his positive way.

"Ahhh, fuck it," Clara said, walking over to the mini fridge and pulling the Pabst out swiftly.

Amy rode the elevator down feeling agitated. The pool area was surprisingly empty so she dove right in and swam a few laps without stopping. Everything in her wanted to fight with Karma, like really fight. She wondered how bad it would be if she just hit her, like full on. Karma was strong though, they used to fight all the time. The more Amy thought about it the more angry she became.

Karma was the first to come down. She stood at the edge of the pool and stared down at her friend knowing full well that she had royally screwed things up by being a jealous ass. In this case her honesty was her enemy but she always wanted to be honest with Amy.

"I told you to leave me alone," Amy said, refusing to swim too close to Karma.

"Amy, I'm sorry." Karma said, sitting down and putting her feet in the water. "You know I've been crazy. You know I'm not proud of all this," Karma motioned at herself with her hands. From where Amy was floating Karma looked sexy as hell but also massively depressed. She obviously felt bad for acting crazy but that didn't make any of it right.

"I fucking hate you right now, you have no idea how bad. All of this is your fault, every bit of it." Amy felt bad even saying it but it was all true.

"Tell me," Karma begged. "I deserve it."

"You do deserve it!" Amy yelled. "I don't need you to tell me what I know, okay?!" She walked up to Karma and grabbed her hands, pulling her into the pool and soaking her completely.

"Hey!" Karma yelled, laughter chasing her voice and joining Amy's own laughter. She couldn't help but love Amy in every way. And Amy fought her now because it was the only way to remain sane. After laughing at how easy it was to dunk Karma, Amy dove under the water and pulled at Karma's ankles until Karma was forced to be dunked yet again.

Before Karma came back up for air Amy realized she was laughing, enjoying Karma. She hated herself for how easy it was to just forget when Karma did something bad.

When Karma came back up and gathered herself after coughing she noticed that Amy was leaving the pool.

Clara and Liam arrived and the situation was immediately diffused.

For a moment Karma actually thought she had gotten her friend back, but she was wrong.

"What's this?" Clara asked as Amy walked up to her dripping wet and leaving the pool.

"I'm pissed," Amy said, pulling a beer from the box in Clara's hand and popping it open, drinking it quick. She was dripping from head to toe and seething. "Hot tub." Amy ordered blankly.

"Ohkay," Clara obeyed, pulling out her own beer and letting Amy take her other hand.

Karma watched from the water, rage filling her until her eyes stung hard. Amy was using Clara to make everything worse.

Liam walked slowly into the liquid of the pool and felt calm as he approached Karma sort of unaware of how hard the day had been for her.

"This wasn't such a bad idea," he smiled, pulling Karma up to him and holding her in the water, making her feel weightless.

"I'm so mad right now." Karma said, surprising him. Liam couldn't help but play with her hair and wrap his hand around her neck. He kissed her there, enjoying her.

"And why would you be mad when you've got me right here to calm you?" He smiled again, kissing her lips this time and feeling instantly warm and happy, goosebumps flooding his skin.

"Stop." Karma said, pushing him away. "Amy's mad and she's right to be. I've been rubbing this in her face for a whole month like a fucking asshole." Karma felt sick with herself, she wanted to vomit. She had been so happy to forgive them both that she forgot that Amy did love her, Amy was in love with her.

"You're happy though, it's normal," Liam defended.

"No Liam, it's rude." Karma said, pushing him away and walking toward the exit steps. She hadn't meant to drag Liam into her shit but not doing so would have been impossible so it was better now than later.

Amy and Clara were trying to tip-toe into the hot water but it was too hot they both wordlessly hated it. They gave up and sat on the side dangling their feet in the hot water and drinking beer amongst the steam.

"I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have said that." Clara was sure.

"You were right though." Amy was mad about it now, so very mad.

"I planted doubt. It's what I do. My family is sick and I learned from them. Sociopaths," she shook her head.

"Don't feel bad, I would've gotten mad sooner or later."

"Are you guys always like this? Hot and cold?" Clara asked, sipping her beer slowly and casually watching Amy think.

"We've been better. And worse! I guess we are always like this," she grimaced, then shrugged, then finished her beer.

Karma walked over to them, "Can I be here?" She asked Amy, almost pathetically.

"Get me a beer." Amy ordered, raising her eyebrows but keeping her expression flat and unamused. Karma obeyed. "It's your turn now," she turned to Clara. "Tell me about your ugly secrets and gross hook-ups and bullshit dreams. I've been talking all day. Give me something."

"Ooo, I like this you," Clara smiled. "I dunno though, I want you to actually remember it tomorrow if I tell you my story." Clara joked, trying not to be smitten.

"Clara used to be a head cheerleader." Liam smiled, walking over with the whole box of Pabst. Karma had taken one out for Amy, she wanted to hand it to her on her own.

"Here," Karma said, sitting next to Amy sheepishly and trying to apologize for something so monumentally wrong that forgiveness should never be rewarded.

"No way?!" Amy gasped, grabbing the beer but completely ignoring Karma. "You're the enemyyyyyyyyyyyy," she hissed at Clara, already feeling the effects of the cheapo booze.

"I am," Clara laughed. She wasn't proud of it but it was true. "I was the worst. High School was such a blur, you don't even know."

"Oh, I know." Amy shrugged, drinking quickly. Karma pushed Amy's hand down to slow her.

"Careful, I don't want you getting sick," she tended to her and Clara and Liam exchanged a look. Karma held at Amy's hand and sat near her feeling still all too far away.

"I fell in love with my friend." Clara confessed.

"BEEN THERE!" Amy yelled, raising her can and crashing it against both Clara's and Liam's, they were quick to catch on. Karma had decided not to drink. She watched and felt responsibility and pain and more guilt.

"Wait, so, you're a lesbian?" Karma asked skeptically.

"I- I like girls Karma, is that surprising to you?" Clara was actually curious on this one.

"No, it's just, you don't act like-"

"Like a lesbian?" Clara asked, a smirk on her face.

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Karma…" Clara started, "what do you think about Amy right now? Do you think she's a lesbian?"

"I…. I think she fell in love with me."

"Simple as that?" Clara asked.

"You guys!" Amy whined, "I consciously made a choice to steer this conversation FAR AWAY from me." Amy reminded them. Karma held Amy's hand tighter with both of hers and smiled apologetically trying to keep a happy face.

"Well okay," Clara continued. "I liked this girl and I've liked other girls since." Clara stated, on the record. Karma couldn't take how beautiful she was just saying this, how she flipped her dark brown hair and almost laughed with her eyes so honest, just like Liam's blonde coffee colored eyes that seemed to sparkle for no reason, Clara's eyes were almost mesmerizing in their beauty.

"You're a heartbreaker," Karma smiled, figuring her out at long last.

"Takes one to know one," Clara poked, causing Karma to both blush and feel uneasy.

"Get back to the story!" Amy said grumpily, pulling her hand away from Karma and sliding her body into the water now frustrated at the slowness of it all. Karma followed her, gluing herself to Amy's side.

"So, I'm a Booker. Everyone knows I have money. Everyone thinks I'm too perfect." Clara reminded as if telling the most cliche tale of all time. "Great at sports. A truly dedicated academic. But bored out of my mind and hating my life. Literally hating it."

Liam was loving this because he felt it so pure. Clara held Liam's hand and then pushed his shoulder with her own at his big goofy knowing smile.

"Our family is just this big disaster!" Liam reminded, his smile wide and infectious. "Clara's a middle child and I'm like the baby. She always takes care of me, even when she thought she was being this horrible person, she was taking care of me. She's just too hard on herself." Karma smiled on as he talked but she was preoccupied with Amy. She didn't expect Clara Booker to be into girls and now she was worried because what could this mean? Clara Booker was already flawless and fine, she could steal Amy away without a fight, especially given all that Karma had put Amy through in their last year together as a fake couple.

"I may have taken care of you," she reminded Liam, "but I let other people down, including myself. All because I fell in love. I knew I could win the battles I involved myself with. I didn't care who I was hurting or how I was acting. I just wanted her."

"Okay, so tell me more. What fucked up things did you do? And who was this girl? Were you guys friends or was it like… a set up?" Amy was thinking in a limited way. She had turned her body around so that she could lean her arms on the side of the spa and stare up at Clara when she wanted to. Clara wiped some hair from Amy's eyes and smiled down at her curious blue eyes.

"We were friends, sort of, and it wasn't a set up." She smiled knowingly, understanding that curiosity and almost craving for other stories like your own. "It was nothing like you two."

Karma watched on feeling Amy float further and further away.

"I joined cheer because Rory asked me too. We both had rich and crazy parents who expected way too much of us and wanted us to be these exemplary individuals." Clara slid down into the water and Liam finally followed, moving himself to Karma's side and pulling her legs up over his own so that he could hold her close beneath the water, with his arm around her back.

"Did you like it?" Amy asked.

"What? Cheer? Yes and no…" Clara laughed. "I liked my girls, we were all pretty crazy. But the boys scared me and the parties always made me sad. It was the most non-sporty sport I ever played. Even show cheer lacked something."

"Why'd they make you sad?" Amy asked, skipping the last of her words and returning to that comment about the parties. She slurped at her beer childishly trying to imagine Clara in a cheer outfit being thrown around.

"I was in love with my best friend." Clara reminded, knowing full well that Amy could relate. "She'd drag me to a party and I'd have to watch her hook up with some lame guy who didn't even have to try. She'd get her feelings hurt or get felt up or get yelled at for something. A couple of times I had to take her to the hospital in the morning to get the special pill. If she got hurt I'd be the one to comfort her and let her cry. I was her chauffeur, her body guard, her secret admirer, and her footstool. I watched on while she did the most horrible things. But the kissing was the worst." Clara shook her head just remembering. It was odd to have all those crazy things happen but still be upset about the simple one more than anything else.

The whole while Amy was staring at Clara, Karma was staring at Amy and wanting to take back all the stupid things she had done and or said. Karma had dragged Amy to parties. Karma had made out with Liam in front of Amy, more times than she could remember.

"Watching her kiss those guys, though," Clara confirmed. "That was the worst. It was like she was stabbing me with a knife and then twisting it or something." Liam and Clara kept looking at each other and smiling. Clara was talking about pain but they couldn't help but smile, it was so funny to be talking about emotional things. The Bookers weren't supposed to do it so it brought them both joy.

Amy and Karma, on the other hand, looked dead series.

"It drove me up the wall." Clara continued, switching her gaze between Amy Liam and Karma, all in turn. "I'd flip out and yell at her about something unrelated. You know, just to feel," Clara remembered sadly. She was so raw then, so completely open to the hurt. "We were on and off but never like you guys, never as close of friends. I was just always following her, it was very different. I don't even think she thought about me as much as a normal friend would, let alone a super close amazing friend like Karma."

Karma felt off about that compliment after all the trouble she had given Clara throughout the day. She couldn't change things or explain. If she could go back and start over she'd do everything differently.

"Did she ever know?" Amy asked solemnly, trying to put herself there in Clara's place.

"I kissed her once at her parent's house after graduation. She slapped me."

"Whoa..." Amy felt it all too heavy on her brain.

"And, that was it. The end!"

"That can't be the end." Karma scoffed.

"It is though." Clara confirmed. "We never talked. She shut me out completely. I went off to college a week later. I haven't spoken to her and I know it was wrong."

"It wasn't wrong though." Amy said.

"She didn't love me," Clara confirmed.

"She was your friend though," Karma fought.

"Sometimes I don't even know if she was. She was kind of crazy, even crazier than me." Clara laughed. "I would fix things for her. Make them easy. I never left her when she was mean. And she was mean to everyone. Everyone else left. I just didn't for some reason." Clara drank the last of her beer and felt sad for having told the whole truth and nothing but.

"I can't even imagine not being friends with Karma," Amy said sickly, imagining what a life like that would be like.

"Right here," Karma reminded, tapping Amy on the shoulder.

"Oh, hi." Amy forgot she was there.

"I told you already. That wasn't a normal friendship. I had to make her see me. I saved her from so many bad things. I did bad things for her. I treated people like crap just so she would like me."

"I know you're trying to tell me you were a horrible person and I shouldn't pity you but all I'm hearing is that you were in love and because of that you let yourself be a fool." Amy broke it down.

"I can't separate myself like that. Compartmentalizing the things I've done? I can't do it. It was all me. I chose what to do and what not to do. I was old enough to know that she didn't want me like that. Old enough to know that what I did to others was entirely wrong. I put myself into situations where I hurt other people and I allowed myself to be vulnerable and open towards the one person in my life who didn't really deserve a true friend." Clara looked at Karma openly and Karma gulped.

"My beer's gone," Amy whined, noticing it in the tiny break in conversation.

"We should probably try and sleep," Clara suggested.

"Fine, whatever," Amy shrugged.

"I got 'er," Karma said, taking Amy's hand and pulling her up out of the hot tub by way of stairs.

"I can't believe she just let you leave like that," Amy said, turning back to Clara sadly and slurring her words.

"It's okay, I'm over it now."

"How?!" Amy asked, wanting to cry.

"Come on Amy, let's go to sleep." Karma pushed. "Liam, can you?"

"Sure," he said. Karma had wrapped Amy in a towel and Liam picked her up in his arms. Amy held onto him by his neck and stared off down the hall. Clara went and threw away their beer cans and walked off to get the rest of their stuff.

"That's a crazy story," Karma said, trying to engage her.

"You don't have to like me, it's cool, I get it."

"It's not cool, and you don't get it," Karma added. "You've only known us for one day, you have no idea how crazy this year has been for us both."

"Are you talking about you and Liam or are you talking about you and Amy?"

"I'm talking about me and Amy and I think you already knew that Clara."

"Look, I'm not trying to swoop in on your girlfriend and upset your life, if that's what you're thinking."

"I'm not." Karma said frustrated. "I'm thinking that Liam warned me about his family. And I'm thinking that Amy's a nice person and maybe she shouldn't be hanging out with people who would let themselves be mean to other people." Karma felt threatened by her, it was there and obvious. But Clara's high school confessions had only reminded Karma that Clara could be dangerous.

"No offense Karma but you've been more of a danger to Amy than I could ever be." Karma stood there and stared at her. Clara didn't mean offense and Karma could tell. Clara looked sad like that, all wet and remembering the person she hated in herself. She was so beautifully tragic that Karma wanted to just punch her, yell at her, remind her that she made her own damn bed and no one likes a villain. "We've both done some fucked up things. At least I'm honest about the shit I've done. I don't want to hurt that girl. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again. I don't even want to hurt you," Clara sighed, wishing for the night to be over.

She picked up the Pabst and walked away from Karma, towards the door.

"I don't want to hurt Amy," Karma said, catching Clara just at the door.

"Then don't Karma." Clara said, as if life was a simple simple thing.

Clara left the pool and Karma stayed a little while, just to think.


	5. Arriving At The Villa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma confesses a few things to Amy and the gang arrives at the villa.

*wowza, at this pace this thing will never end*

*this chapter is a whole lot of ARRIVING IN SEDONA*

*important warning note: i'm in love with clara but also in love with karma getting jealous of clarmy so i honestly do not know how i will end this, it's really up in the air at this point.*

*thank you thank you thank you for comments!*

CHAPTER FIVE

Arriving at the Villa

Part I

When Karma got up to the room she found Amy in one of the white hotel robes struggling to open a wine bottle with Liam's swiss-army knife.

"Amy, come on," Karma smiled helplessly. "It's time to sleep."

"Maybe I don't wanna sleep," Amy fought.

Karma walked up to her and grabbed Amy's wrists rather gently. As soon as she had done it Amy dropped the bottle and knife onto the bed.

"Fine, Ill do what you want. I always do what you want." Amy scratched her wet head and laid back down on the bed. She was defeated and upset and her booze was wearing off, she was also on Karma's bed. She picked up the remote and turned the tv on, clicking quickly through the channels. "Why'd you wanna sleep with me anyway?!" Amy asked grumpily. She would ignore Karma just as before and try hard not to talk touch or see her.

"I want to spend time with you," Karma said truthfully. "I dragged you out here and I spent all morning asleep on top of Liam. I didn't think about it before. I know you said that it's hard for you but it took Clara and all that talk about watching her friend kiss those boys at parties for me to even think about how hard that must be for you."

"Don't flatter yourself," Amy feigned pathetically.

"Amy…" Karma said sadly.

"Fine, whatever. I don't know why normal feelings are so mysterious to you," Amy confessed feeling bitter. "You got jealous when Liam kissed me, remember? And me and Liam didn't even want to be kissing each other at all, it just happened. But you still got jealous."

"That was..." Karma seemed to gasp and Amy looked at her oddly.

"What?" Amy asked.

"It ah... It hurt." Karma confessed, agreeing with her. The comparison was apt.

"Of course it did, you had all these feelings for him." Amy grimaced at the word feelings.

"No, uh," Karma licked the side of her top lip and laughed lightly. She felt crazy, she really did. She wasn't sure if she should say the next bit. "Seeing you kiss him," Karma confessed. "That hurt." It was a strange thing to think or say or know and Karma had no clue what it meant but it was the actual truth. When Amy kissed Liam she felt the air leave her. It was just like Clara described, like being stabbed in the stomach and betrayed, like feeling ill.

"I swear you think I want to steal him. How many times do i have to remind you that it was all about you?! All of it! May as well consider me a die-hard lesbian, it'll make everything a lot easier."

"Ha, you're still drunk," Karma laughed. Amy didn't usually call herself that, not that it wasn't true or any less adorable for her to just come out and say it. "It wasn't about him Amy. Those feelings. That wasn't about him."

"Well, what was it then?" Amy asked curiously.

"I don't know," Karma shrugged, smiling at her awkwardly and seeing her.

"Wow…" Amy said sadly, climbing into the bed. Karma confessing that she had odd feelings about her just confused everything in Amy's mind. Veiled attraction? Disgust? Amy was starting to think that Karma thought of her as a strictly non-sexual being. Maybe Karma didn't want Amy to ever have sex with anyone. It would explain her upset after Liam but upset then was pretty much deserved anyway. Amy wanted to forget things.

They didn't talk much after that. Neither of them knew exactly what to say.

Karma had been dropping truth bombs all over the place. She was jealous and sad, angry and confused. She was keeping Amy from feeling joy but when Amy made her smile it was like she had never smiled before then or laughed or felt happy. So many things were different since the wedding and they tried but couldn't fix them. Everything was too complicated.

Karma changed into her pj's and got into the bed with Amy who had been watching a documentary on lion cubs.

"I know I'm confused, okay," Karma asked once in bed, turning to Amy and talking right to her.

"I don't know how to be anymore," Amy said, turning in towards Karma.

"I think we just need time."

"This sucks though, it really sucks." Amy was staring at Karma and wanting to touch her, wanting for things to be simple and just easy again like they were before High School.

"I know," Karma said, moving in to Amy and laying down with her head on Amy's shoulder and her hand in Amy's hand.

Both of the girls held one another and eventually fell asleep to the sound of muffled lion roars and background drum beats.

In the morning they felt better. A lot had been said that had needed to be said.

Part II

Amy woke to the sound of a ringing phone. She groped beside her until her hand met the familiar feel of a hotel phone. She picked up the receiver and dropped it lamely onto her ear.

"Hello?"

"Morning sunshine," Clara's smooth voice soothed Amy into wakefulness.

"Oh, it's you," Amy smiled, her eyes still shut. That voice and that affectionate term was like music to her ears.

"Who is it?" Karma asked, squeezing Amy and refusing to wake. She was hugging Amy and practically on top of her since they had slept together like baby kittens do, all tangled up and comfy.

"Are you two ready to get up? There's free breakfast in the lobby."

"Mmm breakfast," Amy hummed.

"Mmm breakfast," Clara smiled into the receiver, mimicking Amy's soft voice.

"I'm up, I'm up, I'm up," Amy lied. Karma squeezed her tighter.

"No you're not," Karma hummed back, smiling and hugging her.

A knock came at the door what felt like seconds later. A lot of time had actually gone by. It took Amy a long while to realize that the other end of the line had been dead and she had fallen asleep again.

"Karma? Karmaaaaa," Liam called.

"Uh-uh-uh," Karma whined, not wanting to movie.

"He's your boyfriend, you have to get it," Amy teased and gloated.

"Fine. But I don't like this." Karma groaned. She wanted to sleep there with Amy forever because everything there was simple and already good.

She opened her eyes to bright daylight spilling in through the crack in the curtains.

"Oh shit, it's late," she said, hitting Amy's ass with her hand and waking her up. "Come on! Get up lazy!" She laughed, hitting her again and stretching on the way to the door.

Liam was happy to see her, as soon as she opened the door he pulled her out into the hall and hugged her to him, kissing her hard. Karma let that feeling of him sweep over her. He was strength and flowers, coffee and concentration. When he kissed her he meant it and that feeling was the best.

"Mmmmm," she hummed into his kiss. "That's a nice way to wake up." Her eyes drifted open. He kissed her again and the door behind her shut tight. "Shit," she breathed, turning around and pushing him away from her. She knocked hard on the door, waking Amy for real this time.

Eventually Amy opened the door to see the two of them there in the hall making out since it had taken her so long.

"HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!" Amy sang coldly. "Thanks for that. Good morning to you too. I love this trip. I just loooooooooove this trip. This trip is the bessssssssst." She said sarcastically, letting go of the door and watching it fall. Karma caught it at the very end and realized she had already fucked up the day and everything she said last night.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I didn't think we'd sleep so late," she yawned, watching Amy who was adequately changing fast.

"Eh, I'm movin'," Amy said, ignoring her now.

"Are you gonna shower?"

"Nah…"

"Me neither."

They both smelled like chlorine and their hair was all messy with natural waves from drying the way it did. They smiled at their own agreed defiance and started to change on their separate sides of the room.

"Were you listening to that last night? Did you know that the father lions like kill all their kids and get banished from their prides for being these absolute creeps?"

"Whoever wrote Mufasa was a fucking liar," Karma scoffed. She had pulled a short denim skirt on and changed her tank top.

"I know! What bullshit…" Amy grumbled.

"Come 'ere, I'll braid your hair." Karma had been just watching Amy change. She realized almost lately and made an excuse by offering this fix. Amy sat down at the edge of the bed and let Karma touch her in the little ways they had always been used to. "Your hair's so pretty. It pisses me off," Karma laughed.

"I know, it's a burden. To be so beautiful and flawless. Someone has to do it though." Amy shrugged.

"Shut up," Karma laughed, pushing Amy forward with a huge grin.

A knock came at the door again.

"Just a minute!" Karma yelled. "God, they like just woke us up."

"I know, rude." Amy agreed. They didn't know it was nearly 11am, they just knew it was bright outside. Too bright.

"I got a few things for the road," Clara yelled. "We're gonna check out and meet you two in the parking lot."

"Shit, that was fast." Amy laughed. "And there's no way we can just ditch this trip and stay here?" Amy begged turning towards Karma.

"Sorry," Karma pouted. "I promised Liam and besides, I'm sort of curious."

"Clara's been nothing like I imagined."

"What did you imagine?" Karma asked.

"I dunno…" Amy thought, turning to Karma and watching her braid her own hair now. "Tall. Bitchy… Murderous intentions."

"Sounds about right."

"How about you?" Amy asked innocently. It was fun to talk about the Booker's now with half of the mystery gone.

"I thought… I dunno what I thought," Karma sighed. "I think I thought there would be more outright insulting going on."

"Mmm, that. Yes." Amy agreed, using her hands to fix Karma's top for her.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Amy said, shrugging it off.

"No, thanks," Karma grabbed Amy's hands. "I don't think I would've liked this trip at all if you weren't here."

"Yoooou didn't have much fun yesterday, you remember that right."

"I know, but.."

"I'm serious, this trip is stressing me out." Amy noted.

"It'll be fine," Karma said, staring at Amy in that loving way.

Part III

They packed up their things and rolled their suitcases down with them in the elevator. Amy saw a coffee machine in the lobby and ditched her bag with Karma to make two cups. By the time they got to the car Liam was in the driver's seat and Clara was sitting on the tailgate just waiting for them so she could pack the trunk.

"Finally," Clara smiled jokingly, not blaming or being cruel.

"Sorry," Amy said, handing her handle over to Clara.

"You guys sleep like logs. I called three times."

"You did say we had plenty of time to get there today," Karma reminded.

"I know but still, there's only so much to do in a hotel. I ate yogurt, I used the little gym. I quizzed Liam on what he can and cannot say about his life once we get to Sedona." Clara joked.

Karma hesitated on getting in the car. Clara saw her hesitation and sent her a knowing look. They swapped seats without words, Clara taking the passenger side next to Liam and Karma scooting into the back next to Amy. Clara could tell that Karma wanted that, she could tell and she didn't want any more drama because there had already been too much.

"Oh, hi," Amy smiled in surprise.

"Oh, hi," Karma smiled back flirtatiously, slipping her hand into Amy's and sipping the coffee Amy had made for her.

"Everyone good?" Clara asked.

"Yeah," they said together. They looked cute back there, Clara liked the sight of them getting along. Memories from her own high school experience weren't far behind her pleasure though. A lot of those two reminded her of her and Rory.

Liam began driving and Karma leaned between the front seats trying to hook her phone up to the stereo. Once her music started up, she and Amy were in lala land, singing at the top of their lungs with Clara and Liam laughing at them together.

Since Liam drove fast they made up a lot of time. Amy noticed that Clara only scolded him a few times, despite his perpetual hyper speeding. They bickered like little children but Clara obviously had the upper hand. Liam adored her and Karma was mad now that he said very little about her in day to day conversations up until now.

They ate half the snacks Amy picked out on her many convenience store busts with Clara. And Clara had stolen muffins, fruit, bagels and cream cheese from the breakfast buffet so they were all good to drive without stopping. After a long while of singing some of the mellow love songs on Karma's phone Amy laid on Karma's lap and fell asleep with her holding her there and resting her hands on her hair and her side. Karma felt a bit better about the day before, once this had happened. It was the most content she had felt in a long long time.

"I like you when you're nice," Clara smiled. She had her mirror down so that she could see them just there.

"Ha-ha, very funny," Karma said, leaning on her hand and staring out at the desert.

"You guys are sweet. I meant it before when I said I was jealous."

"You guys are like me and Shane." Liam said proudly. "Too cute to believe." Karma thought a while on whether or not Shane was in love with Liam. She put that away for later, she wanted to ask him in secret in case the answer would be different around Clara.

"Shane hates me." Karma stated.

"He does not," Liam laughed, looking back at her through the rearview mirror. "He just knew all about Amy, he was protective. He's a good guy, sometimes." Liam smiled. The best thing about Shane was that he could be even more careless than Liam on occasion. They were different but the same and Liam liked that a whole lot.

"He made things hard, keeping Amy to himself. A lot of pain could've been avoided if Amy just talked to me." Amy twisted on the chair and rolled onto her side with Karma holding her still.

"It's hard that sorta thing…" Clara said, not looking at them. "Falling in love with your friend. You just sort of feel like you're betraying them. You feel wrong."

"She should not have felt wrong though, that's what I'm saying. I've always loved her, nothing could've changed that." Karma couldn't help looking down at Amy and seeing her there so innocently trusting. When she thought about Amy's year she felt horribly guilty and sad. Amy had been almost alone, without her, and all these scary things in her mind.

"She was probably scared, I know I was," Clara said.

"But your situation was different." Karma added, meeting those eyes in the mirror, those eyes that just stared. "Amy knows I love her unconditionally," Karma reminded. She didn't like these comparisons.

"You're right, Karma, Rory didn't love me," Clara said matter-of-factly, her eyes moving back down to the road in front instead of the view behind.

"Sorry," Karma apologized. "Can we talk about anything else?" She hated that she had made everything so hard. Clara slowly closed her mirror as to not insult or bother.

"We're really close now, maybe an hour out." Liam tried to calm her. Clara's GPS system was bomb, it had everything measured perfectly and it updated on the second factoring in traffic and road closures.

"What's it going to be like? Should I act a certain way?"

"Just be yourself," Clara warned. "There's no pleasing them. They'll judge you anyway."

"She's right. Don't worry about that. I just wanted them to meet you, I don't care if they think you're strange."

"Why would they think I was strange?" Karma laughed.

"They look down on everyone," Liam said, clenching his jaw. Clara placed a hand over his and offered him a loving smile that calmed him.

"We should be fine, we just have to stick together." Clara reassured them both.

"I can distract them if you want," Karma suggested. "Plus, Amy's good at that, she does everything wrong." Karma laughed.

"I can't wait for them to meet you two," Clara smiled. "It'll be refreshing to have a distraction."

Part IV

The ride went smoothly and switched from desert to city to mountain and rock. They had taken the back way in so it was a different sort of pretty. They had to drive up into the mountains and then down into the canyon, fully aware that they were ascending then descending. They passed a large river and many red rocks.

The forest was stunning, Karma couldn't believe it. Pine trees, next to water, next to mountains, next to rock.

"I never knew Arizona could be so pretty. Look, apples!" Karma noticed, there was a stand selling things. At the mention of food Amy stirred and woke up.

"Food grows where water flows," Clara said dazedly, remembering signs she had seen on recent road trips with new friends in California where her school was.

"I heard food." Amy stirred.

"There she is!" Liam laughed. "Take a look Amy, we're almost there."

Amy sat up and was surprised to see that they were out of the desert and into what looked like a forest and a mountain road, diving down into a canyon with water somewhere outside.

Karma's window was rolled down and so was Clara's, they could all hear the loud stream even though they could not see it.

"Wait, you're telling me I'm in Arizona?"

"You certainly are in Arizona," Clara confirmed.

"But there's trees and water and this is like a canyon or something."

"The grand canyon is in Arizona, you know that right," Karma laughed.

"Shhh, I'm hungry. Did you guys eat without me? This is the worst, I can't believe I slept so much."

"You're a little freak," Clara laughed.

"Hey!" Amy pouted.

"We haven't eaten, don't worry," Karma smiled.

"We're almost to the resort," Liam said.

"Oh… good." Amy calmed.

They drove no more than a half hour before winding through the small town and almost passing it entirely and taking a stray road off toward the base of a magnificent rock stack, something that Amy had only ever seen on tv. They drove a long ways with Karma and Amy wondering if they were even going the right way. Nothing looked civilized and the city was long gone. Eventually they began to travel upward and when they looked back they could see all the stacks that made up the valley, red and beige and familiar from old cartoons.

"This is beautiful," Amy realized.

"Isn't it?" Liam said.

They stared in awe, not speaking until they rounded a rock stack and a large hidden resort was revealed to them off in the distance.

"Aaaaaand, we're staying there?" Amy asked.

"Yup, home away from home."

"Every year we come here." Liam said. "Clara and I like to climb."

"Climb?" Amy asked.

"Rock climb!" Liam beamed. "You can dangle off of these things, it's a real rush."

"Yeah, I'll not be doing that," Amy scoffed.

"You don't have to," Clara said nicely. "There are trails and things, rock climbing is just our thing."

It suddenly made a little sense why the Booker's were so fabulous looking. Anyone who could dangle off a rock and climb a mountain with their bare hands, had to be in excellent shape. Amy shifted in her seat and sent Karma a nervous glare.

"Karma didn't tell me you were a rock climber," her voice was at least an octave higher than it usually was, since she was annoyed.

"I don't do it that much. Just every month or so," Liam noted.

To Amy that sounded like way too much time climbing.

"And here I thought we'd do boring things like golf and laugh at poor people." Clara laughed at Amy for her frankness.

"There is a golf course it's just a few miles away. We will definitely do that. The poor thing though, I don't think that's listed on the brochure." Karma squeezed Amy's hand hard as if to say, watch it.

They pulled up to the front of a circle drive and Clara got out without word. Karma watched as she pointed two men towards the trunk.

"Shit…" Amy said. "This is like, uber rich stuff. Like Kardashian rich."

"We'll have minions the whole time. You'll never have to ask for anything so don't be shy," Liam warned, hopping out of the car and pulling Amy's door wide open. He offered her his hand and she took it on her way out of the car. "And now you," Liam said, moving to Karma and picking her up by the waist, hugging her to his chest and carrying her down his body with delight. She hugged back, enjoying the ride. When he set her down on the pavement she felt lighter than air, and dizzy. The midday heat was staggering. It had to be at least 100 degrees, no question.

"Shit…" Amy said. "They have a pool right?"

"Yes, pool. A/C. Ice cream on demand. I've even been to an ice-cave." Clara said, her eyes glowing. "Come on you," she took Amy's hand and pulled her into the lobby. Liam and Karma followed close, holding onto each other and feeling groggy from the drive.

Their luggage disappeared and Amy tried to see where it was going.

"They're not like, taking that right."

"Don't worry, it's fine," Clara smiled.

"Booker," Clara said to the woman standing behind a front desk. Clara moved her sunglasses to the top of her head and placed her other hand in her pocket nonchalantly, knowing that she wouldn't need to show ID because these people all knew who she was.

"Clara?" The receptionist asked, checking the name on the computer that probably had physical detail in red and a large picture just to make sure. Part of being rich was having everyone pretend to know who you are. Wouldn't want to offend or downplay your importance or wealth, that could be costly. Amy accidentally rubbed too close to Clara and she noticed how silky her pants were, they felt like a fabric she had never touched, let alone warn.

"Clara and Liam," Clara spoke, her tone frank and no-nonsense.

Amy wanted to mock Clara's sudden and elegant stiffness but the lobby was stunning and she felt out of place. She was suddenly glad to be holding on to Clara's arm.

"Your usual villas are ready. For Liam Tranquility Hall and for Clara the The Mystic Oasis. Both on the North side of the resort with adjoining pathways and private decks. I am sure you already know but villas are full-service and all-inclusive. If you have any requests at all, at any time in your stay, just push one of our service buttons and we will be over to assist you shortly. We have placed several extras in your rooms for your guests." Amy watched as the woman behind the counter handed Clara what looked like a small sleek buzzer or pager that could attach to a belt or be kept in a pocket. Clara took it without speaking. "Is there any information you need? Shall I place a reservation for dinner? Or book a tour or a sunset flight?"

"A sunset flight?!" Amy scoffed causing Clara to squeeze her hand and repress a growing grin.

"No, thank you. Nothing more."

"If you step out the french doors your courtesy cart should be waiting. You've been given The Swan."

Amy watched on almost mortified. Mention of planes and dry-cleaning was enough, what was this news about a cart? Clara walked towards the french doors and they were opened by two men. Before them was an empty white golf-cart that looked brand new and had beige leather but a white exterior. It just sat there waiting for them and Amy felt annoyed.

"Do you want to drive?" Clara asked.

"Drive where," Amy scoffed, noting the ridiculousness of it all.

"Okay, get in then," Clara pushed, almost peeved by her near outrage. Amy got in and moved over and Clara sat behind the wheel. Liam and Karma hopped into the back seat and Clara took them down a long clean paved path that led off away from the lobby towards green bushes and green trees. Amy suddenly wished that Lauren had come.

"What the hell is this bullshit?!" Amy scoffed.

"The kind of thing a Booker gets used to." Clara winked.

"You didn't even tip them." Amy said. "They're like little elves or mice or something. You didn't even talk to them."

"Oh believe me, we will tip them." Clara assured.

"Mom and Dad give this place so much money it's almost sick." Liam commented. "Every day, a full college tuition down the drain."

Karma slid his arm around his stomach and hugged him.

"I already love it here," she said softly causing him to smile and hold her close. If he had been bothered before by his parents wasteful splurging, he had forgotten it all now with Karma happy and in his arms.

"Where are we going?" Amy wasn't nearly as patient.

"It's just a little ways, past all those trees."

"How did we not notice this, there was like nothing but dirt and trees and all of a sudden there's this huge random resort that's all earth colors and camouflage. This is like one of those secret government facilities," her paranoia was setting in. "They hide it because bad things are going on inside. No one can find you out here. They'd have to really be looking." Amy was over thinking the resort and giving it much more credit than it really deserved. The fact of the matter was, only rich people stayed at The Mountain, mostly famous ones. And a lot of rich people really need to disappear, just to live.

Clara was thinking about what Amy said. Seeing the resort as a malicious threat was comical but mostly off. DIsappearing was the goal. Disappearing was the only goal.

"Just wait 'til dark," Clara tried to calm her. "It's so beautiful out here, it's like nothing you've ever seen before."

"How do you know what I've seen," Amy joked threateningly. She didn't like the accusation there.

Amy jumped when her phone buzzed.

"Oh shit, it's my mom."

"Go ahead, answer it."

"Mom? Yes, we are in Sedona." Everyone listened as Amy tried to say as little as possible. "No mom. Yeah, it's fine. No, we didn't. Mom…" Amy seemed frustrated.

"Tell your mom I said hi," Karma offered sweetly, taping Amy on her shoulder.

"Karma says hi." Amy smiled. "She says hi too." Amy said back. "Yup. Uh-huh," Amy listened. "I will definitely take pictures." "Yup." "No." "How's Lauren and Bruce?" Amy asked, knowing she could score some points while away by pretending to actually care.

"Are your parents here?" Karma asked Liam.

"Not til tomorrow," Clara said.

They drove a little ways more before veering off to a smaller road marked by a short wooden sign that said TRANQUILITY HALL & THE MYSTIC OASIS.

"Yeah, I will. Love you too," Amy said hurriedly, "uh-huh, bye." She hung up the phone and groaned. "Ugg, she's so weird…"

"And we are home," Clara said, pulling the cart up to the front of a rather large structure and getting out. They all walked inside together and Amy noticed their luggage in the corner.

"That is insane." Amy said, pointing at it like it was haunted.

"Eh, it's just weird." Clara shrugged. She was more than used to people going out of their way to comfort her because of her eventual inheritance.

Amy noticed the open room had baskets of food and wine and gifts strewn about almost everywhere. There were fancy couches and large flatscreen tvs. A whole kitchen, she walked and opened cupboards to see it completely stocked with goods and food. The fridge had cold drinks, she grabbed a corona and took one out, searching and finding a bottle-opener almost instantly.

Everyone watched her as she rummaged about. They watched her take four long continuous gulps of her beer before noticing them and staring back at them almost annoyed by their judgement.

"Shit, what?!" She asked angrily.

"Nothing," they all stared.

"So, where should I sleep?" Amy asked, wanting to know things. Clara didn't quite know what to say. They had two large villas with big rooms and small and living rooms in both.

"I don't care really, wherever you want. There are lots of beds and the couches all have sleepers. They will even set up mood hammocks outside and roll in these comfy star-sleepers on the roof if you're into nature naps." She was using all these weird terms.

"You're not joking…" Amy realized after no one said a thing. She took another gulp of her beer and began to walk around.

"Nope." Clara said, walking off to where the master room was.

"This is Clara's suite," Liam said, "Mine's next door but they're really close and there's a trail between the too so you can walk if you want from one kitchen to the next or one room to another."

"What about your parents?" Karma asked.

"Oh," Liam and Clara exchanged amused glances. "They put us out here and they stay up closer to the rocks on the South side. It's a nicer view." Liam noted.

"Their villa is the best on the property." Clara said sarcastically, hating her richness.

"So I could hide out here all week and never have to talk to them is what you're saying?!" Amy asked.

"Pretty much," Clara noted.

"But that would be rude," Karma reminded.

"Gahhhh!" Amy whined, throwing herself on the couch and noticing the ridiculous fireplace that must've been for the winter months.

"She wouldn't be the first," Clara smiled.

"A fire place?! Are you fucking serious?!"

"Any chance you're gonna get over this soon?" Clara asked, walking to the fridge and pulling out a chilled bottle of wine. She found a opener and began to open it as if she had done it many times before. It was so flawless Amy was kind of mad about it.

"I can't believe you just live like this."

"Believe it. We do." Clara said, pulling a crystal glass from a cupboard and filling it up halfway with wine.

"Come on Karma, I think she's broken. I'll show you the rooms,"

"Hey! What about me!" Amy chased. Clara was over trying to explain things. Being reminded of her inappropriate richness was not something she needed at all.

Karma followed Clara politely down a hall and Amy snuck after them, pulling the cold wine bottle from the counter and drinking from it messily, without a glass, and all on absolute purpose.

"The rooms are nice and these villas have roof-top decks for tanning or picnics or yoga or whatever weird thing you're interested in."

Karma looked behind her for Liam but he seemed to have gone. Instead she was met with Amy and she pulled the wine bottle from her hands.

"NO!" She scolded her, taking the wine bottle away. They passed a few rooms, walked up a thin spiral staircase, when they got to the landing Karma and Amy were stunned to find a studio-like set-up of open space that took up the whole second floor. Floor to ceiling window walls that looked out into Sedona giving you a view of the tree tops and the rock stacks all around.

"Fuck…" Amy gasped.

"It's stunning." Karma agreed.

"This is where I usually stay," Clara said, walking over to the oversized and over decorated bed that had large smooth wooden posts and too many pillows for one person to ever use. "Alone, of course."

"Why alone?" Karma asked, walking over to her and noticing the strangeness of it all. The villa was large enough to fit multiple families with sleeping space everywhere and she hadn't even gone out on the patio or gone up to the deck.

Liam's villa was even bigger. He was in it right now changing into something that better fit the weather.

"I told you before, I don't really have good friends. When I come out here it's usually to be with Liam. We're used to it out here. Just us."

"Aaaaand we're ruining everything, this is a mess…" Amy noted.

"You're not ruining anything," Clara laughed. "It's fun having you two. I like it."

"Where does that door go?" Karma asked, noticing what looked like a small metal door.

"Oh, that's an elevator."

"An elevator?"

"Yeah, I think it's incase someone is handicapped or something, which is nice. But it goes up to the roof. You should see it, it's prettier than this."

Karma walked toward the elevator and Amy followed. Clara just laid on the bed, happy to be done with the drive.

The two girls disappeared in the elevator and Clara just stared out at the view, happy to be alone.

"So, this is insane right," Amy asked, once the doors had finally closed.

"This is…"

"Insane." Amy reminded.

"Yes. But also great."

"It's so romantic, I am going to barf." Amy was thinking of Liam and Karma but she was also thinking of anyone else who might've stayed there.

"Shhh, you always want to ruin things," Karma pinched at Amy because she knew Amy hated it.

"STOP!" Amy laughed, taking her wine bottle back and staring at Karma with flushed cheeks.

The doors opened to a smooth wooden deck, the whole size of the villa. In one corner there was a large hot tub. In another, fancy outdoor furniture that looked brand new. There was tons of space un-used but the whole deck was magnificent. They walked near the edge and gazed down, taking in the beauty and the stillness and the sound of each other's breath.

"So… Star-sleepers?" Amy asked and Karma smiled back wildly.

"I can't believe this is our life!" Karma exhaled, feeling faint. In the heat she almost fell and Amy braced her sweetly. They were both so happy and their cheeks were flushed red.

"Here's to us!" Amy said, drinking from the bottle and handing it to Karma who drank as well.


	6. When You've Got A Good Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma walks in on something private between Amy and Clara.

CHAPTER SIX

When You've Got A Good Friend

Part I

Amy and Karma sat on the roof a long time. The outdoor furniture was actually super comfortable and the cold wine tasted brilliant as the afternoon breeze swept into the canyon. They talked and laughed laying on top of one another. Playing with each other's hands, until the wine bottle was almost empty and Amy's phone began to ring.

"Your mom?" Karma asked.

"Ooo, Shane!" Amy said, sitting up off of Karma.

"Hey!" Karma watched Amy talk. Amy was always so excited to talk to Shane, it was almost a mystery to Karma since Shane seemed like such a jerk to her. Karma drank the last of the wine and felt frustrated by Shane's interruption and the confusing situation she had put herself in directly between Liam and Amy, yet again. Sadly, she wished she had not pressured Amy into coming but she did want her there, she really did.

"CODE RED!" Shane yelled.

"What?!" Amy asked.

"Wait, are you with Karma right now?!"

"Yesss, of course, why?" She laughed suspiciously.

"Girl, you're ruining Karma's trip."

"I am not!" Amy screamed.

"What?" Karma asked.

"It's nothing," Amy mouthed. "He's crazy," she mouthed again.

"Liam is going to hate you if you steal his girlfriend away."

"Lest we forget, she was my girlfriend first?" Amy didn't mind if Karma could hear but Karma could only hear her, sadly.

"You know what I mean!" He sounded frustrated.

"Wait, did he call your or something?"

"OF COURSE HE DID!" Shane screamed.

"OW!" Amy whined. "Warn me before you're going to SCREAM IN MY EAR," she yelled into the phone, taking it away from her ear. Karma burst out laughing.

The elevator doors opened and Liam appeared on the roof.

"There you are," he said.

"Shit, he's coming," Amy told Shane.

"TAKE ME SOMEWHERE PRIVATE PLEASE!" Shane yelled again.

"God! Okay!" Amy yelled back, getting up and leaving Karma, passing Liam on her way to the elevator with only a head-nod. "Okay, I'm in an elevator."

Amy hadn't noticed when she got in but Clara was inside and leaning on the back corner. She nodded and stayed when the doors closed.

"Okay, what?!" Amy asked. She didn't think about it but Clara could hear the echo of Shane's voice since they were in a tiny metal box.

"YOU HAVE BEEN COCK-BLOCKING LIAM FOR TWO DAYS!"

"Excuse you?!" Amy scoffed. Clara busted up laughing, she couldn't help it. Amy's face flushed red.

"Shane, I'm gonna have to call you back," Amy said, clicking her phone off and yelling at Clara, "HEY!" She screamed.

"What?!" Clara laughed, raising her hands up in surrender.

"Y-you weren't supposed to hear that!" Amy yelled angrily.

"I hear nothing, I see nothing, I am nothing." Clara confirmed, patting Amy on the shoulder and walking out of the lift.

They were on the first level somehow. Amy spun around confused and then left the elevator, following Clara out towards the kitchen.

"Can you make sense of any of this because I really don't know why I'm even here," Amy whined.

"Your girlfriend is confused."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"You know what I mean. She's confused. I'm a threat. She feels bad so she's hanging out with you more than Liam. It's really very simple. The more I explain the more boring this trip becomes."

"Shit, sorry," Amy said apologetically before becoming annoyed with that response. "Wait, so, my problems are soooo lame and simple and your life is difficult and complex?!" Amy used air quotes for complex.

"Please don't get mad. You asked me," Clara reminded, pulling open the fridge and opening a corona. "Can we eat something please?! I'm fucking starving." Clara whined for probably the first time all trip. Amy found it absolutely adorable.

"Can we PLEASE eat something?!" Amy asked, her mood instantly shifting. She pushed Clara playfully and took her beer from her hands, drinking it rudely.

"Hey!" Clara scoffed mirthfully, taking her beer back halfway through Amy's gulp and pulling Amy close to her roughly with a hand around her waist.

"Foooood!" Amy cooed, delighted by the touching and the prospect of munchies. Karma always pulled her around that way so it just felt right and hot and perfect to be touched by someone now.

"Foooooood!" Clara cooed back, mimicking Amy's wild ways with her arm resting comfortably on Amy's lower back. This girl was crazy.

Amy took Clara's hand from around her and pulled Clara back into the elevator.

"THIS THING IS SLOW!" Amy yelled once the doors had closed.

"You're ridiculous," Clara laughed moving away from her.

As soon as the doors opened again, this time on the roof, Amy began to yell, pulling Clara along with her to create a sort of mob mentality.

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOD KAAAARMA!" Amy yelled. "KARMAAAA, FOOOOOD!" She yelled again.

"WE'RE STARVING!" Clara joined in. Liam and Karma both stood and walked to them, noticing their rowdy state.

"TAKE ME! LET'S GET IN THE BIRD!" Amy begged.

"THE SWAN!" Clara corrected.

"Guess I am pretty hungry," Karma shrugged, looking at Liam.

"YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS," Amy shouted happily on the rooftop of the villa that would be theirs for an entire week.

They all crammed into the small elevator and laughed. Once the door had shut there was barely any room to breathe. They were all facing inward too, which made it more comical. They felt for a second like they were about to pray or chant.

"This, is weird." Liam stated.

"Sorry I've been cock-blocking you, Booker," Amy said, pushing Liam on the chest until his shoulder blades hit the metal wall behind him. Karma blushed beet-red and Clara covered her mouth to hide her laugh. "Shane called me," Amy shrugged with a glance at Karma. Karma's mouth fell open with her embarrassment.

"You've done no such thing," Liam smiled. "Shane is overdramatic and my cock is just fine."

"Ew," Amy noted, almost mad at Liam for that extra bit of unnecessary info. She shot an accusatory glance at Karma, blaming her for the comment.

"Ew is right," Clara laughed turning around to face the wall, clawing at it comically. "Can this never happen again please?!" She begged, mostly referring to the thought and discussion of her little brother's healthy penis.

"Sorry," Liam and Amy both said, smiling at each other.

Being out of the elevator felt heavenly because THEY COULD BREATH. They loaded up The Swan and Liam drove them back towards the lobby.

"Where are we going?!" Amy asked.

"You said you wanted food?" Liam chuckled.

"Oh yeah…" Amy said, stealing Clara's beer and drinking it until it was gone. Her legs felt odd so she kept trying to move them into a better position, putting them to this side and that and trying to even place them on the back of Liam's seat. Clara pulled Amy's arm to keep her from wandering out of the fast-moving golf cart.

"Watch her please," Karma warned. She felt bad for not sitting next to her. Drunk Amy was an entirely unpredictable character, as they had all learned recently, especially Karma. Drunk Amy could need looking after.

Part II

Many places to eat. Liam drove Clara's Cadillac away towards the town.

"There's this great place, you'll love it!" He said.

The sun was almost setting as they pulled up to what looked like a hotel. They parked and went inside but soon realized that the building was all unnecessary because through the doors was another set of doors that led to an outdoor restaurant situated on the bank of a rushing river.

With the sun going down it was a gorgeous sight.

"Are you ever going to stop surprising me?" Karma asked, hanging onto Liam.

"I hope not," he kissed her and she held at his jaw gingerly with her fingers, taking time with her kiss and lingering there.

"Ewwwww," Amy said, seeing them.

"Come on," Clara grabbed her and pulled her away from them. There were big round fire-pits near the bank of the river and tiki-torches were already lit all around the land despite the sun slowly setting. Clara walked to a fire-pit. She knew the place well. "Sit there," Clara said leading Amy to a chair. Amy sat and Clara joined her, calling a waiter to her side. "We'd like a few appetizers, anything, and a pitcher of sangria."

"Yes ma'am," the waiter said, bowing and then leaving.

In front of them the fire roared in the cooling night air that was still too warm to be beautifully on fire. Amy stared ahead at the water and watched as it tumbled over the river rocks and made the green in the trees look all the more green.

"You're quiet, is that good?" Clara asked.

"Probably not," Amy smiled. "I think I'm hot." She had sobered up a little on the drive.

"Okay," Clara said, standing. "Come on, they'll follow us." Clara offered Amy her hand and Amy took it.

"You're too nice to me," Amy said, allowing Clara to gently lead her away. They walked toward the water and stopped just short of it. Clara took off her low heels and began to roll her soft pants up. "What are you doing?" Amy asked.

"Take off your shoes."

"Why?"

"We're going in."

The water rushed in front of them but it couldn't have been very deep because the rocks were still visible on the bottom.

"You're serious?" Amy asked, looking back and seeing the formal attire and the people drinking wine. So many patrons were having romantic formal dinners.

"Don't worry, they're used to it," Clara said. She stood up tall and walked behind Amy, tilting her with her arms to look down the river. Amy liked the feel of Clara so close. She panicked just a little with Clara's hands on both her arms at the elbows and Clara's body pressed close to hers from behind, Clara's lips so close to her ear, Clara all around her. "See, just down there," Clara said, leaning into her and pointing down the river to what looked to be wooden chairs sticking up out of the water a little ways down.

"Oh," Amy said.

"So take off your shoes, trouble-maker." As Clara moved back from her and away to roll up her pants, Amy couldn't help but stare at her and realize that this was actually happening. Clara Booker was really becoming close to her and almost cherishing her a little at a time. Her heart beat faster just thinking of this new person in her life, the one with the beautiful eyes and soft voice and hair that bounced all on it's own.

"What are you guys doing?" Karma asked, coming up behind them and surprising Amy. A waiter appeared right beside her and Liam.

"Where would you like this taken?" The waiter asked Clara.

"We're going to eat in the river," Clara said, pointing off to the empty chairs and table far away in the middle of the water.

"Yes ma'am," the waiter said, walking in front of them towards the furniture that was no doubt imbedded in the ground.

"You already ordered food?" Karma asked.

"Clara did, yeah," Amy said, ditching her shoes and rolling her plain jeans up really fast. Clara had followed the waiter on the bank and Amy didn't want to lose her.

"You don't have to eat in the water," Liam said to Karma, but he had already ditched his shoes and begun to roll his dress pants up. He was excited because it was hot and they were right about the fire pits, the heat was too much just now.

"It's okay," Karma smiled, kicking her sandals off and leaving them on the bank, since she had worn a denim mini-skirt she had no qualms with this plan just curiosity at Amy's excitement. Liam took Karma's hand and they all walked toward the water. "The water's nice," Karma noticed.

"The fire-pits are so hot, the hell are they even thinking?!" Amy scoffed, speaking primarily of the establishment and those who ran it.

"Sometimes it gets really cold here," Liam said. "Not to mention, old people like it hot. Can you believe that people come out here just to sweat?!" He asked.

"Yeah well, they're crazy." Amy said, ignoring his wisdom.

"Gotta live somehow!" Liam shrugged.

Ahead Clara was walking into the water with the waiter, Amy heard her laugh and it made her visibly happy. Karma saw and gave her a desperate stare.

"We talked about this," Amy whined, her smile dropping with Karma's sad desperate face.

"Huh?" Liam asked, noticing the serious turn.

"It's nothing," Karma hid the truth.

Amy's phone began to buzz. "I better get this," she told them so they'd leave her there on the bank.

"Shane?" She whispered.

"Holy hell, woman! You have to tell me what's going on!" Things with Shane were always dire. He loved gossip and he was pissed that Liam never brought him on his fancy trips. Shane had always wanted to come hangout with Liam in Sedona. It was one of his many elaborate fantasies. He had checked out the resort and yelped all the places Liam went to. He had even emailed Sedona rock-climbing guides asking them for tips and lesson times JUST IN CASE he would get an invite this year. The invite never came. Liam's family was not okay with the gay. That didn't directly mean Shane but it meant something and Amy was a whole other story. No one had to know that Amy had kissed Karma. Shane on the other hand liked to scream things from the rooftops so Liam never once asked. Liam was the baby, the yes man, and the golden boy of the Booker youths.

"Awww, Shane's bored," Amy teased, "poor thing. I wish you were here," Amy said, staring off at her people as they laughed their way into the water and into their seats. One of Liam's pant-legs had dropped and Karma had rushed to help him fix it. She was so cute with him, they were sickeningly adorable.

"Me too, I miss Liam."

"Hey! What about me?!"

"You too, I also miss you," he said sweetly.

"Have you ever met Clara?"

"Clara.. Clara… Who's Clara again?" Shane asked.

"Liam's hot lesbian sister."

"What? Amy... Have you been taking Lauren's pills?"

"I'm not on drugs and she's real. She's hotter than Liam and single and damaged."

"Wait, so Clara is with you guys?"

"Yeah-huh," Amy said feeling rude with her phone call and halfway checked out with the scene on the water. She couldn't stop watching them all and laughing to herself because this was her unpredictable life.

"Oh my God, it's all making sense!" Shane gasped.

"What's making sense?"

"Karma is jealous. Amy, THIS IS GREAT!" He screamed.

"Shane… Come on, I can't take anymore Karma drama. She's my friend and I'm her friend and that's all we'll ever be. She has nothing to be jealous about," Amy visibly rolled her eyes even though he could not see her.

"So you haven't been flirting with this hot female version of Liam?" Shane asked, knowing the answer.

"If anything she's been flirting with me. I've been my perfect self,"

"Klutzy, inappropriately rude, humble as hell, as sweet and pitiful as the most goldenest golden retriever?!" Shane asked, describing how he himself viewed Amy, in a romantic sort of, I would never touch that, kind of way. "You're such a beautiful mess," he chuckled.

"Hey…" Amy pouted. "I take offense!" She scoffed. "And, I'm not that bad, Liam's only had to carry me once so far, and I am not beautiful!" She fought, trying to disprove being figured to a tee.

"Uck." He scoffed. "Believe me, Amy, you're beautiful. Stop fishing."

"I'm not fishing. And what does that even mean?!" She yelled, frustrated.

"Keep it up killer!" Shane almost flirted with this warning. Clara kept looking back at Amy and making her smile.

"I-I gotta go, call me later," she said, hanging up without waiting for a response.

Part III

Back on the water Liam and Karma had taken a loveseat and they were cuddled up together. There were open chairs at both ends of the table but Clara sat on the loveseat across from Karma so Amy just joined her in fears that sitting anywhere else would be inappropriately rude.

"Sorry," Amy said. She wanted to disprove all of Shane's characterizations of her.

"Who was that?" Karma asked.

"Just Shane."

"He calls you more than he calls me!" Liam laughed, amused by his gabby friend.

"Here," Clara said, handing Amy a wine-glass filled with Sangria.

"Maybe that's not such a good idea," Karma warned.

"Eh, she's right." Amy relented.

"Do you want something else? A soda?" Clara raised her hand and signaled a waiter.

"No, I'm fine, really," what Shane had said was setting in. Why would Karma be jealous of her getting close to Clara?

"Are you okay?" Karma asked, noticing a change in her. Amy shook her head no but then yes. She didn't want to think.

"Can we get a coke," Clara asked, the help from the bank. He nodded his head and disappeared.

"So," Amy said, trying to think of a way to cheer herself up. "Tell us about your summers here?" She looked up at Liam and then glanced carefully at Clara, trying to keep herself in check and keep herself normally personable instead of over-the-top messy and flirtatious.

"Well," Liam looked to Clara. "We come here all the time and do things sort of like this." It all felt boring to him.

"Do you always take people?" Amy asked, picking up the sangria and sipping it responsibly. The heat of the day had gotten to her.

"Sometimes we bring people." Liam confirmed the obvious.

"Do you ever bring people?" Amy asked Clara, taking a loaded appetizer cracker and putting the whole thing it in her mouth.

"Not usually," Clara confessed. Amy began to choke on the cracker. Karma leaned forward and gave her a napkin.

"Here," Karma said, "spit it out," she ordered. Amy spit it all out into a napkin and coughed just a little more. "Breathe." Karma said. Amy was having a hard time acting normal.

"Sorry," Amy said finally once her throat was all clear.

"It's okay," Clara mouthed, patting her knee with her hand.

When the waiter came over with the soda Clara asked for the specials and everyone picked from that small list.

The meal was sort of awkward but the rushing water made the setting sweet and intimate. The whole time Amy was trying not to be flirtatious, trying not to look at Clara and not to look at Karma. As a default she kept looking up at Liam who was confused by the mixed signals and slowness of the night.

Halfway through eating Amy got up to go to the bathroom. Clara offered to take her, she had noticed all the strange and it amused her.

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" Clara asked, once they were across the water and back to their shoes.

"I, yeah, it's just…" Amy was being antisocial and refusing to look at her.

"You can talk to me," Clara said.

"I don't like thinking that Karma is jealous."

"Why not?" Clara smiled queerly and Amy actually saw.

"It doesn't make sense," Amy said. They walked to the bathroom and Clara waited inside while Amy went.

"She must like you," Clara said, halfway through Amy's process. She had been mulling it over again but she was already sure of the answer.

"I can't think that," Amy said, flushing the toilet and returning to civilization. While she was washing her hands Clara was watching her, leaning her shoulder on a tiled wall and appreciating Amy's beauty.

"I like you," Clara said, causing Amy to smile and squint at her suspiciously.

"Uh-huh," Amy said, disbelieving.

"I do," Clara said, her eyes not leaving her for a second.

Amy walked toward the paper towel dispenser and Clara stopped her by grabbing her wrist. It had happened so quickly, Amy didn't know what to do. One second she was thinking of Karma and the next Clara's lips were on hers. She was tasting sangria and heat.

"Mmm," Amy moaned, falling into Clara and becoming a moldable puddle of mush. Clara caught her, bracing Amy's body with her own and kissing her all the while, her hands on Amy's face.

"Mmmm," Clara hummed back into Amy's mouth, relishing the pleasure. They had been dancing for two days the both of them. Clara was trying not to act and Amy was just confused. Now it all made sense, Amy's breath sped and she wanted this badly. The taste of Clara, Clara's hands on her hands.

Clara let herself wander backwards and fall hard onto a wall with Amy's weight almost pushing her back.

"Hey," Clara laughed, "careful," she warned, kissing Amy again, this time slower, more tender.

Surprising them both, the bathroom door flew open. They didn't have time to stop and Karma had seen.

"Oh my God," Karma said, staring at them there like a deer caught in the headlights.

They pulled apart and noticed her.

"Shit," Clara cursed, refusing to look at Karma just there. Karma turned and ran. "Shit." Clara said again, hitting the wall with her hand, Amy still pressed onto her but now defeated.

"I am such an idiot," Amy breathed.

"You're not." Clara reassured.

"I am! I'm an idiot!" Amy yelled.

"You are fine. This was me, aaaall me." Clara said.

Amy pushed off of Clara and walked back to the mirror. Her instinct had told her to run after Karma but she knew that instinct was wrong. After all they had been through, for Karma to want her, it was almost no good.

"Least now we know," Clara said, feeling guilty.

"Did you really want to kiss me?" Amy asked getting pissed.

"Of course I did," Clara looked at her almost astonished.

"This wasn't some plan to get us to hate each other? You hurt people right?" Amy was livid.

"Amy, hey," Clara said, taking her hand and pulling her close. Clara's eyes searched Amy's and the fear and anger in Amy just melted away.

"I'm sorry," Amy said, realizing she had been mean. Tears rushed her eyes and Clara saw, softening fast. "I'm sorry, I'm stupid."

"It's alright, hey, don't cry," Clara said, pulling Amy into her and hugging her tenderly, pushing her head onto her and holding it with her hand. "I'm sorry sweetie. I really didn't mean…" Clara stopped talking for now because she knew, she had a feeling. She was always hurting people, always hurting. It was stupid to have done that. It felt right but it was stupid.

Clara asked for a cab at the desk and she took Amy with her back to the Mystic Oasis.

Karma returned to Liam, she was weeping and he didn't know why.

"They've been a long time," Liam noted.

"I doubt they'll come back."

"What's a matter? Karma, talk to me," Liam begged.

"Why didn't you tell me your sister was a lesbian?!" She asked filled with rage, suddenly having someone to blame.

"Whoa," Liam chuckled, "where's this coming from," he was amused.

"Your sister is a lesbian, why didn't you say anything?! Don't you think that's important?!"

"Did something happen?!" Liam asked. "You're crying, they're gone. Something happened…" He pieced it together.

"You never talked about her, you never mentioned her. You told me your family was filled with liars and jerks. Liam what is this?!" She was pissed that Clara was nice. Pissed that Clara existed.

"Look, I dunno why you're upset but Clara is just Clara. She's rarely in my life but when she is it's great. She's complicated. We're complicated." He seemed to remember these things just as he was saying them. "I didn't know she'd be coming. I thought with school and being in California she'd want to spend all summer away from this." He seemed defeated. "If you tell me what's wrong I can help." Liam said, raising Karma's chin and looking at her red eyes.

"In the bathroom just now, your sister was kissing Amy," Karma said.

"Oh shit," Liam hadn't been expecting that. The flirtatious dance between them had seemed like normal bonding steps. Being overly friendly at first to try and skip the awkward truth of not knowing someone. Liam constantly acted that way with other people. He just thought it seemed normal.

"Is that all you're gonna say?!" Karma asked, wanting to be home.

"Well, it's good though right?" Liam seemed confused. Why wouldn't Karma be happy?

"It's not good Liam. I know nothing about her."

"You knew nothing about me but we fell in love," he reminded. Karma didn't want to speak. She had already said too much. "Do you want anything else to eat or should we just go back and rest?"

"Let's just go back…" Karma said, defeated.

Part IV

Clara and Amy were already arriving at the resort. They were riding The Swan at The Mountain by the time Karma and Liam began to leave the restaurant.

"You can be mad at me, that's okay," Clara said, after Amy's weeping turned to silence.

"It wasn't your fault." Amy said, her arms crossed, her mind a blur.

"If I wasn't here that would not have happened." She said plainly.

"So you didn't want to kiss me?" Amy asked angrily. She had kissed her and cried. It was so very typical of her. "Shane's gonna laugh at this."

"This doesn't have to be serious," Clara scoffed. "Nothing has to be serious."

"It is though, you saw it! I was stunned."

"By the kiss?"

"NO! NOT BY THE KISS!" Amy yelled.

"Amy…" Clara didn't like when people were the opposite of calm. She tried very hard to be cool and not care.

"I told you, I told you that Karma was having feelings."

"You told me that you couldn't believe it." Clara reminded.

"Still! This just makes everything worse."

Beside herself Clara had been torn up by what just happened. She was thinking about it though, and thinking and thinking and thinkg. All of a sudden she started to laugh. She was driving the cart and they were almost there but Amy's serious breakdown had been seeping into her mind and making her serious. She laughed so hard she had to stop the car just to free her hands.

"Stop!" Amy yelled, "why are you laughing?!" She asked angrily.

"You're just SO serious," Clara laughed, barely able to breath. Amy watched her and this random seizure of laughter. She watched and felt mad and watched and felt hurt and watched and felt… Relief?!

Something turned in her, it must've been the intensity of Clara's laughter. It didn't take long for Amy to crack and start laughing too. It was too serious. It was.

"I know!" Amy laughed, tears coming to her eyes. "I know… God, I'm sorry," she rubbed her face to dispose of the tears. They laughed together for a solid minute or so. "I thought these were supposed to be the best years of my life?" Amy smiled, finally breathing. She was looking over at Clara with that dreaded knowledge of all that unnecessary pain underneath.

"They are, kiddo, they are." Clara stared, leaning her whole body onto the steering wheel. She stared long enough to know that she wanted to kiss her again. "Hm, excuse me," she said, collecting herself and starting The Swan up again.

Amy sat back up and collected herself. Laughter was the best sort of medicine.


	7. I Always Fall Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the kiss, Karma is broken.

*finally getting things started here, damn*

*trying to choose between karmy and clarmy is killin' me here*

*it appears that almost everyone is leaning towards clarmy but i still have some love for karmy so be prepared for some back and forth emotional tug-o'-war stuff*

CHAPTER SEVEN

I Always Fall Apart

Part I

When they got to the Mystic Oasis Clara suggested some time apart. Amy agreed at first but her strength only lasted a restless half hour.

In truth, Clara suggested alone time because she knew she was feeling things. If she was around Amy she would try and touch and kiss her. She knew it now but Amy didn't know. All Amy knew was that she hated thinking about Karma.

Eventually Amy got bored of the agreed upon alone time. Shane wouldn't answer his phone and Amy kept trying to text Karma but erasing and throwing her phone across the room. At a low point she even thought of calling Lauren. That was the point at which she changed into her bathing suit and went up to Clara's room to bother her. She arrived in Clara's room surprising her with her presence and her near nakedness yet again.

"I was just going to use the hot tub," Amy announced. Clara was aware that Amy could easily skip her room on the way to the hot tub. She was aware but she also knew it could've just been common courtesy to come and tell her.

"Sounds nice," Clara smiled, gulping and avoiding long eye contact. Her sexual Amy thoughts were getting out of hand. She was really attracted to her, insanely attracted. She was laying on her bed and reading something dull and technical to try and distract herself from the bathroom thoughts and her own messy mind.

"You don't have to come," Amy lied, not moving.

"Do you want me to?" Clara asked.

"Sure, I mean. You don't have to but yeah. Is there music up there?" Amy changed the subject. She was acting desperate for attention because at this point being alone meant thinking too much. "You said that thing about the stars and I'm really curious," she covered. It was a little weird that Liam and Karma were taking so long to get home but they could've stayed for dessert given the romantic setting. And Amy wasn't about to try and worry or be upset about what happened. She did nothing wrong and she knew it. Part of her wanted to do more and the other part wanted to keep her from thinking what it all really meant.

"Oh, the stars," Clara seemed to remember, pretending to go along with Amy's bullshit excuse to hang out. She looked at Amy sternly through her reading glasses as if to ponder actually saying no and telling her to fuck off. She really liked Amy so she knew that wasn't happening. She stood up suddenly causing Amy to smile. "I forgot about the stars, you're right!" She said, taking her glasses off and tossing them on the bed.

"You're being weird," Amy smiled knowingly while Clara pulled her hair out of it's messy bun.

"No. No I'm not," Clara assured her. There was something weirdly optimistic and positive about Clara. She was so very calculated and Amy was jealous of that control. "You know what? I just forgot!" Clara said, shaking her head and hitting her knee. Amy watched her walk to her drawers and open them.

"You're already unpacked?!" Amy asked.

"Oh yeah, they'll do that for you, you just have to ask," Clara said, forgetting herself. The minions had been in while they had been gone. "Okay, let me change, please," Clara said. She would've already done it but Amy was just standing there awkwardly and staring.

"Oh! Right!" Amy remembered, rushing over to the elevator in her bare feet and disappearing inside. There was a long moment in which the door would not close. Amy must've pressed the wrong button because it seemed to last forever. Clara and Amy just stared at each other comically. And Amy mouthed sorry when the doors finally began to shut. Clara covered her face and dove onto her bed just to scream her frustration into a pillow. Amy was far too attractive to be messing with her like this. But Clara was sure that Amy had no clue what she was doing. It made it all more impossible to resist.

Amy would be the death of her for sure. Clara was fine with staying away but Amy kept pushing her.

On the roof the breeze was cold and swift. The night had cooled thoroughly and Amy was happy. She laid her towel down on a ledge and stepped into the bubbling hot tub feeling calm.

"Okay, you got me." Clara said, coming up.

"Sorry, were you busy?" Amy grimaced. "I was just so bored!" Amy told the truth.

"No it's fine, really." Amy watched as Clara walked into the water and settled in next to her, leaving space purposely in her calm. "This is great," Clara sighed noticing the nice breeze that had swam into the canyon.

"It is," Amy said, her head leaning back so that she could see the stars above her head. The resort had very minimal lighting, it was sexy on purpose.

"In a couple of hours the whole town will go dark." Clara spoke, her voice low and pleasing to Amy's ears.

"It's pretty dark now," Amy smiled.

"No really, it gets better."

"Why are you always alone?" Amy asked, turning towards her to stare. She hadn't thought about it much but that kiss had just happened. Amy liked it, she did. It made sense for Clara to be alone.

"I'm better alone." Clara said, gazing back.

"Hmm, I'm probably better alone too but I'd go crazy," Amy said, rolling her head away to look back up at the stars.

Clara was quiet and just laying there. Eventually they both heard the sound of a golf cart that most likely wasn't their swan.

"Boom goes the dynamite," Amy joked, splashing her hands together angrily on the top of the water. All this time she had been trying not to think but the thoughts were there when Karma was there.

"It'll be fine, she loves you."

"Yeah, but isn't that the problem?" Amy asked.

"Believe me, it's a gift."

"You always say things like you know what you're talking about."

"I'm a Booker," Clara joked in a very odd tone. "Booker's are strong. Booker's are leaders. Booker's have all the answers all the time."

"Your parents don't really say stuff like that do they?!" Amy asked, laughing.

"Oh yeah," Clara confirmed.

Karma and Liam came out of the lift and Karma walked towards them holding her elbows in her hands.

"I'm sorry… about…"

"It's fine," Amy said, motioning a hand at her. "Come in, it's nice."

Karma didn't like that they were together and alone, wearing bathing suits beneath the stars.

"Maybe I should let you-" She was going to say, let you be alone but Amy cut her off.

"Nothing's happening Karma," Amy said, sending an exacerbated look towards Clara who felt both relief and sadness at such a reply. Though Clara felt this she barely showed it.

"Okay," Karma said. And she left back to Liam's arm and the lift.

"So, nothing's happening?" Clara asked, once the elevator had closed it's doors.

"Can we not talk about it?" Amy grimaced. "I think it's better if we don't talk about it."

"But, you don't want me to kiss you again?" Clara asked with a smile on her face.

"I didn't say that at all," Amy said curtly.

"I know," Clara smiled, she could tell in Amy's expression that the kiss had only really been a good thing.

Clara rummaged for something and Amy noticed it was a button.

"You didn't eat enough," Clara said looking over at her.

"Don't you dare!" Amy said, trying to fight her for the button, grabbing her wrists and reaching for her hand. Clara raised the button above her head with all Amy's wrestling, she was laughing.

"IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE!" Clara yelled, having signalled for help.

"You're the worst," Amy scoffed, settling down beside her and pushing Clara away with a hand on her thigh once they had both sat back down in the water. She put her feet up on the seat and placed them on Clara's thighs to form distance. "You stay over there," Amy ordered.

"I'll do what I want," Clara flirted back, trying to let herself laugh fully and be so completely happy with Amy in her life, even if it was only going to be for a brief segment of time.

For the first time in a long time Clara felt giddy.

Part II

Down stairs in the guest room, Karma couldn't find her suit so she raided Amy's stuff and stole the extra that Farrah had undoubtedly packed. She felt insecure and lame. Liam was there for her, just waiting to love her, but for some reason she couldn't think of him at all right now. All her thoughts were wrapped up in Amy. Every single one of them.

On the roof Liam had beat her. He was in the water with Clara and Amy, munching on nachos and french fries and drinking cheap beer with the rowdy girls who had taken to talking about UFC fights and why they were or were not actually ULTIMATE FIGHTING. Amy seemed to have some tips and pointers and Clara couldn't help disagreeing with her just for sport. Indignant Amy was an incredible turn on. At one point Liam had Clara in a choke hold and she was pinching him. Amy couldn't stop laughing, they were so cute together that Amy's heart pinged for a sibling relationship like their own.

"Yay! Karma!" Liam called, raising his hands when she finally surfaced on the deck. He got out and ran to her, picking her up with both of his wet arms, causing her to smile.

"Ewww! You're all wet!" She squealed, hitting him.

"It's fine, you'll like it," he said, walking her into the water and holding her there once inside it. He was so strong. It was one of the things she loved about him. He could pick her up as easy as lifting a box.

"What took you so long?" Clara joked making Karma uncomfortable.

"Her bathing suit," Amy answered with a mouth full of food, noticing right away that the suit was hers. Karma in a bathing suit, it felt wrong to even look. Amy kept her eyes off of Karma's knowing full well that they would get to her. Despite everything else Karma noticed Amy's blush.

"Your psychic shit is really creeping me out." Clara said, drinking from her daquiri that she had ordered special. For her it was still too hot to be in a hot tub. Clara preferred cold showers and warm weather. The icy beverage hit the spot. "You could give some of these coocs a run for their money!"

"The stars are beautiful," Karma noticed, ignoring Clara. It was dark all around, very dark with only the hot tub lights to illuminate them.

"What are you talking about? What coocs?" Amy asked, playing with the foam in the water, trying to collect it.

"Do you guys never leave Texas?!" Clara asked.

"Be nice," Liam scolded.

"Sorry, half drunk," she surrendered. "This place is famous for being mystical and filled with power." She sloshed her cold rink around in her mouth.

"What's that about?" Karma asked, looking to Liam.

"It's about the vortexes and the aliens," he smiled, holding Karma's wrist and nuzzling her nose. Amy moved over in the water, pushing herself into Clara.

"What aliens? Is this something you guys do, just lure girls up to the roof and start scaring the shit out of them with weird alien stories?" Amy asked, all too close to Clara's body. Clara grabbed Amy's thigh beneath the water and forced her to sit normal and up against her. She wrapped her arm around Amy's back and held her head close, molding her to her like a mother forces a child to sit still.

Karma saw and held her breath turning back to Liam.

"This was all tribal ground," Liam said impressively.

"Psh," Amy scoffed. "This is America. That is not surprising," She scoffed, laying her head on Clara's shoulder and wrapping her arms around Clara's waist beneath the water.

"Here," Clara said, handing Amy her drink.

"Oooo!" Amy took it and sipped, freeing up Clara's body and stopping Clara from feeling that dull heartache of pleasure from the touching.

"Okay, that I get," Karma said, trying not to be bothered. "But what are vortexes."

"People are crazy about them here, you are going to laugh," Clara said.

"They're cyclones, right?" Amy asked grumpily, mad that the drink was almost gone.

"Almost, could you stop that?!" Clara laughed, taking the drink away and handing Amy a full ice-water to hold. When she pouted sadly Clara told her, "drink it!"

Karma watched them and grew more uncomfortable by the second. She cuddled up to Liam and he held her but it wasn't helping.

"Can we go," Karma whispered into Liam's ear and Amy saw.

"What was that?!" Amy said. "No secrets!" She swam over to Karma and pulled her away from him. "You sit here," she said, moving her away from him defiantly.

"Okay," Karma shrugged, laughing lightly.

"We're going to take you both on one of those tours," Clara decided.

"Oh my God, they'll be so confused! Amy'll tear it to shreds," Liam laughed.

"I know, it'll be great!" Clara agreed.

"I would love to stay and chat with you two but I've got plans for Karma. Secret plans." Liam was very good at excusing himself at random times.

"Okay," Amy made a face.

Liam picked Karma up and walked her out of the water It was almost like he refused to let her walk herself.

"What the hell was that?!" Clara asked. It was all strange, all of it. From Karma trying to apologize and Amy shutting her up, to Amy pulling Karma away from Liam, to the very end with Liam carrying Karma to the elevator like she was a legless cripple. IT WAS ALL STRANGE! Clara couldn't help but laugh.

"She was jealous, I had to pay attention to her," Amy shrugged. "can I have a drink now?" She asked sadly.

"Anything," Clara confirmed. "gimme that buzzer thing. I also want ice cream."

"And look who's already grown accustomed to the spoiled life," Clara smiled.

"I never said I wasn't spoiled."

"You've been cracking rich jokes for two days!" Clara groaned.

"It's really beautiful up here, really," Amy ignored her.

"Let me guess, you want a star-sleeper."

"I have been thinking about it all day," Amy confessed matter-of-factly.

"Fine. Fine. We'll get you a star-sleeper."

"Wait," Amy stopped Clara's hand from pressing the buzzer. "Can you watch tv in a star-sleeper?"

"I don't see why not," Clara shrugged.

"Okay, yeah, get me that."

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were getting off on this power."

"That food from the restaurant was pretty good. If I ordered some could they bring it."

"I told you, they live to serve."

"You, you should do that too," Amy said.

"Anything else Princess?!" Clara was almost flabbergasted by this complete turn-around in Amy.

"Maybe later… Ask me later," she made sure.

Part III

Amy showered while the staff did their thing. The villa had several showers, including an outdoor one that mimicked the look of the rocks and the environment. The first time Amy saw that she made a mental note to use it at least once.

Amy explored the Mystic Oasis more, but she was very curious about Liam's villa. Clara's whole place seemed to be themed and Liam's theme was Tranquility Hall. Amy naturally imagined waterfalls everywhere and an island design and maybe a study? She wasn't sure but the name was intriguing.

She showered in the downstairs shower closest to the small room where her and Karma had left their stuff. Halfway through washing she heard a soft voice whispering her name.

"Amy?" She wiped the fog off the shower door and saw that Karma was there.

"Shit Karma, these door are kinda see through." Amy gasped.

"It's fine, there's glass. Plus I've seen it before," Karma shrugged looking troubled. "I won't look, I swear, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Hang on," Amy said, rushing to finish.

She rinsed really quick and pulled a towel from over the door, wrapping herself in it quickly and walking out to see Karma who seemed shaken and lost in despair.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" They had a good night after everything. Karma seemed fine in the hot tub.

"I-I think.. I'm not okay," Karma said shakily, a slow tear running down her cheek. She couldn't meet Amy's eyes but she wanted to be with her, alone, in a room, with just Amy and herself.

"Karma? It's okay, it's normal. I shouldn't have done that in front of you." Amy calmed, leading Karma to sit on a small bench across from the sink. She knelt in front of her and held at her hands, clutching her towel at the same time. "It's okay, it's normal. We're best friends."

"No," Karma said, shaking her head. "that's not what's happening."

"Maybe you should give it a few days, think about it?" Amy suggested.

"But what if-" Karma wasn't looking at her and it was really scaring Amy. Amy wanted to see those eyes and know that her friend was okay.

"What if what?" Amy asked, squeezing Karma's hands.

"You were kissing her, Amy, what if you-" She really didn't have to finish.

"Karma," Amy laughed, her voice strained from frustration. "I love you." She raised a hand and wiped Karma's tears away. "If there was a chance at all, of this…" She breathed shakily, holding Karma's hands firmly. "I'd give my life for this," Amy said, pulling Karma's hands in toward her chest and hugging them too her, just to feel her skin so close and so real.

Karma shook her head, wiping fresh tears off of her face.

"Okay?" Amy asked, bending beneath her and forcing her to show her those eyes.

"Okay," Karma agreed. "I'm sorry, this is so-"

"It's fine," Amy said, standing up and kissing Karma lovingly on the forehead. "It's completely fine."

It was strange for Amy to feel like the one who was in control and having to keep it together. Usually Karma was doing odd things and forcing her into weird situations. It was the other way around now somehow. Amy couldn't take it. She loved it but it was so very different. They were changing every second, losing each other and what they once were.

"I'm going to sleep on the roof if you want to come. Clara ordered me one of those star-sleeping thingys."

"I think I should stay with Liam tonight. I've been avoiding him."

"It's fine," Amy reminded, walking towards her and hugging her with closed eyes and hope in her soul. "I love you," she reminded.

"I love you too."

"Don't fall apart on me please."

"I won't, I promise," Karma lied. She was already falling apart, every bit of her struggling.


	8. It Shouldn't Come As A Surpise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara and Amy grow closer.

*shorter chapter, wanna make sure to get something up today*

*severe apologies to anyone who is checking this multiple times a day, i reeeeeeeeeeeally wish i was capable of writing faster and i love you to bits! YOU GIVE ME LIFE!*

*important note on my karmy writing: the creator of FAKING IT has publically compared Amy & Karma to Sam & Diane from CHEERS and Ross & Rachel from FRIENDS. for anyone who may not be familiar with those two other couples, this comparison holds an epic meaning. both the other couples are so much in love despite having nothing in common and being completely opposite from one another in every possible way. they are so beautifully mis-matched that everything else is too boring and unfrustrating to be true love. making that comparison is a big big deal and one that makes me so very excited to like karma because i do believe her character will be redeemed three-fold if the creator is writing with that goal in mind. so that's why my karmy love is strong. i want Amy & Karma to be like Sam & Diane because Sam & Diane were absolutely epic. after reading that I can see a lot of ross & rachel in amy & karma, it's all about passion, frustration, jealousy, and suffering, they get off on the pain and they fully create the pain on purpose by not accepting each other just as they are.*

CHAPTER EIGHT

It Shouldn't Come As A Surprise

After the heavy talk in the bathroom, Amy and Karma went back to their room together to grab clothing. Amy stayed to change and Karma went almost wordlessly away to Liam's villa.

On the roof, Clara was soaking patiently, awaiting all of Amy's requested special items. Some food had come and a service-man had brought up a tv. Clara soaked and drank a pabst, enjoying the stars and trying not to place too much stock in anything since all things could be over with quickly regardless of how much thought she put into them. At one point it seemed like Amy had been taking long so Clara threw on a cover-up and went down to check. She heard whispering and walked away, feeling possibly silly for having hope in anything at all. Karma had obviously been in the room with Amy. Clara didn't know for how long. She scurried back up to the room, not wanting to interrupt.

Amy returned to the deck looking fresh in light pj's.

"Did I see Karma down there?" Clara asked, walking over to her.

"Yeah, she's… She's staying with Liam," Amy shrugged. The statement was, of course, just about the night but for Amy it felt more solid than that somehow, like some big cosmic joke. For Karma to tell Amy these things and then go off and sleep with Liam again, it pained Amy greatly, made her feel sluggish and tossed away. Why would there be any resistance if Karma knew how Amy felt? That thought of resistance hurt Amy a lot. In front of Amy, Karma had made a conscious decision to almost willfully ignore any feelings she was having for her. Amy knew how complex those feelings were but she also knew that overthinking them was the worst possible thing one could do. Overthinking was completely unnecessary. They should be kissing! For Amy it was plain as day, they should just be kissing now, just be together. There was nothing complex about it for Amy but Amy had been rationally thinking about it for the better half of a full calendar year.

The feelings are there. At least Amy knew that.

For once, Amy didn't feel like everything was all her fault. She used to drive herself mad in thinking she felt something in Karma or saw something in certain situations. The threesome for instance. Karma was blown away by that kiss because it was the first kiss that Amy really intended to give. She had wanted her then and shown her just how much.

Feeling defeated, used, and tricked, Amy began to wonder how long Karma had been keeping her feeling things at bay, checking them and purposely repressing them. And why would she do that?!

"Karma said she's been ignoring Liam. Shane thought so too," Amy added last second.

"Oh, that's too bad," Clara noticed a change in Amy so her response was more about that and less about Liam and Karma being distant. Something must've happened, Clara was sure of it. "Look, they rolled you up a tv." She pointed at it.

"Holy, shit, that's amazing." Amy scoffed. It was somehow so easy to forget her problems in Sedona where everything was a small miracle and Clara was her spirit guide. The mysterious flatscreen was held up by a metal pole on wheels and it seemed to float in the middle of the sky, making Amy practically giddy.

"I guess I'll leave you to it," Clara said, ducking her head and making for the elevator. She wanted to excuse herself from any possibility of mess. Karma and Amy were mess, there was no denying.

"Uh-uh- no way," Amy said. "I am not letting you leave me up here all alone all night."

"This was your idea, what if I want to sleep in my bed?" Clara fought, half smiling, almost happy to be pulled in rather than stumbling in all her own.

"You don't," Amy said coldly, walking over to her and grabbing her hand. "Right?" She begged with her eyes apologetically.

"Fine," Clara said, scratching the neat hair beneath the messy bun she had made after half of her hair got wet in the water. "Can I at least change?" She asked almost defeated.

"Okay," Amy decided cautiously, truly happy that Clara agreed to stay with her. "But!" Amy pointed close to Clara's face, "if you don't come back I will go find you and bother you and pester you and make you regret it. Believe me, you will be sorry!" Amy promised.

"You're scary sometimes," Clara smiled, unphased.

"I know." Amy agreed, smiling and hopping onto the bed.

She flipped the tv on and quickly found something to watch. The Kardashians were fighting again. She loved when the Kardashians fought. Even at home she and Lauren had gotten into watching them together. Feeling sad and lonely Amy texted Lauren now while she watched.

As Clara wandered over to the elevator she watched Amy push the black service button, and shook her head.

Part II

The minions were too quick. By the time Clara showered and changed there had been ice cream delivered and extra pillows doled out. Clara arrived to someone fluffing a pillow for Amy.

"Amy," she groaned, surprised at the over-use of the service.

"Oh, hi, Moana was just leaving," Amy smiled at the woman who had fluffed and fixed things. "Thank you Moana, thank you kindly, and I hope your son enjoys his camp!" She added with a smile. Moana held her hand and patted it before departing. Clara watched on almost astonished.

"I should not have given you a buzzer," she said with her hands on her hips.

"First you say you don't care, then you're complaining? Do I need to point out the irony?"

"No, you don't. What are you watching?" Clara asked, approaching the large bed that seemed to float on the middle of the deck like something out of a music video.

"Kardashians," Amy twitched. "Kris is being a bitch. Kim is being a bitch. Kourt won't stop giving Scott shit and Chloe is just laughing at everyone."

"So… nothing has changed there," Clara noted.

"It's why I like them. They're just like us," Amy smiled, eating ice cream and patting the space next to her on the bed. "Come on, get up here."

"Are you going to tell me what happened with Karma or are we just going to ignore that too now?" Clara asked, laying her back flat on the bed with a hand at her stomach and a hand at her side.

"She's… She has feelings." Amy said, knowing that Karma meant to say that all along.

"Amen," Clara joked, looking at Amy and how sloppy she was eating. "God, you're like an animal."

"Hey, don't judge. I'm starving. I ate all wrong today."

"You did, that's true."

"Your fault with the breakfast," Amy blamed.

"How is it my fault that you wouldn't wake up?" Clara scoffed accusatorily.

"I dunno but it is," Amy scowled at her, looking her up and down as if to warn her before returning to her program.

Across the roof, over a few trees and atop Tranquility Hall Liam Booker was laying on a star-sleeper with Karma Ashcroft. They were settling in but Karma wasn't feeling too great about lying next to him with his nice body and his lovely smell. The star-sleepers had curtains that could be closed all around but an open top for viewing the stars. Unlike Amy, Karma was staring wordlessly up at the sky and feeling small, too small.

"Are you okay?" Liam asked. "We can do anything you want. We don't have to be up here."

"It's fine," Karma sighed. "It's nice." She wasn't about to say all that she had on her mind. Liking Amy would eventually mean hurting Liam. The more time she spent with Liam the nicer he seemed.

"Did I do something? Is this about Amy?"

"Liam, I'm… I'm horrible with lying, you know that."

"I do," he smiled, kissing her on the forehead.

"You shouldn't reward me for that," Karma said, pushing him away.

"I wasn't rewarding you. I just love you in all that you are," her crooned almost jokingly.

"Whoa," Karma said, moving away from him. "You've never said that before."

"Oh," Liam sat up. He had been having a contemplative journey for the past two days. Bringing Karma to Sedona was a big step in their relationship and she was about to meet his parents, something that didn't often happen. "I thought I had." He seemed confused.

"Liam, I-"

"Huh?" He snapped out of his own remembrances to take a look at Karma's face. She was on the verge of tears and almost fearful in a way.

"What?" He asked nervously.

"I think-" she began. "It's nothing," she shook her head.

"Listen, I know this trip has been weird and things with Amy have been complicated. Can we just enjoy this a little longer?" He posed non-threatening, not wanting for thing to come crashing down.

"Sure," she smiled softly, exhaling and relaxing into the bed.

"Kiss me?" He asked sweetly.

"Sure," she smiled again, leaning into him and letting him kiss her. He was too sweet to be ignored. She pushed her thoughts away for the time being.

Part III

Once the third episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians began to play Clara leaned over Amy and wrestled the controller away.

"I cannot take any more of this crap!" Clara groaned.

"HEY!" Amy yelled, turning on her side to face her. "You said this was my time and I could do what I want."

"Yeah, that was before the Kardashian marathon."

"Awww, it was just getting good!" Amy whined, fighting to take the controller back. Clara swatted her away and held Amy's wrist to keep her from fighting. Amy felt herself wanting to succumb to her. The scent of Clara's shampoo was intoxicating and she was smelling that now.

"Do you want me to go downstairs?" Clara threatened.

"No," Amy pouted, relaxing her body.

"I want you to talk to me," Clara said.

"'bout what?" Amy asked grumpily.

"The thing that's got you all grumpy." Clara said, moving onto her side and holding her head up with her hand.

"Oh… that." Amy said, remembering it for real.

"What'd she do?"

"She didn't do anything, she just cried," Amy seemed peeved by it. Before she had been this better person but now she was just upset about it all given the circumstances. Karma was over with Liam probably having sex and not thinking about her. It was gross. It was too gross.

"That's odd," Clara smirked.

"It's not odd, it's Karma." Amy reminded.

"Why was she crying," Clara asked, playing with the ends of Amy's hair, avoiding her eyes to make it easy.

"She sort of ambushed me in the shower and-"

"Wait, what?" Clara asked, amused.

"It wasn't like that; she just came in while I was showering-"

"Came in where?" Clara asked, her eyebrows raised.

"The bathroom." Amy said. "THE BATHROOM!" She practically yelled.

"Oh, not the shower. Got it, noted. Continue." The story was boring again so Amy could go on.

"She came in and she looked so sad, she was like hugging herself and walking like some wounded creature."

"This is because of our kiss," Clara said, pointing at Amy. Amy looked at her and stared a long while, wanting to speak but not knowing what to say. The kiss had been good. "Go on, what else happened," Clara asked, moving her eyes away.

"She implied that she's having feelings." Amy was textbook about it, not wanting to say more or less than what was said before.

"Mmm, feelings," Clara smiled. "For you right?" She scoffed sitting up on the bed and hugging her knees in an almost state of all-knowing glee. "That's too perfect!" She exclaimed, stroking her chin.

"What a second," Amy said, noticing this change.

"You didn't kiss me 'cause you knew this would happen, did you?"

"No," Clara joked, pretending that Amy had in fact plotted out her whole agenda. "No, no, certainly not." She was all sarcasm and taking credit.

"Did you really?!" Amy seemed both upset and impressed. She sat up too.

"I didn't," Clara smiled, cracking her calculated demeanor. She took Amy's hand without thinking and spoke to her as she had been wanting to, "I kissed you because I wanted to, okay?!" She asked with a smile on her face. Everything was so simple with Clara. There was no lying and no tricks.

"W-Why would you want to?" Amy asked, feeling doubt. Now that there could be some other reason Amy chose that over the actual thought of someone actually liking her.

"Amy, come on, have you seen you?!" Clara joked, dropping her hand but not letting go. She laid back onto the bed on her side to face Amy.

"I hate mirrors," Amy said grumpily, looking to Clara.

"You're gorgeous," Clara said, with a roll of her eyes and a look that could only mean she was telling the truth.

Amy laid down again to face her. "What am I going to do with you?" She asked, blushing, pulling Clara's hand up in her own.

"Something... Please?" Clara begged, looking vulnerable for the very first time.

Amy searched Clara's face and saw wanting. She wanted her too.

"You should kiss me again," Amy said.

"Why don't you kiss me?" Clara posed.

"I don't know," Amy said.

"Fine," Clara said, causing Amy to hold her breath. Clara leaned in and when she was very close she opened her eyes and said "Breath."

Amy let out a giant breath. "Sorry," she said, laughing lightly.

"its fine," Clara said, bringing her hand up to Amy's face and wiping Amy's hair away so that she could see her. Amy's heart sped up as Clara stared. Clara was so pretty, it almost hurt to look at her, and what was she seeing?

"I can't believe you even like me," Amy confessed, feeling nervous. Being wrapped up in Clara was a lot different than being wrapped up in Karma. Karma didn't have intentions and nothing about their relationship had yet been mutually sexual. Clara, on the other hand, wanted her, she was telling Amy now that she wanted her and she would let her have her way.

"Are you kidding?!" Clara scoffed again, each time she did it she rolled her eyes in disbelief. Exacerbated Clara was even prettier than calm serene Clara. And to Clara, Amy was too precious, too vulnerable. Everything about Amy was sexually charged and frustratingly adorable. "Come here," Clara said, pulling Amy's face close by her chin and kissing her soft and slow with intensity. "Mmmm," Clara hummed. "That's better, more of that." She leaned in again and this time Amy kissed back.

To be kissed by someone you're attracted to, it was much better than she had hoped. This wasn't like Karma. Karma never kissed her back, not like this. Amy fell into her, she fell into Clara.

Clara had been tasting her and savoring her and tangling with her. Clara wanted more, she wanted to feel more of this, taste more of this. She kissed harder. Amy's heart pounded in her chest as she pressed her body close to Clara's and gasped into her kiss. "T-this is good, Amy stuttered."

"I like it," Clara said, pulling Amy on top of her and moving her hands down to Amy's hips, feeling that body she had been longing to feel. "I was trying not to,"

"God why?!" Amy scoffed, "Sorry," she smiled on top of her looking down. "Shit, you're pretty." Amy stared, "I hate you," she decided with a smile.

"Shut up," Clara said, pulling Amy's head down and kissing her again, trailing her hand down onto Amy's face.

They made out for a long time on the roof, rolling on top of one another and taking turns being forceful. Eventually the kissing became soft and languid. Amy became even more vulnerable than before.

"Are you okay?" Clara asked, forcing Amy to stop.

"Yeah, I, I think so." Amy stuttered, snapping out of it. They had been kissing for so long and it all felt good but somewhere in the middle something changed in her and her stomach hurt.

"Maybe we should stop," Clara suggested, making room between her and Amy after what seemed like hours of kissing and touching and tugging at her clothes and wanting to be touching even more.

"No, don't go away," Amy said, clinging to Clara's silky pj shirt. "At least hold me, please?" Amy begged, knowing not how that would feel.

"Okay," Clara smiled, moving back over to Amy and holding her under the stars. She kissed her forehead and held her tight. "I lost you didn't I?" Clara asked.

"I was thinking."

"Stupid brain." Clara smiled.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's fine," Clara said. "You don't owe me anything, we're just here." It was a strange thing to say, at least that's what Amy thought. She wondered if Clara did this with other girls. Karma lied about everything too and the Booker's were known to be liars. What if Karma was right, what if Clara had been lying from the very start? It didn't' seem likely but Amy pushed it away.

"I'm still sorry," Amy said. "What would you be doing if I wasn't here?" She asked sadly, knowing she had monopolized her time and pulled her into her screwed up life.

"Sleeping," Clara laughed, and that caused Amy to laugh too.

"Okay, good point."

"See, no big deal." Clara smiled, her lips resting on Amy's forehead. It felt good to hold Amy, felt good to not be sleeping alone.

"I still love Karma," Amy said, feeling sad.

"I know, it's okay," Clara comforted.

"I wish I didn't…" Amy sighed. For a while she had thought kissing could break the spell.

Clara didn't know what to say so she laid there and stared up at the stars with Amy in her arms. Eventually Amy fell asleep and she let herself fall too.


	9. Escape To The Red Planet Diner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Amy gets a rude awakening, by Mr. & Mrs. Booker, she forces Karma to run away with her. After all the emotional craziness, the two try and discuss the terms of their now-complicated relationship.

*ahhhhhhhh, dramaaaaa*

*seriously lmao at your comments, love it*

*clara has already had her biggest long-term heartbreak and I think that's very important to this story and how her situation is playing out with amy. she may be falling but she can never fall as hard as she once did, unless amy tricks her or something, which I don't plan on writing in all honesty*

*also for looks, I'm not sure who you could cast as clara, maybe someone like jodi balfour a la gladys witham in bomb girls or troian bellesario from pll. i'm not really picturing a celebrity myself but the closest I can think up is a younger rose byrne with darker brown hair. clara is equally attractive to liam and she comes from the same gene pool, she's gorgeous basically. oh wow, zoey deutch from vampire academy really works too.*

*the diner they escape to in this chapter is actually a real place in sedona. i love it so it's gotta be in this story. apparently the red planet diner has since been changed to the ET diner but i haven't had a chance to visit in a while so i'm just going to keep it how it was in my memory for now*

*warning my posts will probably slow down this week- life stuff is happening so yeah, gotta live that first*

*love*

CHAPTER NINE

Escape to the Red Planet Diner

Part I

Mr. and Mrs. Booker had arrived early at The Mountain. Instead of going straight to their deluxe mansion-sized villa they decided to pop in on their kids. They were excited. It had been so very long since they had seen them.

On the roof of the Mystic Oasis, Clara and Amy were sleeping sound with their bodies tangled up together and their arms hugging each other loosely.

When the Booker parents couldn't find Clara in her room they took the lift up to the roof and were shocked to see Clara on the roof in a bed with some girl.

"Clara!" Virginia yelled, slapping her daughter on the back. Mr. Booker had seen enough. He walked away towards the elevator.

"It shouldn't surprise you Ginny!" He yelled, furiously pressing the button. He had already decided to go check on his boy.

"Clara! Get up!" Virginia pushed her again and both Amy and Clara came to wake.

"Holy shit!" Amy said once confronted by this stranger's angry face. They were her first words to Virginia Booker and words she should never have said but they came out just that way, angry and surprised and uncouth as ever.

"Who the hell are you?!" Virginia burned, glaring at Amy in a rage. "Clara who is that?!" Mrs. Booker's tone had lowered to an angry whisper just for this.

Amy watched as Mrs. Booker proceeded to push and hit Clara. Clara seemed completely unaffected and almost delighted by the random circumstance. She was awake and just watching as her mother threw a miniature fit.

"Oh, calm down mother, it's nothing you haven't seen before."

"I beg your pardon Clara Booker, you answer me right now!" Her mother seemed livid.

"This is Amy Raudenfeld." Clara said, a lift in her voice.

"And what is she doing in your bed?!" Virginia asked.

"Do you really want to know?" Clara scoffed defiantly, knowing that her mother would hate the answer.

"Get up! Get ready! We're going to breakfast! And your girl is staying here."

"No, she's not." Clara argued. "Amy's our guest and we are going to feed her."

"Not this morning." Mrs. Booker fought, standing tall. "Not with me." It was the rudest encounter Amy had ever experienced.

Amy noticed Mrs. Booker now, taking her in. Mrs. Booker had hair just like Clara's but a little lighter in color and she was tall just like Clara, an older version of a beautiful young Clara Booker. Still breath-taking, when she wasn't shouting in Amy's face. Amy tried not to stare but it was hard, the Booker's were all so undeniably handsome, like some creepy make-shift CW family. Amy wondered if it was the genes or the wealth or some magic potion that only rich people could buy, like something from that old Meryl Streep film Death Becomes Her. She shook her head to do away with the image of Isabella Rosalini walking naked around her mansion, offering Clara her potions.

"It's fine, I can eat here," Amy said, butting in.

"Excellent, see dear? It's fine." Virginia added as if it was all settled now that the thing had approved.

"Amy, that's," Clara felt bad.

"It's cool," Amy fought. She didn't want to have to see the Bookers. This was her first meeting and Virginia had already been an ass. They could keep their magic potions and walk around looking like heavenly creatures but they were still basic bitches, as basic as basic comes. Except for Clara. Clara is perfect. Amy told herself.

"Fine, okay…" Clara seemed defeated; she wanted that buffer and maybe even that drama. Mostly she wanted Amy to see the kind of parents she had to deal with. Her mother had always assumed things about her and straight up ignored them. Clara was older now, old enough to want to tell her the truth despite the truth never being told in the Booker household whatsoever.

On the roof of Tranquility Hall Liam's father was staring down at Liam proudly, noticing the attractive girl in his bed and the romantic scene his son had been smart enough to think up. He stroked his chin and almost wanted not to wake them.

Reluctantly he shook Liam kindly by the shoulder and sat down next to him, waking him up.

"Son." He said, "Wake up."

Liam rose rather suddenly.

"Oh, dad, hi," he wiped his eyes, noticing Karma and moving away from her.

"I see you've got yourself a fine girl." Ronald said.

"Yeah, she's great," Liam beamed.

"Come on, let's go out for breakfast."

"What about Karma?" Liam asked.

"We won't be long, let her sleep. You can take her out again after."

"Alright, sure," Liam agreed, getting out of the bed and covering Karma in the sheets.

Since it was early the heat had yet to kick in. Unlike Amy, Karma didn't wake.

Part II

Clara got ready with her mom pacing outside her door.

"It's like you want to hurt me Clara. I give you everything and find you like this?! You don't even try to change or try to hide it. It's Rory all over again!" Her mother's voice was shaky. Virginia was always so overdramatic with her kin.

"Calm down Mother, it's no big deal," Clara scoffed as she angrily got dressed for an outing she knew she would hate.

"No big deal, YOU'RE INSANE!" Virginia yelled like a child, fighting back tears.

Clara opened the door and revealed herself as together as ever, her pretty daughter so eligible and so fine.

"Let's get this over with, and she's nothing like Rory." Clara said coldly.

"Sweetheart, you're so beautiful," her mother said, tearing up at the sight of her. Mrs. Booker leaned in and hugged her daughter. Clara just let her, patting her back. It was on and off with Virginia, hot and cold. Her mother wanted her to be just like her.

Amy waited on the roof, watching the golf carts outside like a hawk and listening to the sprinklers that watered the plants in the early morning before others could wake up. She had her knees on a pillow and her head barely peeking over the ledge but Clara saw her as she left, she waved and mouthed the word sorry up at the roof.

As the golf cart rolled away with the Booker's inside it, Amy relaxed.

"Bullshit," Amy huffed. She was suddenly shocked to be on this trip at all. It used to seem like a gift but now it was just bullshit.

Part III

Amy rushed to her room and changed quick into shorts, a tank top, and sandals, throwing her hair up too. She needed to see Karma. This trip was a mess.

Working up the courage to barge into Tranquility Hall wasn't hard because Liam had left and Karma was probably as clueless as her about a morning filled with kidnapping and yelling. Amy wondered if Karma had a similar waking experience. It was an experience where she felt like a rodent who shouldn't exist, scum of the earth, unworthy unworthy unworthy.

The doors were all unlocked and Amy went in the side door. The sidewalk had led her into Liam's villa and she had been right. As soon as she entered she heard the tinkering sound of harp strings and the rushing calm of water somewhere off in the distance.

Once she got into the main entrance she noticed a large fountain with an adorable little waterfall. She stared at it and rolled her eyes.

"BULLSHIT!" She repeated again, this time louder.

Karma was still on the roof sleeping. She hadn't woken since the sun was barely up. The Booker's had come so disgustingly early, it was almost a sin.

Amy checked all the rooms one by one before taking the lift up to the deck and finding Karma asleep like a happy baby on her ridiculous outside bed.

"KARMA!" Amy yelled, waking Karma instantly.

"Wh-huh?" Karma sat up and wiped her eyes, jostled by the urgent sound of Amy's voice.

"HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!"

"Morning?" Karma wondered, smacking her lips together and trying to open her eyes.

"Did you not just meet Liam's father?!"

"Liam's father?! What are you talking about?!" Karma was groggy.

"I was just woken up by the Booker parents, Karma, WHAT THE HELL?!"

"What do you mean woken up, that's really weird."

"Yeah, Karma, it was pretty weird!" Amy agreed, sitting on the bed to face Karma and give her a piece of her mind.

"Why would they wake you up?" Karma asked.

"I don't know Karma, maybe because THEY ARE FUCKING INSANE!" Amy yelled.

"Why are you so upset?" Karma asked truthfully curious if not a little annoyed by the anger. Something must've happened, she realized it rather quickly.

"Mrs. fabulous Booker just treated me like a disease!" Amy said. "I hate this Karma, I didn't sign up for this. You should've seen the way she treated Clara."

"Wait, you and Clara were together?"

"Of course we were together. I made her sleep with me in one of those star-sleepers," Amy shrugged, crossing her arms.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE YOU DITCHED ME AND I WANTED TO SEE THE STARS BUT IT WAS CREEPY ALONE!" Amy yelled.

"Oh," Karma sighed. She had forgotten about that. "Sorry?" She offered, not knowing what else to say.

"Come on, can we leave?" Amy pulled at her arm.

"I should probably wait for Liam."

"What?! Like you're his fucking puppy?! Fuck the Booker's Karma! I need to get away from here!" Amy was really upset.

"Okay," Karma felt bad. "Let me change, we can go, I'm sorry," it was all Karma's fault.

"God, the way she looked at me, I'll never forget it."

"Amy, calm down, you're scaring me."

They rode the elevator down wordlessly and walked back into the Mystic Oasis.

"Where should we go?" Karma asked. Amy was putting on tennis shoes for walking and she had found the credit card her mom had made her take and her cellphone of course, her lifeline in case of emergency.

"Anywhere, please. Can we please just go?" Amy seemed desperate and sick of talking. She was in a real hurry and Karma could barely bring herself to move at an average pace.

"Okay…" Karma said, deciding on shoes. She was secretly happy for this distraction and rude awakening. Things with Liam were okay but there was so much else going on. Karma knew her feelings for Amy were getting stronger with each passing day.

They hurried into a golf cart and Amy drove almost like Liam, speeding down the long pathways and arriving quickly at the french doors of the lobby.

They had gotten use to the service already, they didn't speak as they walked through the doors that opened just for them.

"Morning, shall I get your car?" A man asked, approaching catiously.

"Yes." Amy decided. "My car please." Karma shot her a nervous glance. "Shh," Amy hushed her and their car came within two minutes.

"Will you be needing anything for the road?"

"We'll be needing water and snacks." Amy said, thinking it up on the spot. Karma wanted to laugh but she held it in. Amy was funny when she was in charge.

Amy pulled Karma along by the hand and dropped her in front of the passenger door.

"I'm driving," Amy said.

"Good," Karma scoffed, almost laughing. They got in and shut the doors. "So, we're stealing Clara's car?" Karma asked once they were both seated and quiet.

"Do we have a better option?" Amy asked.

"Not really," Karma agreed. They hadn't thought of it but without the car they would either have to call a cab or walk and walk until they could find a local bus. They didn't even know if there was a local bus.

"Karma, listen. I'm starving and pissed. You are going to find me a place to eat. A place I WILL LIKE. And we are going to pretend we are not on a trip with the fucking Booker's. IS THAT CLEAR?!" Amy ordered, her hand hovering over her key in the ignition.

"Yes," Karma said, agreeing to this request.

"Good," Amy said, turning the key and starting the car. She fiddled with the seat since she was shorter than Clara. "Fine!" She yelled.

"I like you like this," Karma decided giddily, touching Amy's hand and smiling over at her.

"Don't," Amy said. "I need to concentrate, or else we will die." Amy wasn't too great at driving and she honestly didn't like to do it. She kept her window down waiting impatiently for the concierge to bring the water and snacks. Heaven forbid the Booker's show up and find them taking Clara's car.

"I can't believe you asked for more things," Karma laughed.

"Karma, shhhh!" Amy ordered. She wanted peace and silence and food and NO THOUGHTS!

The concierge opened the back door and put a box of things inside.

"Thank you," Amy said back at the man. He just bowed his head and left, shutting the door. "Here goes nothing," Amy breathed.

The car rolled away slow and joined the familiar road that lead away from The Mountain. The further they got, the happier Amy became. Soon she relaxed into the car and just let the road take her, making random twists and turns wherever she felt like making them.

Karma fiddled with her phone and found something Amy-ish on yelp.

"How about, The Red Planet Diner?" Karma asked.

"Dooooo, they have breakfast?"

"Yes."

"Willlll there be any chance of the Booker's being there."

"I'm guessing no," Karma smiled. The place had been described as a space-themed dive.

"Okay, taking me there."

"It says to take the first right at the roundabout."

"You got it!" Amy smiled, feeling happier by the second. She almost missed her turn since the round-a-bout was a mysterious beast. She also almost hit someone but it was fine because somehow she dodged in time.

"Was that?" Liam asked, looking over at Clara from the back seat of his parents car.

"Certainly was," she whispered, smiling proudly.

"Good for them," Liam said, holding on to Clara's hand. Mrs. Booker had forgotten her favorite earrings. If they had been one minute longer Amy and Karma would've been awkwardly caught.

Part IV

The drive to the Red Planet Diner went smooth. Amy felt tall and powerful behind the wheel of Clara's obscenely large car.

"This thing is great!" She said, halfway through.

"It's pretty nice." Karma agreed.

"Look behind you," Amy smiled, seeing the whole of Sedona fade away in the distance. They were riding up a large hill and there were all these turn offs where you could stop and take pictures of the sandstone formations and the blue blue sky, the pretty natural beauty of the unique landscape was apparent even in Amy's rearview. Despite everything, Sedona was beautiful.

"Oh my God, I had no idea it was that pretty," Karma admitted, looking behind her out the window, her hair blowing with the breeze that had almost begun to be hot instead of pleasing.

"Yeah, it's alright," Amy joked. She was more interested in the food and the disappearing.

They drove further until coming into the town. When they finally found it they parked and went in, it was junky and almost abandoned.

"This is perfect," Amy said happily, she was proud of Karma for knowing her well.

"I knew it would be," Karma sighed, relieved to be resting and away from decision making and all that.

They sat at a booth that had an old mini-jukebox hollowed out and filled with sand and a little green martian with a cowboy hat roasting a hotdog on a stick.

"What the hell?" Karma asked.

"Shhh, it's art. Just appreciate it," Amy smiled from across the booth, delighted at their new hiding place. The ceiling was painted with airbrushing to look like outer space and there were aliens strewn about everywhere very cheaply. It almost looked like someone decorated for a Halloween party in the late 70's and no one ever touched or moved a thing since, just left it all there to rot, refusing to update or paint or do anything short of dusting around the old relics and kitschy rosewellesque aliens that hung on the walls and sat on spare stools.

"What can I get you two lovely ladies?" The waiter asked since they both had the typical Galactic Menus clutched in their hands. There was nothing space-themed about the waiter, he seemed nice and clean-shaven, without a uniform, just him being him.

"Uhhhhhhh," Amy thought, looking it over quickly. "Coffee first."

"Make that two," Karma said.

"And she'll have the cosmic breakfast with over-medium egg-pods, rye toast, and country potatoes." Karma put her menu down with a smirk. It was exactly what she had wanted without knowing.

"And for you?" The waiter asked.

"How about the Galactic Mess! That's good right?"

"Definitely," the waiter approved.

"K, yeah, that."

"It'll be right up!" The waiter seemed pleased to have that over with so quickly.

"So you're ordering for me now?"

"I think so." Amy decided. "I know you well enough, if anything, we've established that on this trip."

"Maybe you shouldn't make a habit of it. You're getting hungry on the power. Thirsty for more," Karma joked.

"Maybe you shouldn't tell me what to do so much?" Amy said, not taking her humor after the unexpected wake-up call from Virginia Booker the country-club homophobe.

"Fair enough," Karma surrendered. "So," she inhaled, trying to remain positive. "What should we do today?"

"I dunno, honestly," Amy let her face fall into her hands. "Disappear?!" Her voice cracked and Karma noticed right away.

"So, this isn't helping?" Karma asked knowingly. "I thought as much," she made sure to say.

"You really weren't yelled at and treated like shit this morning?!" Amy asked. She was confused by that fact.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about this morning." Karma smiled, she knew that Amy couldn't hold out long. She really did want to know too.

"We're far away now, we can talk about it now. Talk to me. I need the talking. Do the thing with the words and the talking and yeah. My brain hurts Karma, help!"

"Okay, then no." Karma confirmed. "I was not woken up by crazy judgmental Booker family negativity and yelling. If there was yelling at all I was asleep for all of it."

"That is so fucked up," Amy said wiping her face.

"Why?"

"You don't think it's fucked up that Clara gets pushed around and yelled at for having a girl in her bed and Liam gets congratulated by a pleasant 'Hello son, how would you like some breakfast?!'" Amy was mimicking Ronald Booker's voice at one point but since Karma hadn't heard it she just sounded strange.

"Oh… You don't know that's what happened," Karma defended.

"You didn't wake up Karma. That's exactly what happened."

"I still don't get why you two were sharing a bed."

"Oh what, I have to become a nun for you? I don't think so Karma." Amy bit. "I may love you but I can't wait forever. Plus, there is nothing suspicious about two young women sharing a bed to watch the fucking Kardashians."

"So, nothing happened?" Karma asked apprehensively.

"That's not exactly true," Amy grinned, looking down at her hands. Her face flushed red and Karma knew that something must've happened to cause that reaction from Amy not-so-blushy Raudenfeld.

Two coffee cups were delivered by the waiter.

"Here you are ladies."

"Thanks," Amy smiled, happy for the distraction. Karma just stared at her without moving. "God, we kissed some more. Stop, okay?!" Amy groaned, causing the waiter to blush on his way back to the counter.

The stare always worked which is why Karma used it. If she just stared straight at Amy without looking away, Amy would spill every secret she had, she was that bad at keeping things inside.

"You kissed some more," Karma said, her face going pale.

"Yes."

"In bed?"

"Yes," Karma still hadn't moved, she was just staring at her in almost disbelief.

"At night," Karma really wanted to drive the point home.

"Yes. Jesus, what's with the third degree?!" Amy groaned, feeling embarrassed and looking down like others must be watching and judging her. She fell down in the booth a little bit and held her head with her hand.

"So, it is getting serious." Karma assessed, picking up her coffee and sipping it black.

"We were just kissing, I was sad. It's no big deal. Are you really going to tell me you weren't kissing Liam last night?"

"No," Karma said non-defensively. "I just want to know where we stand."

"We stand where you put us!" Amy almost yelled. "You think I want this?" She lowered her voice to a frustrated whisper. "You think I want to be sleeping with Clara Booker instead of you? She's beautiful yea, and yea she's great and we get along and we like the same things, except the kardashians apparently but THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT! That's not why this is happening Karma!" Amy defended. It felt like bullshit to be treated so very strangely by her best friend in the whole wide world.

"And why is it happening then," Karma asked, her throat tight and eyes pinching back emotion.

"I don't know Karma. For some reason, you don't want to love me!" Amy turned her head away. She didn't want to pout about it or think about it. She poured sugar into her coffee and stirred, drinking fast, ignoring Karma and feeling nothing but hot steamy anger.

"That's not true Amy," Karma said quietly, wanting to cry.

"That's what it looks like from over here." Amy was jaded but she wasn't broken. In fact she was growing stronger by the day and this conversation was a sign of that. "So unless you use your words and explain it to me that's just what I'm going to think." Amy said, wishing the food had been there already.

She was staring at a fake alien by the bathroom when she felt Karma's hand ontop of her own.

"I love you but I've only been thinking about US-us for a couple of days." Karma confessed quietly. This time her eyes fell to her hands while she talked. "It was full steam-ahead 100% Liam and all of a sudden the tracks got switched and now I'm on some run-away train to nowhere, okay? This is all new. These feelings are new for me." Karma wiped a tear from her eye and glanced up at Amy. It was true that Karma had recovered from how frazzled she felt the night before but all she felt now was pain for how she had been treating Amy. She couldn't stop herself doing these stupid things. Her brain was always slower than her knee-jerk reactions. She would keep apologizing because she truly was sorry but she couldn't stop herself, she always acted before thinking, it was the only way she moved at all.

"And why is that, do you think?" Amy bit. "I mean this, runaway casey-junior type deal. Why do you think that's happening now?" Amy was asking but she knew the answer and the answer was Clara.

"Seeing you with Clara, maybe?" Karma shrugged. She was telling the truth. "It just sort of woke me up," Karma confessed.

"I can't believe Clara was right about you…" Amy sighed. "God, this is such a mess," she held at her head almost embarrassed by herself and Karma.

"Amy, I-"

"No way!" Amy scoffed. "Your sudden uncontrollable jealousy is not a good enough reason for me to be unhappy. And that is what you're asking Karma. You are asking me to be unhappy for you. You know that right?"

"I don't want you to be unhappy," Karma whined. It was her truth but her actions were usually contradictory because she couldn't for the life of her control them.

"It's what you're asking." Amy said, leaning back in her booth and feeling at once like it was all out there on the table. She had said everything she could about the situation at hand.

"Amy," Karma said, touching her hand again, this time tentatively, "I do want you to be happy. You have to know that. It's all I want."

"I'll believe it when it happens but for now this is what it feels like. I love you and you know it. I thought I could just be your best friend but now you're using our friendship to keep me from Clara or hell ANYONE who isn't you."

"I'll stop." Karma said.

"You can't stop," Amy laughed with her thumb and finger pinching her lip to try and stifle how silly that was of Karma to say. Amy knew Karma better than anyone. Karma could not stop. Amy knew that as a fact.

"I will." Karma fought. "I love you! So I will."

"Okay…" Amy thought, throwing her hands up and twisting to rest her arms on the table and the back of the booth. "Let's see how long this lasts, shall we?"

"Fine." Karma said, forgetting that she did have feelings and that they were real, not just jealous feelings of ugly selfish jealousy.

"And if you decide that you can't stop?" Amy asked, intrigued by this little experiment of theirs.

"Then we'll try this," Karma motioned between herself and Amy with a look of heavy wanting and hope.

"What like it's a punishment for bad behavior?! No thank you," Amy scoffed.

"No, not a punishment. Just a… Trial run," Karma decided.

"A trial run?" Amy seemed amused. "What like a juice cleanse?!" She chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me."

Their food arrived and Amy started to eat right away. The conversation had stopped bothering her because at least it was just her and Karma alone together again. It felt good to say the things that needed to be said.

"It's not that I don't want to try it now," Karma said, still not touching her food. She wanted Amy to pay attention to her but Amy wasn't seeing her at all, she hadn't been all morning.

"Oooookay?!" Amy said with food in her mouth and a confused sarcastic expression on her face.

"Look where we are Amy. We're in some diner in Sedona because I am dating Liam Booker. This is more complicated than me just saying, 'never mind Liam, I think I need to at least try things with Amy.'" Karma stared at her and realized that Amy wasn't understanding. "We at least have to get out of Sedona before I do this otherwise it's going to be a bigger mess than your mom's wedding!"

"Nothing could ever be a bigger mess than my mother's wedding," Amy reminded, still not really wanting to watch Karma have her little reasonable excuse session. Karma was always good at explaining fucked up things. Amy didn't want them explained anymore. She just wanted for things to be simple again.

"You know what I mean," Karma said, staring her down.

"You don't care at all that I was woken up by Liam's mom and treated like shit. She dis-invited me to breakfast, Karma!"

"I am sorry that happened. You should've been invited to breakfast." Karma tried to comfort.

"That's not the point!" Amy yelled. "GAHHHH!" She wanted to strangle her. "YOU ARE SO FRUSTRATING!" Amy groaned.

"I can leave if you want. You don't have to be with me," Karma knew she was frustrating and she hated herself. The more she fought with Amy the more she thought that maybe she should just disappear from Amy's life since she was only ever hurting her and ruining things.

"I love you, ya dumbass," Amy relented.

"I know I've been stupid and I know we think differently but I'd really like to spend the day with you." Karma was on the verge of tears. Every time she went to eat she dropped her fork.

"Then eat your goddamn food and talk less," Amy ordered, looking at her like she knew Karma wanted.

"But you told me to-"

"SHHHH!" Amy ordered.

She had told Karma to talk. She had done that.

It may have been a mistake.

Amy watched Karma suspiciously as she ate. She used to know everything about her but now things were different.


	10. The Devil's Inside My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma confesses to Amy that she's been having dreams.

*gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! i've been applying for jobs non-stop! and also working a new job that suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GLAD I AM TO HAVE SOME TIME OFF TO DO SOMETHING ENJOYABLE RIGHT NOW! I kinda quit half of my real job just now since it was a time-suck that didn't pay… then i went to apply for another job today right after work and that job wanted all kinds of skills and experience and when i got there they told me it only pays $8.00/hr. everything in new england is a fucking rip-off. i hate this place… but all of this has nothing to do with my story and all to do with WHY I HAVE TAKEN SO LONG TO WRITE MORE!*

*APOLOGIES FOREVER!*

*I love you guys. I wish I could get paid to do this. Life is shit rn. Life is such such shit.*

CHAPTER TEN

The Devil's Inside My Head

After breakfast the girls had calmed down. They could only fight so long about the things that had changed before remembering the other things that had not. For instance, Amy still liked to analyze everything and Karma still liked to fight with Amy no matter what the topic because it was fun to see Amy flustered and angry about something silly.

They fought about aliens and what they would look like. Amy was sure that they had to look like the ones in the diner, with bulbous heads and long skinny arms. Her argument was that Roswell was a thing and Area 51 was now officially real and on record. Just to set Amy off, Karma decided to say that aliens probably looked more like fish than humans. There was no research done for this. She just said it without thinking and watched Amy squirm. It was great fun for her and it took Amy several minutes before she realized what had happened.

In truth Karma believed that Aliens could easily look very different from humans but she didn't want to fight about it, not really. She knew what she believed and that was enough for her.

It was still early when they got bored of hanging around the diner and talking about things that really didn't matter at all. They had downed several cups of coffee and talked to the waiter for a very long time about zany Sedona and why people flock there, besides the beauty.

The waiter had told them both about the vortexes and the sweat lodges and the geological phenomena that is Sedona, Arizona.

It was all thrilling to Amy but Karma could care less. Her mind was on Liam and how stealing a car from the Booker's could end up causing him trouble.

"So, say you've never been here before. How would you find a vortex?" Amy asked, breaking Karma's concentration.

"Oh, are you speaking for yourself?" The waiter asked nicely.

"Yes, definitely," Amy laughed adorably, being herself and causing Karma to smile.

"Here," the waiter said, pulling a ratty brochure from his back pocket. "This is the guide I always show people who ask." He seemed thrilled to be enlightening them. "Since you have a car, just follow one of these trails to any of these spots. The vortexes are always there."

"That seems a bit weird," Karma said.

"It is," the man smiled, "That's the point. That's the phenomenon."

"It's like a visible wormhole or something," Amy said.

"The people have all decided that each vortex means something else. Some are for healing and others for meditation or other things. It's all very new age. You can get a message under a vortex or a have a spiritual cleanse on the top of a mountain. People go crazy for these things out here. They come all the way to Arizona just to see them."

"Is there anything else we should know?" Karma asked, she was just trying to get it all out now.

"There's a psychic convention in town this weekend. It's kind of a big deal."

"Are you going?" Amy asked.

"Nah," he shrugged. "But you might like it, ya never know."

"Thanks Tom, you have been a godsend!" Amy gushed. "Can we keep this?"

"Oh sure, and my pleasure. I have tons of those anyway. Be careful out there, it gets hot." He smiled, shuffling off to another table since the diner was busier now that the morning had come into full swing.

"Okay, so we're definitely doing that," Amy said.

"What?!" Karma asked, having ignored most of that boring information seminar that she never wanted to have in the first place.

"Vortexes, psychics, rock caves,"

"Amy…" Karma shrugged.

"YOU OWN ME!" Amy reminded.

"Alright but we need to at least call Liam," Karma said.

"Do what you want, just get in the car."

They threw cash on the table and left. Amy had been getting messages from Shane all morning. Liam must've told him about the car.

SHANE: YOU STOLE A CAR?!

AMY: I'm gangstah like that ;p

SHANE: HOLY SHIT AMY!

AMY: I'm going to die out here. Liam's mom is a she-witch!

SHANE: You met the parentals?!

AMY: Unfortunately!

SHANE: I'm so jealous… I've known Liam forever and I've never met his parents.

AMY: Believe me, they suck.

"Who are you texting?" Karma asked. Amy was dawdling on the way to the car.

"Just Shane. Liam knows about the car."

"What?! Amy that's bad!"

"He's not mad, we'd know by now if he was," Amy smiled to herself.

"Why does Shane know everything before I do?"

"Because Shane's an insufferable gossip. Not to mention a pretty killer investigator."

"Eh," Karma shrugged, disgusted.

"Go ahead and call Liam."

"Are you sure?"

"I know you'll be upset until you do so just do it."

"You can call Clara if you want."

"Thanks but I don't need to." Amy said. "And I don't need your permission."

"K," Karma said, pressing #2 on her speed-dial.

"Liam?" Amy pretended not to be listening in, she kept texting Shane and laughing to herself every now and then. When Amy laughed like that at inside jokes she had with other people Karma wanted to steal her phone away and read every line. They were growing apart these days. It was obnoxious to say the very least. Liam's voice was up-beat and kind. "Yeah, we borrowed Clara's car. Amy was really hungry," Karma lied.

"Karma, I saw you, it's fine." Liam chuckled. "Clara told me that mom woke Amy up with her screams. I take it she was upset?" Even Liam could predict Amy's moods.

"Yea." Karma said, nodding her head with a sigh of relief even though he couldn't possibly see her. She kind of didn't want Amy to know that even with Liam all the talk was about her.

"Sorry, we didn't know they were coming so early," Liam felt bad about disappearing and about everything.

"Its fine," Karma said shortly. "Is it okay that we took the car?"

"Well, it's hilarious," Liam smiled.

"You know what I mean. Do your parents know? Do they already hate me?"

"Karma," Liam sighed. "I told you not to worry about my parents."

"Yeah well, that's kind of hard to do when I'm stealing their cars and stuff," Karma noted.

"It's fine. You are fine," he reassured her.

"K."

"Are you coming back? Should I wait for you?"

"I think Amy wants to disappear for a while," Amy was sitting in the driver's seat, staring down at her phone and texting away in consternation.

"Oh- okay," Liam said, trying not to sound disappointed. "Just let me know later if you guys want to hook-up somewhere."

"Definitely will," Karma said.

"K," he said sweetly.

"Bye."

"Bye."

It was a very odd conversation. All about Amy and all dancing around topics without saying much.

Karma got into the car.

"It's done. We're free."

"Oh yay," Amy said sarcastically. "So, vortex?"

"Vortex." Karma agreed.

Part II

They had climbed a long distance in the summer heat. The dirt and the rock had gotten all over them, painting their skin with dust.

"Are we almost there?" Amy whined.

"This was your idea," Karma said.

Up and up they climbed on a trail that was almost like stairs.

"Up there!" Karma yelled, pointing to a natural plateau.

"Thank God!" Amy whined, forcing herself to walk on.

There were people huddled in a large group. They stood as close to the brush as possible on the ledge and pointed off toward the sky.

Amy finally got high enough to be where they were standing.

"I don't get it," Amy sighed, looking off to where the vortex was supposed to be plain as day like the phenomena it was.

"It's right there, do you really not see it?" A man said, moving out of the way and man-handling her into his spot. "See look," he pointed, painting a border with his finger. Amy watched and tried to see but there was nothing there. She held her mouth open in frustration. It was just the dumb sky.

"It's beautiful," Karma said dazed.

"You're kidding me!" Amy yelled. "There is nothing there!" She stomped. "God, this is bullshit!" She remembered the morning and walked away from the families and groups to sit on the dirt off to the side and hold her head.

Karma found her.

"Are ya done, yet?" Karma asked.

"Go away if I'm so frustrating," Amy scoffed.

"You're not frustrating, but you are a bit much."

"Thanks," Amy said sarcastically. "This whole trip is a bust!"

"What about Clara?"

"What about Clara?"

"You seemed to have been having fun with her."

"Clara is…" Amy tried to think of a word but she couldn't.

"Perfect?" Karma scoffed.

"No!" Amy yelled angrily, "well yes, but no. It's not like that. She's really nice."

"Unlike me?" Karma asked.

"You're nice but you're taken," Amy reminded.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess you would think that now wouldn't you," Karma gulped, collecting herself. "I guess you wouldn't know about my dream last night," Karma sighed dreamily, standing up and turning from Amy to walk back down the hill.

Amy sat there rather stunned. KARMA WAS SO FRUSTRATING!

"What are you talking about?!" Amy yelled, getting up and chasing after her. Karma had started to jog down the hill since the heat was crap anyway and sweating was now part of her day.

"Oh nothing, it's not important," Karma said, jogging steadily down towards the car.

"Karma Ashcroft you tell me right now!"

"Maybe later," Karma joked and panted, leading Amy back to the car.

Once Amy started to run she didn't have the will any more to pester. It took a long time for her to catch her breath. She heaved by the driver-side-door and held herself up by her knee. "I - can't- be-lieve you-'re -still - teasing- me." She breathed out hard in her exhaustion.

"If you think I'm lying, I'm not." Karma smiled. "Imagine how I felt waking up in Liam's arms after being happily inside of yours for the whole of the night."

"KARMA!" Amy squealed.

"What?!" She pretended to act coy.

"You can't be saying things like that, it's not fair."

"What's fair anyway?" Karma said, she was just as frustrated as Amy deep down. "Aren't you happy I've been dreaming about you?" Karma asked, truly wondering.

"Of course I'm happy!" Amy said, in the most unhappy of ways. "Wait, you said dreaming?! HOW MANY HAVE YOU HAD?!"

"A few…" Karma said, nonchalantly. She flipped on the A/C and began to riffle for napkins to pat herself dry.

"A few… A FEW!" Amy screamed. "HOW AM I HUNGRY AGAIN!" She groaned causing Karma to laugh.

"You're hilarious," Karma chuckled.

"You're an asshole," Amy countered.

"Hey now!" Karma was still smiling. "I'm your asshole so be nice, please."

"Nah," Amy shrugged, putting the car in reverse and driving off back towards the hotel.

"You're going back now aren't you?" Karma asked knowingly.

"The hotel has a pool," Amy said.

"The hotel has Clara," Karma reminded.

"Yeah that too," Amy said coldly.

"You can't just lose yourself in someone else when you're in love, believe me, I know."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Amy asked.

"Think about it," Karma said, not wanting to say what she was starting to feel.

"Clara enjoys my company and I enjoy hers. There is none of this confusion and back and forth. I don't want to yell at Clara as often as I yell at you. She hasn't asked me to have sex with any boys-"

"Ouch, low blow," Karma reacted.

"It's true," Amy stared at her.

"Fine," Karma shrugged. "So what, we go back and you just start having a relationship?"

"Maybe…" Amy thought of it for real, it seemed a genuine option.

"You're scaring me," Karma said, sitting up in her chair.

"And you're teasing me," Amy said.

"I was telling the truth. I've been dreaming about you for at least a week now."

"That's bullshit Karma, if you wanted me like that we would already be doing things."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Karma said, almost upset about this reaction from Amy. It was like Amy had no idea what she was feeling. It was all complicated.

"Well, don't blame me later for kissing Clara in front of you because it's bound to happen."

"You wouldn't," Karma gasped.

"She told me to use her," Amy raised her eyebrows in a threatening way.

"NO! She did not!" Karma scoffed, trying not to seem surprised. "Clara would never say that."

"You don't know her. And she did." Amy confirmed. "She did say that."

"Whoa," Karma said leaning back in her chair and feeling heavy.

"Yeah, whoa," Amy said almost sarcastically. She was excited to see Clara again after the morning she had experienced. Karma had been nothing but teasing and frustration. It was a mystery to Amy that they were still somehow friends.

"I have you speechless?" Amy noticed happily. "That's a first."

Karma sat there and tried to collect herself. All she could think about was Amy kissing Clara and Clara kissing Amy. Her stomach seemed to roll and shout at her in protest.

"Well, if you're going to use Clara I am certainly going to use Liam." Karma spat out desperately. It was all she could think to say at the time.

"Do what you want," Amy shrugged apathetically. If Karma was really in love with her she would know very soon, Clara had made sure of that.


	11. In Your Eyes, I Should Be So Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the complication of Karma, Clara and Amy have a steamy encounter in the shower after all that happened on the mountain.

*M RATING- M RATING- M RATING*

*Kylie Minogue seems absolutely fitting for this hook-up*

*I've been listening to Kasey Chambers & Shane Nichols otherwise*

CHAPTER ELEVEN

In Your Eyes, I Should Be So Lucky

Part I

"Hey, you're back," Clara noticed. She was wearing her bikini and sipping a martini.

"Hey," Amy said awkwardly, trying her hardest not to stare.

"Look at you, all covered in dirt," Clara laughed lightly. "Where did you guys go anyway?" She sipped and stared.

"This guy at the diner led us on some goose chase up a mountain."

"You walked?"

"Parts…"

"You didn't have to run away. My parents were gone after breakfast. They're not the type to want to stick around. This trip is mostly a formality." Amy watched as Clara moved in the smallest of ways, taking a few steps to place herself closer to her.

"Shit, I-" Amy gasped.

"Hmm?" Clara waited.

"I- I need to shower," Amy quickly made an excuse to leave.

"Okay," Clara said with a smile. A bit of her drink had accidentally got on her finger and she sucked it off rather slowly causing Amy to almost gasp. "Are you okay?!" Clara asked, almost concerned, she definitely hadn't been doing anything on purpose.

"I-I dunno. My stomach has been all crazy since that alien breakfast."

"Mmm alien breakfast, you'll have to tell me about that." Clara moved back and sat down on one of the barstools still facing Amy.

"I- I will," Amy stuttered, her eyes closing to help her concentrate on anything other than Clara's gorgeous body. "I-I'm gonna shower now, bye," she hurried down the hall and Clara watched her with a queer expression on her face.

"Okay…." Clara thought, taking her drink in her hand and sipping it again.

Part II

Amy was going to use the downstairs shower but it wasn't far enough away from Clara. In a genius move she decided to go upstairs and use Clara's shower. She thought if she was in the bathroom furthest away, Clara would leave her to her washing and Karma couldn't come out of nowhere and interrupt her either. No one would be going to Clara's bathroom but Clara and that was simple and sure. Amy felt very self-satisfied in this split-decision.

Once inside, she undressed and noticed how dirty she was. There were obvious lines where her clothes ended and the dirt coverage from the mountain began. Sedona was absurd. All those people in the dirt staring at non-existent things in the sky. She felt dooped.

"I HATE THIS PLACE!" She yelled in frustration, kicking her own clothes.

Clara's shower was a lot different than the one downstairs. For one thing it was huge. For another it had a wooden bench inside and little rocks lined the beautiful walls. The shower-head itself was massive and it hovered over your head so that you actually felt like you were getting directly rained on.

Amy stepped into the shower-stream while it was cold and let the water cover her completely.

"God THIS FEELS GOOD!" She yelled again to no one in particular. She felt like yelling A LOT after all of Karma's bullshit and the morning from hell.

The dirt drifted easily off of her without soap and she watched the drain as it became covered in sand. In Clara's shower everything made sense.

Part III

In the villa downstairs Clara was bored. She had already gone swimming at the pool and she had waited around all day hoping Amy would come back. Damage control was an absolute necessity. She didn't even have Amy's number and asking Liam felt wrong so she didn't. All Clara wanted to do was find Amy and make sure she was okay.

She paced the downstairs hall and noticed that Amy had left her own bathroom completely empty.

"What a little weirdo," Clara said to no one.

"Is Amy here?" A voice popped from behind her and caused her to jump.

"Holy shit Karma!" Clara almost yelled.

"Sorry," Karma said. "I just wanted to tell Amy I'm going out with Liam after I shower."

"I-I'll tell her, its okay," Clara said, relaxing back into herself after being frazzled by the surprise.

"I'd really like to tell her myself," Karma said.

"What? Are you afraid I won't tell her?" Clara wondered if there would ever be an interaction between her and Karma that wasn't undesirable.

"No, it's not that, I just… I feel bad," Karma lied and told the honest truth and almost exactly the same time.

"About what?"

"I dunno, going off with Liam after what happened this morning?"

"Liam is your boyfriend and Amy is a strong person." Clara wanted to make sure that Karma actually knew these two things. "Is there something else?"

"No, no… You're right," the wheels were turning in Karma's brain. "Just let her know I guess…"

"Will do," Clara said.

"Bye…" Karma cursed Clara for existing AGAIN!

"Later." Clara shrugged.

Part IV

Beneath the shower stream Amy was singing and washing her hair. The cold water felt so good after that hike it made it all sort of worth it. She was so distracted by her own happiness that she didn't hear when Clara opened her bathroom door and walked over to the shower.

Clara knew it was probably rude but she didn't care. She had seen the way Amy was acting downstairs and she knew what it meant. Amy was attracted to her, full-force, can't look away, I want to touch you: ATTRACTED.

After Karma had come, something in Clara felt tweaked and she just wanted to ruffle those feathers. Karma was being selfish and obnoxious and all Clara could think was, why shouldn't I just play with her a little? Plus, she liked Amy a lot. Watching Amy stare at her all dumbfounded like that down at the bar, it basically jump-started her own attraction and pushed it into high-drive.

Karma's little pop-in was the catalyst she needed. Clara felt sure now, sure of everything. So what if things didn't work out between her and Amy, they could at least explore their attraction.

Clara popped open the shower door and saw Amy there singing to herself with soapy foam all of her head and her eyes shut tight. She waited there in the doorway thinking before saying out loud. "Fuck it," and stepping inside.

"Hey, whoa?!" Amy opened her eyes and soap got into them. "Jezus! Clara?!" Amy turned around in the shower so that her breasts and front would be hidden.

"Should I leave?" Clara asked, knowing the answer and the reality and the fact that Amy didn't want her to leave. She knew it, she knew it well.

"Ah- what?! Why are you here?!" Amy didn't know what to say, she hugged her chest and wiped at the foam that was dripping over her eyes.

Clara pulled her bikini bottoms off and undid her top, throwing it on the ground in front of Amy so that Amy would see and know.

"Whoa, Clara, what are you…" Amy felt dizzy with attraction. All she could see in her head was that Clara was standing behind her naked and waiting, just there, just behind her, just now.

"I'm doing what I want to." Clara said, noticing Amy's long smooth back and the curve of her ass.

Words were always the enemy. The more either of them talked the more awkward it became. Amy tried to say something but Clara tugged at her arm by the crook of her elbow and turned her around to shush her with a single finger against her lips.

"We don't have to talk," Clara said, facing Amy strong and beautiful and looking her right in the eyes, searching her for what she was feeling.

Clara moved Amy into the water and watched as the foam came drifting over Amy's eyes.

"I'm really attracted to you," Clara said, almost desperately, remembering the day before and then the night. Taking her hands up to Amy's forehead she helped to tilt Amy's head and wipe the foam from her eyes and her hair. The touching felt welcome and natural. Amy was almost surprised at how natural it felt to just be handled by Clara like this.

"I-" Amy didn't know what to say. She was trying her hardest not to stare but Clara's body was the most perfect body she had ever seen in real life. "Fuck you're hot!" Amy almost gasped.

"What?" Clara seemed surprised.

"You can't just walk into people's showers and show them how hot you are, that's not right," Amy decided to joke.

"But what if I kiss them after?" Clara asked, moving closer. She was a little bit taller than Amy so when she moved in and tucked her fingers beneath Amy's chin, Amy had to rise to meet her and she did.

With water flowing over her head, Amy felt a need she had only ever felt with Karma and this need was strong. Clara's hands were on her face and she was kissing her so sweetly and so tenderly. Amy's heart jumped in her chest, it lept as Clara tasted and teased and enjoyed how fully Amy let her just have her. Their bodies came close together and Clara gasped.

"I want you," Clara said, surprising Amy and breaking the kiss.

"I want you too," Amy mirrored, almost surprised by HOW MUCH she wanted her just now.

Clara moved back away from Amy and sat down on the bench. She was staring at her now and seeing all of her. Amy let her arms hang down, she was looking at Clara now almost desperate and angry.

"So why are you over there?!" Amy asked, feeling nervous, she had never done this before, not like this, not with a girl.

"Come 'ere," Clara smiled, holding out her hand and moving back on the bench. When Amy came close enough Clara held at Amy's hips out in front of her and guided Amy's knees up on both sides of her body so that Amy was straddling her. "Relax," Clara said, looking up at Amy from the seat where Amy had trapped her.

"I-I've never done anything before…" Amy said sitting on top of Clara and feeling Clara's legs beneath her, cold from the wet water of the shower. "I mean, besides-"

"Don't-" Clara stopped her. "It's okay," Clara said, moving her hands to Amy's ass and pulling Amy into her, as close as she could get her. In one motion she pulled Amy until her knees hit the wall and Clara was trapped under her where she wanted to be.

"Uhhh," Amy moaned, her body already so tender and responsive.

"You okay?" Clara asked smiling and looking up at her.

"Maybe," Amy said, her breathing fast and almost heavy. It was weird to be so naked with someone else. Weird but good.

"I want to touch you now," Clara said, moving her hand up Amy's back and pulling Amy closer so that her breasts came near her face.

"This- This isn't bad for you?" Amy asked, wanting to move.

Clara couldn't help but chuckle. "This is great," Clara said, almost dumbfounded by Amy's weird thoughts. Who wouldn't want a naked Amy on top of them like this?

Amy had leaned back away from her since she was scared of doing everything wrong.

"Why are you all the way back there?" Clara asked.

"I dunno, I just thought-"

"You just thought," Clara smiled, enjoying her. "Okay, kiss me," she said.

"Okay," Amy smiled, knowing she could do that one thing. She leaned in and kissed her, meeting Clara's tongue almost instantly and swimming in her while the shower ran behind her. The position was better. She felt her insides stir as her pelvis pushed wantingly into Clara's warm body, the parts that hadn't yet gotten wet. Clara's stomach tucked into itself at Amy's touch and her breath sped up as they kissed. Amy tasted so sweet and perfect. Kissing her again now was even better than before.

"Mmmm," Clara moaned.

"Fuck!" Amy cursed, breaking off and leaning back again away from Clara's body.

"Did that hurt?" Clara asked, almost confused.

"No, no, not. Definitely no." Amy said definitively, shaking her head.

"Mmmm," Clara moaned again, realizing that Amy must've felt even more with the way she was sitting. "I like you like this," Clara said, moving her hands up Amy's back and pulling her closer again.

She decided to be bold. As soon as Amy's body came near Clara let her tongue slide out and touch one of Amy's nipples, brushing it lightly from underneath.

"Uhh!" Amy moaned, her body on fire, especially the parts that were touching Clara now the way that they were. Clara felt as Amy almost lifted up off of her in that pleasure. "Uh- what are you doing?" Amy asked.

"I just want to taste," Clara smiled, knowing full well what she was doing. She pulled Amy to her again and this time took Amy's whole nipple into her mouth and sucked on it, tugging lightly away.

"Uhhh," Amy held her breath in the pleasure, she couldn't help but push at Clara's head and hold it tight in her hands. Her eyes drifted down to see what Clara was doing and Clara surprised her by opening her eyes and looking right at her, "FUCK!" Amy yelled, looking away, causing Clara to smile as Amy pulled away again. It was too much it was all too much for Amy, she pushed Clara away and felt her wetness escaping her.

"Should I not do that?" Clara asked, relaxing back on the wall with Amy resting pleasantly on top of her. She used this time to run her hands up and down Amy's thighs from her knees and back. What should be calming only added to Amy's tenseness and wanting.

"Why does that feel so good?" Amy asked, her eyes closing slow and then opening again.

"Does it matter?" Clara asked.

"Nah," Amy decided, looking back at Clara and wanting for more. "I feel like I'm going to explode," Amy confessed.

"I think I know what you mean," Clara said, moving her hands up again and pulling Amy to her again, this time so that she could kiss her. The kissing was aggressive now, there was no more trepidation, just wanting. Clara pushed her body away from the wall just a bit and she held onto Amy with her arms over Amy's thighs and her hands holding on, grasping, trying not to get too close to that space where Amy seemed to be pounding like a drum, almost inviting her to touch.

"I-I can't not touch you," Amy said, her hands at Clara's face.

"I like it when you touch me," Clara reminded. Amy kissed her again, she was wanting it now, which is why it surprised her when Clara moved one of her hands away and let two fingertips slide down Amy's front and between her wet folds onto her throbbing clit.

"Uh!" Amy gasped into the kiss, feeling the pressure below that she hadn't been expecting. Her hands grasped tighter in Clara's hair.

"Should I stop?" Clara asked, as Amy kissed her and held at her head, still ontop of her, almost scared.

"Uhh-mmm," Amy sighed nervously, not stopping with the kissing, not opening her eyes. "Uhhh," she whimpered again as Clara moved slowly over her clit and pressed ever so light, not wanting to scare her away. "Uhhh, that feels good," Amy whimpered, beginning to fall onto Clara as she felt the pleasure so strong it immobilized her.

"Mmmm," Clara crooned into Amy's ear, "You feel so good Amy." It was her name on Clara's tongue and it ignited her.

"Holy fuck!" Amy said, waking up to what was happening.

"You okay?" Clara asked, softly. Amy's face was above hers now and very close. Amy had been breathing hard with tightly closed eyes and a look of desperation on her face.

"Can you fuck me?" Amy asked, feeling weird. "Please," she begged. "Please Clara, please, I want you too," Amy couldn't stop, she couldn't stop begging. She was about to explode and Clara hadn't even done anything near what Liam had to do to try and get her off. Everything felt right and so so good. All the things that people had said about sex, it was all making sense.

Hovering above her and feeling Clara's thighs beneath her, Amy knew she was close, too close. If Clara didn't stop soon she would just do it, she would orgasm right on top of her and all with just kissing.

Clara moved her hand away and heard as Amy whimpered, needing her and wanting her so. She pulled Amy in close and kissed her soft and long, breaking the kiss so that Amy would hug her. As soon as Amy's head rested close onto her shoulder Clara whispered, "I would love to fuck you." Causing Amy to almost jump. Clara slid two fingers gently into Amy's wet center. They slid right in and she pushed until Amy squeezed. As soon as they were inside Amy felt the compulsion to squeeze. Clara felt as Amy's legs hugged her thighs hard and Amy's walls closed in around her fingers. She was hugging her tightly, her fingernails in Clara's skin, her arms clutching her tightly in a hug.

"Uhhhhhh," Amy moaned again, this time long. Clara was using her tongue to lick at Amy's neck. All Clara had to do was move out of her once. When she pushed in again Amy's walls clenched around her so tight that she was orgasming just like that, and moaning too, not expecting it to feel so unbelievably good and be so unbelievably fast. Fluid spilled out of her and onto Clara's hot stomach.

Clara felt as Amy orgasmed and began to rest into her. "You're so sweet," Clara whispered, gently kissing Amy's neck and letting her rest all her weight onto her own body. "Mmm…" Clara hummed, loving that it had happened. Loving it all.

Amy felt like heaven in her arms. She felt like the one thing that had been missing from her life for so very long.

"I think I might love you," Amy said, her breath heavy as she hugged at Clara. "Th-that was…" She breathed heavily.

"Mmmm," Clara hummed again causing Amy to hug her even tighter.

"Mmmm," Amy mirrored back.

Clara closed her eyes and held Amy. She never wanted to move.

When Amy finally calmed enough to open her own eyes, she saw Clara there like that beneath her, as relaxed as ever and just wonderful in every possible way.

It was almost like seeing her for the very first time. Amy loved her, she really did.

Not wanting to wait another second, Amy leaned down to Clara and she began to kiss her softly and slowly. It was desperate and sad but happy and serious, like she hadn't really ever kissed her before. Clara felt the change and wanted to cry with joy and emotion. It was too perfect. It was all too good to be true.

At least for now it was true. Amy felt like heaven on top of her and Amy was hers, at least for now.


	12. The Writing On The Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara takes Amy to a secret cave. Karma finds out about Amy's advancing sexual relationship with Clara in the worst possible way.

*still planning on a karmy endgame*

*please don't hate me*

CHAPTER TWELVE

The Writing On The Wall

Part I

While Clara and Amy were having tenderly beautiful sex in the upstairs shower of the Mystic Oasis, Karma was fretting alone in her own shower, one floor below, and wondering how she could clean up all the messes she had made.

All she had been doing was driving Amy into the arms of Clara Booker and at the moment, given her growing pent-up attraction for Amy, that seemed like an impossibly bad thing.

Liam was waiting in his villa, trying not to fret or feel overwhelmed by how shitty the vacation had been so far. He knew he had been ruining everything for Karma. On the drive he slept most the way because he had stayed up to complete that dumb project. And then they had that nice night last night but Karma seemed distant.

The morning was weighing heavy on him though. He hated that he had just left her there. It had been rude and he never should've done it. He felt that he should've stood up more to his father, especially given how his parents had both treated Amy.

When Karma finally came to him he was relieved and overwhelmed by the sight of her.

"I'm so happy to see you," he smiled, not wanting to wait for her to initiate contact. He walked close and held her tight, scooping her into him until her face pressed into his chest and he could smell her clean hair. "You feel good," he said.

"You do too," she said truthfully, letting herself hug him. He did feel good but things were beginning to feel different with him.

"How's Amy?" He was really curious.

"She's fine, just frustrated."

"I bet," he said, giving her room to let go. She slid her arm around to his back and held herself to him lightly.

"So," she sighed. "What should we do?"

"I dunno," he confessed. "We could swim but you just got all clean."

"Shoot," Karma said feeling idiotic. It was the hottest point in the day. Of course swimming would have made the most sense.

"That's okay," Liam said, "What about the river?"

"The river?"

"There's a river that runs all through the canyon, remember? The one we saw on the way in?"

"Oh yeah!" Karma said, pretending to be optimistic. "Sure."

"You'll probably want a bathing suit."

"Probably," she shrugged. The thought of going back over to Clara's villa was unpleasant.

"Are you okay?" He noticed it again, that distance.

"Yeah," she said dazedly. "I think it's the heat."

"You were out there for a couple of hours," Liam remembered and ruffled his hair. "We don't have to go to the river now. What do you want to do?"

"What about a movie?"

"That'd be fun," Liam said, not caring at all what he did as long as it was with her.

"Is there a theater?"

"Oh, sure," Liam said.

"That sounds good." Karma wished to be far away from Amy and Clara.

"Do you need to eat?"

"Actually, yes," her appetite had been all gone for days but she should eat after the hiking.

"Okay, lets go," Liam smiled, offering his hand.

"Can you kiss me first?" Karma asked, feeling lost and depressed.

"I would love to," Liam smiled, looking down on her and kissing her slow. "Mmm," he hummed, "I missed that."

"Me too," Karma smiled up at him, forgetting Amy.

"Do it again," she urged, cheering up from the adventure before.

Part II

They had made out for a long time like that, with Amy on Clara and Clara holding Amy. They weren't even sure how long it had been but when they finally got out of the shower they both felt like their worlds had exponentially changed.

"I don't want to leave this room," Amy whined as Clara pulled her out into the bathroom.

"You have to eat something," Clara smiled. "And what if my parents come back or Liam wanders in or even worse Karma?" She asked.

"I don't care about that," Amy confessed.

"You know what? Me neither," Clara smiled, pulling Amy into her, kissing her again and looking down at her. "Seriously, we can't just make-out all day," she said lovingly, holding Amy's hand and kissing it, feeling sad to have to say it.

"Why not?" Amy whined, leaning her head on Clara's shoulder and holding her hand against Clara's neck. She teased Clara by licking her neck and making Clara weak there where she stood in the fancy villa bathroom.

"You're evil," Clara decided, her hand in Amy's hard, pushing her to taste her.

"I might be," Amy shrugged, kissing her neck slowly several times.

"Come on, lets get dressed and do something." They needed an alibi for their day, at least that's what Clara was thinking. They could be fucking but they needed to at least make a show of seeing Sedona in case anyone wanted to ask them what they had been up to.

"But, I don't want to do anything…" Amy whined. The hike was stupid. Karma was stupid. All Amy wanted to do was more of what had just happened.

Her chest felt tight as she followed Clara out into her room. The view of Sedona was just as it had been, picturesque and just taunting her there.

"What if I find something you'll like."

"You don't know what I like," Amy said.

"I bet I can guess."

"Oh what, like I'm that fucking boring?!" Amy seemed offended but it was true, she liked dorky things like the alien diner and the thought of a visible wormhole.

"How about a cave?"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" Amy said intrigued, Clara had hit the nail on the head. Amy was always watching documentaries about caves. Lauren had just yelled at her about it two days ago.

"I know where one is," Clara smiled teasingly, leading Amy over to the bed and sitting herself down on the edge, pulling Amy close between her legs.

"I'm sure you do," Amy joked. Mostly she didn't want to leave. She had had enough of the great outdoors. Everything always came out to be lies and exaggerations. Vortexes were bullshit so all she could think was that Clara's cave was probably just big enough to fit one body inside and that would be it.

"We're going," Clara said, looking up at Amy.

"Fine."

They would get dress and go. It had been determined.

Part III

They drove out to one of the big rock formations after eating. It was hot out still but the breeze was starting to get cooler.

"Come on, you," Clara said, pulling Amy along.

"I told you, I did this already," Amy whined some more.

The trail was long and they were only just starting.

Across town in the movie theater Liam and Karma were watching a very forgettable romantic comedy with their hands hot and together and Karma's body resting slightly on Liam's.

"Is it just me or is this incredibly bad?" Karma whispered into Liam's ear, both exciting him and pleasing him emotionally. He had been thinking it too for much too long.

"This might be the worst movie I've ever seen," he whispered back.

"SHHHHHH!" A man yelled from the back.

"Sorry, this film sucks," Liam said proudly.

"Don't worry," Karma said, standing up. "We're leaving. And yes, it is that bad."

Liam tried to keep himself from smirking but his girlfriend was so adorable when she took charge. He loved that about her. She was crazy with taking charge.

"God that was insane!" Karma said once they had gotten out.

"What was with all the talk about nesting?!" Liam asked.

"And that blue thing, what the hell was that?!" Karma asked.

They both busted up laughing.

"I hate to say it but I'm glad it was bad."

"Really?" Karma asked, wondering why he would feel that way.

"Sedona's so pretty and I haven't gotten to take you anywhere." He was so sweet, Karma could just attack him right now.

"Okay, that settles it." Karma decided. "You are going to take me somewhere in Sedona. Somewhere you want to go."

"Are you sure it's not too hot and you're not too tired?" He didn't want her to be doing it just for him.

"After that, I don't think anything could be bad," Karma scoffed.

"Okay then, come on, it'll be a surprise."

Part IV

Amy had stopped to rest at least four times. Once she even sat down on a rock and refused to move for a solid half hour. Clara laughed at her and teased her but the thing that really worked was to ignore Amy completely. If Clara did that Amy would just follow after her like a puppy. It was the same thing that Karma did but neither of the girls were thinking about that.

"Are we close? It'll start getting dark soon," Amy reminded, looking for any excuse to stop the hiking.

"Look, its right through here," Clara said, pointing at a weird crevice between two giant rock formations that seemed to jut up into the sky and run on for foot after foot after foot.

"Jeezuz," Amy breathed, "what do you do if there's an earth quake?"

"I dunno," Clara said, "Maybe we should just hope there isn't one."

"Fair enough," Amy shrugged.

"Okay, now come here," Clara said, pulling Amy's hand. Clara seemed to be pulling Amy toward the edge of a cliff. Amy felt nervous.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Amy stopped her. "I'm not gonna jump off a cliff."

"That's not what we're doing," Clara said, looking at Amy with mild exacerbation.

"What is this?! There's nothing, it's just a ledge."

"The ledge leads to the cave," Clara said, hoping Amy could do what they had come all the way out to do. "Here, look," Clara said moving out of the way so that Amy could see the tiny trail that lead to the cave. It was so small and terrifying.

"I-I can't," Amy said, backing away.

"Please?" Clara asked.

"Clara, that's fucking crazy!" Amy was pissed.

"Well, I'm going," Clara said, moving her body toward the rock and hugging it as she took her feet to the small ledge that seemed unreliable to Amy even though it had been there for many many years.

"I'm am not a child! I am not going to do that just because you're doing it," Amy said crossing her arms. She watched nervously. "Clara, come on, I don't want you to die," she wanted her to come back. "Clara, stop please," Amy begged feeling scared and moving closer to the edge.

"I'm fine!" Clara smiled. "Look. That's it. That's as far as you have to go." She was on a different ledge now, a wider one. If Amy craned her neck around the corner enough she would see that the ledge Clara was standing on now was almost identical to the one she herself had been standing on now.

"You're a psycho," Amy said, grumpily, crossing her arms again and sitting down.

"The cave is right behind me," Clara said. "Come on, I need you to see it."

"Yeah, and I really need to not die Clara." It was new for Amy to be upset with her.

"You're so dramatic," Clara smiled.

"Am I?!" Amy scoffed.

"Yes! You are!" Clara fought. "I need you to see this cave, it's important to me," Clara begged, shouting at Amy from the cliff far above the canyon.

Amy felt her palms sweaty. "I'm a klutz, you know that right?"

"You're not a klutz," Clara smiled.

"I am, I trip over my own feet! Karma thinks I'm cursed! Cursed people shouldn't put themselves near cliffs!"

"You're not cursed, you're wonderful." Clara yelled.

"Oh yeah, just butter me up, trick me into accidentally killing myself, this is just great."

"If you try I'll kiss you," Clara said, trying a new angle to see how it would work.

"I've already kissed you," Amy said, squinting her eyes because the offer had at least been a good one.

"If you try I promise we can spend more time in the room."

"How much more time?" Amy asked.

"Two whole hours."

"Not counting sleeping!" Amy yelled, knowing that fine print is important.

"Two whole hours."

"Naked?" Amy asked with a smirk, looking at Clara and causing her to blush.

"Yes. Naked. 2 hours." It was fun to be yelling these words so high above the canyon floor.

"Fine." Amy said, moving to stand.

"Wh-ah, okay," Clara decided not to fight her on how easy that was. "Just hug the wall and take slow steps."

"Fine, don't talk to me though." Amy said, hugging the wall and letting her foot move out a bit until she was on the ledge and scared for her life. "Ooo, this is bad," she said, hating it and wanting it to be over.

"Just hug the rock," Clara said, waiting, not wanting to distract her.

"I'm hugging the rock, there is nothing to do but hug the rock."

"Okay, come on, don't look." Amy scooted her foot again and then her other.

"Am I there yet?"

"Just a little more," Clara said, feeling nervous for the first time in forever about the ledge that never seemed to give her pause.

Amy's foot slipped but she recovered quick.

"SHIT!" Amy said, looking down.

"I've got you," Clara said, grabbing Amy's hand and waiting for her to scoot just that extra step. "Come on, just two more steps." Amy scurried quickly feeling her knees shake and scrape against the rock.

Since she was shaky Clara caught her, hugging her close. "Fuck, that should not have been that scary," Clara breathed. "You are going to fucking kill me, you know that?!" She hated how close they had gotten in such a short time.

"You owe me time," Amy smirked.

"No, I won time," Clara smirked back causing Amy to falter.

"What the hell?!"

"Amy, what exactly was I going to lose with that bet?" Clara wanted to laugh.

"Shit," Amy said realizing how stupid it was. "Ugg, just show me the damn cave." There was nothing worse than be tricked.

"Come on," Clara said, holding Amy's hand and leading her inside a large crack in the rock.

"This is creepy," Amy said as they walked all the way in until they couldn't see anything but the darkness of the seemingly never-ending cave.

"Shhhh," Clara said, pulling Amy deeper in.

"What is this place? How come you know about it?"

"It's sacred," Clara said solemnly for effect. She pulled her small backpack around her and searched blindly inside for her candle. Amy felt Clara let go of her hand and she panicked in the dark.

"Please don't leave me here," Amy freaked.

"Hey, hey," Clara said, lighting a match and then the candle she had brought so that Amy could see. "I would never do that," Clara said, locking her eyes with Amy's once the light had finally been lit.

"Sorry," Amy breathed, her nervousness leaving.

"It's fine," Clara said, grabbing Amy's hand again and walking her further inside.

Part V

They walked a long while in the cave until the opening where they had entered looked like nothing more than a small window in a giant never-ending room.

"I come here every year," Clara said.

"It's beautiful," Amy could see it now. The only light was the opening and the cave was huge. "I can't believe there's nobody else in here," Amy breathed.

"There never is," Clara reminded, turning to Amy and putting her candle down in a small shallow hole on the ground that seemed to be made specifically for that purpose.

"Why are we stopping?" Amy asked.

"Take off your clothes," Clara said, digging in her bag and pulling out a thin folded sheet.

"Wha- here?!" Amy seemed almost shocked. They were inside a rock! Anyone could just walk in! "Clara Booker, you are scandalous!" Amy teased with a gasp.

"I told you, nobody ever comes here." Clara unfolded the sheet and held it by the corners flying it up into the air and laying it down flat of the cave floor.

"Yeah but, there's a first time for everything right?" Amy joked. "Wh-hey, no, really?" In front of her Clara tugged her tank top up over her head and unbuttoned her short jean shorts, sliding them down off of herself. Amy had thought she was kidding.

"Two hours." Clara said. "Naked." Amy watched in the dimly lit cave as Clara put her hands behind her own back and undid her bra, allowing it to flow off of her arms as she tossed it to the ground. "I want you." Clara huffed. "Now."

"Wh-ah, Clara this is weird," Clara took a step towards Amy and put her hands on Amy's tank, pulling it up. Amy tried to force it down but Clara was looking her in the face and Amy couldn't fight that face, she liked that face. She wanted the two hours and the cave was hot. If no one came in what could be the harm?

"Fine," Amy said, attraction taking over her. She removed her clothing fast but not fast enough. She was only halfway done when Clara pulled her in forcefully for a kiss and ran her hand around her back pulling her in close and tight against her soft and sweaty skin.

"Mmm," Clara murmured in the near darkness.

"Uhh," Amy felt herself hot like before and needing to be touched. It was like she knew already that this time with Clara would be even better.

Clara kissed at Amy's neck and tugged Amy's earlobe into her mouth, sucking on it and licking behind Amy's ear, surprising her.

"Uhhh, fuck," Amy said dazed, wanting to just fall to the floor with that unexpected pleasure.

"Lay down," Clara whispered right into Amy's ear.

"Uhhh," Amy whined again as they broke apart. She didn't want to break apart.

They kicked off their shoes, moving to the clean sheet and feeling the tiny pebbles underneath it.

"Sorry, I couldn't carry anything heavier."

"No, this is great," Amy said optimistically, looking over at Clara in the dim dim light and thinking, "I've never done anything like this before."

"I'm glad," Clara said, rolling herself ontop of Amy and feeling Amy's body tight beneath hers. "Fuck, you feel so good,"

"Uhhh," all Amy could do was moan and feel. Clara noticed and moved her hand up to Amy's chin, kissing her hard again and feeling her body rub tight against Amy's. "Fuck!" Amy breathed at Clara's leg between her own.

Just then they heard loud voices.

"You're almost there!"

"LIAM!" Amy whispered angrily, just stunned.

"SHIT!" Clara cursed. "GET DRESSED! GET DRESSED!"

They scrambled to find their clothes and put them on but the voices were growing closer by the second.

"Come 'ere!" Clara ordered, pulling Amy in towards her. She hugged Amy too her on the ground and blew the candle out quick hoping that Liam was forgetful and unprepared.

"What are we doing?!" Amy whispered, she hadn't found her bra, she had only gotten her shorts back on and they weren't even buttoned.

"He might not have a light," Clara said into Amy's ear causing Amy to shutter with pleasure.

"Fuck, I love it when you do that," Amy said, relaxing into Clara's arms and feeling safe in the dark with her body pressed to Clara's.

"It's right here!" Liam said from the opening of the cave.

"Wow!" Karma exclaimed. "How deep is it?"

"Real deep!" Liam smiled. "Come on." He led Karma by the hand and walked pretty far.

"Shit," Clara whispered, this time ever so quiet, causing Amy's body to shudder again. Liam must've been rustling his hand in a sack just as Clara had done. "Shit, shit, shit!" She began to say louder.

"What the?" Liam said, looking into the cave without a light to see. "Who's in there?"

"It's me," Clara said, holding Amy's mouth. "Don't do it. Don't light a candle," she said.

Liam chuckled. "Clara, what the hell are you doing in the dark?"

"I'm sure if you think about it, you'll figure it out." She loved her baby brother but he could be a real dolt sometimes.

"Wait…" Liam thought. "Clara, is Amy here?" He asked with a smirk.

"Yes, she is. Understand?" Clara asked. Her and Liam were the only ones who used this cave, they were almost certain. They had found it while rock climbing and it wasn't on any of the tourist sites or maps.

"Gee Karma, I guess we better go," Liam smiled, knowing full well that Clara and Amy were probably butt naked.

"Wait, but… What's going on?" Karma asked, peering into the dark wishing that she could see Amy.

"Are you okay Amy?"

"Yeaah," Amy's voice squeaked awkwardly as Clara moved her hand away and rested her forehead on Amy's shoulder.

"Come out here please, I wanna see you."

"Yeah, I can't do that right now, I'm kinda busy," Amy said. "Raincheck?"

"I'm serious Amy, this is creepy. You could be like tied up or something."

"Karma," Liam said. "That's not," he shook his head wanting to laugh. "They're probably naked," he whispered into Karma's ear.

"WHAT?!" Karma yelled. Clara felt as Amy's body went even limper with embarrassment and disappointment in herself.

Clara and Amy heard a rustling.

"Stop!" Liam said, "You're being ridiculous," he laughed.

It all happened so quickly, it only took seconds for Karma to find Liam's lighter and figure out how to flip it on.

There before her, only steps away, Clara Booker was holding a topless Amy Raudenfeld on a sheet in the dark with an unlit candle by her side.

"Amy?!" Karma gasped in a high-pitched choked voice. The light was only on a few seconds. But they had all heard the scurrying steps of Karma Ashcroft leaving the cave.

"I'm so sorry you guys. She's… Karma's just…" He tried to find words but there really weren't any. "I better go get her," he said to the dark.

"Fuck," Amy breathed.

"Fuck," Clara mirrored.

"Your brother knows about your secret cave," Amy said almost stunned.

"It's our cave really," Clara said guiltily.

"And you didn't think he might take Karma here?" Amy was livid, seething, Karma's voice had been so broken just then, so hurt.

"Don't be mad, please don't be mad. This was a coincidence," Clara said calmly.

"It's a coincidence that Liam is the only other person in this whole city who knows about this cave?! God! Can you even hear yourself?!"

"Amy..." Clara said sadly, wanting to cry at how wrong the situation was. "They're gone now, okay?"

"I can't," Amy said, brushing Clara off of her and moving her hand around in the dark to find her bra.

"You can't what?"

"I can't do this, whatever this is."

"Okay…" Clara thought, she had already been expecting it anyway, it was all too good to be true.

"No, not this this! This!" She pointed around in the dark at the scene before her and the exit to the cave. "This right now. This." Amy panicked. "I have to make sure she's okay. I can't have sex with you knowing that Karma's voice was shaky and broken just now when she saw me in your arms."

"But, us?"

"Us…" Amy thought. "There's an us." She thought out loud. "We're confusing and we're exploring and I like us but, it's complicated."

"Complicated," Clara repeated, wishing that Amy was still in her arms. She reached for her matches and lit one slowly, still lying on the sheet. She moved to the candle until it was lit and laid back down.

"Clara!" Amy yelled.

"What?!" She asked.

"You knew if you did that I'd want to stay!"

"What on Earth are you talking about?!" Clara asked growing frustrated. She had lit the light so that Amy could better leave.

"You're gorgeous and we were getting naked and that thing that happened in the shower and now this with Karma and," Clara sat up and grabbed Amy's face tenderly.

"It's okay, we're okay," Clara said, calming her and searching her eyes to see. She leaned in and moved her mouth to Amy's kissing her to quiet her mind.

"I'm not okay," Amy said, breaking from the kiss and allowing Clara to see her. Tears rushed her as Clara's thumbs caressed her face and tried to rid them from existence. Amy's hands clutched at Clara's and she felt so confused. It was all too confusing.

"Shhh, shhh," Clara said, seeing the tears falling quicker and the youth and vulnerability in Amy's face. It was like remembering that Amy's pain was fresh while hers was stale and weathered, endurable to say the very least. She pulled Amy's head onto her shoulder and wrapped Amy up in her arms. "Shhh, come 'ere," She said, pulling at Amy until Amy collapsed into her body, wrapping around her like a small child. "It's gonna be okay…" She said, rocking Amy back and forth as she wept.

Once she was being held the waterfalls just came. She roared onto Clara's shoulder and neck and cried in the dark feeling broken again, just like before. None of it was fair. Clara felt hot and achy. Amy's pain was too fresh and her body was all around her, enveloping her, smothering her in that very memorable pain.

"I love her," Amy cried as Clara held her.

"I know, sweetie," Clara crooned, feeling broken. For the most part she could forget her own wants and notice how true that pain was, how familiar and rare. But in the cave with Amy all about her, it felt right to be helping her this way and holding her in her arms. "I know." She held Amy tight and rocked her until the crying stopped, petting her hair and rubbing her back. Kissing her forehead and neck. Realizing quickly that it may have all been too fast.


	13. So This Is Karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma freaks out and the Booker's watch their lives fall apart.

*I sort of had a back-up plan for this story to go the clarmy way but I've decided to stay true to my karmy plan so that started a few chapters back and I'm gonna do that now and just stop thinking about it.*

*if I feel like doing it I might write an alternate ending that ends up with clarmy. Both endings could be good but I'm gonna root for karmy since this is a faking it fanfic after all*

*this isn't the end, it's just a crucial point in the story*

Chapter Thirteen

So This Is Karma

Part I

Karma ran from the cave, tears rushing her instantly. The ledge wasn't hard for her, it was a baby of a thing, nothing to really be scared about.

"KARMA?" Liam called after her but she kept running and running and running.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She yelled back at him, losing herself in the pain of what she had just seen.

She wept and ran, hoping he would stop chasing her.

"Karma, at least let me drive you home."

"Stop!" She yelled. "I need to be alone right now!" He approached her and saw the tears.

"Karma? What's a-matter?"

"I can't talk to you about this." She wept, turning from him.

"Karma, its fine. Whatever it is, you can tell me." She looked so sad just there.

"I've been having dreams about her," Karma spat out.

"Dreams about? About Amy?"

"Yes!" Karma yelled, walking away quickly towards the car.

"Karma! That's normal!" He tried to say.

"Is it?!" She said, turning around and walking towards him aggressively and upset. "Is it Liam?! Is it normal to be this upset about something that shouldn't affect you?!" He looked at her and saw, she was shaking and a weeping mess of barely breathing.

"I-"

"Right." Karma said. "That's exactly what I thought." It wasn't normal at all. It meant something.

She hated that she was mad at him right now. He was the one who was going to get hurt.

"Karma, what kind of dreams?" Liam asked, following her softly.

"First it was just kissing but now it's just everything."

"And… I mean, Karma, what do they mean?" He asked, trying to think of the dreams. How bad could they be?

"You've seen me Liam! You've seen how broken I've been. I'm like a crazy person. I follow her around and tell her what to do. I can't watch her be with another person. Seeing her in that cave naked like that with Clara, uh, Liam!" She didn't want to have to say it.

"You… You have feelings for her," it was so obvious to him now. All the symptoms. She wasn't a controlling best friend, she was jealous.

"I- Yeah!" She said, finally speaking the things she had felt.

"Karma, wh-why now?!"

"Why now?! Why here?! Why with this?!" She motioned frantically between her and Liam and he walked towards her and clutched at her arms.

"Karma, it's okay. I want you to be happy." He reacted knowing it was the best thing to do. He said the right thing but it wasn't okay, he wanted her, he really did. Karma was the first girl in a long time who had gotten him to stay.

"Yeah," Karma scoffed. "And I was happy! I was!" She wiped her eyes, feeling the tears rush her hard. "Before the wedding…"

It had been the thing that ruined it all.

"The wedding…" Liam remembered. The lies had come out then. He had done that unforgivable thing, the thing she actually forgave him for. They had been almost blissful last month. He knew it was too good to be true. Repercussions were always expected. He had forgotten though, for a little while. "I didn't mean-"

"It wasn't you!" Karma said, pushing him away hard. She didn't want to be near him because she was hurting him. She turned away and took her cellphone out of her pocket and dialed her mom.

"Wh-who are you calling?" He asked nervously.

"Shhh," she shouted back.

"Ha-hi mom, I was wondering if it'd be okay if I used your credit card to book a hotel room in Sedona."

"Is everything okay sweetie?"

"Yeah, its fine. I just wanted to have an alone day," she lied.

"That's very good. Being alone is helpful for your soul," her mother concurred.

"Yeah, I know," Karma said, trying to hide her intermittent sobs. "You're always telling me that."

"You go ahead, honey. Take what you need."

"Thanks mom."

"Sweetie, are you sure you're okay? I know that things have been rough this year with Amy and-"

"Mom, I'm fine. Just tired." She didn't want to hear it.

"Alright, call me if you need me."

"I will."

"Love you."

"Bye."

Liam had watched.

"You're staying somewhere else?"

"Liam, I have to. I'm hurting you."

"Are we broken up now? Is that it? Are we over?!"

"No! I don't know!" She was frustrated. "Can you just take me to a hotel? I need to sleep and be alone. I can't think like this."

"Fine…" Liam said, wishing her decisions could be different. There was no need for her to rent a hotel room. The villas were huge. He could easily stay with Clara and leave Karma all alone.

The closest hotel was a chain that looked average. She walked inside and rented a room with a single bed and a mini fridge.

"You sure you want me to just leave you here?"

"I need this," she said, still crying and wanting to die.

"I'll bring some stuff for you later or send someone else if you want."

"Do what you want. I don't need anything." She wasn't planning on eating or changing. All she was planning on was crying.

"Karma, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry, Liam." She said, tears rushing hard as she turned from him with the key in her hand.

He watched her go and wondered how long it had been, this secret, this time.

Back in the car he started the engine but idled for several minutes, wondering what he should do. Nothing felt right. Eventually he put the car in reverse and sped off. He wanted to be angry but it made sense, it really did. Amy and Karma had always been much too close.

Part II

"Are you asleep?" Clara asked. It had been so quiet for so long and the light from outside the cave was growing dim. She held Amy and never wanted to let go.

"No," Amy said, tears still lightly fell but she was done with the sobs and the feeling. The thing had happened and she had remembered once again that no matter how lovely Clara was she was in love with her best friend. Hopelessly, relentlessly, in love with the girl she'd never have.

"We better go, it'll be dark soon," Clara said, moving Amy's hair out of her face and looking down at her tenderly, noticing how she had calmed and relaxed.

"You're probably right," Amy said, not wanting to leave.

"Come on," Clara said, letting go of her slowly and moving to dress herself.

Amy followed and dressed wordlessly, feeling done with life and heavy. They both grabbed for the sheet at the same time and laughed.

"Lets get you home," Clara said, wishing she could take away all the pain. She bundled the sheet into her bag and took the candle up off the ground.

"It was a good idea," Amy said, taking Clara's hand.

"I'm so sorry…" Clara confessed, shaking her head. She hadn't thought about Liam.

"It wasn't your fault. I was angry." Amy never should've blamed her like she did.

The hike down was slow and wordless. They were so comfortable with each other, they didn't need words at all. Instead they walked hand in hand and clung to each other mournfully from time to time.

When they reached the car the sun had already disappeared.

To their surprise Liam was waiting outside of his rental, leaning on his driver's side door. Amy noticed right away, he was all alone.

Her heart jumped.

"Wh-where's Karma?!" Amy asked, nervously.

"Quality Inn." Liam confessed, not meeting Amy's eyes. He had tears in his own but he hadn't been weeping, not fully.

"She got a hotel room?!" Amy was pissed. "Liam that's insane!"

"Yeah, I know," he wanted to not be talking but he had to tell her and he knew that much.

"You have to go to her," Clara said. "I'll take you, come on."

"But…" Amy wanted to say, but what about us? The look on her face said it plainly to Clara.

"You love her," Clara said sadly, still holding on to Amy's hand.

"I don't know what to do."

"You'll go to her," Clara decided for her. "At least for tonight."

"What if she hates me?"

"She won't."

"You can't know that."

"She loves you Amy," Liam butt in. "She told me."

"What?" Amy asked, letting go of Clara's hand to face him.

"She said it's been different since the wedding. Since we, you know…" He sniffled to keep from tearing up.

"She told you that?" It seemed unreal, it had to be a lie. Karma had always just seemed only half-way truthful about her feelings. Why would she hold back so much and hide it if she was attracted?

"She said she's been having dreams."

"She said that? To you?" Amy had heard it before but for Karma to tell Liam it meant something. Something big.

"Mmm hmm…" He said calmly, feeling done with it, completely rejected.

Clara listened on and felt her heart drop in her chest with the knowledge of all the baggage that came between Karma and Amy. She laughed and wept a little, collecting herself.

"Why are you laughing?!" Amy asked, startled.

"I've only known you a few days," Clara said, tears rushing her smiling face. "You've just about ruined me Raudenfeld." She wiped her eyes, smiling, remembering that it had only been three days.

"Clara," Amy said, watching her cry lightly and feeling so helpless because she had caused it partly. She had let Clara think it could happen.

"Don't worry, come on," Clara said.

She got into the car and started it.

"I'm sorry," Amy said, to Liam who was now actually crying, not ashamed.

"Don't be sorry," he said, looking at her now. "You're better than me."

"That's not true," Amy knew.

"No, you are. You wouldn't have fallen for her the way I did. The truth matters to you."

"You're a good guy Liam… Sometimes," she added on with a smirk.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "What are you waiting for?" He wanted to push her or carry her there. It felt somehow right that his relationship end like this after how it had begun. It was such a mess of a year. A beautiful mess.

As they drove away he started to laugh, doubling over and holding himself up with his hands on both of his knees.

He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed for Shane.

Part III

In the hotel room, Karma was crying heavily. She shut her eyes and saw Amy holding Clara and kissing her soft, with eyes closed and a wanting expression.

"Shit!" She cursed, clutching her stomach and curling herself up into a little ball. She hugged a pillow and buried her face in it.

Her dream last night had been almost like what she saw in that cave. It was her in Amy's arms, with Amy's lips and Amy's love. She wailed all alone. No one could hear. Her pain took over her. She hated that she was so fucking slow.

Outside Clara idled. "You gotta go sweetie."

"I'm so sorry," Amy cried, looking too Clara and noticing her soft smile.

"It's okay, I'll be fine," Clara leaned into her and kissed her gently on the lips. Tears escaped amy's eyes and Clara wiped one away with her thumb. "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"And if it's not?"

"Call me," Clara smiled. "I would love to pick up the pieces."

Amy laughed but wanted to cry. "You've been..." She searched for a word but there wasn't a word for Clara, there was only that feeling.

"Likewise," Clara said, pulling Amy in again and kissing her forehead, breathing her in for maybe the last time.

She got out of the car and walked around to Amy's door, opening it. "Come on," Clara ushered, holding out her hands. Amy took them and got out. She couldn't' help it, she fell into Clara's arms and hugged her tight.

"Go," Clara said, once it had been long enough. She moved Amy's arms and pushed her lightly off toward Karma's room. "Call me when you're ready."

"I will," Amy agreed, looking back.

As she walked down the corridor she felt her heart pound hard in her chest. It was like venturing into a gauntlet. She wasn't sure what was going to happen but she knew it would be intense and messy and different than anything she had ever done before.

Her voice was shaky and her hands shook too. She arrived at room number 32 and hesitated, looking back at Clara who had already gone.

She cleared her throat and knocked.

"Karma?!" She called, not as confident as she wished she could've been.


	14. You Got It, You Got It Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma confesses that she's been having growing feelings for Amy. Amy tries to please her in fears that if she doesn't she will lose her forever.

*I realized around chapter two that people were in love with clara so I will definitely have to do an alternate ending after I finish with the karmy ending I intended*

*Content Warning: M chapter*

*i think i just got to the point with this fic where i really wanted to start writing some karmy goodness*

*it was my plan all along but i definitely lost it for a while with clara's awesomeness*

*i like messy amy and messy karma together being a beautiful messy mess*

Chapter Fourteen

You Got It, You Got It Bad

The knock startled Karma. Amy's voice came again.

"Karma? Are you okay?"

She didn't know what to do but she hadn't expected Amy there, especially not after what had just happened.

"Go away Amy!" Karma yelled.

"I'm stranded here. Clara left," Amy confessed.

"Why?"

"Because I told her too! Come on, Karma, I don't want to talk to your door."

Karma got up and threw her tortured pillow back onto the bed. She looked at herself in the mirror and wiped the tears from her face and under her eyes.

"What's the fucking point," Karma huffed to herself. There was no way to pretend she hadn't been crying. Her eyes were puffy and red and her lips were swollen along with her cheeks. To make it all worse she felt nervous now around Amy. Ever since the wedding, she had started to feel nervous little by little until now when even having her outside the door shook her to her core and caused her stomach to churn with mixed excitement and anxiety.

"Karma, come on-" Amy fell into the room as Karma opened the door. "Whoa," Amy said, standing up and holding the knob.

"I need to be alone," Karma said.

"Yeah well, I need to be with you." Amy was sure. She noticed her face. "Karma, your eyes," she reached her hand up and cupped Karma's cheek watching as Karma's eyes closed into the touch that soothed her. "Shit," Amy breathed, seeing how easy that was, how thoroughly Karma wanted it and let it happen. It was different and it was good.

"You should go, Amy." Karma said quietly, not wanting to cry anymore or fight.

"Why?" Amy asked.

"You can be happy with Clara," she was trying to push her to leave. Their lives could be simple if this wasn't happening at all.

"Karma, I've only known her for three days."

"And that obviously hasn't stopped you," Karma said bitterly, throwing herself on the bed and hugging her pillow again feeling bruised.

Amy shut the door and took her shoes off. She climbed up the bed near Karma and got as close as she could without touching. She stared at her friend and noticed her anguish.

"Liam told me what happened," Amy said, watching Karma's closed eyes as they squeezed in anger.

"God dammit!" Karma cursed. "Why can't anyone just keep their information to themselves?!" She was sick of the gossip and backtalk.

"Karma, he knew I'd want to see you," Amy pushed Karma's hair out of her face and stared at her wanting to help, there was a softness there in Karma, a weakness. She wanted Amy to touch her more than anything in the world

"Why?!" Karma asked, rolling away from her on the bed until she was turned all the way around and facing the wall.

Amy moved up close to her from behind and held her, grabbing her wrists and hugging Karma's arms in tight to her own chest.

"Because I love you…" Amy said. Reminding her, yet again.

"Yeah well, you shouldn't." And it was true. Karma had put her through so much trouble.

Amy breathed and thought of it now. Karma had been crying the whole time. She had escaped to a hotel far away from the resort. She had told Liam everything and she had freaked at the sight of her and Clara. There was no doubt, Karma was ready to change things.

Amy wondered if it was real. How could it be?

"Your hair smells good," Amy breathed slowly, resting her face into Karma and smiling with her best friend in her arms.

"Are you really flirting with me right now after all that just happened?!" Karma wanted to be angry but she liked the way Amy felt.

"What choice do I have?" Amy asked.

"Be sane and stay with Clara," Karma suggested, feeling insecure.

"I like being insane with you," she crooned into Karma's ear, causing Karma's body to shake with pleasure and flush with goose bumps.

"Fuck," Karma breathed, not expecting to be as turned on as she was.

"You feel different today," Amy said, hugging her tight.

"I am different," Karma gulped feeling parched.

Amy breathed her in again and nuzzled her nose into Karma's hair. She moved her knees up close behind Karma's and felt her naked legs brush Karma's.

"Uhh," Karma breathed, feeling intense pleasure and wanting. She needed her now after everything in the cave.

"I still want you," Amy said, running her hand down Karma's side.

"Uh, I'm not good for you," Karma was sure. Amy touched her and Karma's breathe sped up. She felt hot in Amy's arms and tender. Every touch felt like a million tiny touches, hundreds of ripples in a vast surging ocean. "This can't work," Karma gasped.

"But we can try it," Amy said, feeling her pulse beating quick and her throat becoming dry as she breathed.

"What about Clara?" Karma asked.

"What about Liam?" Amy answered.

They were in Sedona on a vacation with the Bookers but they were all alone now in a hotel room where no one would bother them. Miles and Miles away from their parents and their other friends.

Amy slid her leg down and let her hand slid to touch the back of Karma's knee and then her thigh. Karma's lips parted as Amy's hand kept sliding up towards the curve of her ass.

She moved her own hand back to stop her.

"Amy stop," Karma gasped.

"What if I don't want to stop?" Amy asked, feeling as Karma's hand stopped its fight and let her touch. She grabbed at Karma and squeezed her hand on the back of Karma's thigh, right below her ass.

"Uhhh, Amy," Karma gasped, almost whispering, feeling like maybe she was dreaming or sleeping or having the most vivid pre-sexual dream. Her eyes shut tight with the pleasure that she hadn't expected to be so very strong. Amy's hands on her felt strong and sure. It was like the threesome, with Amy taking charge.

"Please let me touch you," Amy begged into Karma's ear before moving her face down and kissing Karma's neck right on her pressure point. Karma gasped shallowly and held her breath. One of her hands rose instinctively to tug and pull at Amy's neck.

"Stop," Karma said, not opening her eyes.

"Are you sure?" Amy asked, licking her now in that place where she had kissed.

"Uhhh," Karma whined, wanting her, pulling Amy's neck towards her face and feeling her body push back into Amy's. Her center was pounding and she was wet with wanting, she knew it already.

"Uhhh," Amy gasped, kissing Karma's neck again and moving a hand to Karma's hip and another into Karma's hair. She slid her fingers into Karma's locks and and clutched tightly, gasping. "This feels, so fucking good," Amy breathed heavily, her hands filled up with Karma and her body touching every part of her. The hand on Karma's hip pulled tight and back so that Karma's body had no room to breathe, it hit against her hard and she shook.

"Amy," Karma whimpered, each touch just breaking her resistance down. She wanted Amy to be smart and choose the other girl. Karma couldn't guarantee that Amy wouldn't get hurt with this and that was the biggest problem.

"Mmm," Amy hummed, moving her hand up under the front of Karma's shirt and cupping Karma's breast without warning, squeezing it hard and licking her ear lobe. "I've wanted you for so long," Amy whispered, painfully loving it. Karma felt a slight but unexpected gush between her legs. Amy's breath was hot and wet on her ear and she was teasing her, panting on purpose, causing her to pant to. Getting her all hot and bothered.

"This is so…"

"Different," Amy breathed, not wanting to stop at all. She pushed her body into Karma's and tugged pleadingly at the top of Karma's shorts, pushing them down just a little and feeling Karma's hip bone, driving her mad.

"Oh God," Karma's eyes opened wide. She gasped and rolled over, unable to stop herself any more. She moved and reached, pulling Amy's lips close and kissing them hard. "Uhhh," Karma moaned into Amy's mouth, twisting on the bed until she could face her all the way and kiss her harder and taste her more. She wanted her so much. The dreams and the fighting and the jealousy and the confusion. It had all led to this moment, this kiss and this time.

"I need you," Amy begged, her eyes shut tight as Karma touched her.

Karma looked at her and saw, the wanting on her face. Amy was so beautiful like that, so sexy. It was just like in her dreams only it was better because it was real.

She pushed Amy onto her back and straddled her, pulling her top up over her head.

Amy's eyes shot open.

"Whoa!" She breathed, her chest rising and falling quickly like she had just ran a marathon in the high heat without stopping.

"I know," Karma said, opening her eyes and looking down. She moved down a bit and tugged at Amy's shirt until Amy sat up enough for her to pull it all the way off. She pushed Amy back down hard. "When did you get so hot?!" Karma asked.

"Shut up," Amy smiled. She placed her hands on Karma's knees and ran them up onto her thighs, squeezing them and watching Karma's face react and change. It wasn't lies, Karma was as turned on as she ever could be. Amy bucked up a little and slid her hands around the back of Karma's thighs, pushing them beneath Karma's short shorts and pulling Karma's ass forward, surprising her quick. "Was it like this in your dream?" Amy asked through her panting. Looking up at Karma in almost disbelief. It was like her own dreams, the ones she thought could never ever come true.

"No," Karma said, closing her eyes and shaking her head. Watching Amy watch her was turning her on more than anything else ever could. She let her hand rest down on Amy's chest and she lowered her body to fall ontop of her, feeling Amy's stomach on hers and her arms around her back. "I just want you to hold me," Karma breathed sadly, her hand holding Amy's face to hers as she felt it all too strong, just that feeling of Amy being hers.

"Uhhh," Amy gasped, Karma's breath was tickling her ear. "I can't believe this is happening." Amy's eyes looked even bluer than before. Karma stared and breathed on top of her.

"Neither can I," Karma said, feeling overwhelmed.

They held each other, not moving until they both felt calm enough to breathe normal and relax. Their bodies were rising and falling at different speeds, they felt like two crazy animals stuck together in a cage. Moving wasn't an option, they wanted the closeness and the touching and that feeling.

"Should we sleep?" Amy asked.

"Mmm, maybe," Karma hummed. She liked the way it felt in Amy's arms after the kissing and the heat. She was playing with Amy's sweaty hand, running her fingertips inside Amy's palm and then pushing them all the way out to Amy's fingertips, watching as her fingers curled and laid flat.

"That feels good," Amy said, swallowing hard, her eyes closing.

"I've missed your smile," Karma confessed.

They hadn't done much but it seemed a lot. Karma rolled over and undid her shorts, pushing them off.

Amy got up and did the same before throwing herself under the sheets and turning the light off.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Karma breathed heavy. It was different now being in bed.

They both laid on their backs for a moment, not touching in the silence.

"Would it be weird if I took a shower?" Amy asked. She couldn't stop thinking that maybe she smelt like Clara. She liked the smell of Clara but Karma might not like it.

"Not at all," Karma said, not knowing why Amy felt the need to ask.

Amy got up and went to the bathroom shutting the door. While she was gone Karma checked her phone. Liam had texted.

LIAM: Is everything okay?

KARMA: its okay, we're going to stay the night.

LIAM: Okay…

Karma thought about writing more but she already said enough earlier. She was sorry. Apologizing again via text wasn't going to change what she was thinking of doing.

She was thinking of quitting him and trying things with Amy. She had been scared at first because without Amy her life would be empty. The prospect of a relationship with her sounded unreasonable. They couldn't really work well in both capacities, could they? They had been friends for so long, how would that even work?

Karma thought about these things while Amy showered.

She thought about Clara and Amy and how they could work flawlessly. They got along and they had a brand new relationship. Everything must be fun between them like things were before with her and Liam. All exciting.

Karma saw Amy's phone resting on the nightstand. She stared at it a while before deciding to pry. She picked it up and checked the message logs. Clara hadn't sent any messages.

The shower shut off rather sudden and Amy exited with wet hair. She had her body wrapped up in a towel. She got under the covers and threw the towel off.

"Amy…" Karma said, looking down at her.

"What?" Amy acted guiltless.

"Uh huh, right. Like you don't know what you're doing."

"You don't have to touch me," Amy said, remembering how she had begged just minutes before.

"Come 'ere," Karma decided, opening her arms and letting Amy's cold body rest on top of hers.

"Oh my fu-cking God!" Karma gasped.

"Mmm hmm," Amy smiled, hugging Karma beneath the sheet. She let her knee move up over Karma's underwear and she moved her face into Karma's neck, kissing her cheek slow, multiple times.

"Yeah, there won't be sleeping if you're going to do that."

"Sleeping is overrated," Amy hummed, moving her lips down Karma's jaw line towards her neck making Karma nervous. Karma felt Amy's knee pushing into her and she gasped.

"Huuu," she breathed. Amy's hand trailed down Karma's stomach slowly, as if testing the waters. "Wh-what are you doing?" Karma asked, stopping her hand.

"I just… wanted to try something," Amy said calmly, not fighting her. "Is that okay?"

Karma thought about it and stopped fighting her.

Amy's hand slid down over panties and she rubbed at Karma's center, pulling up lightly on her undies at first and kissing Karma's lips.

"Mmmm," Karma moaned as Amy's mouth opened to let her in. Amy tugged a little harder at her underwear and opened her mouth more into the kiss, going deeper inside until Karma was panting at the intensity, almost unable to breathe at the heat she was feeling uptop and down below.

"Ss-s-slow down," Karma hissed hesitantly, pulling at Amy's wrist below the sheets and moving her head so that Amy would have to stop kissing her.

"Is it bad?" Amy asked, moving off of her and onto her back. She held at her head feeling mortified.

"No, no," Karma reassured. "It's just fast."

"Sorry," Amy said, breathing hard. "We don't have to do anything, I just thought."

"You thought…" Karma smiled, turning onto her side to stare at her fretting friend who had wet hair and a penchant for nervousness.

"I dunno." Amy said, not wanting to say what she was thinking. She thought they had waited long enough. She thought that the sooner they started doing the things, the better she would feel.

"Can we take things slow at first?" Karma asked, moving her hand to Amy's face and tilting her face towards her so that she could kiss her again, deep like before, her body rolling closer, unable to stay away.

"Mmmmm," Amy hummed, "Okay," she let herself be kissed, her hand on Karma's face.

It was Karma now, moving towards Amy. She moved her knee between Amy's legs and laid down ontop her like before. Amy watched as Karma wiggled to undo her bra and take it off. When she laid down again Amy hugged her and wanted to cry at how good she felt. She licked at Karma's neck, causing Karma to moan ontop of her and she felt the moan all down her own body.

"You're really good at that," Karma said, feeling herself rub up on Amy's leg in her pleasure.

"You taste good," Amy said. She was surprised when Karma returned the favor, dipping her face down slow into Amy's neck and licking her teasingly at her pulse point.

"Uhh," Amy struggled, pushing Karma's body down her own body by her hands on Karma's hips.

"Shit," Karma answered, feeling her underwear much too thin for all the rubbing not to completely affect her.

"Too much," Amy said letting go.

"Yeah, I don't think we can do the slow thing," Karma gasped.

"Wh-what should we do?" Amy asked.

"Maybe we should just go for it," Karma said.

As if responding Amy pushed herself up and took one of Karma's nipples into her mouth sucking soft and licking it at the tip.

"Amy!" Karma yelled, pushing her hard down onto the bed in surprise.

"Fuck," Amy yelled, closing her eyes and covering her face. It was too embarrassing. Everything felt wrong because she didn't know what Karma was thinking.

"Jesus Christ! At least warn me!" Karma laughed.

"Sorry," Amy said embarrassed. "You said to go for it."

"I know but Jesus." Karma gasped, rolling off of her and back onto her back.

Amy rolled over onto her side and stared up at her.

"I'm sorry," she said sadly.

"Don't be sorry," Karma smiled, holding Amy's hand.

Amy tucked her hand onto Karma's stomach and looked up at her, wanting to try it again.

"Should I stop touching you?" Amy asked. She wanted to do it again, she really did.

"I like it," Karma said, "just go slow, please," Karma asked.

"Okay," Amy said moving back up to Karma's breasts and watching Karma as she nipped at her nipple and licked lightly with just the tip of her tongue.

"Uhh," Karma moaned, watching her. Amy did it again, this time a longer lick. "Uhh," Karma answered.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Karma heaved. "that is very okay," her head laid back on the pillow and she pushed at Amy's head to do it again.

This time Amy sucked Karma's nipple into her mouth like before and sucked as Karma pulled her into her and she tugged her own head away knowing it would drive her mad.

"Mmmmm," Karma hummed, "that feels, really good," Karma swallowed, using her hand to pull down on Amy's free hand, leading her to touch her like she had done before.

Amy let her lead and she felt as Karma tucked her fingers beneath the line of her panties.

"Uhhh," Amy gasped and Karma sent her fingers stright into the wetness of her folds. "Karma," she gasped.

"I know," Karma said, moving Amy's fingers slowly in and out of her folds so that they would rub on her clit and feel how aroused she had become. All the while, Amy didn't stop sucking light with her mouth.

She let Karma lead her but then Karma stopped so she slid her fingers down and tucked them slowly inside of her, watching Karma as she sucked in a large breath.

"Oh my God," Karma gasped. Amy stopped sucking and blew air onto Karma's nipple. "Shit," Karma said barely breathing as Amy slid her fingers out slow and entered them again, pushing in harder this time and feeling Karma's walls clench all around her.

"Fu-Amy!" Karma said, grabbing Amy's head and pushing it down against her body.

Amy slid her fingers out again and then sent them all the way back in. She watched as Karma struggled to breathe, clasping at her and holding her head to her body.

"Mmmm," Amy hummed, begging to move quicker as Karma's breathe sped up and almost stopped. Amy used her thumb to press at Karma's clit sending shivers up Karma's spine and igniting her instantly with desire.

"Holy shit!" Karma squeezed out in her desperation. Amy could feel her walls tightening around her fingers, she could feel Karma getting close and tight, her body fighting her from inside and she slid in and out quacking her pace.

"Is that okay?" Amy asked.

"D-Don't stop," Karma begged, pulling Amy's head tighter against her body as Amy sped her pace and listened for an order or a sigh.

"You feel so tight," Amy said as she began to pound her faster and resting some in-between to keep her wanting it and begging. Karma had stopped breathing and held her breath. The feeling was so intense she wanted it never to stop.

"Amyyy," she moaned, pushing her body into Amy's hand and holding Amy's fingers in her with her hand around her wrist so that Amy couldn't move at all and she could orgams. "Uhhhhhhhh," Karma exhaled, feeling her body tighten for a long time before it could rest. "Oh my God," Karma said, letting go of Amy's wrist slow and relaxing onto the bed, letting go of Amy's head.

"Are you okay," Amy asked, feeling soreness in her wrist from how tight Karma had been holding it.

"Yeah," Karma breathed, "yeah, I am soooo okay," she sighed, smiling, her breath slowing down.

"Wh-was that good?" Amy asked, not knowing if she had done it right.

"That was… yeah!" Karma agreed slowly, rushing a hand under Amy's chin and forcing her to kiss her as she moaned, "mmm, yeah," she said, excitedly as she kissed her. "That was, so good," she said between kissing, moving ontop of Amy and holding Amy's wrists up by her head. "Where the fuck did you learn how to do that?!" Karma heaved, staring down at her amazed and seeing her naked breasts now for the first time.

"It just felt right," Amy said.

"Yeah, sure," Karma smiled, rolling off of her and back onto her back. "Fuck Amy!" Karma yelled.

"I know," Amy smiled, holding her own forehead with her hand.

"Did Clara do that to you?" Karma asked.

"Kinda," Amy confessed, remembering the shower and how good it felt. She smiled to herself and Karma saw but she wasn't jealous anymore.

"Wow," Karma breathed feeling like she had just had real sex for the very first time in her life. It had been nothing like sex with Liam. It was precise and smart and it didn't ache or hurt in an uncomfortable way.

"I know," Amy said again, grateful that it had actually worked. "So, you want me then?" Amy asked.

"Amy," Karma gasped, rolling onto her side and looking up at her. "Of course I want you. You didn't have to do that for me to want you," Karma said.

"You've been so unsure. I wanted to know," Amy said.

"I told Liam I loved you Amy. Does that sound like someone who's unsure to you?"

"Not really," Amy confessed.

"Believe me, I'm sure," Karma said. "God and if I wasn't sure before…" Karma stopped talking just to breath. "I can't believe how good that just felt. I never thought about it before."

"What?"

"Sex with a girl…" Karma confessed.

"Not even at the threesome."

"Not really, no."

"I thought about it then…" Amy confessed. "With you…"

"I love you so much," Karma said, searching Amy's pained eyes and kissing her slow, with her hand holding lightly on Amy's cheek. "Mmmm," Karma moaned, dropping her head to the bed and turning onto her stomach to rest. "I feel amazing!" Karma yelled.

"You're ridiculous," Amy laughed, placing her hands behind her head and feeling good about herself. "Karma?" Amy asked.

"Yeah?" Karma had almost fallen asleep, she felt that relaxed.

"What were your dreams like?"

"They were just sweet," she smiled, turning her head to look up at Amy.

"Sweet how?"

"It was like everything was before only better."

"Did we kiss?"

"Yeah," Karma smiled, "we did. A lot actually."

"I'm glad you dreamed about me."

"I'm glad too," Karma said. The trip was still a mess but at least things weren't as complicated anymore. They could tell the truth now without lying. And the wedding wasn't this taboo thing. The affair between Amy and Liam made a little sense given all that had gone on.

Karma just wanted to sleep and feel good for once and so did Amy.

"I love you Karma," Amy said.

"I love you too."

They fell asleep feeling better and they woke happily in each other's arms.


	15. Go Ahead And Use Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of unexpected bliss Karma and Amy join the Booker's for breakfast. Things get complicated when the Booker parents, and Clara's old flame, show up haughty and unannounced.

*more M content in this one and a bit of comedy*

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Go Ahead and Use Me

Part I

Amy woke on top of Karma, naked as she came. "Mmm," she hummed, holding Karma to her and moving her head up onto Karma's shoulder.

"Hi," Karma said, looking down at her. She had been holding Amy and her watching her sleep.

"Hi," Amy said, shutting her eyes for just a little while longer.

Karma played with Amy's hair and touched at her face, using her nails to scratch her scalp.

"Mmmmm," Amy hummed.

"I like waking up like this," Karma said.

"Me too," Amy agreed, still not wanting to move.

Karma's phone started to ring and they both stirred.

"It's Liam," she sighed. "I better answer," she pressed to accept.

"Karma?" Liam asked.

"Morning," she said, "how are you?"

"Fine I guess… How are you?"

"Better, less tears," she confessed.

"Do you guys wanna go to breakfast?"

"Um, yeah, that sounds good," Karma said. They needed to change clothes anyway and touch base and actually talk. Liam didn't deserve to be in the dark and Karma was sure that Amy would want to talk to Clara. You couldn't do the things they had done without feeling guilty.

"Great," Liam said, we'll pick you up soon."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

"We're going to breakfast?" Amy asked holding her face up with a hand on her chin and looking at Karma with only partly wakeful eyes.

"You're adorable," Karma said, leaning in and kissing her, remembering the night before.

"Mmmm, more please," Amy asked.

"Oh, okay," Karma smiled, kissing her again and feeling a rush again like the night before and a flush in her chest.

Amy crawled up on top of her and kissed her more.

"You taste good in the morning," Amy smiled.

"You taste good all the time," Karma fought. Amy kissed at her neck and felt as Karma moaned just like last night. "We've gotta get dressed," Karma said.

"I don't want to,"

"Don't you want to talk to Clara?"

"I guess," Amy said. "I feel horrible."

"You've only known her for four days."

"Stop counting. She's been great."

"I know… She really has." Karma said grumpily, getting up and putting on her clothes from the day before. "I wish Liam had told me about her."

"I don't," Amy said, dressing carelessly.

"Why?

"None of this would've happened, for one," Amy said.

"True," Karma realized, putting her watch on and tying her hair up in a bun. "Hey," Karma said, watching Amy from across the room. "Come over here."

"Okay," Amy walked towards her slowly, she had only gotten her bra and underwear on, all her clothes seemed to be in weird spots.

"You're sexy in just your underwear,"

"Look who's talkin'" Amy said, feeling Karma's hands slide by her sides and link behind her back. Karma reached for Amy's face and pulled her in to kiss her again.

"Uhhh," Amy sighed, her eyes closing with the taste. "Mmm," she said, licking her lips. "I don't want to wait to touch you again," Amy said, shaking her head sadly.

"We can't," Karma said. "We're already being rude enough as it is. We have to at least show our faces and explain everything."

"Clara knows what's happening with me."

"Liam knows too but one small conversation isn't going to fix what I did. Besides," she said, admiring the way Amy's breasts looked in her black bra. "Maybe we'll see something neat today."

"No more caves," Amy groaned.

"Okay," Karma laughed, pulling into her again and kissing her long and sweet. She moved towards the bed until Amy was forced to sit. "Stay here, I'll get your clothes."

Amy must've forgot that she showered and left half of them in the bathroom. Karma fetched them and helped her dress. "I swear you're like a kid."

"Am not," Amy fought.

"Are too."

"Gah." Amy got stuck in her tank top and Karma tugged it down.

A knock came at the door just in time.

"You guys ready?" It was Clara.

"Coming," they both called. They stared at each other for a long time, probably worried that once they left things would never be the same.

"It'll be fine," Karma said, taking Amy by the hand. She opened the door and pushed her way through with Amy trailing behind.

Clara was already back in the driver's seat. Amy walked to the car while Karma checked out.

"Hey you," Clara said.

"Hey," Amy blushed.

"How'd it go?" She asked hopefully.

"It was good," Amy smiled.

"I'm glad, I really am," Clara said feeling a bitter-sweetness about the whole ordeal.

"I'm sorry that we… I mean. I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Clara said, moving her sunglasses down and staring straight at her so that Amy could see her tearless eyes.

"We could've been," Amy said, breathing in tight.

"We could've been," Clara agreed. "You never know though, life is strange."

"I don't want you not in my life." The thought made Amy very sad.

"I'm here," Clara said, giving Amy her hand and squeezing it tight. "Just because we're not fucking doesn't mean I can't adore you and give you hell."

"Clara," Amy squirmed. There was no one else in the car but when she put it like that Amy's mind went somewhere else.

"Okay, I'll stop," Clara laughed, turning the music up a little and singing along to Rihanna's Man Down. Her beginning with Amy had been utterly flawless. She was more worried about Liam though. He wasn't as strong as her yet and Karma had been a big deal for him.

Part II

They drove to a restaurant in town and it was fancy with large wall-length glass windows.

"Clara!" A falsely cheerful voice met them both upon entering.

"Oh shit." Clara scoffed.

"Darling, I didn't know you'd be coming today."

"Mom, you didn't tell me you were eating here," she looked at Amy with a shocked face.

"Sweetie, we've got such a surprise!" Her mother said. "You'll never guess who we ran into! Rory!" Her mother called.

"What the fuuuuuck," Clara sang to Amy, scooping her arm around Amy's back and hugging her to her. "You have to pretend to be my girlfriend." She said quickly

"Wha? Ahhhh, okay," Amy said standing up straight.

"Hang onto me," Clara said, pulling Amy's arm around her back and clasping her hand as if they were a couple.

"Clara!" Rory exclaimed.

"Rory! How crazy!" Clara said, hugging her with Amy still hanging on awkwardly. Amy watched as Clara lost her cool for the first time on the trip.

"Sweetie, who's this?" Amy asked, trying to be rude on absolute purpose.

Liam and Karma rushed into the dining room holding hands.

"Ahhhhh, hold on!" Amy said, leaving Clara alone and rushing over to Karma. "Hey, can I talk to you for a sec."

"Yeah sure," Karma said seeing that Clara was standing with Liam's parents and a stunning woman she had never seen before.

"Clara asked me to pretend to be her girlfriend. That's that girl." Amy said, whispering into Karma's ear.

"Oh, okay," Karma said. Faking it. She got it right away.

"That's okay right? I mean just for this situation."

"Yeah, its fine," After the night they had together Karma felt pretty secure. Arizona was all an adventure. It was fine, it really was. It was bringing them all closer together.

Amy walked back to Clara and made a show of clinging to her in public in front of Clara's ex-crush.

"Babe, Karma's here," Amy said, playing with Clara's hand.

"Oh good," Clara said, smiling down at her super relieved.

"So, you seem happy," Rory said, her face almost tortured by the ghost of something unreadable.

"I'm okay," Clara said. "How are you?"

"I felt so bad after everything. I wanted to call."

"Yeah but you didn't."

"I know," Rory said, feeling idiotic and sheepish. "Is there any way we can catch up sometime today?"

"Well, I'm here with my family and my girlfriend so that might be hard."

"Sweetie," Amy pushed. "You should catch up if you want, we have all week together, I really don't mind."

"I am not leaving you alone with them," Clara said, her eyes darting to her parents who were talking to some other people she did not know.

"Clara, I, look. I really need to talk to you. I couldn't do it over the phone. It just wanted right."

"Babe, who is she?" Amy asked, trying to seem angry.

"She's an old friend," Clara said, tightening her grip on Amy who was pretending to be insecure.

Rory seemed uncomfortable with Amy's existence.

"She's a little young," Rory said.

"I know, right?" Clara joked.

"You're a little bitchy," Amy said, not wanting to play the I'M NOT FUCKING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU BITCH PSYCHO game.

"Sweetie, sweetie," Clara laughed gratefully, pushing back Amy's hair. Why don't you go find a table with Liam, I'll be over in a sec.

"Are you sure?" Amy said, looking up at her with sad eyes.

"Yeah, it's fine."

"Okay, but don't be too long." Amy shot an aggravated look at Rory and walked away without dolling out pleasantries. Once at the table Liam smiled.

"What the hell was that?!" He asked.

"I think she wants to make her jealous."

"Amy, you're amazing!" He beamed, loving the sport of it even if he wasn't allowed to play.

"Why are your parents here?" Amy scoffed in annoyance. "Uck! That girl was a bitch…"

"Who, Rory? Oh yeah, she's a mega bitch." Liam concurred. "She's usually not that nice. I've never seen her like that before."

"Like what/" Amy asked, slouching over the white table cloth and staring blankly at the boring snooty menu.

"I dunno, kind, I guess."

"She's pretty," Karma said, staring.

"Hey! Watch it!" Amy snapped her fingers in front of her, "I'm right here."

"Sorry," Karma smiled. She was nervous about Liam's parents.

"Do they know about everything?" Karma asked.

"They know nothing," Liam said. "You can pretend if you want or tell the truth. It's up to you." He wasn't going to force her to play along but pretending could make it all a lot easier. Breaking the habit of faking everything was becoming a chore.

Amy looked back at Clara and watched as Rory made the most pathetic faces, she was probably apologizing like mad.

"That she-witch better back the fuck off."

"She's not your girlfriend, remember?" Karma asked, amused.

"Doesn't mean she's not evil!" Amy grumbled.

"That is true," Karma sat up straight and patted Liam's hand. "I'll pretend," she said, "it'll be easier."

"Thanks Karma," he said. "It's okay if you don't want to though, really."

"Liam, I like you." She insisted. "If it wasn't for this pain in my ass I'd be head over heels, really."

"Ah," he blushed looking at Amy, still feeling the sting of rejection but liking her all the same.

Clara came over and sat next to Amy. "She's joining us," Clara whispered. Karma watched and wondered what was happening.

"What the fuck?!" Amy cursed.

"Honey, it'll be fine," Clara played, taking Amy's hand from the table and holding it below deck so that Amy couldn't slouch like some uncouth lay-about. She also pulled Amy's chair close so that no matter what it would appear they were canoodling. Karma watched from across the table and shot Amy a warning glance.

"Sorry," Amy mouthed, feeling exacerbated.

"its fine," Karma mouthed back shaking her head. She took Liam's hand in hers and locked eyes with Amy, sending her a smirk.

"Hey!" Amy said, not expecting it.

"What's up?" Clara asked, she hadn't been watching because Rory was coming over and she was nervous about it.

"It's nothing," Amy said coldly, staring directly at Karma and turning her legs in towards Clara's, sending a hand down in front of her to hold at Clara's inner thigh.

"You don't have to go that far," Clara whispered.

"I don't mind," Amy said, wanting to get back at Karma.

Rory sat down next to Karma with Mrs. Booker on her left. And Mr. Booker sat at the head so that he could see them all and talk freely like the king of his own little kingdom.

"Well dear, isn't this nice having Rory here."

"It's great Mom," Clara said, shooting Rory a practiced smile. Clara knew that her mother hated Rory so whatever was happening it was a surprise to them all.

"So Karma," Mr. Booker began. "Liam tells us your parents run a food truck."

"Oh gosh Mr Booker. They do lots of things!" She decided to say.

"They also grow their own herbs, sell their own pottery, and perform cleansing ceremonies. They're very new age," Amy added.

"And who are you?" Mr. Booker asked coldly.

"Father, I told you. This is my girlfriend, Amy Raudenfeld."

"Nice of you to bring your friend Clara," Mr. Booker lied in a condescending tone. He also made it a point to down-play the romance because to him it didn't exist.

"She's not my friend Dad. She's my girlfriend."

"We have sex." Amy said. Causing Karma and Liam to laugh and break into a cover-up coughing fit.

"And isn't she lovely," Mr. Booker joked.

"Rory's going to Harvard," Mrs. Booker said.

"Yes, mom, I know." Clara said.

"And what do you do Amy?"

"Ahhh, community college. I want to be a farmer," she lied.

"A farmer?!" Clara laughed, staring at her. Amy was hilarious.

"I made that up," she said out loud so that everyone heard.

"Colorful," Mrs. Booker said. Mr. and Mrs Booker avoided eye contact with Amy at all cost.

"She's an artist," Clara said. "And she's good, don't let her fool you."

Karma smiled up at Amy and saw her smile back at the absurdity.

"Her mom's a weather reporter in Austin."

"A weather reporter? I might know her…" Mr. Booker said, cheering up.

"Harvard has been cruel. I wish I could go to community college."

"Ahhh, don't say that." Amy said, grabbing a piece of bread out of the bowl like a jack-rabbit. Clara took it from her.

"Let me do that, sweetie," Clara said.

"Community college is for the lesser beings," Amy joked. Rory was being nice and Amy wanted to know why.

"Clara and I used to dream about going to Harvard together." Rory said.

"You never told me about that," Amy said, clinging to Clara and pretending to be surprised.

"Nothing special, just daydreams."

"Karma's a singer!" Liam said.

"Is that right?" Mr. Booker asked. He was almost ignoring the conversation since it was boring and dull and there was no business involved.

"She can play guitar too."

"Oh, that's lovely," Mrs. Booker said.

The waiter came by and took their orders. Clara kept whispering into Amy's ear and making her smile. They were playing back and forth, making jokes about her creep parents. It was working to make Rory jealous but it was also making Karma a little on edge.

"Amy, come with me, please." Karma said standing up. "Restroom."

"Excuse me," Amy said formally, standing up. She pecked Clara on the cheek as she left causing Rory to almost grimace.

"She's nice," Rory said.

"Thanks."

"Was that true about the farming?"

"No," Clara mouthed, rolling her eyes.

"Good," Rory laughed, seeming so different than the Rory that Clara had known two years before.

Part III

Karma pulled Amy into the bathroom and dragged her into a small stall.

"Karma, what the hell?!" Amy asked.

"Lock the door," Karma said. Amy turned and did it. When she turned again Karma leaned forward and kissed her hard, pressing her body against the stall and pressing her hand beneath her shirt. "You are such a tease!" Karma whispered angrily.

"Whoa," Amy said, almost falling from the weight of that kiss.

"I think I like these games," Karma decided, sliding her hand under Amy's shirt and onto her bare back, pulling her close. She kissed her again.

"So, you don't mind?" Amy asked, intrigued by horny Karma who makes out in bathroom stalls.

"I don't," Karma said, unbuttoning Amy's jean shorts and sliding a hand down Amy's underwear straight inside causing her to gasp.

"Oh shit!" Amy said, falling back on the door that luckily caught her.

"You can't just flirt with other girls when I'm sitting right in front of you," Karma said, staring at Amy as she played her fingers over Amy's clit.

"I can't?" Amy asked, feeling frozen and hot at the same time, just stuck.

"No," Karma said, slipping a finger down inside of her and covering Amy's mouth as she moaned with surprise.

"Mmmm," Amy moaned, her eyes wide.

"Shhhh," Karma whispered using her palm to press at Amy's clit. She tucked one finger inside her again, pushing up and using her body to brace Amy since she was weak and fighting to stand.

"Mmm," Amy moaned, her walls closing in tight. Karma pushed deep inside of her real slow and not stopping, she pulled back and pushed again.

"What's that?" Karma asked, moving her hand so that Amy could speak.

"More," Amy gasped.

"Right," Karma said, covering her mouth again and slipping another finger in quick.

"Uhhhh," Amy groaned, unable to stop herself, her body rising as Karma pushed. Karma had been slow before but she was fast now and swift since time was of the essence. "Mmmm," Amy moaned, clenching tight as Karma fucked her. It took all she had just to stand and she screamed at the end with karma tight inside and refusing to leave.

"That's my girl," Karma said, pulling Amy into her and holding her limp in the stall. "You're so hot," Karma said.

"Uhhh," all Amy could do was just breath.

"Come on, get cleaned up." Amy moved to the toilet at sat down. Karma Ashcroft would be the death of her.

She heard Karma outside the stall washing her hands and pretending she hadn't just fucked the living daylights out of her.

"You're insane," Amy yelled, still holding her head and gathering herself from the surprise.

"I know," Karma smiled, wiping her eyes with her clean hands and waiting for Amy to come out.

When Amy did come out she was shaky and dazed.

"Aww, are you okay?" Karma smiled.

"Not fair," Amy said.

"You better get back out there to your girlfriend."

"I wish my mother knew how corrupt you were."

"No you don't."

"Uh, you're right."

Amy cupped at her vagina over her jeans. "Ugg." She said, looking at Karma straight in the eyes causing her to smile.

"I'd kiss you but someone might walk in."

"I'll just let Clara kiss me," Amy joked.

"Amy," Karma got frazzled.

"I'm kidding!" She said, washing her hands and moving slow. "Plus, if I knew this was going to happen I'd be flirting even more."

"Cheeky." Karma said, slapping Amy on the ass before leaving.


	16. Endless Rivers And Rushing Streams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy tries to find a find balance between what is real and what is pretend. Shane appears at the villa.

*i planned to have rory enter the story at some point. so if anyone is confused as to why rory isn't coming off as a super bitch it's because a lot can change when you have time to reflect on the people who really matter to you and the things you've done wrong in life. that's pretty much why clara is such a good person now too*

Chapter Sixteen

Endless Rivers and Rushing Streams

Part I

When Amy and Karma finally came back to the table the food had arrived and Liam and Clara were more than relieved to see them. The conversation had gone into grey area. Mr. Booker was scolding Clara on her life choices and Rory was trying to pretend she didn't exist because the Booker parents were just that fake and judgmental and very reminiscent of her own disapproving mother and father.

"Everything okay?" Amy asked, sitting down.

"Fine, thanks," Clara said, pulling Amy down to sit next to her.

"So nice of you girls to join us," Mr. Booker said rudely folding up his boring newspaper at the table as if that wasn't the rudest thing to do while conversing with others, reading a newspaper like some jackass. Amy wanted to punch his bitch face.

"Sorry Mr. Booker."

"No, no, Karma, that's fine."

Amy said nothing because the Bookers were a bunch of creep-ass wankers. She really hated them.

"So how did you meet?" Rory asked Clara.

"At a coffee shop," Clara said.

"I worked there," Amy lied. It was an easy meet-cute and no one would question it. Amy stuffed food in her face so she wouldn't have to talk. Rory took small bites and Clara watched suspiciously wondering why Rory was there.

The meal was shit really. The Bookers made everyone hate it. When dessert menus were passed around no one ordered a thing.

"I guess we better be going," Liam said standing up. Clara followed and so did Amy.

"Oh," Rory said, standing. "Any way I can tag along?"

"We have to get these two back to the villa. You can come if you want," Clara said, hoping Rory would turn it down. She had never known Rory to come to Sedona and this coincidence was all shade. She wanted to be far away from her, pretending she didn't exist.

"Thanks for the company," Amy said, to the rude parents who obviously hated her.

"Any time Amy, tell that mother of yours I said hi."

"Will do," Amy said dorkily. Clara pulled her around towards the door and they all congregated looking back at the parents.

"Holy hell that was impossible."

"NEVER AGAIN!" Amy hissed.

Rory watched on amused, crossing her arms.

"Come on," Clara said, walking them out to the car.

They piled in fast thinking that maybe the parents might chase them. Once inside it was all calm.

"Okay, was it just me or was that really awkward?" Rory asked from the way back seat.

"Yeah, they're horrible," Clara said. "Did you forget?"

"Guess so," Rory said, fixing her long blonde hair and feeling awkward in the back.

"I am not doing that again," Amy said loudly. "They fucking hate me! Did you see that?!"

"They hate me," Clara said, holding her hand. "They don't want me to be a lesbian."

"Well, whatever!" Amy shouted. "I don't want it to be hot outside but I GET OVER IT like a normal fucking person! I don't take it out on complete strangers!"

"Shhhh," Clara said, "it's over now," she squeezed her hand. Karma watched, wondering if this was all still part of the show. Liam sat beside her rigid.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," she said.

"I know," he said. "If you want me to go home I will."

"Karma, you're still my friend."

"Your friend who broke your heart," Karma said sadly. Amy peeked back at them apologetically. Liam was being sweet given everything.

"When we get back we should just grab stuff and go. If I have to sit with them again I might explode." Clara looked killer in her black sunglasses, she was shaking her leg anxiously and the whole car along with it.

"I can't believe you said that thing about the sex Amy," Liam laughed.

"Oh my god, that was gold!" Clara laughed, touching Amy on the knee.

"Thanks, I try," Amy blushed.

Rory watched from the backseat feeling alienated. Everyone in the car was close except her.

"Where are we gonna go?" Rory asked.

"Probably the river," Clara said loudly. "We just don't want to deal with them. They've been exceptionally rude. They woke Amy up and started screaming at her the other day just because she was in bed with me."

It was fun that they didn't even have to lie about that.

"Wow," Rory sighed taking in the fact that Clara and Amy were in bed. Together. She had not expected Clara to bring someone out.

Part II

When they arrived at the villa, all packed into the swan, Amy was shocked to see a familiar person hovering in front of the Mystic Oasis with a backpack on.

"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HERE!" She yelled, leaping out of the car while it still rolled and jumping into his arms.

"You couldn't keep me away!" He yelled, letting her hug him.

"Shane! My man!" Liam said, approaching him after Amy and pulling him into a manly handshake and bro hug.

"How've you been," Shane asked, all knowing.

"Eh," Liam said, scratching the back of his head.

"Sorry buddy," Shane's face fell.

"Hi Shane," Karma said, passing right by him.

"Hi Karma." They were never going to pretend to be besties.

"And who's this?" Clara asked.

"This is Shane," Amy smiled, still hugging him sideways, not wanting to let go.

"And you're Clara, right? Amy's told me a lot about you," he smirked, extending his hand and letting her shake it.

"All good, I hope?" She said.

"Mostly," he confirmed.

"Oh shit, where'd Karma go," Amy said, letting go and running into the house.

Rory walked slowly toward them and said hi.

Karma was inside the guest room looking for something to wear. She was grumpy because Shane had come. He was a nuisance and a trouble-maker. Not to mention Amy was already pre-occupied with the whole Clara aspect of things so having that one extra distraction to pull Amy away really bothered her.

"Hey, there you are!" Amy said, entering the room. Karma walked to the door and shut it, locking it quick.

"Whoa, is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Karma smiled approaching her. Amy sat on the edge of the bed. She wasn't interested in changing, not really.

Karma walked up to her and put her knee next to Amy's thigh. She leaned down and pulled Amy's face up to hers. Taking care to kiss her forcefully but without hurting her.

"Mmmm," Amy moaned, letting herself fall straight back onto the bed. "Uhh," she breathed as Karma feel ontop of her and began to kiss at her jaw and her neck. She trailed her way down to Amy's collarbone and danced her tongue over one spot. Amy clasped a hand at Karma's neck and held her there. "Oh shit!" Amy breathed.

"Mmm, should I stop?" Karma asked.

"Uh-uh," Amy shook her head no.

A knock came at the door.

"You guys ready? We left the car in the circle drive." Clara said.

"Coming," Karma yelled, feeling stuck.

"Why can't we just stay here," Amy whined.

"Believe me, I want to," Karma said, kissing back up Amy's body and tasting her mouth again, pinching Amy's bottom lip between her teeth and tugging lightly, wanting her.

"Uhh," Amy let out a desperate gasp. "I am so turned on right now," her chest heaved.

"Mmmm, keep it up Raudenfeld."

Karma pushed her hand on Amy's chest and pushed herself away back up to stand. She had to change now or they couldn't go. Amy just watched feeling tortured as Karma rummaged around the room in her underwear, walking back and forth between the full-length mirror and her suitcase, trying to find the perfect match.

"Come on, get ready." Karma laughed, putting an earring on and staring at Amy through the mirror with a knowing smirk.

"Fine…" Amy grumbled, moving to change. The highs and lows were really starting to affect her. She felt dehydrated and manic.

Part III

After the bedroom Amy reeeally wanted to sit next to Karma but Rory was still with them so she shrugged it off and hopped into the passenger seat.

"You okay?" Clara asked.

"Yeah," Amy said sadly, "just…" She shrugged and didn't finish.

Clara leaned in between the seats and pulled Amy in for a kiss. "Don't be sad," she whispered into her ear before searching Amy's weepy eyes and kissing her again rather tenderly. She didn't know what was going on.

If felt good to kiss Clara like that. They had a connection. Clara enjoyed it too just not as much as she used to, knowing now it could probably never be.

Karma and Liam exchanged a look and Rory watched on from the back with Shane.

"Well well well," Shane said intrigued. "They look cozy, don't they Karma?" He smiled wildly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"They sure do Shane. They sure do." This time Karma was a little worried. When Amy was sad it hurt to watch someone else touch her.

They drove off back towards the town and passed it quickly making their way to the river bank.

The drive seemed to be taking forever but they eventually stopped and got out in a man-made parking lot, paying a fine as they entered. Clara parked and pulled towels and bags from the back, handing them out one by one.

"Here," Clara said, handing Rory a clean towel. She had borrowed a bathing suit back at the house. Clara didn't want to be the one to start the conversation up. She was a different person now, she wasn't going to try with Rory, not like before.

They followed a paved trail until it turned into rock, revealing the line of the river that ran through the canyon.

"Oh wow," Amy said, seeing the way the river pooled and swam about the rocks. There were people floating and laughing, and laying off on the side of the rocks, probably tanning since it wasn't yet hot.

"I thought you'd like this," Clara said, walking in front of her and taking her hand.

They walked until finding a pool that was semi-empty and Shane laid out his towel and started to stretch.

"This would be an excellent place to take Pablo," he sighed, dropping his bag and lowering himself into a plank position on his towel. Karma and Liam both stared at him, amused, as he transitioned himself into a downward-facing-dog yoga pose and exhaled.

Rory laid her towel down and took off her shirt. Amy watched in annoyance, noticing that Rory had an excellent body.

"She just had to be beautiful," Amy grumbled, biting her bottom lip and staring at Rory's toned abs.

"Ah, forget it," Clara said, hugging Amy to her and breathing her in. Amy put her hands on Clara's sides and let her head hang down so that she could look at the rocks. "She's just here because she needs a friend."

"How can you tell?"

"I was in love with her, remember?" Clara asked. Amy looked up at her and moved closer, hugging her tight. "Come on you, lets get wet."

"Okay," Amy said, letting her go.

"Amy, come here," Karma called, seeing how depressed she looked and downtrodden.

Amy walked and peeled her shirt off.

"Sit," Karma said, pointing down at her towel.

Karma pulled some hawaiian tropic sunscreen from her beach bag and sat behind Amy with her knees up on either side.

"You guys are real good at that," Karma said softly close to Amy's ear.

"What are you talking about?" Amy asked.

"Hold your hair," Karma said, rubbing her hands together and touching at the spot between Amy's neck and her shoulders where she knew it would feel sublime.

"Uhh," Amy whimpered, her mouth falling open. She shut her eyes at the touched and ached from it.

"Ah, ah ah, they're all watching," Karma said, running her fingers up Amy's neck and rubbing the sunscreen in real slow.

Clara saw them and smirked. She knew exactly what was going on.

"So, cut the crap," Clara said. Rory had been standing around her awkwardly holding her arm. "You came here to see me, didn't you?"

"Clara," Rory sighed.

"You did, right? I know you've never been here." She crossed her arms and stared, pulling down on her shorts and kicking them off.

"I had to see you," Rory said sadly. "I'm a different person than I was. A lot's changed."

"I know that's not true." Clara said. "We can't change who we are."

"You've changed," Rory said, letting go of her arms and playing with her own fingers nervously and feeling hot.

"I'm the same person I was," Clara said.

"You used to worship me,"

"God, that's a joke." Clara laughed.

"I didn't mean," Rory's face looked pained. "You made me feel like I was somebody C."

"Yeah well, I was a dumbass," Clara said straightly, wanting it all out, all the thoughts she really had. She pulled her tank off and watched the way Rory stared and then looked away. "So you want me now, is that it?"

"What? No," Rory said, hurt.

"Now that you're alone and you've chased everyone away. You want me back and you think I'll just take you." Clara was being too harsh. She wasn't seeing how changed Rory was.

"Clara, jesus…" Rory sighed, sitting down on the rock and wanting to cry.

Clara stared at her and felt pity. She sat down next to her and held her knees loosely in her arms.

"I thought you'd be alone," Rory said, hiding her face since she as on the verge of tears and in a very vulnerable state of mind.

"'Cause I'm that unappealing," Clara scoffed. Rory wasn't coming off well.

"No, I meant here. You never bring people here. It's your thing. I remembered." She had been right about that.

"What does it matter that I'm not alone." Clara fought.

"There are things I should say…" Rory started. "Things I wanted to do."

"Go on…" Clara said. Hearing Rory all pitiful, it was like nothing she had ever seen. It was like dreams coming true only it wasn't really satisfying, not at all because the past had still happened and all just the same.

Just then Amy came up behind her and sat down. She pulled Clara back into her chest and hugged her.

"Mmmm," Clara hummed, closing her eyes. Rory watched and felt pain twist inside of her.

"Are you ready to swim?" Amy asked, licking the back of Clara's ear and sucking lightly on her earlobe.

Clara held Amy's head with one hand and exhaled, her body rising in pleasure as Amy held her and played with her so.

Shane watched from the side and his mouth fell open. He met Liam's gaze and mouthed OH MY GOD. To which Liam just smirked and shrugged his hands. Liam was over trying to understand Amy and Karma. They were a mess and they belonged together. They'd drive everyone else mad, that was for sure.

"Hmm," Amy smiled, wrapping her legs around Clara and kissing her neck.

If she wanted to make Rory jealous it was working but Karma was beginning to wonder why Amy was doing SO MUCH when she really didn't need to.

"Baby," Clara moaned weakly feeling tired. She sat herself up and pulled Amy in for a kiss to get her to stop. The game was becoming painful. Clara was starting to want Amy again like before.

Amy moaned into her mouth and rested her head on Clara's shoulder feeling good about her life.

Karma watched out from the distance and began to undress slow, catching the twinkle in Amy's eye and the hunger in her expression.

Whatever was happening, it was happening a lot.

Shane felt mesmerized just watching. It was like a really vivid lesbian daydream.


	17. All The Children Are Insane, Waiting For The Summer Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara tries to deal with her complicated feelings for both Rory and Amy. The Booker siblings go rock climbing.

*this chapter is a bit shorter*

*for the record: I see Rory as Amber Heard*

Chapter Seventeen

All The Children Are Insane, Waiting For That Summer Rain

Part 1

They got in the water and kicked around. The pool was so deep that they couldn't stand. But Amy liked it because it was cool compared to the air.

She watched as everyone got in, taking special care to watch Karma who had been teasing her for a solid five minutes by applying her sunscreen extra slow and looking at her and biting her lip only to then look away and pretend it wasn't happening.

Shane did a cannonball almost directly on top of Liam. They both came up laughing as Karma slid in gingerly on the side.

"This is nice," Karma said, swimming up to Amy but talking to Clara.

"There's a bigger pool down by that bridge," Clara pointed.

Amy and Karma swam away to the edge and looked out, resting their arms on the side of the dry dusty rock and seeing how there were several pools leading downhill and then one giant lake of a pool beneath a long walking bridge.

"What do you think?" Amy asked.

"I think if we stay here I can't touch you," Karma whispered as she climbed around the back of Amy to the other side of her for absolutely no reason, turning around to face the boys who were trying to drown each other.

Rory sat outside the pool just dipping her feet in the water, barely even touching it. Clara tried to ignore her but her presence was all she could feel.

"Come on," Karma said, tapping Amy on the back.

They climbed out awkwardly and made foot prints on the hot rocks.

"So, the whole trip's been like this then?" Shane asked Liam with a cocked eyebrow as Amy and Karma left to God knows where.

"Pretty much," Liam said.

"Are you dying inside?" Shane grimaced with a smile still visible.

"Eh, It's my own fault," Liam exhaled.

"Sort of," Shane cocked his head like a dog. "You always did think Karma was a lesbian."

They were talking normally but Clara and Rory were on the other side of the pool so they didn't hear them at all.

"They seem close," Rory said, her eyes following after Amy and Karma as they skipped down the hot rocks.

"They're best friends," Clara said, trying not to stare at Rory's red lips and the way her wavy blonde hair hid her face in a curtain when she was being silently bashful and purposely hiding herself away at an angel where Clara really couldn't see her.

"That's weird," Rory said.

"We used to be like that," Clara said.

"But isn't Karma in high school?"

"Oh, yeah, they were in band together," Clara lied, making something up.

There was a long pause. Clara was staring off at them and how happy they seemed. Meanwhile Rory was staring at her and breathing in shallowly at the breathtaking sight. It wasn't right and she knew what she was doing. She'd only look at Clara when Clara looked away.

"Do you ever think about me?" Rory asked.

"It's not fair to ask that," Clara said looking up at her and noticing how strange she had become. It was like she had become sadness. "What happened to you?" Clara asked. "You're a ghost of yourself. A beautiful ghost," Clara tagged on, hating her for it and watcher her smile come and go as quickly as an eye can blink.

"You know, you're even more beautiful than I remember," Rory blushed in her controlled way, she had a stone face that seemed almost set to people who weren't Clara.

Clara watched as Rory slyly wiped a tear from her cheek and looked away as if it hadn't occurred. Rory couldn't take Clara's eyes but she wanted them.

"What did you think you'd accomplish out here?" Clara asked, staring.

"I just wanted to see you," Rory said dazedly her eyes darting bravely to Clara's for a brief moment and locking with them before glancing away. Clara felt her heart stop dead in that look. Once Rory looked away Clara's heart pounded awkward in her chest and she became rage-filled.

Laying there on the rocks in one of Clara's black bikinis Rory looked like one of the girls out of Virgin Suicides, the ones who hurt so soft and show little to the outside world. So beautiful yet so closed. She was dangerous in every way.

"If you don't talk to me soon you might miss your chance," Clara said frankly. She couldn't dance with her like this. Rory didn't earn that dance.

She climbed out of the water and walked away after the girls.

Part II

Downstream, Karma and Amy were standing at the top of a small rock-cliff feeling trepidatious about the height.

"It's okay right?"

"Of course it is," Karma scoffed.

"Okay, on three."

"One."

"Two."

"Three," they both said, holding hands and hurled themselves off the edge. They hit the water at the same time, sliding in and feeling the cold endless liquid as it swallowed them up.

When they came up they gasped.

"That was amazing!" Amy yelled. She felt her wrist being pulled as Karma pulled her arm up onto her shoulder and made Amy hug her around the neck.

"It's colder in here," Karma shivered, kicking to stay up.

"I like it," Amy smiled.

There was a place beneath the cliff that acted as a bench. They swam to it and sat, kissing each other at long last.

"Mmmm, thank fucking God," Karma gasped.

"I can't take it when you tease me," Amy confessed.

"You're the one with your tongue in Clara's ear," Karma scoffed.

Clara approached, not seeing them.

"Where'd you go?" She yelled down from the ledge.

"We're right here," Amy said, entering the water again and swimming out so that she could see. "You have to jump!" Amy said smiling up from below.

"I'm not doing that," Clara smiled. She just wanted to get away.

"Come on, please?" Amy begged. "It was really fun!" She pushed.

Clara looked back and noticed Rory staring unmoved from the place where she had been. "Aww, fuck it," Clara said quietly and to herself. She took a step and launched herself over the edge, her feet peddling in the air as she fell.

Part III

After the river they were all wet and dirty. They made a choice to go back to the villa even though they were all still scarred from breakfast with the Booker's.

"They're probably golfing anyway," Clara huffed.

They went inside and all changed. Liam and Clara wanted to climb and the rest of them agreed to go and watch and maybe picnic somewhere with binoculars and a stereo to keep them entertained.

Amy and Karma both changed into light summer dresses and Shane put on little tennis shorts and a tank so that he could tan.

Rory didn't change. She hadn't swam, she had barely moved. She was following them around, just watching them. Amy watched her carefully and felt worried. Clara didn't deserve any more heartbreak than she already had.

They drove out to a different spot in the desert and walked a long ways to the base of a stack.

"You're going up that?" Karma asked. Liam smiled at her disbelief.

"This one's nothing," he said, sweat already appearing on his forehead. Clara and Liam looked cute in their climbing gear like action heroes or an impossibly sexy rescue crew.

The voyeurs all smiled to themselves as they watched them begin. Even Shane found the situation adorable and endearing. The brother and sister that climb rocks together just like when they were kids.

"I like the view from here!" Amy yelled once they were part-ways up and all she could see was their asses.

"Please don't make me laugh!" Clara whined happily.

"She's a catch," Rory said, taking a cracker that Karma had prepared and biting it gingerly with a small glance in Amy's direction.

"Yeah, I know," Amy said, annoyed with her.

Karma had been cutting fancy cheese and spreading pesto onto small crackers of salty multi-grain.

"Clara's beautiful," she said out loud. "She told us about you."

It was an easy way to get the ball rolling, Shane glanced back and forth between Amy and Karma and wondered what was up but he really had no clue.

"Good things I hope," Rory said, not expecting them.

"Nah, not really. She said you crushed her heart." Amy wanted to be frank. She made a point to be angry and unfriendly given that information.

"Probably my biggest regret," Rory said, looking up and watching Clara as she climbed almost like a spider, not really slowing at all as Liam forged up ahead.

It was too quiet on the ground. Shane was uncomfortable. He swatted a fly away from himself and grimaced.

"I'm so glad you came," Amy said, looking to him.

"You kidding me? I was dying to come!"

"I just mean, after everything. You're a good friend Shane," she was talking about his friendship with Liam but he read it differently and blushed.

"I'm glad things are working out," they were talking in code.

"Did I miss something?" Rory asked.

"Not that I know of," Amy ignored her.

"HURRY UP! IT'S HOT!" Amy yelled up at the two who had only really just began.

"CALM DOWN CRANKY!" Clara yelled back.

"Did you really meet her at a café?" Rory asked skeptically thinking it cliché.

"Did you really run away when she kissed you?" Amy poked.

"Maybe we shouldn't talk," Rory decided.

"Fine with me," Amy agreed.

The little fm radio they had brought only got one channel clear so they listened to songs like Seal's & Croft's Summer Breeze, Crosby Stills &Nash's Helplessly Hoping, and Crimson & Clover by The Shondells.

It was the hottest point in the day, Clara and Liam reveled in it.

When they finally got to the top Liam and Clara stood on the edge and howled like wolves into the wind. They echoed all through the canyon that day and boy did they both need that.


	18. You Look Like Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara and Amy adore one another sweetly. Karma's attraction to Amy becomes undeniable.

*I am lovin' this*

Chapter Eighteen

You Look Like Sex

Part I

When they finally touched land after scaling the rock wall, Karma and Amy ran up to them and wrapped them both in hugs. Amy took things one step further, leaping up onto Clara and wrapping her legs around her as she kissed her hard. It was like something out of a movie. Clara was surprised but she caught Amy's legs with her thighs and hands and she opened her mouth into the kiss that was tongue-filled and tasted like sweet summer wine. Amy's hands were all over her face.

"How's that," Amy whispered mischievously as she broke from the kiss.

Rory saw and looked away. Karma didn't expect it. She noticed, blinking slowly and feeling a stinging pain in her side that weakened her physically.

"Not too bad for our first," Clara said much louder. She set Amy down but kept her arms around her. It was good. It was real good.

"I've never seen people do that before," Shane smiled, squinting his eyes behind his aviators. "You were like Chris Pine and Scarlett Johansson. Just two insanely hot people scaling a wall."

"Shane," Liam shrugged, still hugging Karma.

"He's right, you looked hot," Rory added. She had been leaning back on her hands all day looking unaffected but feeling quite the opposite. Clara noticed how she put her hair up in a tight high ponytail and donned a tight yet sheer boyfriend shirt to keep herself from burning in the heat. The collar on her shirt accented her thin long neck. It was just like Rory to go around looking like a model.

The more Clara stared the more upset she became. How was it possible that Rory looked even hotter than she used to? And why the hell had she come? It burned inside her, the uncertainty.

"Come on, we should get back," Clara said. She slid her arm around Amy's lower back and walked with her to the car trying not to think about that amazing kiss and how perfect it felt.

Shane and Karma packed up the blanket and the leftover food.

"You sure you guys are together?" Shane asked.

"What? Oh, you mean me and Amy?" Karma shrugged.

"Yeah, I saw that kiss back there," Shane said plainly.

"She's just pretending for Rory."

"Iiiii wouldn't be so sure," he pried.

"Come on Shane. I said we're fine so we're fine. Okay?"

"Okay," he said putting his hands up in surrender. "It just didn't look like an act."

"Did you know they had sex," Karma asked. It was almost the only thing she could think about lately. With all the sex she had had with Liam it bothered her to get caught up in one little incident that Amy had with someone else.

"What?!"

"Before we… The other day…" She tried to speak but they were all staring at them from the car and she felt flustered because of the kiss she had just seen. Shane was right, it didn't look fake. "The point is, it's complicated," Karma said.

"Imma have to sit you two down and get a detailed report." He played. Arizona sounded like a soap opera. He wanted to give them all fake dreamy soap names and make a storyboard with illustrations.

"If we ever get home, I promise," she smiled. "There's a lot of questions I want to ask too."

They packed it all up and carried it back. At this point all Karma wanted to do was cuddle up with Amy and go to sleep in a cool dry place.

Part II

They got back to the villa and almost everyone wanted to shower. Clara and Amy went up together and Karma almost gasped when she saw them go towards the stairs holding hands. She waited downstairs with Rory and felt uncomfortable.

"You okay?" Rory asked only half a minute into their awkward accidental hang-session. "Shouldn't you be off with Liam living out every straight girl's sexual fantasies?"

"I- I'm fine," Karma said, looking peaked. "I think I'm coming down with something," she lied.

"Yeah, me too. Except mine was self-inflicted, 'cause I'm a fucking idiot," Rory laughed at herself spitefully, except to her it wasn't even funny so she didn't know why she had been laughing. She walked to the fridge and took a beer out. "You want one?"

Karma was the only one who would talk to her and have it not be weird. Rory reeeally wanted to talk to someone.

"Okay," Karma said, "Thanks."

Rory grabbed another acai berry wheat ale and popped the top off. She remembered it used to be Clara's favorite because it tasted like gummy bears and not like beer at all. That was before when Clara was younger and she couldn't handle her liquor. Rory used to know everything about Clara. She took a sip and savored it. All the memories were coming back.

"Here," she said, handing Karma the one she had just sipped out of. Karma took it and put her lips where Rory's had been. It felt strange but sexy to share a beer with someone who had kissed someone who had kissed Amy. It was such a roundabout thing, a roller coaster of feelings were swarming about her. She was reminded of Clara and then Liam and then just Amy since she had kissed her herself recently. The kiss that could bring down her world.

"What did you mean by that, self inflicted?" Karma asked. The beer did taste like gummy bears only it was less sweet and more delicious. Karma thought she could drink that beer forever.

"I screwed things up," Rory said, pulling her wavy hair loose from its tie and tilting her head and pointing her beer and her eyes up at the ceiling above and the room where Clara and Amy were doing something secret without them both. They both were thinking it but not saying, they both had fears that sex was going on upstairs.

Part III

Above the kitchen on the second floor, Clara and Amy had laid down on the bed to rest. It had been so hot out there.

"You really did look great," Amy said, the back of her head on Clara's shoulder

"Oh, come on," Clara whined. "The more you flirt the more I want to have you."

"Sorry," Amy said.

"And what was with you today?" Clara asked, looking at her with an amused but scrutinizing gaze.

"I dunno," Amy confessed. "She just pissed me off."

"Who, Rory?!" Clara scoffed.

"Yes Rory! She hurt you and she just waltzes into town, crashes your vacation and tries to steal you from your girlfriend!"

"There's nothing to steal," Clara laughed. "You're not my girlfriend, remember?" Clara tilted her eyebrow with intrigue.

"Yeah but she doesn't know that!" Amy whined.

"Well, we should shower. Do you want to go first or should I?"

"Why don't we just go together? It's not like we haven't done that before," Amy shrugged.

"Last time I showered with you I ended up taking advantage," Clara reminded.

"True," Amy recalled fondly. She was enjoying the way Clara felt for just a little while longer. "Leave the door open at least," Amy begged hoping Clara wouldn't move.

"Fine," Clara said, confused by Amy's cuddly behavior. She reluctantly got up since her mind was still on Rory sadly.

"I meant it when I said I didn't want you out of my life," Amy reminded.

"If I can't even shower without you we might have to set some boundaries," Clara smiled.

"Can we hold off at least?" Amy asked.

"Whatever you want," Clara smiled neither bothered nor overly pleased. She liked that it was simple yet not. She liked that Amy let it be complicated without turning it all into drama.

Amy put a playlist on her phone while Clara ran the shower. At one point she went in the bathroom and sat on the sink so that Clara could hear her singing along.

When Clara came out she wrapped herself in a towel and moved close to Amy, positioning herself between her legs. Amy slid her hands out instinctively and held loosely at Clara's back in the towel.

"Insufferable tease," Clara said, noticing how pleased Amy was with herself and with her and with the past few days. She leaned in and kissed her, this time it'd be secret. Amy moved her hand up to touch Clara's face as they kissed. It was just for them this time and Amy smiled into her taste, wrapping her legs around her waist and resting her head on Clara's shoulder, holding her tight.

"Why do you feel so good to me?" Amy asked.

"I wish I knew," Clara said, holding her gently. "Alright, get in there. Your girlfriend probably wants to kill me right now."

"Probably," Amy smiled, her arms and legs falling slow.

Amy showered with the door open. By the time she came out Clara was almost done with her make-up and her hair hung about her in wet waves that smelled like expensive product and tropical flowers.

Amy hugged her from behind, looking at her in the mirror.

"What now?" Clara asked, staring at her in the mirror.

"Just hi," Amy said. She liked looking at Clara and even more now that she knew they'd always have this sort of bond. Clara would always be her real first. Liam didn't feel real and Karma came after. Karma was a very different kind of first.

The truth of the matter was, Clara had been her true first. Sex with Clara had been something transcendent, an awakening. "Can I borrow a dress?" Amy asked.

"I think I have the perfect one," Clara said, moving Amy's arms and walking out to the closet. "If Karma doesn't attack you in this you have to promise to come back to me," Clara joked, handing Amy a slinky dress that felt like silk.

"No underwear," Clara ordered, "Just try it."

Amy disappeared into the walk-in closet, dropped her towel and pulled it over her head.

"Whoa," Clara said five seconds later when Amy stepped out. She moved her hands to Amy's hips and turned her around to face the mirror, running her hand down Amy's virtually naked hip and back-side painfully before running it around Amy's stomach and relishing in the feel of Amy's body in that dress. "You look like sex," Clara said, holding Amy tight to her and breathing her in with her nose near her neck. Amy blushed leaning back into her, wanting to kiss her again. Clara held a hand at Amy's throat and closing her eyes for a second before looking at her again. When Clara looked at her she felt like sex but nothing about it was dirty at all.

"I better get outta here before I do something bad," Amy breathed, staring at Clara's eyes through the mirror. She took two steps toward the door and turned around. "Thanks," she said guiltily, "for the dress and… For everything," she smiled giddily.

"Anytime," Clara said, wanting to take her where she stood.

Amy left and Clara fell back onto the bed in her dress and placed her head in her hands. She felt strong because she had resisted but weak because not resisting could've been so fucking fulfilling.

She was almost starting to wonder if maybe Amy could venture into an open relationship, at least for a little while. She laughed at herself though. The thought was just funny.

Part IV

Downstairs, Karma and Rory still hadn't moved or changed. Rory was lying on the couch with her head in Karma's lap. The blonde was staring up at her and telling her all about high school and all the horrible things she had done and been through. Her tales had been so darkly tragic that Karma couldn't help but take pity on her. She didn't realize it but she had been holding Rory's face lightly with her hands and making the most sorrowful expression for at least twenty minutes straight.

The tales were so dark that Karma had almost forgotten about Amy upstairs.

There was something about Rory that was just infectious. It only took seconds for Karma to become wrapped up in her. She understand why Clara had done all the things that she had done.

When Amy appeared in that dress, Rory sat up quickly and Karma stood up and walked to her.

"Amy," Karma gasped, taking her in.

"I know," Amy breathed, seeing the wanting in Karma's eyes and the way in which she teetered towards her as if pulled by some invisible rope or tractor beam.

Karma couldn't help it, she took one step forward and fell into her, wrapping her arms around Amy's body and kissing her passionately, pushing her body into hers and running her hands up into her hair. She pushed so hard that Amy fell back into the wall and Karma pushed at her with her body to keep her standing.

"Whooooooaaaaaa," Rory exhaled in almost shock, taking a step back. It was hot as hell but TOTALLY uncalled for!

Karma and Amy broke apart both holding their lips.

"Oh," Amy said, realizing what she had done. "Oh, shit," she said guiltily as Clara entered the room.

Rory stood up and walked over to them.

"What the hell is going on?!" Rory demanded, her eyes shifting between Karma and Amy.

"What?" Clara asked, confused.

"I kissed her," Karma said regretfully. "She looked so good, I just, I-"

"It's okay Karma," Clara smiled. "Rory, Amy isn't really my girlfriend, she's Karma's."

"What?!" Rory yelled.

"We were faking. She wanted to make you jealous."

"WHAT?!" Rory was livid.

"What?!" Clara said nonchalantly. "It's no big deal."

"No big deal?!" Rory huffed. "She's been all over you all day!"

"And?!"

"And… don't you think that's a little dishonest?"

"Eh," Clara shrugged, noticing the beer bottle. "Oh shit, you guys drank without me, what the hell." She walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer out, opening quick and almost gulping it down.

She had done a lot of climbing on a virtually empty stomach. The beer hit her fast and she spun. "Mmmmm," she said, falling back a little on the arm of the couch before sliding right onto it.

"Wait, I don't get it," Rory said, still confused. "So, she was faking to make me jealous?"

"Sort of…"

"And that was your idea?"

"Sort of," Clara confessed. She really didn't care about it anymore; it was all sort of pointless and unimportant. Everything in her life was a mess. She was rich and lonely and she wanted all these bodies she shouldn't ever touch. First Rory now Amy now Rory again. She thought about it for a second and even decided she wanted Karma too.

Clara started laughing, just busting up.

"Why are you laughing?!" Rory said angrily.

"It's funny!" Clara laughed. She hadn't done anything mean in so long it had actually been fun to trick Rory.

"Stop!" Rory said, walking over to her and stealing her beer. To her chagrin it was already empty. "Jesus Christ Clara!" Rory said.

"Chill out, okay. Amy and I we were in a relationship earlier this week. It wasn't that big of a stretch."

"That's true," Amy agreed, walking over to Clara and sitting down next to her.

Karma walked to the fridge and took a pack of beers out. She brought it to the table with the bottle opener and sat down next to Amy, holding her hand in her lap. Amy's other hand was in Clara's because she knew this reveal was probably a stressball to come out with.

"What is this some sex den?!" Rory was shocked.

"Oh like you're so righteous, don't even dare start that shit with me." Clara was actually seconds away from a drastic switch in behavior. She was usually so calm but Rory's anger should not be in her life anymore.

Amy noticed and looked up at her.

"It's okay," Amy said, rubbing Clara's hand with her own. Karma popped a beer open and handed it across Amy's body to Clara. She also tucked her knees up on Amy's lap and leaned her nose into Amy's hair to breathe her in since she was actually OVERWHELMINGLY turned on.

"I want you," she whispered slow into Amy's ear, causing Amy to squirm.

""Will you sit down Rory, you are making me extremely uncomfortable," Clara barked.

"Iiii need a beer," Amy said, leaning forward and grabbing one. She struggled to open it so Clara leaned forward and took the bottle from her hands and opened it without looking. She snapped it open and handed it back to Amy, pushing her back onto the couch and straight back into Karma's ravenous reach. Karma was running one hand up into Amy's hair behind her neck and another trailed about her stomach, rubbing it. Amy felt heat spread through her with Karma's breath in her ear. She pulled the beer to her lips and took one huge gulp without moving. "I THINK I NEED TO GO." Amy said loudly after she swallowed. She was more turned on then she could ever possibly be.

"What? Really?" Clara asked, surprised.

"It's the dress," Karma said, looking at Clara. Clara noticed the storminess in Karma's eyes, that crazy hunger of thinking about something to the point of needing it like you need air.

"Holy shit, go!" Clara said. "Use my room. Get outta here!" She ordered.

Amy and Karma sprung up and ran off towards the stairs leaving Rory and Clara all alone with just each other.


	19. Drag My Heart Into The Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this chapters was actually quite a challenge for me. i hope it came out okay. it was hard to try and find a balance between what was going on with all of these different characters. some rooms are hot while others are delicate. i just wanted to get it right and i'm still not sure if i did.*
> 
> *WARNING: M content in the beginning*

Chapter Nineteen

Drag My Heart Into The Fire

Part 1

Karma and Amy couldn't get to the room fast enough. They fumbled up the stairs excitedly and Amy tripped halfway to the bed, Karma had to pick her up and guide her there by her hips. The touch almost made her useless though because the dress left nothing to the imagination.

"You are so fucking hot, I can't take this," Karma said falling into her on the bed with Amy's body face down beneath her. When Karma fell on her it was like falling on a completely naked Amy Raudenfeld. It was no secret now, Karma wanted her badly. Downstairs she had been hungering, unable to stop herself from touching and looking at Amy like she was something to devour. She felt her hand slide up Amy's back-side from her thigh up to her back. "Shit, you're not even wearing underwear Amy, that's just criminal!" Karma moaned, her eyes closed. She hadn't expected it, the hunger. It took over her now. She reveled in it.

"Clara told me not to," Amy said.

"Yeah, I bet she did," Karma laughed. She got up off of Amy and ran back to the door shutting it and locking it and throwing her dress off in one swift motion. "Get in the shower," Karma said, her heart racing as she panted.

"I was JUST in there!" Amy groaned.

"I know and I couldn't stop thinking about you," Karma confessed walking quickly back to Amy and grabbing her body to her as Amy stood up.

Her lips ran to Amy's neck and her tongue licked at Amy's pulse point messily but hard because she wanted her right now, right this second. One arm held Amy up by her back and the other reached up and grabbed her left breast, squeezing it hard.

"Shit," Amy moaned desperately into Karma's mouth feeling her body pressed to her on the other side of her thin silky fabric. Amy felt wetness between her legs, it had been instant and undeniable. "Uhh," she sighed into Karma's mouth, her eyes closed in her pleasure.

"You never do what I say," Karma said feeling frustrated. She didn't want to stop kissing her and touching her that way, her hands traveled up and down Amy's body, feeling her everywhere. She was so happy and so mad. She wanted Amy to be hers and do what she wanted. It had felt wrong before but now that she knew why, Karma loved the way she felt. She had been playing love with Liam. They had sex but it wasn't like this. She didn't hunger for him. It wasn't like in the movies.

"I'm sorry," Amy said, once Karma let her breath. Karma spun her around and held her from behind. Amy felt as Karma's hands ran the length of her body from her thighs all the way up to her hair. She pushed Amy's hair to one side and bit at her neck, surprising her. "Karma!" Amy screamed.

"Mmmm," Karma moaned, letting her hand slide down again past the curve of Amy's ass. Despite how she wanted to not be this creepy bestie, Karma's hand slipped down between Amy's legs and cupped at her vagina before pulling up at Amy's body back towards her and rubbing her front to back in such an unexpected and entirely sexual way. "FUCK!" Amy yelled as Karma felt Amy's ass rise back towards her in just that way. She was so fucking hot.

Karma reached her hand to the front of Amy's thigh and pushed up with one hand, forcing Amy's dress to rise. She pulled Amy to her with her other hand on Amy's hip. "Ahhh," Karma gasped, feeling her front tight on Amy's back. Amy was putty in her arms, enjoying every second.

"W-what are you gonna do?" Amy asked feeling weak. Karma was good with her hands. Maybe too good.

"Whatever I want," Karma teased. Her fingers pushing down into Amy's pubic hair unexpectedly surprising her with their immediacy and sureness. Karma slid her fingers into Amy's folds and rubbed up and down slowly but with pressure. With Amy against her it felt like heaven.

"Shhhhiiit," Amy said, her hand flying up to hold at the back of Karma's head, so that Karma would be closer and hear as she panted.

"You can't just wear something like this," Karma said, her fingers had been moving up and down over Amy's clit, and Amy was feeling weak and close. She had already been turned on by Clara and she never expected this so quickly after. Karma was too close, she let her fingers slide inside of Amy since that spot seemed to be teasing her.

"Oh shit!" Amy gasped, almost falling. Karma held her up with an arm around Amy's stomach. She didn't want to stop. She loved the feeling of Amy in her arms reacting to her every touch.

"You're not going anywhere," Karma said huskily into Amy's ear. Amy heard the raspiness in her voice and she felt her knees as they shook. Karma pushed into her again and held her tight. Amy felt herself fall just a bit as her knees couldn't help but to give in the sound of Karma's voice.

Unexpectedly, Karma slid her fingers out and turned Amy around, pushing her back onto the bed.

Amy fell back like a doll, her dress falling back down around her thighs, hiding her body from the open air.

"Fuck!" Amy said, panting heavily, her hand on her head.

Karma approached her and put her hands on her knees. she pushed her hands up Amy's thighs until the dress fell to Amy's stomach and she was free of it at least for a while. She fell on top of her catching herself on her elbows just inches above Amy's face.

"Where is this coming from?!" Amy asked almost shocked. Feeling Karma all around her was intense. Karma was hungry for her and craving her. All the things Amy had been dreaming of, they were all happening right now.

Amy watched as Karma looked down at her and bit her lip.

"Fuck you're hot when you do that," Amy said, not able to look away. Karma pushed her body up, rubbing her stomach into Amy's center and dragging it up just a bit.

"Uhh," Amy moaned, her nipples hard under her dress.

Karma leaned down and licked one over the fabric.

"Ahhh," Amy whined as Karma took her whole mouth and sucked. The dress was so thin that Amy felt everything as if she were naked. "Karma fuck," she squeezed, holding her breath as Karma's stomach rubbed onto her center again and dragged it's way up making Karma's stomach wet with Amy's desire.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" Karma asked, her eyes looking straight into Amy's as she touched her and pressed against her without stopping.

"Oh yeah," Amy said desperately, feeling attacked but loving it in every possible way. "Please," she begged, "please."

Karma backed away off of Amy and dipped low onto her knees at the foot of the bed.

Amy opened her eyes to find her but before she knew what was happening she felt Karma's fingers around her vagina, spreading her wide. Amy gasped only being able to briefly imagine what Karma was thinking.

In an instant Karma's tongue was wet on her clit. Amy felt an explosion of feeling. Her whole body tensed in the pleasure. It was like being shocked to life and then frozen. When Karma licked Amy felt it everywhere and she couldn't move

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" Amy moaned, pulling Karma's face into her center, pushing her closer as Karma teased.

"Mmmm," Karma hummed tasting Amy for the very first time. She never thought in a million years that this would be happening but it was. Amy was delicious.

The touch was so hot and foreign that Amy tensed and felt as her body shook helplessly in the pleasure. As Karma licked her, she felt a fast gush. Amy was starting to cum and Karma couldn't believe how fast that happened. "Mmmmm," she moaned again, tasting the warm sweet liquid.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck," Amy called, her legs tensing on either side of Karma's head and trapping her there. She orgasmed with Karma's tongue on her clit, licking her softly.

Amy sighed and her body began to relax. As soon as Amy's legs let go Karma moved to kiss Amy's thighs and then her stomach. She worked her way up Amy's body, happy for what had happened. The second she came close enough to Amy's face, Amy grabbed her and kissed her hard, tasting what she had done and loving her for it in every way.

"Mmmm," Karma moaned again, this time with Amy's tongue in her mouth and Amy's hands on her face, forcing her into her without hesitation or apologies.

"Oh my God!" Amy moaned, breaking the kiss and laying back onto the bed. "Unnn," she held at her vagina and rolled over onto her side. Karma rolled too, smiling. She hugged Amy, scooping her up.

"Are you okay?" She asked, smelling her hair and feeling her body.

"I am soooo okay," Amy said, her breath still a bit desperate.

"Where did you learn that?!" Amy asked.

"People talk about it," Karma said almost embarrassed with herself. She hadn't thought about it, she just suddenly wanted to try. Amy was looking at her now, happier than she had ever seen her, her eyes glued to her face, just staring in adoration.

"I think I'm gonna steal this dress…" Amy said causing Karma to burst out in laughter.

They were so fucking happy it was almost insane.

Amy rolled on top of Karma and kissed her hard. She soon slowed though, feeling Karma beneath her and everything she had ever wanted right in her hands.

Amy felt so good, Karma wanted to cry. She couldn't help her smile but it was so perfect and unexpected and just RIGHT THERE the whole time. As Amy kissed her, she felt herself falling fast, unable to control her rushing emotions and rising cravings.

This was love and Karma had finally tasted it.

Amy smiled into her as they kissed. There would be no more confusion. They both wanted this so much.

Part II

Downstairs, where the desperate panting and blissful moaning of Amy Raudenfeld and Karma Ashcroft could scarcely be heard, Rory was dumbfounded by the unexpected reveal of Clara's little lie. She was pacing the floor as Clara ignored her and drank the beer that Karma, of all people, had given her.

"So you just made all that up?! The cafe, band, art school-"

"It's not that confusing Rory. I said we were faking and we were."

"But you said earlier you were together."

"Yeah for like two fucking days," Clara scoffed, drinking her beer and feeling done with it all.

Rory plopped down beside her on the couch and stole her drink just like Amy had done before.

"I was so fucking jealous," she said, taking a swig of the gummy flavored beer and leveling with her old best friend for the first time since they had seen each other that morning at the restaurant.

"Of course you were, Amy's hot," Clara laughed, looking at Rory.

"No, dumbass, I was jealous of her!" Rory scoffed.

Rory was sitting so close that Clara almost wanted to push her.

"Yeah whatever," Clara said, not wanting to open that can of wriggly wormy worms.

"I came here because I'm in love with you, ya know..." Rory said plainly, looking over at her and suddenly wishing she had a cigarette. She hadn't smoked in over a year but seeing Clara made her want it.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Clara said, looking up at her in disbelief and seeing the truth in her face and how little Rory seemed to be kidding.

"You kissed me and then you were gone." Rory turned away feeling almost bitter. Clara had slapped her with something big and then disappeared from her life without a word.

"Yeah, I had to go, remember? You said nothing. I had to go." She hated remembering it. There were no words between them and that's what made everything worse. "You left and never called. I felt like a fucking psycho," Clara said standing up. She didn't want to be next to her because Rory could manipulate and lie and get her to do almost anything.

"Kate died," Rory said, shocking Clara. She couldn't look at Clara because this news was too big. Rory drank the remainder of the beer, savoring the feeling of having put her mouth where Clara's lips had been. She held herself together as best she could emotionally, but the times had been tough.

"What?" Clara's face fell. She was about to leave the room when that last bit tumbled out of Rory's mouth in a very natural way. It was almost like Rory was saying, we're out of milk. But instead she said, Kate died.

"Kate died." Rory repeated.

"When?!" Clara wanted to crumble.

"Three months," Rory thought, squinting one eye and feeling haggard. She had cried so much in the past year it seemed unnatural to still have tears that threatened to take her over.

Kate was Rory's big sister and Rory idolized her, praised her to the Gods. It was one of those things where, as an outsider, you're not sure if she loves her or she's IN LOVE with her. Rory loved Kate more than anyone in the world.

"Oh my God, Rory, I'm so sorry," Clara said, her face falling as she took her hands and held them, feeling Rory's soft cold skin.

"It was a car accident," Rory shrugged, letting Clara touch her hands even though they now burned like fire from that touch, distracting her greatly and making her to feel even weaker in her resolve. "I knew before. I knew that I was in love with you." Rory began to say. "I told her everything. She told Dad. My whole family cast me out. I was a laughing stock. Kate was the worst of it." Rory shrugged self-consciously, showing that side of her to Clara that she rarely showed anyone. The vulnerable side that was true and bloody. "She told me she didn't want to see me anymore." Tears rolled out of Rory's eyes as she relayed this horrific tale. "Soon after, she was gone."

"Fuck, Rory, that's…" Clara didn't have the words. Kate was everything to Rory, she meant more to her than anyone else in the whole entire world.

"It was you though," Rory said. "I wanted you," she looked at her finally, seeing Clara's eyes and the way her face almost fell with the news. She looked at Clara as if begging her to be her home, her port in the storm.

"Rory, you never…" She wanted to say, you never showed it. You never touched me like that. You never said… All that came out was, you never.

"I wanted to," Rory said. And deep down Clara knew. She always knew. It was why she had stayed. It was why it hurt so much when Rory rubbed her face in things like having a boyfriend or ditching her for some guy. Rory didn't want what she had. She was never happy with what she had.

"I don't know what to say to you," Clara said, afraid.

"You don't have to say anything," Rory cried sluggishly, getting up and walking away slowly down the hall. She had said what she came to say and if Clara didn't want her it was fine. It was over. She didn't deserve her anyway. Life was shit. She had nothing to live for. Absolutely nothing.

"Rory!" Clara said, following her.

Rory went into the empty guest room and crawled up onto the bed, hiding her face in a pillow. She cried silently, tears taking her again. She was so quiet in her ways. It hurt Clara to know that Rory's insides were burning.

Clara took off the clean blazer she had worn over her dress, she folded it and placed it softly on the dresser. She looked at Rory on the bed hiding and knew there was no use fighting. She wanted to hold her just as much as Rory needed to be held.

Clara hiked her dress up a bit, so that it looked like she was just wearing small spandex shorts. She climbed up onto the bed and placed herself behind Rory, sliding her legs on either side of her and leading Rory's limp body up into her arms by her armpits. She pulled Rory until Rory moved up into her arms and allowed Clara to hold her. Despite everything they still loved one another. They were a twisted broken pair. Neither of them had really moved on though Clara had really begun to get close before this.

"Why didn't you tell me," Clara asked in a pained whisper. She was taking care with her as Rory always seemed to need care. No one gave Rory care ever because Rory wasn't one to give care. But she needed care. She needed it so much. Clara's hand on her hair made her feel safe. To be pet felt sublime.

"I was horrible to you," Rory cried wondering why Clara would hold her after everything, why she would even touch her or let her in the door. "I don't deserve you, not after what-" Rory stuttered, she couldn't breathe. It felt so good to be held by Clara, so unbelievably good. "You feel so good," Rory cried, her small voice taken over by heaving sobs that shook her small body forcefully. She was overwhelmed and it was the first time someone was willing to hold her like this after all that had gone. Her own mother wouldn't hold her. Rory had cried so many times, alone, without the touch of a friend or anyone who would care. Even before on the couch with Karma touching her face, Rory felt a soft burning love for this person who would at the very least acknowledge she was in pain. To be kind.

"None of that matters though, it's all over," Clara said, rocking Rory's shaking body in her arms and refusing to let go.

"Nothing's ever over," Rory sobbed, she was so used to trying to make up for or ignore all of her mistakes. Her hands were holding at Rory's arm, the one that held across her shoulders and collarbone like a vice. She couldn't talk now, she was crying so hard. She felt Clara's other hand on her forehead, holding her back in her arms, forcing her to try and calm and let it all go.

Clara was the only person Rory wanted to ever touch her. She turned her head into Clara's neck and let herself cry as Clara desperately held her feeling somehow responsible despite it all.

It was all such a mess.

Part III

Across the way at Tranquility Hall Shane and Liam were drinking beers and shooting the shit. Liam wanted to be far away from Karma and Clara and Amy and anyone with a vagina.

"I should've known at the threesome," Liam said. He was pretty drunk. They had only eaten some chips and he was on his fourth beer. "When they kissed it was like sparks flying all over the place," he almost wept. Shane noticed his red eyes.

"You can't blame yourself, buddy. Love is a fickle mistress." This was the sort of thing Shane lived for. To comfort Liam in his time of need.

"I should've known though. All this week Karma's been pushing me away. At the wedding she didn't want me there."

"To be fair, you weren't really invited to that," Shane reminded.

"But don't you see? It shouldn't matter." He was frustrated with himself for not seeing all the signs.

"Girls have close friendships, it's normal." Shane reminded.

"Yeah, guys do too," Shane said, acknowledging what they were and what they were doing.

"Exactly," Shane smiled, his breath almost leaving him.

"So what's going on with your sister. Karma told me that her and Amy…"

"What?"

"Had sex," Shane said.

"Did they?" Liam wondered. He couldn't help but find a little hope there. Maybe if Clara and Amy were tight Karma couldn't be with Amy anyway. But Shane had told him all about Amy and Amy wasn't just crushing on Karma before the trip, she was head-over-heels for the one person she shouldn't be with.

"I wish I was there," Shane mused.

"Hey, that's my sister," Liam added on after thinking about it on accident.

"Your sister's hot, buddy," Shane confessed.

"What kind of gay man are you?!" Liam scoffed, squinting his eyes and finding humor in it all.

"Don't be jealous, you're hot too," Shane flirted.

"We gotta get out of here," Liam smiled. The week had been much too heavy.

"Alright buddy, come on," Shane said.

They got up and left together. Shane drove since he hadn't drank as much. Neither of them were worried because how much trouble could they really get into in a desert?


	20. Got The Feelin' That You Wanna Burn Slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Author's Note: i'm really hoping this story doesn't suck for you guys. i checked the stats and noticed that this story has over 21,000 visits, over 4,000 different users reading, and only 165 actual comments on record. as a writer, i'm really not sure if that's a good or bad thing that so many people are reading without comment. either way i just want to thank all the people who have consistently read and gone on this wacky journey with me. this isn't the end but i've been thinking a lot about this story, especially since the comment section has slowed a bit, so i just thought i should update you all. i especially want to thank those of you who have commented. the comments really have motivated me to continue and keep going. if this story didn't have as many comments, follows, and favs, i don't think i would've taken it this far, so thank you thank you for that!*
> 
> *FAKING IT IS COMING BACK SOOOO SOOON! I AM SO EXCITED!*
> 
> *i am in love with rory. innnnnn love with rory.*
> 
> *please let me know how i'm doing if you get the chance*
> 
> *love love love*

Chapter Twenty

Got The Feelin' That You Wanna Burn Slow

Part I

Since the night had come and they were finally alone again, they had taken a long time to physically adore one another with soft hands and open eyes. They watched each other rise and fall in the ecstasy of the almost taboo touching they had just recently began to indulge in.

Amy couldn't imagine that sex would ever feel as good as it did with Karma. Wanting the other person more than life made all the difference to her. Karma made all the difference.

On the other side of things, Karma was riding on the waves of an emotional high. She had been fighting her thoughts for days and for months before. Trying to ignore that thing in Amy, that wanted for them to break through that unofficial boundary that said they could only ever really be friends, trying to ignore it made her break.

She wasn't sure if it had been all the thinking or the dreaming, and she was sure that the jealousy didn't hurt, but something in Karma finally broke at the cave and she knew it the second she felt it. It was like a damn falling down. Suddenly all these feelings of Amy's, they just rushed into her and took her over, drowning her in their strength and fluidity and comfort all in all. Once she finally let herself flow in that stream, nothing seemed confusing anymore.

To be loved and love her back, it was like something she'd never known.

It was true that they had loved before and unconditionally. But this was like nirvana. Karma never expected it but she knew that nothing could ever really top it.

In Clara's bed on the second floor of the Mystic Oasis it was almost like they were back home again in Amy's room allowing themselves to just be without distraction. They completely forgot about their company as the sun descended and the stars began to pop out in the night.

"I can't believe this trip," Amy said, holding Karma's forehead in her hand with the back of Karma's head up on her shoulder. She was petting Karma's soft hair with her fingers and holding her to her.

"I can," Karma smiled, taking Amy's hand in hers and threading their fingers together happily.

"What if we hadn't come?" Amy asked.

"You can't think like that," Karma said, knowing that Amy was thinking the worst and feeling that sadness again, that torture that she herself had somehow helped to inflict.

"I could be home right now, without you," Amy reminded. "You could be in Liam's arms, maybe even his bed," Amy thought.

"No." Karma said, putting three fingers over Amy's lips to stop the words from coming out. "This was going to happen and it did," Karma said, wanting not to sound as corny as her overly new-age parents. Amy always had that habit of regretting things and painting this dark picture of herself that was neither clear nor accurate.

"Why do I always feel like I'm not enough for you?" Amy asked sadly. They had been having the most wonderful time. Karma had taken her over sexually and made her feel in ways she never had before.

"I don't know Amy," Karma sighed, looking over at her and feeling sick. The thought of Amy not being enough, it was insane and it hurt Karma to know that thought could exist in her. Amy was so much that Karma let herself drown in something she never really wanted. Amy was so much that Karma would do and be anything for her. She couldn't resist her. She couldn't even completely deserve her. "You're more than I could ever deserve," Karma said seriously, wanting to burst with the love that she felt and the sadness in hearing Amy's sorrow-filled words.

"So what happens when we leave and you remember that you're straight?"

"I am definitely not straight," Karma said, leaning over with a smile and kissing Amy because her thoughts were just that adorably absurd. "Straight girls don't kiss their best friends," Karma smirked as if she had just proven her point.

"According to the lesbians on the internet, that's not actually true," Amy pointed out.

"What lesbians on the internet?" Karma asked curiously.

"Ha-ha," Amy smiled.

"I mean it," Karma said, refusing to break into a smile after what Amy had just said. "Don't ever feel like you're not enough. Especially for me." Karma said. She looked Amy in the eyes and searched her for what was causing these thoughts. When she knew there was no way to stop them she began to kiss her again tenderly. If she couldn't tell her and have her words go through, she could at least show her. And she would show her. Forever if that's what it took.

Part II

Shane and Liam disappeared in Clara's car. They drove into town and parked at a place that seemed to be extra busy.

Liam was so wrecked that Shane knew what he'd be wanting. They were going back to their buddy nights, the kind they used to have before Karma.

Secretly Shane didn't want to do it. He knew he could just make up some excuse at the end of the night and end up stag. But thinking about that the entire time they were out seemed like an annoyance. He would do it for Liam though. Liam had hit rock bottom. Shane could tell over the phone even before he had come out. Liam Booker had cared for Karma Ashcroft. He had cared so much that it had been unlike him in every possible way.

"What about her?" Shane asked. They had just entered the large restaurant that had a bar and a dance floor. A tan woman in a short white dress passed them almost instantly and Liam's eyes followed her legs.

"Perfect," Liam said. He didn't care who he was bringing home. He was going to get fucked.

Part III

Clara didn't know why but at one point she began to sing to Rory. It must've been because of how long she had been holding her. Rory felt good in her arms. All that time apart had been epic.

"Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I love you. And suppose I said I wanna come back home…" Rory held at Clara's arm as Clara sang a slow country song they both knew and felt greatly.

The song was all about a pair who had broken up and the insecurities and what ifs of trying to mend that relationship after knowing they had hurt one another.

Halfway through the song Rory couldn't take it. Clara's voice had been so sweet with those words on her tongue. She was singing a song about how she wouldn't take her back. But Rory could tell she didn't mean it. It was just like Clara to be so beautifully ironic.

Rory wiggled from her arms and turned into her, kissing her at last. Filling herself up with Clara. She brought her hands up to Clara's face and felt her soft familiar skin in her hands. To kiss her now, it just felt right. It was everything she had thought it would be.

"Mmmm," Clara hummed, smiling into her mouth. They were both smiling into one another as they kissed and touched. It was weird to have been wanting for her past to disappear just hours before. Clara had been so skeptical of Rory but she wanted her. It was such a strange thing, a tight-rope of a line that they walked.

But Rory was kissing her now. Rory was touching her face and her hair and kissing her like she had always wanted. It was insane! Clara wanted to sing again! Tears tumbled happily from her eyes. It was emotional but she just felt like smiling.

She smiled so thoroughly that Rory had to stop just to laugh.

"Why are you doing that?!" Rory asked, tears still escaping her despite the fact that she was actually happy. She couldn't help but touch Clara's lips with her fingers. She missed that smile more than words could ever say.

"I can't help it," Clara laughed lightly. The week had been such a beautiful mess. "Will you go out with me?" Clara asked, thinking about food and how much she wanted to eat some.

"Sure," Rory laughed. She wasn't sure if Clara was being a dork and asking her out on a date or if she just meant OUTSIDE. She leaned into Clara and kissed her again, feeling her smile in her lips and tasting that sweet happiness again.

Rory wanted nothing more than to go out with Clara.

Part IV

Carefully, Clara tip-toed up the stairs with Rory following close behind. When they got to the door Clara had planned on throwing it all the way open and surprising them in whatever state they were in. Sadly, Karma had locked it.

They knocked instead.

"Hey lovebirds!" Clara called.

Amy and Karma instinctively covered themselves even though the door was closed.

"Come on, we're going out," Clara said, feeling Rory on her arm.

"Okay," Amy called. She wasn't sure if she should change. The dress had done a number of things for her in the past few hours.

They got up slowly and dressed. Amy threw the dress on over her head and went to stare at herself in the mirror.

"Maybe you shouldn't wear that," Karma said, approaching her from behind.

"Maybe I want to wear it?" Amy said, turning around and holding Karma to her, kissing her again and feeling that response in her as Karma's hands trailed about her form. She didn't want to leave the room. She looked down on Karma in her arms and loved that she could be serious with her like this. She could see that she was torturing her just a bit.

"Come on," Karma said, looking up at her. "I'm starving."

"K," Amy said, almost sadly, letting Karma slip away from her. Standing alone felt off now. She didn't prefer it anymore. She almost felt like she was learning to stand all over again.

She walked into Clara's closet and pulled out a pair of heels.

"No." Karma said as Amy appeared, her legs long and lean. Karma couldn't take MORE of the attraction she was feeling. Amy's hair was all messed from their tossing about. She looked like a fucking goddess and Karma just wanted to calm down. She felt her breath hitch in her throat.

"Yes," Amy insisted, walking over to Karma and pulling her into her body again, wrapping Karma's arms about her. She lifted Karma's face up by a finger beneath her chin and when she kissed her now she felt Karma's sadness and craving. Karma closed her eyes into the kiss, feeling it intensely.

"I don't get how you went from my plain old best friend to this fucking sex goddess I can't get out of my head," Karma gasped, pulling away from her.

"Sex goddess, huh?" Amy asked, looking down on her and adoring her face and eyes and the way her hair fell down over her shoulders. She wrapped some of Karma's hair around her fingers and twisted it, watching as the curls just stuck. "At least now you know how I feel," Amy said, looking down on her. She watched as Karma smiled softly. She hadn't thought of it that way. She let her forehead fall into Amy as she groaned in adorable frustration and squeezed at Amy's sides just to torture her.

"Are you coming or what?!" They heard Clara yell up from the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming!" They both yelled back.

Leaving the room felt wrong somehow but since they were together it wasn't so bad. They clung onto each other and walked off down the stairs.

Clara and Rory were waiting on the landing. As soon as they saw them they both began to beam.

"Wow," Clara smiled, noticing that look of complete and utter calm on their faces. The way their cheeks were partly blushed and partly tight. The way their hair seemed wild but almost styled that way.

"What?" Amy asked, not even thinking that they could have a we-just-got-fucked look.

"You, just wow," Clara said, blushing, ducking her head and walking away so that they would all just follow her.

It wasn't lost on Amy that Clara was now holding Rory's hand. Something had happened between them. But all she could think about was that wow.


	21. I'm Walkin' On A Broken Roof, While I'm Lookin' At The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara keeps Liam from doing things he'll soon regret.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

I'm Walking On A Broken Roof, While I'm Looking At The Sky

Part I

By 8pm Liam Booker had drank himself into a mood. The boy was mad with lust and he had all but forgotten about Karma Ashcroft.

Shane spent that first hour watching Liam from the bar but when the tanned blonde girl seemed to be just as drunk, amorous, and wild as his dear broken friend he decided his presence was virtually unnecessary.

Inside Clara's car Amy's phone began to buzz.

"Oooo," she said, grabbing it out from her pocket.

"Your mom?" Karma asked.

"No, Shane," it always seemed to be Shane.

"Hiiiii," Amy answered excitedly. Karma had been dazing on Amy's shoulder. She could hear Shane's voice on the other end of the line even though Amy had the phone at normal volume and directed straight into her own ear.

"Amyyyyyy," Shane whined. "Please say you're bored…" He begged.

"Well, that's not the word I would choose," Amy smiled over at Karma and squeezed her hand. "Where are you?" She asked.

"Oh God, I dunno," Shane confessed truthfully. He swirled his empty glass around in a circle on the table. "Some popular place in town," he groaned. Using his hands, he rummaged for a menu or something, anything that could say where exactly he was. He found a few cheap matchboxes with a coyote logo on the front almost eclipsed by a rising sun. "The Twilight Coyote," he read out loud and then instantly chuckled.

"Shane… Are you drunk?" Amy asked in a light but condescending tone.

"I may have had one to five beverages containing alcohol," he didn't even sound phased, let alone smashed, just a little bit sad.

"Okay, stay there," Amy said.

"Okay," he mirrored, hoping soon he wouldn't be so all alone. The line went dead but he had expected that.

"Can we go to the Twilight Coyote?" Amy asked loudly, surprising Clara.

"Ew, why there?" Clara asked knowing it's raucous reputation for housing anyone looking for a quick and meaningless hook-up. There weren't many places to go in Sedona for a scene like that and The Twilight Coyote was surprisingly common.

"Shane's stuck and drunk and bored and he sounded kinda sad…" Amy begged.

"Oh boy…" Clara sighed. She had already assumed her baby brother had gone a little too long without making trouble.

"The Twilight Coyote, it is," Clara agreed. Judging from the way Liam looked after the cave fallout, Clara was sure he was in need of a chaperone. Without meaning too Clara locked her serious eyes with Karma through the rearview. "You sure you're okay to see this?" Clara asked.

Karma just shrugged, she wasn't okay. Just thinking about Liam put her stomach in knots.

"See what?" Amy asked. Whatever wavelength she was on Clara and Karma both envied it.

Rory held Clara's hand the whole way to the restaurant. She felt if she let go at all none of it would be real.

Part II

They got there in five minutes time since the town was that very small. As expected it was the busiest spot in town with the most noise emanating from within. It was an all-in-one place that transformed into a club at night after mostly just being a large restaurant and bar during the day. They even had bouncers at the door despite there being no line what-so-ever since everyone could fit inside.

When they parked they were almost hit by some drunk rich asshole in a brand new yellow sports car.

"This will be interesting," Clara mumbled as they approached the door.

Inside it was dark and loud. Clara held the door open since the bouncer didn't add that to his job-description. She cursed her unlucky stars as she crossed over the threshold and into the environment she tried so to avoid. She hated clubs and crowds. Most of all she hated the biting thought that her baby brother was probably deep inside publically dry-humping some skanky girl on the dance floor, without shame. Their parents had easily done a number on them. Liam's last year was in no way lost on her. Their older sister, Robin, had been sending her emails and voicemails almost constantly about Liam and how he's the most popular boy now at Hester High. There was a lot of family drama that Clara had heard but chosen to stay out of.

It wasn't bad that he was popular but it was bad that he actually thought he deserved it enough to play around sexually with almost every young girl at his school. Clara had heard enough about that in the past year, if not from Robin than from Liam himself. He wasn't boastful but he didn't hide anything and she knew what was going on. She had actually been relieved when the mention of Karma actually stuck longer than a month or two. The Booker's were always popular, especially in high school, but Clara felt a lot of shame for the way she used to act. And yeah he was young and he should be allowed to make his own mistakes but…

Clara knew eventually everything Liam was happy about now would catch up to him and slap him in the ass. He wouldn't like himself after graduation. They were way too similar for her to be wrong about that.

Shane didn't see them when they came in. His table was facing the door but since it was dark outside any entering and exiting seemed almost invisible between the crowds moving about in every which way. The lighting of the place was almost exactly the same as the lighting outside. It was the soft-sex lighting that a place of such stature naturally preferred to operate in.

Amy found him quick and rushed up to his table.

"Hi!" She said with giddiness on her face. She wanted to be his rescuer.

"Sweet baby Jesus," he gasped, fighting his drunk self into a standing position. He had not expected her so quickly and he had not expected her like this. Amy Raudenfeld looked like and absolute knock out. He hugged her hard and then pulled away to stare.

"What?" Amy asked nervously. Shane had been staring at her rather fixedly and his hands had clasped her arms above her elbows. She looked down at herself and remembered almost instantly that she was wearing THAT dress. "Ohhhhhhh," she realized. "Forgot about that."

"Damn Raudenfeld," he fanned himself slowly and instinctively.

"Scoot," Karma said, forcing them both inside the booth. She didn't want Liam to see her. Shane and Amy weren't expecting the shove. Amy fell on top of Shane and crushed him with her body.

"Shit sorry," Amy breathed clumsily from on top of him.

"Don't be," Shane smiled queerly feeling oddly heterosexual for a brief fleeting moment since Amy's dress was low cut up top as well as below. Amy blushed and hit him hard. It was no secret that she had breasts. She used to be able to think Shane was immune to these kind of things.

"SHANE!" She yelled. He laughed as she moved up off of him.

"I'm gonna go check on him," Clara groaned. She had been worried at the house and if she could've she would've avoided this whole scenario. But things happen for a reason so when Amy asked Clara knew it would weigh on her if she chose to do nothing.

"Should I come with you?" Karma asked. She wanted the answer to be no but she knew she was fully responsible for whatever Liam was feeling.

"Probably not such a good idea," Clara confessed.

"Oh," Karma said mopily. Clara shot Rory an apologetic glance.

As predicted Liam was on the dance floor with a girl that oozed sex. Of all the things, that could happen on this trip, Clara never thought she'd be having to do this one.

"Liam!" She yelled over the bass and the noise once in earshot.

"Huh?" he seemed to wake up to her a little.

"LIAM! COME ON!: She pulled at his arm.

"STOP!" He mumbled, taking his arm back and placing it where it had been on the tan girl's hip.

"LIAM!" Clara yelled again. She wasn't going to spend all night watching him dance like a horny dog.

"God Clara! WHAT?!" He yelled, letting go of the girl and turning towards her angrily.

"It's time to go," she said. It was the best course of action.

"I don't need a FUCKING BABYSITTER!" He roared. Immediately after doing so it was obvious to Clara that he had even scared himself with that one.

"Nice…" Clara sighed calmly, staring at him in that level-headed gathered way of hers. Liam was lashing out because he had been hurt.

"FUCK!" He yelled, mad at himself for yelling at her. He rubbed his face with his hand and felt the scruff on his chin.

"Are you done?" Clara asked.

"Who's dis bich?!" The blonde girl slurred. She couldn't even insult correctly, she was that fucking drunk.

"I gotta go," Liam said, leaving the girl all alone. Once he said it Clara turned from him quick and walked straight out of the bar. Liam followed her with his head hanging down. It was for the best anyway.

The breeze outside was more pleasant than 3 minutes ago and Clara breathed in the quiet of the parking lot, trying to calm herself.

"Clara! Wait!" Liam said, grabbing her shoulder and turning her around.

"Look!" She said, allowing herself to be turned. "I know you're in pain but that shit was royally fucked!" It wasn't like her to lose her cool. Only her family could affect her that way.

"Clara! I'm sorry," Liam whined.

"Arizona is OUR THING!" She yelled.

"I know," he whined again.

"It's supposed to be you and me and the rocks and NO DRAMA!" It had all finally gotten to her.

There was a reason she almost didn't come out for the trip this year. A full year without family had cleared her head and made her feel sane for once in her life. But she loved Liam. She raised him. He wasn't supposed to be like their cold money-grubbing older sister or their vacant and unaffected older brother. Her and Liam were a pair. They came and went together and they always chose love over hate. This wasn't like Liam. Liam was drowning.

"Clara Please, this is my lowest of lows," he explained.

"So STOP FALLING!" She yelled, opening the door to her car and getting in. He got in too, feeling horrible. He never yelled at Clara, not since he was really young and didn't know any better. Their dad was always the one to raise his voice. Their mom was always the one to wound with words and hands. Liam never wanted to be like them, ever. This was a big deal. A very big deal.

"She messed me up, okay?" He asked sorrowfully, knowing it wasn't really an excuse. Clara watched him lean his head on the back of the seat. His whole head must be spinning and she knew it.

"She's hasn't left Liam," Clara said. Karma hadn't died and she hadn't told him to each shit or ran from him without explanation. "She hasn't left, she's just not fucking you." It was the thing she had wanted to say more than anything else. Any sane person in Karma's position would have left. "She didn't excommunicate you from her life or treat you like creton."

"And I'm supposed to be happy about that?!" He asked it rhetorically but Clara was going to answer him.

"I wouldn't been," she confessed. As far as she knew Liam only knew Karma for one year, if that. His heartbreak was nowhere near as epic as the one she had experienced for what felt like years upon years with Rory. Karma wasn't making Liam feel wrong about anything. Still, Clara hated herself for being harsh and even comparing things. It wasn't fair but she couldn't take the way the world worked. "It's not a contest. Pain is pain," She swallowed hard. "But your girl is still here," she reminded.

"She's Amy's girl," Liam sighed grumpily.

"And she's your friend," Clara said, taking his hand in her own and looking at him in that wise way of hers. He gave her a pathetic forced smile. He didn't want to think about any of it but Clara was right.

Abandoning the sober to drive Liam home seemed the only option. Clara knew that Liam had some growing to do. The first step of which would be to stop drowning and start letting himself feel.

"Did you come out here alone?" Liam asked.

"Nope."

"So where's everyone else?"

"Twilight Coyote," she said drolly once they were a few miles away and pretty close to the hotel.

"Wait, so you just left them there?"

"None of them are drunk, they'll be fine," Clara said calmly.

"Oh, but Shane," he remembered. He was trying to think of an excuse to not go home. Any excuse to go back and lose himself again would be a good excuse.

"Amy's got him," Clara pushed. She wanted for silence. Booker's were known for saying rash things they would regret later and the day had been so strange Clara could feel things falling apart. Her control was slipping. "Kate died," she blurted out. She wanted to distract her mouth and her mind. Liam sobered almost instantly.

"What?" He asked, sure he had misheard her.

"Kate's dead." Clara repeated.

"Whoa… And Rory came…"

"Rory says she's in love with me…" Clara knew it all sounded bizarre. These were the kinds of things that happened in movies. The older she became the more aware she was of the fact that life was an unpredictable mess.

"Do you think she loves you?" Liam asked wondering the answer himself.

"I think I've never seen Rory like this," it was enough.

"Wow…" Liam said, it was too much for his groggy muddled brain. If Rory was back Clara could really get hurt. He felt for her instantly and checked himself for his own dramatic contribution to Clara's current problems.

"I know…" Clara mirrored.

The rest of the drive was quiet. They both had too much to think about and too little to smile about. Each of them were hurting in different ways and they were both sorry for the ways they had handled one another.

Clara brought Liam inside, made him drink a bottle of water and she watched him until he fell asleep. Since he was drunk, sleep came quickly.

When she got back to to her car in the circle drive, she checked her phone and noticed a text from Rory that simply said, miss you.

Rory had kept her number after everything… And she knew that now.

Part III

"So, tell me everything," Shane smiled mischievously.

"What do you wanna know?" Amy asked.

They ordered drinks and nachos and Karma was fretting silently about Liam. Rory sat back in the booth and tried hard not to stare at the redhead who seemed damaged beyond repair. For some reason Rory's eyes were drawn to Karma. Eventually it began to stress Karma out so she got up and moved to sit by Rory and stop their eyes from doing that dangerous roaming thing.

"Tell me about Clara," Shane ordered.

"I don't think that's appropriate," Karma said. She motioned her eyes to Rory so that both Amy and Shane could see.

"Oh, come on, give me something!" Shane groaned.

"Fine, I'll bite," Rory said, surprising them all. "Clara said that her and Amy were only on for a few days." The truth of it sat in for Amy. Even Rory knew the truth.

"They were flirting from the second they met," Karma said, passive aggressively, butting in. As much as everyone seemed to want to boil everything down to just a small fling, it was obvious to Karma that Amy and Clara hit it off. That sort of relationship is very uncommon. Karma knew it was particularly uncommon for Amy. Amy hit it off with her and Clara and Shane and that was it.

"Hey! Exaggerate much?!" Amy yelled.

"Not an exaggeration," Karma warned avoiding her eyes. It really wasn't an exaggeration at all. They really had flirted from the very first second they met up until just then on the stairs. They obviously couldn't control it.

"So you were jealous?" Shane said, looking over at Karma. She suddenly regretted switching sides. Shane's face lit up like a Christmas tree at the conversation. He was so hungry for the drama he practically forgot about all the heartache that had accompanied it.

"I was something," Karma explained. It wasn't just jealousy. She was envious too. But there was sadness there as well and a heaviness like none of it was avoidable.

"She was jealous," Amy answered, sipping her coke and barely paying attention.

"Can we all just agree that I was having feelings?!" Karma was mad that people kept wanting to put words in her mouth and make her into something she wasn't. It had never just been jealousy. Jealousy made little sense at first, even to her. It was obviously more than that, much more. It hurt Karma to have Amy belittle her feelings like that but she knew that she had put Amy through a lot.

"Fine," Shane and Amy agreed together and then laughed at how similar they were to say that at the same time.

"I assume you were in bed when you met Mrs. Booker." Shane was trying to piece it together. It was like a game of clue, Amy Raudenfeld in the Library with Miss. Scarlet, Amy thought.

"Ew, gross. Virginia." Rory moaned, unable to contain her disgust. She was actually more than curious as to the events of the past few days. Amy and Clara seemed like they had been dating for at least a year. Her own feelings had been off the mother-fucking charts as far as her jealousy, envy, and over-all regret for losing Clara.

"Yes, we were in bed together," Amy backtracked. "But we didn't have sex then." She would answer the questions but she wouldn't feel happy about it. None of them could know what Clara had meant to her or what Clara would always mean. None of them could piece together the events of Amy's brief affair and deduce its overall meaning or the strength of Clara and Amy's connection. It was a once in a lifetime thing. Even as a young woman, Amy was sure of it. She had never ever felt that instantly connected to another person her whole life.

"And in the cave?" Shane asked. Karma and Amy shot each other nervous looks. All Karma knew was that she had found them like that and it took Amy at least 2 hours to reach her at the hotel after her unexpected freak-out.

"The cave was complicated," Amy groaned. She was suddenly sick of the topic and, looking at Karma, she felt ill for even answering what she had.

"Well that means something," Shane mused. His mind immediately went to Amy and Clara having hot sex in the hot cave.

"It's not really our business," Karma defended, looking down. She knew that Amy could feel the tension in her just like she knew Amy and Clara had something rare and hard to define. Karma could read Amy like an open book. That was part of the problem with the Arizona trip, for days upon days Amy was completely unreadable to her. There were secrets and lies and new emotions that Karma had never felt or even seen.

"Right, so you don't want to know if Amy got it on in a cave…" Shane joked.

"Maybe I don't," Karma said, surprising everyone.

"Wait really?" Rory asked almost astonished. She had been sipping on a long island ice tea and pretending to ignore all the talk. Since Karma had taken the spot next to her she had leaned her back up on the side of the booth so that she could better look at her. She wasn't aware that it was making Karma nervous. She just thought she was pretty and wanted to gaze in the downtime at the nice girl who had let her open up to her.

"I don't want Amy knowing all of the things I did with Liam…" Karma confessed looking over at Rory.

"Yeah but, you love her, aren't you curious…" Rory didn't want to push but she was embarrassingly curious. Karma couldn't take the way Rory's eyes would wander up and search her features one-by-one before drifting back down to her drink. It was intensely sexual the way Rory stared. And Rory was intensely sexy. She had smokey eyes and mystery about her. Rory's interest in anything sparked an interest in everyone else.

Rory, on the other hand was unaware of her odd way of staring. All she could think about was Clara and the things she'd probably never know. How many times did Amy and Clara have sex? Did Clara really love her? Was Clara even happy before all the lies and the teasing? Rory wanted to know everything that Clara had done from the second she left her room a year ago to the second she stumbled onto her in that stuffy Sedona restaurant. The curiosity burned in her like acid. It ate her up inside. So many things could have gone on. She wanted to know it all.

"Do you want to know what kind of sex we had?" Karma asked heatedly and almost angered. She was pissed and turned on. Karma was so heated that she hadn't realized she was staring at Rory with her anger instead of Amy. She twisted her head to show Amy her face.

"Wha- uh… No. Ew." Amy lied, pulling a face.

"Amy," Karma smiled and whined, calming down in an instant. She hadn't guessed that Amy would actually want to know. Amy was constantly telling her that she talked TOO much about Liam Booker. And now she's learning that she really didn't talk enough.

"Sorry," Amy shrugged, drinking her soda. Karma had read the lie on Amy's face. She had a particular EW face for things she was actually rather intrigued by. Karma brushed her hair out of her face and tried to calm herself down.

When the nachos arrived they all took to them like animals.

"I think we better order more," Amy said, her mouth half full. They were happy to eat at last and not be talking or thinking. Amy blushed under Karma's gaze and no one mentioned the sex again that night.

Clara came back to the club eventually. They were about to call when Amy saw her approach with her serious look and her serious walk and that way she seemed to hold all her pain inside so visibly.

"Are you okay?" Amy asked, looking up at her. Clara smiled forcibly. She loved Amy's face and her concern. Amy never hid anything.

"Yeah, I dunno," Clara answered truthfully, allowing her gaze to meet them all one by one. At the end her eyes landed on Rory and she saw the panic there behind Rory's eyes. Rory seemed just as scared about things as Clara was.

When her gaze finally hit Karma she realized she should explain.

"I took him home.." Clara sighed. "Reminded him that you're still his friend."

"That was sweet," Karma said. Clara didn't have to defend her, she never did. "It's not your fault he chose you kiddo," there was nothing more that she could say. "You love who you love." Clara's eyes flitted back to Amy for a sec and then to Rory and then they flitted away super fast up to the ceiling where there was no eye contact to be had whatsoever. "Whattaya say we go find some real food?" Clara asked, her eyes at the sky. Amy smiled at Karma and held her hand and Rory watched Clara knowingly before smiling softly to herself.

"YES. PLEASE." Shane agreed. They had devoured two plates of nachos and the food at the bar was only so-so.

They left together and found a late-night burrito joint. They ate outside on the abandoned dark tables and looked up at the stars together. Amy and Karma pretended to see actual constellations but Clara knew them and pointed them out quietly into Rory's ear. Where Amy and Karma were seeing the Unicorn Man and the Lady With Taser, Clara and Rory were seeing Orion and the great Phoenix.

Clara held Rory between her legs on the table and Shane watched as she whispered softly into her ear. The two couples were so very precious he felt whimsy.

"I wish Pablo was here…" Shane sighed.

"He'll be back soon enough," Amy said, taking his hand.

"Who's Pablo?" Rory asked.

"Boyfriend," Shane smiled. "I don't usually keep them."

"Just like Liam," Clara smiled knowingly, a tear in her smiling eye.

"Just like," he confirmed.

"You're a good friend Shane," Clara said. It had meant a lot to him to be there for Liam.

"So, what if we do turn into stars when we die?" Amy asked, ignoring all the sentiment and breaking from reality.

"I don't think it works that way," Karma smiled, brushing a hair from Amy's face.

"Egyptians used to think so." They stared.

"Egyptians built large pyramids for absolutely no reason," Karma scoffed.

"We build skyscrapers," Amy reminded. "And we also worship cats."

"Ew, yuck, speak for yourself," Shane grimaced.

"You don't like cats?"

"Hell no."

"That's it, we're done." Amy joked.

"Ha-ha. I'm a dog person."

"Dogs are nice too." Amy agreed.

There was a lot of silence and downtime. A lot of hand-holding and cuddling. Shane Karma and Amy all laid down on the top of a table with their heads practically touching. They couldn't believe how many stars there were up in the sky.

"I've never seen anything like this," Karma gasped. They had been silent for so long it almost hurt to form words.

"I told you it was amazing," Clara said once she had noticed how quiet they had all become. She wanted to be kissing Rory. It hurt just to hold her hands and touch her skin. She wanted her all over her, to be loving her. Rory felt it too, the heat all about them. The touching felt loud and obvious and they both ached in it but needed it all the same.

"You always see pictures of the sky like this in bookstores or on tv…" Amy mused, staring in awe. "I never thought I could see this with my own eyes…"

The stars were so numbered that to count them would take years.

"Come on sleepyheads, lets get back to the villa." They had spent long enough gazing up from the burrito benches.

Slowly they gathered and traveled back to the hotel. There would be more time there to stare if they wanted.


	22. I Am Ashes, I Am Wreckage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy admits her fears. Karma keeps hers inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dear clarmy lovers: i can't wait to do an alternate on this, you have no idea, i just want to finish this first.*
> 
> *and yes favorite anon: clarmy sex was gentle and karmy sex escalated quickly into being not so soft. that was completely intentional because clara and karma are two very different people. and that's not to say that karma just takes without feeling, that's not at all what i intended out of that scene if that's what you got, it's just different. with the clara sex, clara is older and wiser, comfortable with taking things slow and being gentle. clara is ultimately aware of the fact that amy is new to sex. with the karma sex, karma is feeling these things that overwhelm her. her and amy are both young and fragile but so freaking turned on, it's not even an issue. they've been thinking a lot about each other SEXUALLY and having fantasies so at that point it just seemed right to have karma NEED amy. i love those two sex scenes and how different they are. that was super-duper intentional and i thank you for noticing because it was super important to the story, imo. just as it was important for the karmy hotel sex to be awkward and almost too-strange at first to be done, it was also important for the bedroom karmy sex to be no-holds-barred.*
> 
> *all that being said, i am hoping to add some tender karmy sex before the end because these two are in love and they are both emotionally fragile despite how things seem to have played out in their favor*

Chapter Twenty Two

I Am Ashes, I Am Wreckage

Part I

The night felt short for most of them since they were exhausted emotionally and physically. The only one of them who hadn't been tuckered out by the full day of drama was Shane. And that was only because most of his day had been sitting around, feeling the sun, and doing absolutely nothing. Because of his wakefulness and the routine he had been used to, Shane spent three whole hours on his laptop g-chatting Pablo and smiling to himself in his giddiness before passing out on Liam's couch.

The morning came quickly though and they all came into wakefulness at different times. Amy and Clara were the first to arise. Clara found Amy in the kitchen alone struggling with the coffee maker and wearing her sweats.

"Morning sunshine," she hummed like she had done many mornings ago through the hotel receiver.

"Hi," Amy smiled, she hadn't been expecting anyone, especially not her.

"Nightmare?" Clara asked, leaning back on the counter and watching Amy fiddle. It was really early, crack of dawn.

"Am I that fucking transparent?!" Amy huffed. She was starting to feel like a fucking idiot. Everyone could read her thoughts.

"Ooookay, forget I asked," Clara said, rolling her eyes carefully and turning to walk away. She had wanted coffee too but if the morning was going to be drama she'd rather return to Rory's side and lay next to her awhile in peace.

"Look, I... No," Amy huffed, grabbing Clara by the wrist so she couldn't leave. "I'm sorry." She said, not meeting her eyes. There was still guilt in her. "Yes, I had a nightmare," she confessed, looking tired and not really knowing what to call the dream she had had.

"Here, let me," Clara said, she moved behind Amy and forced her aside with a few careful fingers on Amy's bare hip.

"We have GOT to stop touching," Amy moaned, feeling that hint of something. That attraction that would probably never go away. It was so strong, just as strong as hers with Karma. It was delightful, impossible, a pain and a gift. Most importantly it was new.

"Sorry," Clara smiled, forgetting how little things could ignite her. Amy walked away from her and kept a safe distance, crossing her arms. She watched as Clara reached back and fiddled with the plug in the wall and pressed the on button rather effortlessly. "It'll be a minute," Clara said turning 'round again to face her.

"Thanks," Amy huffed, looking at Clara now. She wanted to stay and go. It was easy to talk to Clara but other things were easy as well. For instance, trusting Clara over Karma, now that would be easy. For some reason, this morning, Amy awoke feeling cheated.

"Come on, talk to me," Clara said, noticing the struggle. "You're obviously upset."

"I dunno," Amy said, scratching her head. She didn't want to mess anything up.

"I'm not gonna bite," Clara smiled lightly in her way. She walked to her and pulled her wrist gently so that Amy would follow her to the couch. They both sat down.

Feeling lost with no help in sight, Amy huffed and moved to lay her head down on Clara's lap so that she could look up at her and have an honest talk. Clara let her hands slide up into the air and she waited for Amy to settle before dropping her arms and staring down at her at a loss.

"What if it's just the jealousy?!" Amy whined. Her eyes looked sad in the morning and she was obviously stressed out.

"Oh…" Clara said, nodding her head and looking down. "So, you dreamt about Karma?"

"No, well, yes," Amy confirmed. "But it wasn't that. It wasn't the dream…" The dream had been fine. Her and Karma at school on the lawn, back to normal before the faking. It was void of romantic love really and that hurt after all they had been through. Amy could see it happening, she could see this whole trip just being some fluke for Karma. Karma was unpredictable and Amy really wasn't. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

"If it's the jealousy, there's nothing you can do," Clara confessed.

"So what, I just lose you, lose her, lose everything…"

"You could never lose me, first off," Clara was thinking about Liam last night and how he was acting like Karma had died. "Second, if it's just the jealousy you'll know soon enough."

"Right cause this trip has to end…" Amy said, feeling hurt.

"It does, eventually, yes." Clara confirmed for the both of them. Their affair had already ended sadly. The trip too would have to have it's sunset soon enough. Amy held at Clara's hand tightly, wanting to keep it. She rolled over on the couch so that she could be on her side and look away from Clara. Clara pet Amy's arm with her free hand.

"I'm so scared it's not real," Amy confessed, feeling Clara's hand on her hair and hearing the way in which Clara sighed heavily as if feeling her same fears. She was having the exact same thoughts about Rory, that girl who had slept in her bed after a full year of pretending she didn't exist, at least in the most basic of ways. It was true that Rory said she had thought about her constantly but what Rory said and Rory did could be two very different things. It burned when Clara got that text the night before. That text she had been longing for, for over a year.

"From where I'm sitting it looks very real," Clara confessed with a hard swallow, thinking about both of their lives. She would love for things to be new and uncomplicated. She would love to not care as much about Rory. But nevertheless she did unfortunately care. Kate dying changed everything. Rory coming out to her parents? What even was that?! Clara was dumbfounded by Rory. Rory came out of left field and hit her on the head like an unexpected fastball.

The coffee maker bubbled on and they sat there a while taking in the familiar pleasant smell of fresh brewing coffee on a dewy quiet morning. They both felt safe together with each other but lost inside thinking about their new lovers or old lovers or confused lovers who may not really be in love. They were similar just there in their subsequent stages of silent consternation. Both in love with these mysterious women but then also in love with the idea of what they could be to one another if they could just let their hopes go.

"Hey you," Karma said, seeing them both on the couch holding each other in that sweet way they seemed to like.

"Hey," Amy said sitting up as if caught.

"Relax, its fine," Karma smiled. She walked over to the kitchen and pulled out a mug for the coffee. She wasn't jealous anymore. She knew she loved Amy. Clara and Amy had something and there was no point in trying to fight it. It would only ever push them away from her. She couldn't hate them for it. They were cute in their way. And the trip was almost over. Clara wouldn't be as consistent in Amy's life, not for very long. Perhaps the closeness would fade or perhaps Clara would become like Shane in her life. This extra person who seems to know and love Amy just as much as she does. More love for Amy was a good thing though, it really was. Karma still felt overwhelmingly guilty for the slowness of her revelation. She had tortured Amy needlessly, thinking she wanted Liam when she really didn't.

Oh, but it was too early for all of these thoughts.

"I don't think she's jealous anymore," Clara said, sending a whisper into Amy's ear.

Karma poured a drink and came over to them. Amy lifted her legs so that Karma could sit down next to Clara. Karma sat so close it surprised them both.

"I loooooove early mornings," Karma dazed, sipping her coffee and leaning her head on Clara's shoulder.

"Oh God," Rory groaned, stepping into the living room and seeing them all there so close like that. "I smelled coffee," she said as if excusing herself from the love-in.

"You guys okay?" Karma asked.

"I think so," Clara said, lifting her arm up over Karma's head and lowering it down over her shoulders so that she could hug her as well.

"This trip has been kind of fucked up," Amy groaned, rolling back to look up at them and feeling Karma's arm around her waist.

"Here," Karma said, offering Clara the mug and noticing her beautiful eyes.

"Mm, thanks," Clara drank. Karma looked down at Amy almost sorrowfully.

"You don't have to be scared of me," she said, hitting home. She thread her fingers with Amy's and squeezed her hand.

"Aaaand, I think that's my cue," Clara said, handing Karma her mug back and motioning for them both to let her leave.

She got up and went into the kitchen. Amy sat up a bit but kept her legs over Karma's, just bent so only her heels and thighs were touching Karma's skin. Karma gave her the mug and leaned her head back on the couch.

"You can talk to me," Karma said, knowing that Amy didn't like to get up early. Something had to be wrong for her to be up and nervous and looking sad like she was. Amy sipped the coffee and felt the heat travel down her throat. She closed her eyes and felt Karma's fingers running down the inside of her arm.

"Come upstairs with me," Karma pushed. Clara watched from the kitchen as the two of them drifted away.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" Rory asked.

"You know the answer to that," Clara poked. To talk to her felt in no way new. It was risky and far too simple.

"I get it if you want me to go," Rory said. Clara and Rory both had that way of smiling no matter what was being said. A queer expression always seemed to be painted on their faces for whatever reason, intrinsic to their very being and they both knew that smile was a well-placed mask that only a trained child could master and advance into permanently owning. Other parents used to say, if you make that face it will stick that way. While Clara and Rory's parents would both say, smile dear, you want them to like you. The falsity of those soft calm smiles had drifted away over the years because those expressions became part of them. The expressions fit them now like a farmer fits his callouses. They were both the type of people who would sooner laugh than cry. They had been conditioned to be just that way.

"You know I don't want you to," Clara pushed. It was shameful of Rory to pretend not to know her.

"I just mean that I get it," Rory said. She wanted to say I'm not the same. She'd rather be without Clara than hurt her again.

Mornings are rough sometimes after nights filled with over-sharing, uncommon touching, and a loseness that can only scarcely be described with precision and accuracy.

Clara and Rory had both let themselves bend in the night. They wanted the awkwardness gone so the happiness could begin. It had been so long since either of them had been genuinely happy. Clara came real close with Amy in the days leading up to this but she knew they could be happy eventually if things had been different. Just like she knew they'd always wonder if her and Amy hadn't broken apart like they did after the naturally cascading events and the way they just sort of had to tumble out of each other's waiting arms.

Plus, Liam's troubles hadn't helped things at all. It was strange to have so many people to care about after a year filled with near solitude. Clara had made acquaintances at school but almost everything felt temporary like no matter what it would all just slip away after time and become nothing but a vague memory.

"What are you thinking?" Rory asked. Clara had been gazing off into space.

"I'm thinking I want this to work," Clara said. She didn't want to be alone and she always wanted Rory. Not even Amy could dull that unnatural craving in Clara, the one that needed Rory like air or water or food. That craving would never rest if she had the chance or the choice to try and just quench its thirst.

"I don't deserve you," Rory said, thinking it true.

"Everyone deserves love," Clara answered. It didn't matter if Rory deserved it. Or if she herself deserved it. Or if anyone deserved it. Love was something universal, it was a need and it won over other things like contradictions or random hate. Love always would win. To Clara it did. It obviously did. Rory was there after all, sharing her bed, holding her hand. Love was the reason, not hate or anything else.

"Some more than others," Rory said, looking at her and raising a hand to Clara's face. Clara took the hand before it could touch her. She took it and held it close to her side.

"I just wish it didn't need time," Clara sighed.

The truth of it was real and heavy, sobering in every way.

"I just want to be with you," Rory said tiredly.

"Well, you're with me," Clara said, running a hand behind Rory's back and hugging her close. She sipped from her coffee and kissed Rory's hair.

They were doing this. They really were.

Part III

On the roof, Sedona was peaceful. The birds chirped and the sun had taken a low but pleasing space that had once been empty in the partially lit sky. They weren't sure what to do with themselves but since they had both awoken early some fresh air seemed to be the good kind of medicine.

"I'm glad this happened here," Karma sighed thinking of home and of Hester, of their families and friends and their whole last year filled with complicated lies and misguided scheming.

"I don't know if I'm glad," Amy confessed. Karma pulled her to sit on the expensive outdoor furniture that had barely been used. She put her own feet up on the coffee table and made Amy to lie on her lap like she had done with Clara only moments before.

"Would you rather it had happened at Hester?" Karma asked with a rhetorical smile.

"I'd rather it happened before Clara," Amy confessed causing Karma to squirm unexpectedly since she had never expected such a response.

"Are you in love with her?" Karma asked, nervous and scared of Amy's feelings. She never expected the mention of her name. Clara seemed to be this thing they weren't talking about.

"I love you, idiot," Amy said, smiling up at her as if to say, and did you really forget?!

"So why?" Karma asked, speaking soft of what she had seen. The way they held each other in the morning and talked. The way Amy obviously adored Clara and vice versa at every turn.

"How am I supposed to feel like you weren't just jealous?" Amy asked, remembering her dreams and her latent fears.

"I was honest about all that," Karma sighed, unable to explain the circumstances leading up to her manic behavior. Amy's comment almost seemed a diversion but it wasn't. All these thoughts were connected. From Clara to Karma from jealousy to love. They were all connected and she couldn't have one without the other. They swirled about her mind and muddled her up something fierce.

"Yeah, but it all happened here," Amy stared up at her, displaying her fear.

"We're going home soon," Karma sighed. It was the only thing she could think of to say.

"I know, that's what's scary," Amy said, her face filled with foreboding. To go home would be the true test. A life without Clara was a life without a buffer. She had lived that way before and it had been horrid. Things could easily just go back to what they were. Amy never thought she could have Karma after the wedding but now… Karma was saying the things. To lose her now would be worse.

"I can't tell you I know what's going to happen," Karma couldn't stop petting her hair. Amy seemed so distraught and it broke Karma just to see the little ways in which she could damage her without wanting to.

"What is it about her?" Karma asked. There seemed to be so much about Clara, not just an air and a calm. Clara was beautiful and wealthy and she always knew just what to say.

"With her I feel safe," Amy said. She looked up and noticed how Karma's eyes blinked in pain with those words.

"And with me?" Karma asked, wanting to look away. She was so scared of Amy's answer.

"I love you, but you're danger," Amy said, as serious as a heartattack.

Karma focused her eyes on a hawk far away. Amy wouldn't say it if she wasn't feeling it. It took all of Karma's strength to hold back the pain that she felt at that answer. If Amy wasn't safe with her, they really shouldn't be. She had fucked things up so much. But she loved her and now Amy was scared and that was all her own damn fault.

Part IV

When Liam and Shane finally rose they all agreed to pile into the escalade and find a place to eat. The mood was somber though as very few of them were interested in talking. Karma had been side swiped by Amy's hurtful confession and Amy hid inside of her head, saying little about the morning or the restless night or the thoughts she couldn't stop. Amy had no idea how painful those words were for Karma to here. She had thought that Karma must be tired, but it wasn't that at all. Karma was breaking.

Clara and Rory had both decided to be still as ever possible since it was their preferred way to exist. Liam wanted to leave altogether, he had no more words for the injustice that he was feeling. So, after all, that left Shane, the boy who was excited for a distraction but settling for the quiet morning he wished hadn't happened.

"Where are we going?" Shane asked.

"Somewhere trashy," Clara answered. She knew she would drive until finding a place that her parents would never dare step foot in. For a brief moment she had an idea. "Hey, how far are we from the Grand Canyon?" She asked, turning to Rory with a wide grin.

"It's pretty close I think," Rory answered. She wasn't sure but she had noticed on her nervous drive in that there were signs with mile markers that put it close. Clara knew it was close, she asked just for the hell of it.

"Maybe we should disappear," Clara said.

"I've never seen it," Rory shrugged.

"Anyone interested in being kidnapped?" Clara asked.

They'd have to go down the mountain and backtrack the way they came in but another day in Sedona with the risk of running into the parentals felt dull and tedious.

Karma laid on Amy's lap and Amy held her feeling better now that they were doing something and not just stewing in Sedona where it all seemed a quaint but vivid daydream.

Liam really didn't want to be where he was. He knew Clara though, and she'd not let him out of her sight.

"Flagstaff to the 40," Rory helped. "Follow signs for Phoenix til you're off the mountain." It was simple enough.

"Thanks," Clara smiled. She was excited to go. "We'll eat in flagstaff," she said. Rory nodded seriously as if it was all business. All business.

"Grand Canyon, huh?" Shane beamed, "This is unexpected!" He was like an adorable puppy so happy to be out. Shane was secretly texting Amy behind the seat. Karma caught on three text in.

"You guys are ridiculous," she said.

"We were texting you too," Amy poked, pulling Karma's phone from her pocket and holding it up to her face for proof.

AMY: I want coffeeeee

SHANE: I want steakkkkk

AMY: I made Karma sad :(

SHANE: NOOOOO!

All the messages were addressed to all 3. Even the one about Karma.

KARMA: I'm okay…

AMY: She's lying…

They stopped texting for a bit and Shane sent them both a link to some restaurant in Flagstaff called MartAnn's Cafe.

"Yes!" Amy exclaimed. Her voice broke the silence. "Can you turn up the music?" She asked. "Shane found a place to eat in 20 miles," she informed them.

"Sounds great," Clara said. She turned the dial and they all felt a little better with a set plan and breakfast soon to come.

By the time they got to the foot of the mountain they had reached Flagstaff and solid ground and they were ready to devour a small village worth of sustenance.

The restaurant was perfect, all red and smelling of mmm. People were laughing and talking and the AC felt great. Amy and Shane both marveled at the art since it was all Dia de los Muertos, sacred skeletons and fantastical traditions.

They sat around a rectangular table and squished close together ordering everything from The Gringo breakfast that was aptly named to the rarely ordered Chorizo Plate that most people would no sooner look at then decide to ingest.

It was the perfect meal. Everyone was impressed.

"I couldn't take it anymore," Clara confessed. "I felt stir-crazy up there. Usually by now we've climbed several stacks and almost depleted ourselves." She was talking of course of her and Liam's rock climbing vacations.

If Karma had known she never would have come.

"You guys really don't have to babysit us," Karma said, shooting them both looks. Before it was about the love connection but now it was really unnecessary for them to be catering to them so much.

"Yeah, you know I'll just steal your car," Amy smirked, eating what was left of her bacon and feeling proud of herself for never caring as much about the crap that shouldn't matter like pleasantries and unavoidably putting her foot in her mouth.

"It's okay, I want to go to the canyon. I haven't been in years," Clara confessed. It was a new plan but a fun one at least. She already knew that Rory hadn't seen it. Firsts were a big deal. People always remembered their firsts.

"Never been," Amy said. "It's just a big hole right?" She was joking, of course.

"Oh, shut up, you're excited," Karma pinched her because she knew. Despite Amy's belittling, the girl was overjoyed. She loved things like this, canons and caves and any place awe-inspiring or creepy.

Amy's mother barely traveled. They had the one big move and that was it. The most they traveled was from the top of Texas right down to the middle. It was part of the reason Amy so loved the travel channel. Karma knew she was pretending not to care.

While Karma had dreams of settling down, Amy had dreams of travel and adventure. Being anywhere but Austin. She wasn't stir-crazy or stuck, she was just a dreamer like that. Loved to think about travel, much more than actually going anywhere.

Driving out to the canyon was surreal. Amy wasn't sure what to imagine but she thought perhaps mountains and certainly not a lot of flat land leading into the woods.

One second they were driving and then all of a sudden there was nothing but cliffs as far as the eye could see. The hole was almost invisible because from the car you couldn't see the bottom of the canyon, you couldn't even come close. It was just rocky cliffs of differing shades and small people everywhere looking out over the vast never-ending pit.

"There it is," Clara breathed, pulling her car into a parking-lot and ditching it as quickly as she could. They all got out excitedly, even Liam was amazed.

"I've never seen it this clear before," Liam said. The last time they had come Liam and Clara could barely see anything, there was a fire and lots of smoke and they got screwed on the view. Today was so different.

"Holy moses," Shane sighed, walking near the edge and feeling dizzy. Karma and Amy followed close behind.

"Is there even a bottom?" Amy scoffed nervously.

"There has to be," Karma smiled, taking her hand and walking behind her carefully, wanting to stay behind the rails and far away from the danger of falling. Strangers were looking at them as they came near. They gave Amy a sneer and Shane snapped.

"RUDE!" He barked and they turned and walked further down away from them. It wasn't cool to be judgmental. "Creeps," he huffed.

"There's the bottom!" Karma yelled, finally seeing it. She walked on the other side of the railing and tried her hardest not to get any closer.

"Oh yeah, there's water."

"That's so crazy."

"We have to go down," Clara said, approaching them from behind.

"Down?! What are you talking about?!" Amy said nervously.

"You can go down, people do it."

"What like in a plane?"

"That's one way but there are many," Clara smiled. She was thinking of a helicopter but her and Liam had used rope before to scale it from the top to the bottom. They camped down there once.

"They have cabins inside. We could stay there," Liam suggested. He wasn't happy about it but he didn't want to have to think. If they got cabins he could hide away.

"Yeah, I'm not going down there," Amy said. It was too much work.

"Fine, but I'm going," Clara decided.

"So what do I do?" Amy asked.

"You can get a hotel room I guess," Clara shrugged. She pulled a phone out of her pocket and busied herself with something while Amy just watched. In less than two minutes Clara had dialed a mysterious number. Amy and Karma watched and listened as Clara booked her usual room in the hotel nearest to where they were standing.

"It must be nice to be fucking loaded," Amy muffled, causing Karma to gasp. It was like the Amy from the beginning of the trip had returned.

"I'm glad we're not going," Karma said. She didn't love the idea of sleeping at the bottom of a giant hole. Heights weren't her favorite thing anyway. Liam and Shane would go and so would Rory because she wanted to be with Clara so very bad. They just had to decide, plane, helicopter, rope, or burro. There were many ways to get to the bottom and Clara liked them all. She liked that they could spend the whole day here far away from her mother and father and with Rory by her side.

"This will be good," Clara smiled. "If you change your mind, let me know." She was speaking to Karma and Amy but they would not be changing their minds. Clara took Amy's hands and put the keys in them. "Just in case," she said, giving her a warning smile.

Amy watched as Clara walked off towards the bathroom and disappeared.


	23. And The Hurt Is Just Too Bold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy realizes something she should've known long ago...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *THANK YOU FOR ALL THE COMMENTS AND LOVE!*  
> *i’ve been slow and busy, sorry guys. i started writing I’m All At Sea because i knew if i didn’t start it i’d never do it. it was too cute to pass up! THIS IS MY PROBLEM*  
> *also, i’m making myself hold off on cooperfeld/amen. i’ve been obsessed with those characters bonding since that very first episode and the subsequent episodes where lauren WILLFULLY decided, for reasons unknown, to PROTECT amy instead of outting her. there is definitely a lot of love there and there will be more soon, i’m sure. but if i start writing cooperfeld i may never return to karmy. so yeah. gotta finish arizona and arizona #2 just to be safe.*  
> *L: thanks for the lengthy comments! clara was inspired by liam’s damaged self and my own situation as a misunderstood middle child in my family. i knew i wanted to make karma jealous, and amy happy, so clara had to be chill, hot, overly-likable, and slightly damaged. amy is meeting clara right after clara has had her big revelations about life and her own sexuality. because of that clara comes off as being completely together to amy but clara is, as we have seen, still plagued by insecurities and weakness, she’s just better at dealing with things now. she’s like the amy of the future, she’s sure of herself. i love rory because she’s so so over her life and all the dumb things she’s done or been put through. she’s like angel after he gets his soul. she knows she doesn’t deserve love but she will want it forever and hate herself for being the kind of person who thinks they should even be allowed to want after all that they’ve done. my favorite thing about a character/person like her is that even though other people have always assumed they can get whatever they want, they rarely do get what they want because it’s all usually for show to hide their true feelings for bigger reasons. rory’s at a place in her life where she’s trying to to make amends, she’s over her desires so clara still wanting to let her in is just this extremely unexplained and complicated act of love, it’s a true unexpected gift and rory really didn’t ever expect to be forgiven, let alone invited in. i gotta love that. she’s damaged beyond repair, even more so than clara. everybody loves a beautiful disaster.*

Chapter 23  
And The Hurt Is Just Too Bold

Clara, Rory, Liam, and Shane puttered around the edge of the canyon for a little while. Karma and Amy were excited about having the car and the hotel. They knew if Clara had booked a room it would be a good one. But they felt a little guilty about ditching the pack.

“They’ll be fine,” Amy said reassuringly, knowing what they were both thinking.

“Oh, yeah,” Karma nodded from the passenger seat reassuringly. “They’re used to this. They do this allllll the time.”

“And WITHOUT us,” Amy reminded. Without them, was the most important thing. In her own mind Amy was thinking, maybe we can test these waters, maybe a little separation is a good thing. The morning had woken her up a little. Clara would always be alive and Karma would always be her good friend, those were the two most important things to her right now.

“What was it called again?” Karma asked.

“El Tovar Lodge?” Amy thought that was right but she wasn’t sure. It was hilarious because they could’ve left the car where it was. The lodge was literally one parking lot over. 

“AHHH! A DEER!” Amy yelled.

“Oh my God!” Karma smiled, rolling her window down and trying to take a picture. Amy slowed enough so that Karma could get a good shot. Karma looked somehow more beautiful today than she’d ever looked before. Amy wasn’t sure why but in truth it was Karma’s sadness making her soft.

“Wow,” Amy sighed. She had been staring off toward the passenger window. But she had been watching Karma and not the deer.

“I like when you look at me,” Karma confessed bashfully, feeling Amy’s eyes, avoiding the gaze but wanting it all the same.

“Is it bad that I just want to be lazy and not move at all?” Amy asked.

“Not at all,” Karma confessed, remembering the morning and the way she too had felt sluggish and void of all motivation and hope. Amy’s words were in her all day making her feel less-than and wrong. She had always been this fuck up in Amy’s life, dragging Amy into danger and hurting her feelings without ever wanting to. She thought to herself, how can this be any different? She knew she loved Amy but how could she stop her perpetual cycle of accidentally causing her harm?

She thought back to the hotel room several days ago and how she had not wanted this to start. This had been the exact reason, the one, not-so-tangible, thing holding her back. Letting herself love Amy was dangerous because it raised the potential of losing her completely. Karma knew she screwed everything up on a regular basis. Her biggest fear was that she’d ruin everything with Amy and in a way she could never take back.

“You okay?” Amy asked, noticing the low spirits and how Karma went from excited and blushing to down-trodden and dreary.

“Yeah,” Karma lied nervously. “Just the heat, I think.” 

The heat had started and she had just rolled the window down to get the right shot. Amy smiled at her and held her hand sweetly.

“Wait here, I’ll go get our keys.”

From across the parking lot Karma could see Clara, Rory, Liam, and Shane walking towards them from only a few feet away.

“YOU FOUND IT!” Clara yelled. She thought it was hilarious that they had driven. Amy and Karma were so strange, just wanting to stay at the top of the Canyon when they could easily go inside and let those enormous cliff walls encircle them in their monumental natural form. It almost baffled Clara, the oddity of the two. Truthfully, Rory would want to stay at the top too. But she wasn’t about to miss a night alone with Clara in whatever case, so she kept that to herself. Rory didn’t care if there’d be a tent or a cabin or a blanket on the ground. She didn’t care if she’d have to ride a donkey or a dune-buggy or ride in a spaceship that was only halfway legit. Rory wanted to be with Clara and never leave her ever, never, ever. She’d do anything right now just to stay by her side.

“I’m glad they’re staying,” Rory confessed.

“Me too, is that bad?” Clara smiled. For Clara, the less people the better. She loved Amy, and Karma could be entertaining, but she longed for simplicity. Usually the trip was nothing but simple: rocks, Liam, Clara, the end. This trip had been a cock-up to say the very least.

“I don’t think that’s bad,” Rory said, staring deep into Clara’s eyes and enjoying her all to herself.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Clara warned, feeling flustered. She was too happy about Rory already, so unguarded and ready to just have her at least for a little while. She had Rory’s hand in hers but she dropped it to gather her own body and put some space between them. At every turn Clara would remember how distant they had been exactly at those times when they were now getting close.

“Sorry,” Rory confessed simply and turned away. It was easy for Rory to turn her wanting and honesty off. She had been doing it for so long now. It just made her feel cold and robotic. She didn’t want to do it anymore and she almost burned at Clara for making her try. The old Clara would never have done that. But the old Clara had been burned herself. For Rory, turning her love off was just a physical thing. Inside she always yearned but outside she never showed it if she hadn’t chosen to.

“I’m sorry,” Clara said, taking Rory’s hand back.

“It’s fine Clara,” Rory said. Clara’s name on Rory’s tongue, it fizzled in Clara’s ears.

“I haven’t heard you say my name in so long,” Clara confessed. Rory was making her feel like it was high school all over again, only different and definitely better.

“My beautiful Clara,” Rory said, leaning close into Clara’s ear and whispering it sweetly, wanting to say it over and over and over. Clara’s eyes rolled and closed into the pleasure. “I can’t wait to be alone with you,” Rory whispered again. Clara was a little taller than her so to whisper in her ears she had to stand up on her toes and support herself with her hands on Clara’s arm and back. Clara felt Rory all about her and her head began to spin. She swallowed thirstily and grabbed Rory by the waist, leading her on to her car so that she could be distracted.

As Clara tugged at her, Rory felt herself fall. She loved the way Clara touched and guided, the way she was strong and quiet and calm and hot as fucking hell. She smiled into the situation and allowed herself to be led.

“Where’s your friend?” Clara asked, leaning onto Karma’s door and looking straight at her, making her nervous.

“Shes getting the key,” Karma said.

“I was going to do that, you know,” Clara reminded.

“I think she’s excited.”

“Excited to stay in one spot all day and do absolutely nothing?” Clara asked as if to say EXCITED TO BE A LAZYASS?!

“I guess so,” Karma sighed. Clara made her a bit nervous.

“You sure you don’t want to go? The cabins at the bottom are much nicer than this hotel.”

“It’s fine,” Karma smiled. “I could use a day off and Amy seems to want this so…” Karma wasn’t sure what to say. When Clara looked at her she felt hot and wrong.

“You okay?” Clara noticed how flustered Karma was getting.

“The morning was just…” Karma confessed.

“We didn’t mean-” Clara started.

“It wasn’t that…” Karma comforted her immediately. “Amy said something to me after and I just haven’t been able to push it out of my head.” Karma admitted, feeling small and less-than, yet again. Whenever she talked or saw Clara she felt less-than. Clara was so beautiful and so nice. It was hard to not love her. Karma realized now that she really truly did though. Clara had been nothing if not a beautiful and much-needed wake-up call. Karma was actually thankful for her.

It didn’t take long for Amy to come back. Clara joined her in the lobby and got the room upgraded to a suite with a view. The hotel itself was old and nothing like the fabulous villa they were occupying in Arizona. Clara had told Amy all about how her and Liam stayed in that suite once and watched tv for three whole days. It was funny to hear Clara talk about that. It seemed to Amy that Clara was so outdoorsy. Her and Liam must really love each other to have these trips.

Karma waited in the car. Shane meandered near her and asked her questions about what it was like kissing Amy. What it was like being with Clara. What it was like dumping Liam. He was filled with questions and Karma was filled with sighs. She didn’t like all the things she had done. How she had hated Clara for no reason. How she had crushed Liam’s soul after being shallowly led to him in the first place. The more Karma thought about it, the more she hated herself.

And then there was Amy. All her Amy thoughts had been unruly today. Every since that rooftop talk and the mention of her being “danger,” Karma felt scared and small and alone and just awful. It was the first time during the trip that Karma actually wished she was back at home. In her room she could always hide from the world. In her room she could think and write her thoughts down and read them back to herself and try to understand her feelings in a way she really couldn’t if she tried other ways. Karma needed to sit on important things and let them stew. Nothing ever came easy to her, at least, not emotionally. In some ways she was like a blind person fumbling around in the dark.

“You okay?” Amy asked once she returned. She was leaning in Karma’s window and noticing her mood.

“I dunno,” Karma said. To Amy she looked sick or tired or something. She looked something.

“They’re leaving soon,” Amy said reassuringly. It wasn’t them though. They were all fine.

“I think I’m hungry,” Karma lied. 

“There’s a sandwich place. Clara said,” Amy smiled. She was so pretty. So very Amy. Karma watched as Amy’s long blonde hair blew sideways in the hot wind. 

“I want to kiss you,” Karma said sadly. It was the only thing that could quiet her thoughts and make her feel at least a little bit grounded.

“Mmmm,” Amy hummed with a smile, leaning into the window and letting Karma pull her in by her shirt for a long and sweet kiss.

“Oooooo,” Shane teased from the back where he couldn’t see at all. He had been waiting in there since the A/C was on. The others were planning the descent and he was just along for the ride.

“Alright buddy, let’s go,” Liam said, walking up to the car and signaling for Shane. From the look of things they were getting ready for something. Rory and Clara had bought clothes and changed. Karma stared at the light stringy backpacks they had got, which also seemed to be full. Liam was wearing a white touristy tank that said WELCOME TO THE GRAND CANYON right across his chest.

“Oh boy,” Shane moaned.

“We’re goin’ in!” Liam said, handing Shane a backpack and a tank. “I got you some shoes too,” Liam said. He had noticed that Shane had been wearing flip-flops and that simply would not do. Everyone noticed the fact that Liam didn’t even need to check or ask Shane for his size. Shane blushed a little, accepting readily the brand new shoes and socks in Liam’s hand.

“So, what’s the plan?” Amy asked. She was still hanging onto Karma’s door but they all seemed ready to go running or something, it was really weird.

“We’re doing the hike,” Clara said. “The horses are lame and Liam and I have already done the rope descent.”

“What happened to, maybe we should take a helicopter into the canyon?” Amy mocked.

“Now that you lazies aren’t going, it seemed only practical we take the trail,” Clara said matter-of-factly.

“Riiiiiiight,” Amy teased. She seemed to have forgotten how against the hiking she had been on every leg of the trip. Clara and Karma both stared at her with accusatory smirks. 

Rory wiped her forehead, she didn’t like to sweat.   
“Wish I was staying,” Rory confessed. Hiking was the worst way to get into the canyon because it would certainly be the longest and most taxing. She wasn’t out of shape. She just liked to be pampered and driven around in golf carts and hidden from the sun when she could be. Clara had at least gotten her a ball cap to protect her face. Rory had put her hair neatly up, right away, and she was applying sunscreen vigorously. Next up would be the bug spray.

“No turning back now,” Clara said, watching her. “Oh!” Clara said, turning back to the girls. “Cell service out here is absolute shit.” She knew. “There’s a payphone down at the ranch though, so if you need us you can call there.”

“Down at the ranch?” Karma laughed.

“It’s like cabins at the bottom. People stay there for fun. It’s camping for prissy people,” Clara teased.

“Oh,” Karma nodded. It was funny. Why would anyone want to stay in a ranch when they could stay in a suite at the top of the world. She shrugged to herself.

“Okay?”

“Okay.” Amy said. 

“If you need anything there’s some cash in the glove and you can charge whatever you want to the room, it’s no big.”

“K.”

“Be good.”

“We’ll try,” Amy laughed.

The adventurers walked away in a pack, leaving their old things in the back of Clara’s car. Shane looked back at Karma and Amy nervously and waved. They waved back.

“Well, I guess that just leaves you and me,” Karma said, breathing in.

“Finally!” Amy groaned.

“You’re so funny,” Karma laughed. “You love this stuff, I know you do.”

“I love doing nothing and being with my best friend.” Amy reassured. “This stuff is all… complicated.” She said. It occurred to them both that there was no reason for them to be talking on either side of a car door. But they weren’t sure what to do now. They were abandoned in a strange but beautiful place. Alone finally, and together.

“Well…” Karma thought. “What should we do?” She was trying to be optimistic and send away her dangerous thoughts from the morning. 

“How much cash is in the glove?” Amy asked mischievously. She reached into the car over Karma’s lap and opened the glove compartment. It wasn’t just a few measly dollars. Clara had rolled up SEVERAL hundred dollar bills. They were packed, thick and neat, held together by a heavy-duty purple rubber-band. “Jesus Christ!” Amy exclaimed. Karma took the roll from her hand and tucked it back into the glove, closing it away for safe keeping.

“Come on,” Karma sighed. “Let’s at least look at the canyon.” She wanted Amy to be in the car with her instead of outside in the heat acting like they hadn’t recently done all sorts of intimate things with one another. 

“Oh!” Amy said. “Okay.” She walked around to the driver seat and got in. “Sorry, I got distracted I guess. I’m not used to having to drive and be in charge.”

“I know,” Karma smirked, enjoying Amy this way. “So,” Karma said, searching Amy’s face and realizing again how fucking gorgeous she was. “Weeee, should pick up some food in town.”

“Town,” Amy nodded. They had passed a town ten minutes back. 

“And we should drive around a bit, see the sights.”

“Sounds good.” Amy agreed. She loved with other people made the decisions.

She started the car and circled around to drive back towards the town. Karma hooked her phone into the speakers and started up one of her playlists.

“I love this one,” Amy said, clearing her throat.

“I know,” Karma smiled. It was one of Karma’s more mopey playlists, it had bands like The National, Serena Ryder, Tonight Alive, Bat For Lashes, This Providence, Dashboard Confessional, Sufjan Stevens, and The 1975 on it. Amy blinked slowly as I Need My Girl by The National played on slowly, filling her up with this heavy feeling inside of the car. Karma took Amy’s hand and held it. “You okay?” Karma asked. Amy looked like she was about to start crying.

“Yeah,” Amy smiled feeling sleepy. The song kept going, it said: I keep feeling smaller and smaller. I need my girl, I need my girl. Over and over it played and Amy felt that so much, it was how she had been feeling without Karma after the wedding.

“We don’t have to do stuff, I just thought maybe we should make ourselves,” Karma forced herself to speak comfort even though she too wanted to drown in the song.

“No, it’s fine,” Amy lied. Something about last night didn’t sit well with her. “Why’d you make this playlist?” Amy asked. She wasn’t expecting the music to affect her so much and though she had heard it before vaguely she never realized that all the songs were songs sung to girls.

“It’s the one I used listen to when things were rough,” Karma confessed. By rough she meant, those two months after the wedding. But she didn’t say that. She purposely chose not to say that. They were months of her trying to convince herself that it wasn’t all her fault when she knew somehow that it was.

“Why?” Amy asked, suddenly realizing something about the song and then the others that she knew pretty well. The playlist was fairly recent, Karma had started it sometime after the wedding back when her and Amy were having a hard time.

“When I was sad and I wanted to think about you, I’d sort of wallow in it…”

“Karma,” Amy sighed, looking up at her with clouded eyes. It hadn’t seemed then that Karma missed her much at all. Karma was busying herself with Liam and keeping a safe distance from Amy. Amy only knew about the playlist because Karma had linked it on facebook without much of an explanation. Music generally didn’t need one but then there was this...

“I missed you soooo much,” Karma confessed, her eyes closing at the memory of that longing and guilt and feeling of abandonment, of being the abandoner. She wanted to connect with Amy again and be connected, now more than ever. She wanted to make up for those months because she had felt so empty without her, so broken and wrong and just sad. But it almost felt like a burnt bridge. Like you could never repair the lovely thing, only build something new, more sturdy, but less authentic, less natural, something plain.

Amy squeezed Karma’s hand and tried not to cry. It was hard to drive that big car with only one hand. They eventually had to part ways.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Amy asked. It was a loaded question. How could they even talk? They had both said things. Amy had done that thing too.

“I just couldn’t,” Karma choked up and looked her in the eyes. After all that happened Karma just pretended to not think about it after the wedding. It had obviously worked. Amy was sure that Karma was completely preoccupied with thoughts of Liam back then. It was a show but it had worked.

“It’s okay,” Amy comforted, seeing that despair. It was over now.

“It’s not,” Karma said, shaking her head and looking down, wiping a tear from her eye and trying to remain normal.

“Karma, it’s over.” The separation was over.

“Yeah, but I can’t go back. I can’t take it back, not any of it.”

“You don’t have to, sweetie,” Amy said desperately. 

Karma smiled at that term of endearment. Amy saw her laugh to herself and blush.

“What?”

“You called me sweetie,” Karma smiled.

“Sorry,” Amy smiled. It just seemed natural. 

“No, I like it,” Karma said, finding joy in the day. The more they talked about what happened before, the better things seemed to be. It wasn’t like them to not know one another. But they had been strangers for months. It had been the hardest months of their lives.

In town they found a newer cafe to stop into. They had sandwiches there and sushi to-go.

“What do you think?” Amy asked.

“Looks great,” Karma smiled, holding her back pockets with her hands to keep herself from trying to touch Amy Raudenfeld.

They ordered large iced-coffees and broke one of Clara’s hundreds to buy multiple boxes of fresh sushi, fresh fruit, and delicious looking desserts. They weren’t really sure how much they would eat or where they could go but it all looked so delicious. 

“You going down to the canyon?” The barista asked. She liked the site of them and that they seemed in no rush at all. They were probably dragged along by family. Many teenagers had that look about them. She smiled at them and the memories of her own family trips with her best friend.

“Not down as much as near…” Amy confessed awkwardly.

“You should go to the watch-tower.” She suggested. “It’s easy, the tallest point near the rim, and the drive is gorgeous on a clear day like this.” The barista’s eyes moved to the window. She wished she was off.

“Which way is it from here?” Amy asked, taking her coffee and sipping it absentmindedly.

“Just go right at the fork. It’s part of the scenic drive. You can’t miss it.”

“Thanks,” Amy said, taking her large paper bag and Karma’s hand in hers on the way out. She was going to try that direction anyway since it seemed the road kept going instead of looping around.

Karma’s playlist kept playing. They sat together quietly and listened to the songs intently now, knowing what they had meant. Before, during the bad days, Karma had thought for sure that Amy must’ve known that playlist was about her. It was so like Amy to not notice the subtle things.

She played John Denver’s Annie’s Song and Birdy’s Heart of Gold. The Birdy song hit Amy hard because it was proof that all the horrible things Amy could have possibly thought about her friend, Karma was already thinking them of herself. Hearing it hurt, it took her breath away. Amy tried to breath but it was becoming very difficult. Karma cried looking out the window. She wanted Amy to know it all. Karma hadn’t just been sad, she’d been blaming herself for what had happened, even more than Amy could ever really know.

Eventually, Heart of Gold ended and San Fermin’s, Oh, Darling began to play. Though they hadn’t talked at all in the car it was like so many important words had been spoken all at once, far too many words. Oh Darling drifted mopily out of the speakers.

Amy felt heavy and weak as she wept. It was like waking up again to the idea that Karma did love her, she always did. The playlist was two months old. It had started the night of the wedding and grown to be quite long.

“You should’ve told me about this,” Amy cried, catching tears from her eyes in both happiness and frustration. That Birdy song was too much now. 

“I thought you’d just know…” Karma said, regretting the decision to keep all of her real thoughts inside. Amy needed words, constant reassurance. Amy didn’t take hints well, she never did. The song played on as they pulled into the lot near the large white watch tower. Amy fought back the urge to skip that song back and hear it again. It was like sweet poison and fast morphine all at once, she felt pure happiness and a surprising sharp stab of pain in her chest, just to think of it now. It was hard to breathe, so very hard.

Karma had been hurting the whole time. It was undeniable proof. She’d not only been sad but alone, just like her.

Oh darling, I’ve been so miserable, I can’t describe… Oh darling, don’t be difficult, I can’t abide...


	24. Still Got Me Crawlin' On The Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm moves into the canyon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: LIL BIT OF M CONTENT*  
> *Ahhhhh! I’m so glad I got time this week to write this chapter! I miss this story when I’m not writing it! I am realizing only now that this chapter is like two chapters shoved into one.*  
> *Just so you all know, there is basically no way the last part of this chapter could even happen. What happens in the watch-tower is completely improbable because the watch-tower is a highly popular tourist attraction and the thought that just two people could be up there alone on a stunningly stormy afternoon? Yeah, not really plausible but, JUST GO WITH IT!*

Chapter 24  
Still Got Me Crawlin’ On The Floor

Part I

They walked quickly for most of the day. Shane and Liam weren’t talking much but Clara told them it was okay for them to forge ahead so they did. She and Rory were taking it slow since there was no real rush and the trail down went much quicker than the trail up.

“You can talk, ya know, you don’t have to stay quiet.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Rory smiled. She was covered in sweat and the sun was beating down on her. She would never have done this if Clara hadn’t wanted to.

“You’re mad aren’t you,” Clara laughed. 

“You are such a little shit,” Rory broke into a pleasant laugh. Clara had known all along. She knew that Rory didn’t want to go.

“Why’d you let me take you?”

“It was either this or stay with the lovers. Both of those options were equally unpleasant. They looked like they wanted to be alone.” Rory peered at Clara knowingly and looked away. She wasn’t sure how much Clara really cared about Amy. She didn’t know if it’d be too soon already to point out the obvious things between Amy and Karma, like their body language and how they looked at one another as if the sun shined out of their faces and everything they touched turned to gold.

“You noticed that too,” Clara smiled. 

“Kind of hard to miss,” Rory raised her eyebrows, and turned her eyes away. She didn’t want Clara to be mad so she was trying not to stare and adore her. “Your brother must be crushed,” Rory coughed, clearing her throat. She wanted to stop and have a cigarette but Clara would get mad and she knew it.

“He’ll get over it. Serves him right,” Clara sniffed. Because of the heat her nose had been running.

“Why? What’d he do?”

“Oh, yeah…” Clara thought, you’ve been away. “Lets just say he's had several short-term girlfriends over the past three years. Everything I’ve heard has been negative,” she smiled to hide her bitter disappointment in her baby brother and, in turn, herself for not being there enough for him over the past few years.

“How did you hear?”

“Mom and Dad know everything. He’s their golden boy.” It was obnoxious to say the least.

“Well, he seems sad.”

“He is,” Clara confirmed, sticking her judgments aside at least to acknowledge that much. Liam was acting like Rory had acted back in the day. Only Liam didn’t seem even half as cruel. But there could easily be things that Clara did not know about him. 

Clara tried not to think about it. “High School is a confusing time.” She ended. She wanted the topic to change to basically anything else. It was odd how High School just seemed to chase her no matter how much older she got or how distant it actually was from her current reality. She wondered how long it would stay that way.

“How was your year?” Rory wanted for Clara to be talking to her. Since their hike would take hours they could talk about much and learn things again, for instance, how to be close without feeling nervous. 

“How was yours?” Clara asked cheekily, forgetting things, wanting to be the one who would get to listen. Rory smiled.

“Fair enough,” Rory sighed. She brushed the stray hair away from her sweating face and tried to tuck it up under her ball-cap. Her smile dipped quickly, as the question settled in and she remembered everything yet again. “I don’t think I can talk about it,” Rory confessed, feeling undeniably weak all of a sudden. 

All this time with Clara, she’d been distracted enough to forget herself. She’d stare at her and remember and try and wallow in the bygones. The hot sticky wind blew all around her and the dirt clouded her vision, Rory felt herself falter.

“Whoa,” Clara said, catching Rory by the hand. Rory had almost slipped on the loose dusty rocks.

“I-I can’t think about it,” Rory said, feeling that panic again and that heat in her chest.

Clara remembered it suddenly. Kate was dead.

“Shit, Rory, I’m sorry.” Clara felt like splitting her own skull open with a machete. Instead she held onto Rory and tried to guide her to sit.

“No, it’s fine, it’s, it’s-” Rory was seconds away from collapsing. She had forgotten and then it came rushing back to her, hitting her hard. Before, all she could think was I’m with Clara and everything is fine. But now she was back there again, at the funeral, then in Kate’s room. She was crying. All alone. She was alone again, somewhere else. Alone. Alone. Alone. 

“Here,” Clara said, pulling Rory by the elbow and by her hand to sit her down onto a flat rock on the side of the trail.

“I-I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I know it’s not fair,” Rory’s chest heaved. She was suddenly having a hard time finding air. She laid a hand over her chest and tried to concentrate, holding her head down. Clara pulled her ballcap off so that her head could breathe too. She rubbed her back tenderly.

“Breatheee.” Clara said, seeing the pain in her. It wasn’t like Rory to be frail. It wasn’t like Rory to be having trouble getting air to her lungs and strength in her steps.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” Rory said. Maybe it was too soon to be trying to have someone in her life again.

“I am so sorry, sweetie,” Clara begged.

“I remember it. All of it.” Rory said, looking up at her sideways with glassy eyes. Clara hadn’t dropped Rory’s hand even though Rory had long since sat and found stability and the ability to breathe independent of assistance. “After the funeral,” Rory continued in her panic. It wasn’t like her to talk so much. The honesty was almost shocking, but it was Rory now, Clara had seen that. Rory had changed.

“Rory, don’t,” Clara said, seeing that words could only make things worse.

“Okay,” Rory said feeling panic. “I forgot just now. You made me forget,” it wasn’t an accusation, just a statement. Clara wasn’t sure how to take it and Rory had already forgotten she had uttered it out-loud. 

Rory stood up shakily and paced up and then down the steeply slanted trail, gathering her strength and feeling it all come back to her bit by bit. They were such composed people, her and Clara. The odds of this happening were usually slim to none. But Rory had lost it just then, she had let her walls fall and in front of the very person who probably shouldn’t see how badly it did hurt. Clara couldn’t take knowing that it was all disastrously true.

“Rory, calm down,” Clara said, watching her. It was the heat of the day and the humidity was brutal and unforgiving. “You’re too weak to be this upset out here.”

“Weak?!” Rory spit the word out. She couldn’t stand the word. She jogged in place for a moment feeling her strong muscles and the healthy blood that was pumping through her veins.

“That’s what Kate said,” she remembered bravely. It had been months ago but Kate had said it. Kate had called her weak because of the urges. Kate had called her weak because she knew the truth about Clara. She knew that Rory was a big fucking liar, and a fake, too scared to say the truth. And that had been then.

Rory picked her hat up off the ground and put it back on her head, threading her pony tail right through in a flawless display of absolute control.

“I’ll show you weak,” she said, smiling wildly, and joking away. After a few strides her graceful jog transformed quickly into an all-out run.

“Rory, please,” Clara said. “I didn’t- ah fuck,” Clara huffed to herself with an unexpected hint of pleasure. Rory was quick. She had been on track in high school and she usually ran in the mornings. She was the fittest person in the whole goddamn world. “Jesus Rory! YOU COULDN’T HAVE PICKED A COOLER DAY?!”

Ahead of her, Rory heard her and laughed. Somehow all her loss and anger turned swiftly into playful joy.

“COME ON BOOKER! GROW A PAIR!” Rory said, running as fast as she could down the slant and then turning the bend. It was what their cheer-coach used to say to them gruffly when they whined about practice. 

There were hatchbacks on the decent, zig-zags that led them gradually down the cliffs, straight into the canyon.

“YOU’RE A CRIMINAL, RORY!” Clara whined, feeling responsible. She chased her despite the impossible heat. 

At this rate they’d be there in no time. It was better to run and not talk. To laugh and not think. Rory had forgotten and it had been great, at least for a moment. She loved the feeling of Clara chasing her. She hadn’t felt that in a very long time.

 

Part II

When Liam and Shane reached the bottom they tromped right into the convenience store and stuck their heads into the freezers.

“Hey! Stop that!” A woman yelled from behind the counter. It was too hot to be wasting the cold. Liam opened up a freezer and pulled out a bag of ice.

Shane walked to the ice cream cooler and grabbed a monster pop, opening it and sucking on it before actually buying it.

“You boys gonna buy something or am I gonna have to call security?” The lady was used to shenanigans at the bottom of the canyon. The summer days were the worst. Fellas would always be rowdy off the adrenaline high of running down several feet of cliff into an almost unfathomable canyon.

“Sorry,” Liam said, walking over to the counter. He pulled his soggy wallet out of his pocket and put a 20 down. “We’re gonna get a few more things.”

“Oh, goody,” the lady said. “Sorry ‘bout before,” she relented kindly. “We had an incident two days ago. A few boys like yourself, came in, roughed the place up, stole some things and got carted off in a police chopper.”

“Nice,” Shane said, impressed, he was still wearing his aviators and he didn’t care about the fluorescent lighting. That jog had been amazing and perfect. He couldn’t believe that Liam would actually do stuff like this without him, it felt almost insulting.

“Go ahead and take your time,” the lady said.

“Thanks,” Liam smiled. The run had invigorated him and given him back a bit of joy and life.

“You look handsome all sweaty,” Shane flirted, cooling his tongue with the giant popsicle.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Liam winked. He never expected it when Shane hit on him. He knew it was all playful but he couldn’t help blushing and enjoying Shane for all his compliments and zany anecdotes. If Shane hadn’t come, he had no clue how he would be right now.

“I think it’s good this happened,” Shane said, trying not to be too happy. “Karma was a set-up from the start. The next girl will be serious.”

“I just want to have fun,” Liam said. He was actually starting to think that maybe there shouldn’t ever be a next girl. That maybe he should swear off women and become an man’s man, not in the sexual way, of course never that. He’d be doing that already if it actually interested him. 

“Fun is only temporary,” Shane reminded.

“What about you with Pablo? Are you having fun?” Liam asked with a sweet infectious smile.

“Hey now, Pablo’s a gentleman. I’ve never dated anyone like him before. I’m trying to be good.”

“I was trying to be good with Karma, look where that got me?”

“Liam, how the fuck do you consider HAVING A THREESOME WITH HER AND HER GIRLFRIEND, trying to be good?!”

“Ahhhh,” Liam said, wiping the back of his head and noticing how sweaty he was. “You’re right, I’m full of shit. Clara already got on me about this.”

“What do you mean?”

“The other day, she pulled me out of that club.”

“I know, I was there,” Shane reminded.

“She was pissed man, I never see her like that anymore..”

“You guys are really close, huh?” Shane asked. They were trying to find something to eat but the convenience store was small and Liam knew there was more food at the ranch. He hovered near the candy and grabbed a snickers and a bag of nuts.

“She’s basically the only person in my family who actually gives a shit about me.”

“And Amy hurt her?”

“I dunno, she seems okay.” Liam shrugged, hoping that things hadn’t been too bad. It was weird knowing that Amy had been in bed with all three of them: Liam, Clara, and Karma. Amy was better at getting laid than he was and she didn’t have to sacrifice her decency to become some sex magnet like he had done. “How is it that Amy’s still a better person than me?” He asked almost mad at himself for failing at life.

“Sometimes if you tell people how you honestly feel, you know, if you actually open up to them from the very start, they’ll trust you and feel bad no matter what happens.” Liam knew it was true because when he had done that with Karma it had been the best time in his life. More than half of his relationship with Karma had been based on the thrill of the cheating and the thrill of the lies. But the other half... 

“I dunno how she did that,” Liam scoffed, smiling.

“What?” Shane raised an eyebrow.

“Karma actually got me to care,” he smiled, feeling like an idiot who had been played.

“She played you at your own game, son!” Shane teased, hitting him on the back.

“I just don’t get how even now I feel bad for Amy.”

“Just let it go. Who cares?”

“Yeah, but I slept with her. Her and Karma basically didn’t talk for months.”

“Maybe they needed that though,” Shane said wisely. In his head all Shane could think was that Karma and Amy were fucking far above them in some deluxe sweet and having the time of their lives. For Liam to still be feeling bad at this point in time, Shane knew that Liam had really been affected.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Liam loved that Shane could always make sense of things. It wasn’t like sugar-coating, it was like seeing all the little things that Liam himself had thoughtlessly missed.

“Besides, don’t you feel better now? You had your lesbian fling, you had your almost threesome, you had your LETS PRETEND I’M PATRICK SWAYZE IN DIRTY DANCING role-play, your wedding crashing, your thunderbox sex,” Shane joked and used air-quotes over thunderbox. Truthfully, the list could go on and on. Karma and Amy had given them both a wide variety of unpredictable entertainment throughout the year. “Now you can start again, relax a bit, try something real.”

“I don’t want to start again.” Liam smiled nervously. It was all too emotionally addicting. He was used to not caring and just fucking. Karma had altered his make-up, she had changed him without meaning to. “I think… I think I need to cool it on the girls.”

“Easily done,” Shane smiled. “With Pablo away, I’ve got nothing to do. We could build a house or go on adventures like this.”

“School’s starting soon, we’ll be busy again.”

“I just mean, you don’t have to be the Liam you’ve always been. Just because you were a player all last year doesn’t mean you have to be a player all next year and the year after that. People change. It’s a good thing.”

“I know, it’s just…”

“What?”

“I’m so used to just saying yes.”

“Try saying no, for once. You might like it.” Shane put it out there. Shane wondered, did Liam ever really say no? Was Karma the first person he ever turned down? And why was that? Was it really nobility or was it just the thrill of the game? Shane wanted to ask but the many different potential answers made him smile way too much to ever find reason to ask.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.” Shane said, shrugging and moving back to the counter with his popsicle and a bag of random snacks.

“God, you’re such an ass,” Liam joked.

“Come on, I wanna see the ranch.”

They bought some things and hurried off to the ranch. Liam liked the companionship.

Part III

By the time Clara and Rory got to the bottom of the canyon they noticed large white storm clouds had moved in overhead. The humidity was still there and there was electricity in the air, like at any moment the mighty Zeus was going to swoop down on them and make light of the land.

“Ah fuck,” Rory scoffed, looking up at it and panting. She was happy from the run but exhausted, fully exhausted. 

“I didn’t even think to check the weather,” Clara panted.

“DESERT STOOOOOOORM,” Rory joked by yelling in her frustration. A family stared at them awkwardly and they both laughed excited yet tired.

“We better find our cabin,” Clara panted.

“No argument here,” Rory said. She held at her stomach and let Clara pull her along by her hand. They were both sweaty but they didn’t care. It’d be raining soon and they’d get to lay about and do absolutely nothing at least for a little while.

Part IV

Up at the top of the canyon, Karma and Amy had visited the watch-tower and made a day of driving around the rim, back and forth. They picnicked on some grass and listened to more music together, mostly without speaking. It was romantic, their day. Everything moved slowly, including the two of them. Every breath felt heavy and noticeable, every sigh was like an further proof of their growing love.

If they weren’t touching each other in some way it felt purposeful or wrong. They were close but never close enough, quiet but never quite enough. If either of them inched away, the other would pull them right back and wonder why they had done that, even if it was for something practical like to open up a carton of food or unlock the door of the car. 

As the day moved on they lost themselves in the revelry of it all, how it felt to feel sweetly and be alone again and have things be without complication or question or fault, how it felt to be just them two, again and again and again.

Storm clouds moved in and they hadn’t heard much from the hikers. People began to hurry off to their cars, hotels, restaurants, and cabins. It was getting empty about the canyon, except for the brave and patience photographers who set up tripods in the best vantage points and planned to just wait there until sunset and capture that once in a life-time shot. 

Shane texted finally once Amy was getting ready to force them both back to the hotel. 

SHANE: That felt fucking amazing!

AMY: Oh yea?

SHANE: We ran the whole fucking way!

AMY: I’m so glad I stayed :D

Amy laughed to herself and Karma peered over to see the words. 

“Ask him about Liam,” she begged.

AMY: How’s Liam?

SHANE: Karma has made him a bit philosophical. I think it’ll be good.

They both smiled on the top of the world. It was all for the best, some how.

AMY: What if it rains? Do you guys have to come back?

SHANE: No one’s said anything so I’m guessing we’ll be safe…

AMY: Yikes.. Hope you’re right.

SHANE: You’re so good at comforting those who are in danger.

Shane joked.

AMY: Sorry :/

SHANE: gtg, Liam wants food

It was the end of a short conversation but enough to know that things were alright.

“Are you sad we didn’t go back to the room?” Karma asked, loving the feeling of being held in Amy’s arms as the storm rolled near.

“Nope,” Amy said.

Another text came almost right after Shane had stopped messaging.

CLARA: We made it safe. Hope you’re having fun. If it rains we’ll be trapped in the cabins, just fyi.

Amy thought about what to say but she wasn’t sure. Since Karma was watching she stopped thinking and just typed.

AMY: Hope you’re safe!

She typed.

CLARA: Don’t worry, we’ll be fine

It seemed pointless to answer back after that. Amy could text her forever. She wasn’t even sure when Clara put her number into her phonebook but she had. Amy smiled to herself and Karma saw, feeling that tinge in her side again, that worry she couldn’t shake. Karma didn’t feel like a good person. And Clara was a good person, Karma could tell.

“Karma, stop thinking whatever you’re thinking,” Amy noticed, squeezing her tight around her waist and inhaling, filling herself up with her smell.

“Sorry,” she said, feeling soft and glad to be alone.

A growl of thunder made it’s heralding call and the sky was beginning to paint itself in pinks as well as blues. The sun would go down soon. The storm was going to start.

“We have to go back to that tower,” Amy said, knowing the canyon would look somehow impossibly better now. There was something extreme about a storm in the desert. With all those natural colors and then darkness falling over the land like a heavy veil. “Come on,” she sat up. Karma got up and they went together back to the car.

They took the familiar drive back and parked at the bottom. Climbing the steps was harder now since they had both done it twice.

But once they reached the top they were the only ones there, gazing out at the canyon on the brink of a hard shower. 

“God, it’s so beautiful,” Karma said feeling breathless. Amy was behind her now watching patiently. Karma pulled Amy’s hands around her waist and forced her to hug her. She leaned back to look at her and began to kiss her softly, tenderly, more vulnerable than ever before. It was weird but they hadn’t been kissing today. Karma wanted it and so did Amy but they hadn’t been doing it, not since the morning.

“Are you okay?” Amy asked, noticing that Karma was close to tears again, it had been an off day, a soft day.

“Just kiss me please,” Karma begged, turning away from the stunning view to meet an even better one, her scared friend was finally looking serious instead of sad or confused.

Amy felt her body push at Karma until Karma’s back fell back against the tower wall.

“Uhhh,” Karma gasped. When Amy touched her like that she felt the wind fly out of her, her whole body caved to the weakness. And she craved Amy. She wanted her. “Don’t stop,” she said. Karma wanted her so badly. She needed her to be loving her now.

A flash of lightning struck down outside. It lit the canyon and revealed that rain had already started to come down in long straight sheets that seemed to drift on the wind making white tracks in the air.

“Why are you stopping,” Karma seemed desperate. 

“Look,” Amy said, turning Karma around with her hands. Out the window the most beautifully dangerous sky coated the canyon, changing its shades and littering it with shadow and light. There were pinks and greys and blues and browns. The clouds would shift and sun would shine upon the red rock before disappearing completely and leaving only dark shadows. There was something ominous about it all, the canyon felt alive. 

Thunder cracked loudly like a gigantic bowling ball rolling hard over the clouds and they both jumped. Karma turned a little to hug at Amy’s side but she didn't’ want to look away, it was dangerously stunning.

When the lightning cracked they both gasped. It was like something out of a movie, much too beautiful to be believed.

Karma turned away from it again, pulling Amy into her by her hands on her hips.

“Stop dodging me,” Karma said, knowing now what Amy had been doing.

“It’s just… You’re intense,” Amy confessed. Karma had been so serious lately. Ever since the night before, it was like Karma wasn’t ever going to play any games. She had learned all her lessons and hurt everyone she ever cared about. She wanted Amy now and that was simple and true. It was a serious thing.

“I feel serious,” Karma said, letting her hand slip below Amy’s shirt so that she could touch the soft skin on Amy’s back and feel her bare skin again like she had been wanting to all day. “Does it make you nervous?” Karma asked, feeling small. She had placed herself on the wall again and pulled Amy close to her so that they’d both feel stuck there and grounded. With the storm growing outside they couldn’t have been in a more intense place.

“Of course,” Amy scoffed, searching Karma’s eyes and her lips and the way she was breathing so shallowly and seeing her too.

“Why aren’t you kissing me?” She asked again, wanting an answer.

“I don’t know,” Amy asked, watching her intensely, searching her eyes. There was so much tension in the air and Amy was actually scared to break it. She wasn’t used to Karma seeing her in this way. “You’re looking at me like… like…”

“Like what?” Karma said with a bit of a soft and expecting smile. She scooped her arms around Amy’s lower back and held her own wrist, loving the feel of Amy’s body up against her own.

“Like, like I want to look at you,” Karma blushed and looked away. She coughed a little, clearing her throat before pulling Amy in for a tight hug and letting her mouth linger near Amy’s ear.

“Why aren’t you fucking me right now?” Karma whispered soft and desperately into Amy’s ear while simultaneously running her naked hand up Amy’s bare back beneath her shirt. She realized at last that the tension had only been because Amy was scared and holding back. Like usual, Amy was forcing Karma to take the lead.

Amy felt her body shudder in the pleasure of Karma’s voice. Those fucking words were unexpected. Those fucking words lit her body on fire and made her craving ten times worse. She felt her body ache and become tender. She felt the closeness, the way Karma’s breasts had drifted over her own, the way Karma had inched up on her toes just to get the right angle and say the right thing. Karma knew exactly how to break her. Karma knew exactly where to push. 

She knew because these things could break her too. 

When Karma moved like she did, and said the things that she said, in the ways that she said them, Amy felt that she would crawl and beg for her until her dying day. She would swim through a pit of fire and run down that canyon right now and climb all the way back up with the storm pounding down on her and the lightening setting fire to all the trees. She saw herself and how desperately she yearned for this. She saw how Karma had her completely in every way.

“Uhh,” Amy whimpered, her eyes flooding with visible desire. 

“You haven’t answered me,” Karma said, pulling back. She wanted Amy to be the one. She wanted Amy to want her so bad that she couldn’t stop herself. So far it had only been Karma. In the hotel Amy was timid. At the restaurant, Amy had been a doll. In Clara’s room Karma had felt that level of wanting right now, that place where Amy teetered, just right on the edge, almost falling into the pit.

Karma loved seeing her like this. She loved knowing that soon Amy would take her. It was going to happen and it had been building up all day in all the unspoken words and longing glances.

“Uh-huh,” Karma nodded, seeing that look in her, that hungry look. She loved that look, she craved it.

Amy couldn't help it, she saw that Karma agreed and she rushed her, lifting her up with both hands on Karma’s thighs. Karma felt her back slam hard against the tower as Amy’s body pressed her to the wall and Amy’s lips came crashing down onto hers.

Karma smiled and gasped into the kiss. She could hardly breathe and the air was so thick.

“Uhhh!” Karma moaned as Amy crashed against her again, pushing her against the wall and holding her up in her hands. “Fuck!” Karma yelled, feeling how quickly Amy’s hands traveled up her bare legs and moved to grope at her ass. As Amy pushed hard against her again she could feel that Karma would tenderly break just a little with every fall. “Shit!” Karma said, she couldn’t stop feeling it now. Her center throbbed and she wanted Amy inside of her. “Do it!” Karma begged, putting her legs down and pulling Amy’s hand into her underwear, forcing her inside to slide two fingers straight inside. “Uhh!” Karma gasped and Amy watched as Karma’s eyes winced in pleasure. Amy was fucking her now against the watchtower wall while the hail began to pelt the land outside.

Karma felt her body needing her and wanting her now. She felt herself falling with each push of Amy’s fingers pressing hard and deep up-inside.

“Uhhh,” Karma whimpered, holding onto her and feeling close. “Uhh, you feel so fucking good,” she said, causing Amy to lick at her ear and want to talk to her like she was talking.

“Shhhh,” Amy said, bringing her other hand up to briefly cover her mouth. Karma moaned and Amy realized, she didn’t want her to stop, she wanted to hear Karma moan. Karma surprised her by pulling Amy’s fingers into her mouth and sucking on them. Amy felt herself wet as she pushed into Karma and felt those tight walls close around and resist. Karma had begged and pleaded and broke her and Amy was fucking her, she was fucking her hard. 

Every time Amy pushed up inside of her, she would also let her own body fall hard against Karma’s center and push at her forcefully. Karma wished there had been a chair or a bed or a bench because all she wanted to do was wrap her legs around Amy and hang onto her neck for dear life. She wanted Amy to have her. Instead she felt hopeless and just near where she wanted to be.

“I love it,” Karma whispered, pulling Amy into her and doing what she wanted. Amy felt as Karma jumped onto her. She felt Karma’s arms wrap around her neck and Karma’s legs swing up around her waist. She also felt as Karma almost screamed when her own body slammed into Amy’s heavily and forced her to fall down into Amy’s hand. Inside it felt perfect. She hadn’t felt that before. The weight of her own body was such a surprise and Karma felt it too much when Amy’s fingers slammed inside of her, curving, hitting that spot that was mythical but there.

“OH FUCK!” Karma choked out, holding desperately to Amy’s neck and allowing her head to drop quick to Amy’s shoulder. Amy was so busy trying to hold her up, she had practically forgotten about everything else. She only realized in the nick of time that Karma had been getting off on her, falling into her in just the right way, and clenching the way you do right before an earth-shattering orgasm.

Amy felt it, Karma was ready to burst, just there, just on the edge and fighting it hard.

“Uhhhhh,” Karma let out as her body jerked and froze before coming down very slowly as Amy held her and tried not to move at all. There was a long time in between Karma’s hop and her relaxation where Amy could swear Karma was frozen in time, unable to move at all. Amy only wished she had counted the seconds. She couldn’t tell how long it had been, but it had been a while and it had almost scared her. How long had Karma lingered there, not breathing, riding it out, frozen, just on the brink? She wished she could know because it was hot. It was so fucking hot.

“Oh. My. God,” Karma panted, her feet falling down onto the ground. Each word came out nowhere near the one before. Amy smiled with her forehead pressed to the watch tower wall. She smiled knowing she had fucked her today, and that Karma had wanted her too and that it was better than the time before and the time before that.

“Oh. My. God,” Karma said again, this time the words were closer together. She let her legs fall and she pushed Amy’s hand out from under her. She didn’t give Amy time. Before she could think to do it herself, Karma was kissing her fast and panting in her recovery. Almost crying with how fucking good that had actually felt.

Two people laughed into their space and Karma and Amy both smiled and hugged each other protectively, they were grateful that the strangers hadn’t come a minute sooner. If they had done that Karma would still be desperate and aching. If they had done that how would the night have played out?

“I hope I didn’t hurt you,” Amy whispered sweetly.

“Fuck.. Hurt me again,” Karma smiled, biting her lip. She felt so good she wanted to scream and do cartwheels and run a hundred miles in the desert rain. Amy made her feel invincible, sublimely happy.

“We better go,” Amy smiled, wanting to kiss her. The storm had picked up and they shouldn’t have been up there anyways. She grabbed Karma’s hand and made sure to back off of her slowly so that her dress would fall down and she wouldn’t, not even for a second, look like she had just been fucked against the wall rather harshly by her lesbian friend whose eyes were devilishly hungry for more. 

The thunder rolled while they ran on the steps down from the tower. In the hail they laughed like they hadn’t done in years. It was such an odd feeling, like they were kids again. By the time they reached the car they were drenched and panting. Amy stared at Karma feeling alive. She started the car and drove them back to the hotel, grateful for every second with her, every last fucking second.


	25. I'm Gonna Be Your Rainbow, Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma attempts to romance Amy Raudenfeld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: M CONTENT*  
> *this has been a long time in the making. i’ve been working on this chapter for days and it still doesn’t feel just right. I fear I will never get it right so I’ll publish it now. Karma breaks my sad little heart.*  
> *title is from the song Rainbow by Emily West & K.S. Rhoads*

Chapter 25  
I’m Gonna Be Your Rainbow, Honey

Part I

At the bottom of the canyon, Rory and Clara had stood out on their porch for a while to watch the rain. They had gotten drenched on the way in and they weren’t sure where Liam and Shane were but they knew they had to of beat them down cause they never passed them on their way.

“Here,” Clara said, handing Rory a hot mug filled with hot chocolate. The kitchen had a stove and a few basic things like that.

“You remembered,” Rory crooned.

“Shut up,” Clara smiled. They hadn’t been strangers for that long.

“It’s so beautiful,” Rory’s eyes seemed locked out there and Clara worried. Clara couldn’t help but look down at her and think the same.

“I like the way it sounds,” Clara said. The basic wooden cabins made everything seem rustic and old-timey. And because of the rain there weren’t many people at the bottom, it was almost deserted.

“Here, sit,” Rory said, standing up. There was only one chair on the porch, it was a large rocking chair and every cabin porch on the ranch had one exactly the same.

“Sit,” Clara ordered with mostly her eyes. The more Rory tried to be sweet, the more Clara wondered who she was now. “You look hot all wet like that,” Clara said raising an eyebrow.

“I look like a disaster,” Rory laughed pathetically.

“No, you look sexy,” Clara said definitively, sipping her own hot chocolate and looking over at Rory before glancing back out at the river that ran through the camp, separating the cabins and dividing the land. Rory couldn’t help blushing now. There was no one around but the two of them. All the normal people were inside. Either that or they had checked the weather and knew that it’d be idiotic to travel into the canyon during some freak rainstorm that would surely raise the water-level in the river. Rory noticed the desertion. It couldn’t hurt to let her walls fall. It was only Clara with her now.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Rory muttered, looking down at her drink.

“What was that?” Clara asked, almost shocked. It was just like Rory to pretend she wasn’t begging for something.

“Nothing.”

“Alright,” Clara shrugged, knowing exactly what she had said.

“I said, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!” Rory was being cheeky now and she looked so fucking hot when she smiled. Rory’s anger had always been a turn-on for Clara and Clara had forgotten until just then. She had forgot that when Rory used to yell she herself used to grow wild with wanting.

“Don’t tempt me, you know I’ll do something.” Clara didn’t want to be so easy though. Not really. She enjoyed torturing her by teasing her and drinking her drink in a calculated way. It had rained on them but they were both still dirty. “Plus, I’m not touching anything until I shower.” She leaned down to Rory and Rory met her lips, her hand raising to Clara’s chin and lovingly tapping it while they kissed.

“Mmmm,” Rory hummed. “Fine,” she relented, tasting the salt in Clara’s skin. She watched Clara walk back into the cabin and she herself lay back on the chair to watch the rain a little more. It was nice being wrapped in a blanket on the porch during a storm. Rory couldn’t remember the last time she felt this way. Knowing Clara was inside taking a shower, it gave her comfort and a feeling of home.

Part II

After what had happened up in the tower, all their nervousness slipped away. The drive back through the hail was exhilarating and Amy kept asking herself if she thought Karma would like it if she just parked the car on a look-out so that they could slide into the back seat and make-out a little more. The rain was pelting down and she just knew it’d be great. Amy didn’t realize it while it was happening but everything about their day had been extremely romantic, even the first part on top of the villa in the early morning sun.

Even Though they had been doing things, lots of things, the slow and heated kisses were easily Amy’s favorite. She never felt more hot and bothered or more adored in all her life than when Karma was kissing her like that, tasting her slow and lingering with her tongue in Amy’s mouth just delicious and tasting her. It was a strange thing to think about though. They had been having sex. Karma had even done this crazy thing before in Clara’s room, this thing Amy never even thought about until it had happened. All that done, the kissing was still the best.

Amy had spent her entire day watching Karma become lost in herself only to realize much later during the height of the storm that Karma was withdrawn because she had been waiting for Amy to do something. Waiting for Amy to touch her and talk to her and snatch her out of that dark place in her mind. 

Karma ached to be touched by her and loved. Ever since the morning when those things had been said. This Karma was intense. She was new to Amy, a brand new level of deep. It was like that kiss at the threesome, but all day long. To Amy, Karma’s face seemed locked that way as if no matter what she’d be feeling Amy whether they touched or not, spoke or not, moved or not, lingered or not. And when they did kiss. When they did finally kiss. Amy felt her mind drift away, it was like time had stopped just for them. The world became slow and just muffled, disappearing into the background because it was only them two. Just the two of them and nothing else. It was the closest they’d ever come to truly feeling one another in a non-tangible way.

When they kissed, Amy would always open her eyes first because she’d want to see Karma wake up from her. It was like the world of feeling and the world of seeing were two completely different things, but both were amazing. Karma would feel it in her chest and she’d show it on her face. She’d smile eventually, but it wasn’t like the other smiles that Amy knew well. It was a heavy smile like before at the threesome when Karma was scared. Karma had been so emotional lately. It was new and scary and Amy fell in love with this new her. For once she felt like she was the one who would be doing the protecting between them two.

Part III

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Karma said, leaning down and stealing a slow and dreamy kiss from Amy’s lips. They had gotten back to the hotel and they were both feeling wistful.

“Wait, come back,” Amy said, pulling Karma back by her wrist and kissing her lips again, taking her in.

“Mmmm, thanks,” Karma crooned slowly, looking down at her. Amy smiled up at her and she watched dreamily as Karma crossed the room and left her there.

The bathroom was large, big enough to fit beds and couches in the empty space. There was a giant shower with clear glass doors and a large immaculate bathtub that could easily fit three or four people if need be. The best thing about it though was the view of the canyon. The windows in this suite were almost never-ending. It was the top corner suite and instead of walls there were windows everywhere. Even in the bathroom there were windows where there should just be walls.

Because of it’s precarious position the girls wouldn’t have to worry about peepers. The only way to see in would be to dangle down from the roof or charge up some super expensive telescopic equipment from the bottom of the canyon or better yet all the way across to the other side. The suite was that lovely. They had privacy but they also had that view. Just like the watch-tower, they were on-top of the world.

No one would be walking in and no storm could get them there, not really. Karma was so happy, she felt her chest tight in her eagerness to be alone with Amy yet again. Her mind was back in that watchtower. She felt her hand brush as her thighs as her eyes closed in revelry. Amy’s hands had been there and they had squeezed her and wanted more. Just the thought made her wet. She trailed her hand down her front and touched herself briefly in the middle between her legs, remembering Amy’s hands and sighing to herself feeling briefly satiated in the remembrance of it all. She liked moving her hands where Amy’s had been and remembering her there, feeling her like she had never left. 

Her eyes fluttered open and she gathered herself, trying not to feel so aroused. After all that had happened she felt blissfully hungry for much much more.

There was a phone hanging on the inside of the bathroom door. Karma didn’t think twice, she picked it up quietly and sent a request down to the lobby, feeling satisfied and nervous but good. She lit a few candles and began to draw up a large bubble bath. The hotel had fancy shampoos and soaps. There was even a gift basket with face-masks and specialty sponges. Clara Booker had set them up right. Karma thought about that and sighed happily to think of her and Rory down there at the bottom in some small rustic cabin with the rain falling down all about them. 

Fuck it was romantic. It all was, Karma thought, her eyes squinting as she rubbed her gold heart necklace between her fingers. She couldn’t stop thinking, she couldn’t stop noticing how everything had suddenly changed. With Liam, for months, she had been trying to create this great romance. Everything was plotted out and designed, if not by her than by him, they were surprisingly similar with how much they tried to invent something false. They had tried to reinvent the kind of romance they had seen in movies as a kids. But out in Arizona, everything came naturally. It was all by accident. It had all been real. Extremely sexy. Undeniably hot. Karma and Amy hadn’t planned what had happened in the watch-tower but it had happened all the same. It was like all the overly-sappy things people write about in books. Karma felt her chest heavy from it all, just in remembering. She hadn’t recovered, not really. She was still up there in that tower feeling the intensity she had felt then, the way in which she felt she could fall at any moment. When she was up there she could hardly breathe. When she was up there she felt thin. In truth she was still up there and she would be for a while, who knows, maybe even forever. It was the most romantic thing to ever happen to her and she ached inside just knowing that and wanting it again and again and forever until she died.

There was no denying it, Karma felt different. She couldn’t change back, not after this. She couldn’t go back to a world of just faking and trying and pretending, something inside of her had cracked, it was like a damn had busted and she full now, so very full.

She pulled her dress off and glanced at herself in the mirror, even her skin looked smoother, she watched her chest rise and fall. She smiled, playing with her necklace as she thought of Amy. The gold heart had been a gift from her and Karma always wore it, she always did. She couldn’t believe it had all taken so long but her subconscious was especially tricky. 

When she was little Karma had asked to go to a therapist, sort of out of curiosity, and her parents had obliged. When the therapist asked her to draw something Karma drew Amy by a tree near a large table filled with tea cups and goodies. By the time the hour was up and Karma’s picture was about finished all the therapist had asked was one question. “And who’s this by the tree?” She had asked.

Karma had filled all the chairs at the table with her parents and her cousins, even the therapist had a seat. But Amy was still lingering over by the tree and facing the table, watching Karma and looking sad. The therapist noticed it then and Karma noticed it when she found the drawing years later in an old file cabinet in her parents garage. In the picture, Karma and Amy were both sad and apart for no reason. It was Karma’s picture after all, she could’ve drawn anything she wanted. For some reason she drew that. Karma felt silly thinking of that now. Even now that drawing spoke volumes about her relationships and her life, especially the life she made with Amy, the life she always craved but purposely kept at bay, until now.

A knock came at the door followed by Amy’s sweet voice asking, “Karma?” 

A shiver ran through her. “Come in,” Karma called, gathering herself and leaning her body back onto the counter. 

Amy opened the door a crack and saw her standing by the mirror in her black matching underwear. Karma noticed Amy’s surprised expression and blushed.

“Sorry,” Amy said, retreating just a bit. 

“Don’t be,” Karma smiled walking over to her and pulling her into the room, pushing the door open wide. They had never been bashful about stuff like that before. It was different now, only better. “Hey you,” Karma flirted lovingly as if they hadn’t seen each other for days. She had taken Amy’s hands in her own and she was holding them in front of herself, cherishing them. The first thing Amy noticed was the view of the dark canyon and the wild storm, then she saw the candles, then the bubbles, then finally Karma’s face as beautiful as it ever had been.

“Did you order stuff?” Amy asked, not wanting to say what had randomly shown up. She had thought it was a mistake at first and then briefly she wondered if maybe Clara or Shane had it sent. But Karma shook her head yes and her eyes watered because she was trying to contain the unbelievable feeling of knowing she was in love, really in love, hopelessly in love.

She had ordered chilled wine and chocolate covered strawberries. When it came in on the cart Amy was surprised. The waiter pushed it in and shut the door right after. She had no way of knowing what to expect.

“Red wine and strawberries?” Amy asked nervously in an almost condescending tone.

“It’s about time I treat you right,” Karma joked, running a finger down Amy’s hair and pulling a wavy ringlet in front of Amy’s shoulder. Amy usually abhorred romantic things. She rolled her eyes at the cheesy set-ups in rom-coms with proposals at dinner and people trying to stop a plane. The only reason she watched the Twilight films over and over was so she could laugh at the weird faces Edward and Bella made and make fun of the horrible banter between Edward and Jacob or Jacob and his wolfy bros.

“Karma,” Amy sighed, obviously uncomfortable. It made Amy nervous to think that Karma could be trying with her like she had tried with Liam. But that wasn’t what was happening. Karma was grateful. Karma wanted to enjoy her and treat her and show her how good she felt right now because of everything that had happened from the time they met to now right here in this hotel room where they stood.

“Amy,” Karma mimicked, locking her eyes with Amy’s and basically telling her that there was no way she was not going to pour her some wine and feed her strawberries and ask her to take a romantic bath with her on top of the canyon during a crazy hot summer storm. Karma’s body ached for Amy’s just thinking about it now. She knew Amy would like it all despite her obvious instinct to prematurely protest. She pulled Amy in for a hug and held her face to Amy’s with a hand on her cheek. “Let me,” she whispered, before moving to the door and finding the cart outside and wheeling it in. 

Amy walked to the bath and turned the water off. When she turned around again Karma was watching her with two crystal wine glasses in her hand.

“You’re such a dork,” Amy groaned, trying not to be happy. She was Karma’s object now, the focus of all her affections. She should’ve seen this coming. In fact, she was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. Karma read enough romance novels to have years’ worth of ideas for foreplay and teasing.

“Believe me, I know,” Karma smiled, twisting the bottle opener and popping the cork. In her exhaustion she almost dropped the bottle. Amy rushed to help her, catching it and holding Karma too.

“Sorry,” Amy said, realizing how close she had come to her and how obviously coupley that response had been.

“Stop apologizing,” Karma blushed, aggravated. She lifted the bottle up and poured two glasses, giving one to Amy and taking one for herself. She took Amy’s hand and led her over to the bath until they were both sitting on the edge of it and looking at each other.

“K, now what?” Amy asked. Situations like this made her overwhelmingly nervous. She always felt like she should be doing or saying something. She flashed back to her mother’s wedding and shook that image from her head.

“Are you okay?” Karma asked, noticing.

“Sorry,” Amy apologized again. Karma scolded her with just a glance. “This is reminding me of the wedding.” She looked down at her glass and Karma understood right away.

“Shit,” Karma sighed, remembering how shitty that had all been. Everything that could’ve gone wrong did. They still hadn’t much talked about it and she still didn’t know how.

“Can we toast?” She asked apologetically.

“Sure,” Amy said, raising her glass hopefully. Her last toast had been a big one.

“To Amy,” Karma began. Amy put a hand over her heart and fained at being overly emotional but Karma smiled at her feeling heated and pulled her hand down taking it again in her own and squeezing it tightly. “Amy,” she said again, clearing her throat. She knew once she started she’d probably cry but she owed Amy everything, she owed her her life. “Without you I probably wouldn’t even be alive,” she confessed. 

Amy felt her heart pound. It was bad enough that it all reminded her of the wedding. This toast was all from Karma’s heart and she was saying words now and Amy had no idea what to expect. 

“You’ve been my family, my best friend. You’ve saved me from myself, so many times,” Karma groaned, embarrassed at the truth.

“Karma, this is,” Amy felt uncomfortable.

“Shhh, it’s fine,” Karma said trying to calm her. She rubbed her thumb over Amy’s fingers and decided to try and speed things up for Amy’s sake. “Before this trip, I missed you so much I didn’t know what to do with myself,” she confessed, her eyes watering. “Living without you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“You didn’t have to,” Amy reminded, tilting her head.

“I did,” Karma insisted. She raised Amy’s hand in hers as if to show that they wouldn’t be where they were right now without that time apart. Karma knew it but Amy was still unsure. The time apart felt like a punishment to Amy, a punishment that she hadn’t deserved, not at all.

Amy shifted her head, thinking about it now. The room smelt nice and she felt a little sleepy now. Karma notice and rubbed her arm.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Karma asked.

“Just tired, I guess,” Amy said. She was nervous and trying not to be. When karma stared at her like she did it was hard to accept and extremely new.

“I love you,” Karma said, searching Amy’s eyes and watching her face. Amy smiled slowly, a wide sleepy smile. “Is that okay?” Karma asked, raising her glass and still holding onto Amy’s hand.

“Yes,” Amy smiled, awkwardly blushing. She wanted to run and hide, it was too real and it was happening. She’d dreamt about it but it was happening now.

They clinked glasses and slowly drank. They both tried not to look like they were watching each other but they both were and it was far too quiet.

“Come on,” Karma said, once Amy had set her glass down awkwardly on the side of the tub. She stood up and helped Amy to stand. Amy let Karma guide her and she kept that queer smile on her face, that smile of mixed disbelief and gratefulness.

“Let’s get you warm,” Karma said, pulling Amy close and taking her shirt up over her head until it was all the way off and she could drop it to the floor. Amy crossed her arms as Karma unbuttoned Amy’s shorts and pushed them all the way down. Amy looked down at the bath feeling nervous.

“Don’t be nervous,” Karma said, seeing her face. “Hey, it’s just me,” it was so weird to have to remind her. “Turn around,” Karma said, touching Amy lightly with two fingers on her hip. Amy turned and Karma moved Amy’s long blonde hair away so that she could stare at her back and really look at it. She ran a hand from the base of Amy’s neck all the way down to her lower back and Amy shivered, looking back at her over her shoulder. She wanted to say something but she didn’t. Instead she turned back around again and let Karma unhook her bra. She felt as Karma slid the fingers from both her hands gently beneath her bra straps and pushed her hands gently to her shoulders so that her bra would fall off smooth. Her heart sped at the tender touch and Amy suddenly felt nervous about turning around and she hoped that Karma wouldn’t ask her too.

“Go on, get in,” Karma said, walking away toward the door and dimming the lights just a bit so that it’d just be them and the candles and the canyon glowing outside with the moonlight and occasional lightning outside.

Amy took her chance, she pulled her underwear off and hurried into the warm bath wanting not to be naked in the open room. It was true that her and Karma had been naked a lot but that didn’t mean she was comfortable with it yet, it just meant it kept happening. 

Karma set up a mellow playlist on her phone and pressed shuffle. From the bath Amy was watching, laying back. She stared at Karma while Karma took her necklace off carefully and laid it down on the counter. Karma loved that Amy was watching her in the candlelight.

“You’re staring,” Karma said, not looking. 

“Sorry,” Amy was getting good at the apologies. Karma hated it though, Amy had nothing to apologize for, not ever.

“I told you, don’t, be,” Karma turned, unhooking her bra and pulling it off. She was so fast. She took her underwear off and walked to the bath, surprising Amy. “Scoot,” she said, motioning for Amy to sit up.

Karma placed her feet down in the tub on either side of Amy and she slid down into the water behind her, pulling Amy back onto her once she was settled and feeling Amy’s body press to hers completely naked in the heated water that felt so good after the rain.

“Thank you,” Karma sighed into Amy’s ear. She was so happy that Amy had finally calmed down.

“For what?” Amy asked looking up at her.

“Today, yesterday…” Karma thought. “Every day…”

“You’re so sad today, did I do something?” Amy asked. For once she didn’t feel like naked Amy being romanced. She felt like herself in Karma’s arms though there was a pull in her stomach when Karma’s hand brushed her side beneath the water.

“I don’t want to be danger…” Karma said, nuzzling sadly near Amy’s ear. She remembered Amy’s words from the roof that morning and hated herself for being able to deserve them.

“Danger?” Amy asked, confused. She had to think hard before remembering. “Oh, you’re not,” Amy tried to assure her.

“Shhhh,” Karma said, pulling Amy’s hair out of the way so that she could kiss Amy’s neck and let her know it was okay.

“I didn’t mean to say that,” Amy said.

“I’m glad you did though,” Karma said, resting her chin on Amy’s shoulder. “I needed to hear it I think.”

“You’re not danger, I’m just dumb.” Karma slid her hands around Amy’s waist and pulled up until they were close under Amy’s breasts and holding her tightly to her.

“You’re not dumb,” Karma said, squeezing, bringing her in.

Amy shut her eyes and let herself feel. Her tummy tucked into itself, she was overwhelmed with the pleasure of Karma having her mind, body, and soul. She wrapped her arms around Karma’s and held Karma too her, hoping she’d never let go.

Karma watched her and nuzzled, Amy was everywhere now, inside of her and out. She smelt Amy’s hair and her skin and felt her body on top of hers resting so peacefully. It was all so real. Nickel Creek was playing on her phone and Karma opened her mouth and began to sing in Amy’s ear softly causing her to instantly moan with pleasure.

“There’s a kind of emptiness that can fill you, there’s a kind of hunger that can eat you up. There’s a cold and darker side of the moonlight. And there’s a lonely side of love. With you here, baby I am strong, no sign of weakness. With you gone, baby I am hanging by a thread…”

Amy felt herself meek in Karma’s arms. The song had been breaking her. She loved Karma’s voice and when Karma sang to her it was like a gift that no one else could ever have. The song was sweet and she felt it. They had both felt it all day and they were scared to ever leave each other.

Amy rolled her head and twisted her body, moving a hand up to pull at Karma’s neck and kissing her now hard. “Uhhh,” she whined, feeling Karma’s body beneath hers. “Uhhh,” it came again, that weakness in her that wanted Karma to stay forever and be closer somehow. 

It was impossible to be closer. They were as close as close could be. 

Karma closed her legs together and Amy rushed her, moving her legs up to Karma’s side and hovering over her, pushing herself even closer. 

“Uhhh,” Karma moaned, feeling Amy’s body on top of her own. Amy was moving up and down in the warm water and Karma felt it every time. Her eyes closed tight in the pleasure as she tried hard to never stop, never stop kissing her. It didn’t matter, she didn’t want to breathe. She wanted Amy, she wanted her now.   
Karma felt her hands move up Amy’s thighs and she grabbed her by the waist, pushing her down, sitting up into her and hearing her gasp. She moved her lips down to Amy’s neck and her collarbone, kissing down and down until Amy gasped hard as she sucked the skin of Amy’s breast into her mouth and pulled Amy’s body into her at the center, pressing Amy into her stomach and feeling her back arch and hands grasp at her hair and hold her tight.

“Fuck,” Amy breathed, pushing Karma’s head into her, holding her face at her breasts and feeling it as Karma sucked on her skin and marked her hungrily. Karma broke away and pulled a hand up to Amy’s neck, yanking her down to kiss her again passionately.

“Mmm,” Karma hummed, feeling Amy’s center rub into her as she pulled at Amy’s ass with her other hand, making her come closer.

“Fuck,” Amy said again, breaking away and staring down at Karma’s eyes. She wanted her so bad. Karma’s eyes seemed pained and sad.

“I trust you,” Amy said reassuringly, knowing it in her soul. There was something questioning in those eyes, something still not sure and Amy didn’t know what she ever could do to comfort her. Karma’s chin quivered as Amy fought to make it stop. She pushed her hand to Karma’s chin and scooted up on her, kissing her softly and more gentle, writhing slowly on top of Karma as she held her and squeezed her between her legs. “I love you,” she whispered tenderly. “I love you,” she couldn’t stop. She kissed Karma’s cheeks and her lips and her neck and her lips again. “I love you,” she whispered again. Karma felt herself breaking everywhere beneath her. It was all she ever wanted, to be loved. It was always Amy, all along. Amy kissed her and she felt broken to be loved. It was the scariest thing in the world because it had been the greatest and this had been the only time. “Don’t please,” Amy begged, moving her arms to hug at Karma. She saw that she was crying. She kissed her everywhere and tried to make it stop but she didn’t know that the kisses were the cause when she said “I love you again,” Karma broke inside, cracking with finally feeling the actual heavy weight. 

“I love you so much,” Karma cried. “I love you so fucking much,” Karma wrapped her arms around Amy and hugged her back, her body shaking.. 

“Why aren’t you happy?” Amy didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what she had done.

“I am,” Karma said, tears falling. “This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

“But you’re crying,” Amy said, tears falling from her own eyes as she leaned back to look at her and see her now below her. She held her hands under Karma’s chin and stared, taking a hand to Karma’s cheek and brushing her thumb beneath Karma’s eye, wiping the tears. Karma’s eyes closed to her touch and Amy saw it there how much she affected her.

“I don’t know how to show you,” Karma said.

“You don’t have to show me anything.”

“I want you to know, I want you to know what this feels like. I’ve never felt this. You’re everything.” It was hard for her to talk when her breath had been stolen away.

“I already know how this feels,” Amy said, taking Karma’s hand and pressing it to her chest so that Karma could feel her heart beating fast and hard in her chest. She moved Karma’s hand up to her neck and closed her eyes, showing her how that felt, how much she loved it, to be touched by her and loved.

“I don’t want you to be scared.” Karma said.

“But, you’re scared,” Amy smiled. Karma realized it almost instantly. She was scared, she was. She was crying because she was scared. Amy smiled down at her, she saw that she had seen. She leaned down and kissed her until Karma relaxed and laid back down. As soon as she had done so Amy let her body fall long in the water and she held at Karma’s waist beneath the surface, kissing her neck slow and listening to Karma’s shallow shallow breath.

“You don’t have to be so serious,” Amy said.

“I can’t stop,” Karma confessed. Right now it was serious. “I ruined everything,” Karma said, raising a hand to her face and crying hard.

“What are you doing,” Amy laughed. Karma was really crying now, like hard. 

“I was going to treat you,” she whined, sobs wracking her body. She sat up to try and stop and Amy slipped behind her, straddling her like Karma had done before.

“Maybe this is how we just are for now,” Amy smiled. She grabbed Karma’s wrists gently and tugged down on her hands until Karma laid back into her and let herself be held. Amy couldn’t help but smile, Karma was so serious and so crazy. “You’re so crazy.”

“I’m so dumb,” she smiled and tried to stop crying.

“You’re beautiful,” Amy said, hugging her close. Karma let her eyes fall into Amy’s neck. “Shhhh,” Amy said, holding her close. “Shhhhh,” she rubbed her back and felt Karma’s body naked on her own.

“I’ll do this right soon,” Karma said, calming down.

“It’s right now,” Amy said.

“I just cried all over you.”

“Yeah, and I liked it.”

“You’re fucking sick,” Karma said smiling, splashing Amy with water. Amy chuckled and held hard at Karma’s wrist, stopping her. Karma felt a tug in her chest and she relaxed. When Amy held her like that she wanted it. She liked being controlled by her. She liked when Amy told her what to do and how to be.

“I just love you, okay?”

“I like when you fight me,” Karma said.

“Oh really?” Amy smiled, looking down at her in surprise.

“I do,” Karma confessed.

“I can fight you,” Amy said.

“Do it then.”

“Fine,” Amy said, clasping her hands around both of Karma’s wrists and pulling Karma up in the water until her arms wrapped around her neck and her face was close. “Kiss me, please,” Amy said.

“This isn’t fighting,” Karma smiled, enjoying her.

“Shut up,” Amy said. Karma smiled and stared at her lips. 

Amy’s hands moved beneath the water and pulled Karma on top of her, pulling her legs around her and her knees up to her sides.

“Uhhh,” Karma gasped, feeling what it felt like to be there like that in the water, ontop of her like she had just been.

Amy tugged at her knees and watched Karma’s eyes pull-shut as her center crashed into her beneath the water.

“Uhhh,” Karma gasped.

“You like that?” Amy asked, already knowing and loving the answer.

“Oh yeah,” Karma said, shaking her head.

“Kiss me then,” Amy said. 

“Mmmmmm,” Karma vibrated into her, her mouth opening slow, her tongue slipping out into Amy’s mouth and touching her, tasting her, teasing her wantingly. Amy tugged at Karma’s knees again and she felt as Karma moaned into her mouth.

“Fuck,” Karma said as Amy forced them both to sit up. She leaned back on her and Amy pulled her in close, kissing her hard, not giving her a second to recover or breath.


End file.
